Following is our collection of Making People Happy funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
The first politician took out a $1000 note, threw it out the window and said: "i just made 1 person in our country very happy".
Upon hearing this, the second politician took out ten $100 notes and threw it out of the window and said: "i just made 10 person in our country very happy".
The third politician pulled one hundred $10 notes and tossed it out of the window and said: "i just made 100 people in our country very happy".
The pilot laughed and told the co-pilot: "i can throw those 3 off the plane and make millions of people happy!".
Suddenly Mike Pence says "I can throw 100 dollars out of the plane and make 100 people happy".
Donald says "I can throw 1000 dollars out of the plane and make 1000 people happy".
The pilot over heard this and said, "I can throw both of you out of this plane and make the whole country happy."
Donald-"I think I'll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy"
Melania- "Why don't you throw ten $100 bills and make ten Americans happy?
Ivanka- "It will be even better if you throw one hundred $10 dollar bills and make one hundred people happy?
The pilot hears the conversation and exclaims "Why don't y'all jump out the window and make the entire country happy?"
and she wants to serve her famous Mushroom Soup. She invites over the whole neighborhood for dinner. The day of her big event she runs out of mushrooms and the small country store is sold out. She panics! "What evah shall I do??" she pleads to her husband.
"Well" he says "There are lots of mushrooms growing back in the cow pasture. We could use those." "Absolutely not!" she yells. "Those might be poisonous!"
He replies "Tell ya what, I'll go back and pick some and you make a small batch of soup. We'll feed it to the dog, Jack. If he is OK in an hour or so, we'll know they're OK". With no other options, she agrees. He goes and gets the mushrooms, she makes up some soup and old Jack just LOVES it. He horfs it right down and is just happy as a clam.
Few hours go by and old Jack is just dandy. The lady of the house goes into full Dinner Party mode. She is running behind schedule now so she calls the neighbor girl over to help her prepare. The lady figures she should warn the girl about Jack but doesn't want to confess the whole story. She tells the girl to just keep a CLOSE EYE on Jack, that he is very special to the family, and to let her know if anything comes up.
A few hours later the guests start to arrive and they all sit down for an absolutely wonderful presentation of Mushroom Soup. The guests are raving about it. They can't get enough. Everyone is just having a wonderful evening,..
When all the sudden the neighbor girl bursts into the room in hysterics! "OLD JACK IS DEAD!!!!" she cries. "HE'S DEAD, JUST.. DEAD!!"
The country lady immediately jumps into action. She calls the paramedics, the hospital and the police! They all arrive quickly and begin pumping stomaches and administering anti-poison medicines. People are puking in the yard, screaming, and crying. Ambulance after Ambulance comes and goes with guest after guest for what seems like hours.
Finally.. at 5am an exhausted lady and her helpful neighbor girl are setting in the kitchen trying to take stock in what happened. The neighbor girl looks over at the lady and says
"It really is a shame. The guy that ran over old Jack didn't even stop."
President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried; "my people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President. "I do need your help," said Yeltsin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Clinton. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Yeltsin. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Yeltsin. "No problem," replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor....you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia." "Consider it done," said the President of Trojan. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL' on each one.
This is a long one, and a groaner, but it's worth it.
There once was this town that was known for it's flowers. There were three florists who would make the best flower arrangements people had ever seen, and the town received many awards for them. The three florists enjoyed the competition, and didn't resent each other.
One day, a friar moved into the town and started his own flower shop. He made cheap bouquets and undercut the other florists. They soon started losing customers and money. The three original florists got together and decided to hire an assassin to kill the friar. They found one name Hugh, and he agreed to kill the friar.
Hugh killed him, and the three florists got there customers back, and were happy. Which just goes to show,
Only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.
Mr President, we need help. Our largest condom factory has exploded, the Russian President explained. My people now have no method of birth control! This is a true disaster!
Vladimir, said Obama, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.
We do need your help, said Putin.
Could you possibly send one million condoms to tide us over? No problem, I'm on it, said Obama.
Oh, and one more small favour, please? said Putin. Yes? said Obama.
Can you supply the condoms red in colour and at least ten inches long and four inches in diameter?
No problem, replied Obama, and with that, he hung up and called the CEO of Durex. I need a favour, you've got to make one million condoms right away and send them to Russia.
Consider it done, said the CEO of Durex.
Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, ten inches long and four inches wide.
Easily done. Anything else?
Yes, says Obama. Print 'MADE IN USA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one.
Mbeki, Jacob Zuma, Geraldine Fraser-Moleketi and Manto Tsabalala Msimang were flying together in the President's jet. Thabo Mbeki suddenly said: You know what. I can throw a R500 right now out of this window and make someone happy.
Jacob Zuma said: I can throw five R 100 notes out of the window and I will make 5 people unbelievably happy.
Geraldine said: I will give government employees 7.25% salary increase and make millions happy .
Manto said : I will can throw ten R 50 notes out of the window and make 10 people very, very happy.
The one pilot looks at the other and says:
Listen to those 4 showoffs at the back… I can throw all 4 of them out of the window right now and I will make the whole country very happy!
Q. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
A. Because he couldn't lie.
Q. What do you call George Washington's false teeth?
A. Presidentures!
Q. What would George Washington be if he were alive today?
A. Really, really, really old!
Abraham Lincoln made many humorous quotes and jokes in his lifetime:
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
Obama looks out the window and says to the other two, "Ive been thinking. I wish I could do more to help these people; they deserve so much!"
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a $100 bill. He says, "If I drop this out the window, I can make somebody really happy!"
Biden clears his throat and says, "Excuse me Mr. President, but I can do you one better." He pulls out ten $10 bills and continues, "I can drop ten of these out the window and make ten people really happy!"
Clinton clears her throat and says, "I can top both of you!" She pulls out of her purse one hundred $1 bills. "I can drop one hundred of these and make one hundred people really happy!"
At this point the pilot comes out of the cabinet and laughs. At the inquiring looks of Obama, Biden, and Clinton he says, "I can top all of you! I can crash this plane and make millions of people happy!"
Most people don't make their own jokes, but X years ago your parents made you!
There was Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton on a helicopter flying over New York, when Donald said I will throw this 20 dollars out of the helicopter and make someone happy , Hillary replay I will throw this two 10 dollars bills out of the helicopter and make two people happy , Donald with disgust on his look to Hillary yell I will throw this four 5 dollars bills out of the helicopter and make 4 people happy , and the pilot look back and said Why don't you throw each other out of the helicopter and make millions happy .
A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, How many people here make love once a day? Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. Once a week? A third of
the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. Once a month? A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, OK, how about once a year?
One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory. If you make love only once a year, he asks, why are you so happy?
The man yells, Today's the day!
26 blonde girls and one brunet girls are on a play. They were flying along when they hit some turbulence. The pilot comes onto the speaker and says "the plane is to heavy we need to drop all unnecessary items." The people franticly grab all the thing they don't need and throw it out.
The pilot comes back on the loud speaker and says, "we are still to heavy we have to drop all the luggage." Again the people franticly begin to discard all there luggage.
The pilot comes on again and says "we are still too heavy we have to drop the floor.", so the pilot flicks the switch and everyone is hanging on by strap on the roof. When the pilot says "we are still to heavy someone has to jump.
Everyone is reluctant but finally the brunet (who is around 60) says i have live a long and happy life I will jump to save your live because you are still young and still can make something with your life. I am worn out and poor. I have nothing left.
all the blondes start to clap
St. Peter asks him who he is, he replies I'm a surgeon, I help the crippled to walk and the blind to see Come on in, St Peter says. Next a teacher shows up, St Peter asks who he is, I'm a Teacher, I help educate the ignorant and prepared them for successful careers . St Peter says "come on in". A musician comes along St Peter asks who he is, and he says I was a Musician, I make depressed people happy and I give lonely people a reason to go out and celebrate life . St Peter says That's great, you can load your gear in through the kitchen
so Obama, Michelle Obama, and Oprah are in airforce one, Obama turns around and says "I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window and make someone very happy". Michelle Obama turns and says "I could throw 10 $10,000 bills out the window and make 10 people really happy". Oprah said "Ill beat both of you, I can throw 100 $10,000 bills out the window and make 100 people really happy". Then the pilot turns to them and says "Yeah but i could crash this plane and make 200 million people REALLY happy!"
When they flew over Russia, Putin said, "I threw 100 dollars out the window and made 100 of my peasants happy"
When they flew over North Korea, Kim said, "I threw 1,000 dollars out the window and made 1,000 of my peasants happy"
When they flew over the Ocean, the pilot told the co-pilot, "I could throw 2 people out of the window and make everyone happy"
There once was a man named John. He did a lot of praying and one day God saw this and came down to John. God said to him "John you've been doing a lot of praying so I am granting you with one wish, ask for whatever you want." John was very happy and said "God I always wanted to go to Hawaii but I am scared of flying, can you build me a road from California to Hawaii so I can drive there?" God then said "John many people will die making this bridge because it is in middle of the ocean and it is so long." John agreed and then said
"you know God my wife is always yelling at me, my mom is always mad at me and my sisters are always telling me that I'm wrong. Can you allow me to understand women." God thought for a while and then said ".....so when do you want that bridge done by?"
.... Obama says, i can drop 1 $1,000 bill and make someone really happy! OK, Clinton says... I can drop 10 $100 bills and make 10 people really happy. I got you, Trump says... I can drop 100 $10 bills and make 100 people happy!
The pilot pops his head around the corner and says "I can drop one plane and make a 155 million people happy".
Gang rape
One is a great way to lift spirits and the other is a great way to
You think it's easy and it's gonna make people happy but you end up just leaving people feeling confused and disappointed
Happy fools' day.
"What are they?" I asked.
"They're what people make when they aren't happy with something," my boss replied.
Gang Rape
It's the only time I'm ever wanted
Not really good for much, but they do make you happy when you push them down the stairs.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.