Making A Sandwich Jokes

One night a man and woman went to his house to have s**... when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!

A teacher tells her students to make a sentence using the words "cheese" and "liver"...

The White kid responds, "Last night my mother made a Cheese and Liver sandwich. It was delicious."
The Black kid responds, "Last night my Dad told my Mom to go get groceries. When she came back without the Government cheese, he punched her in the liver."
The Mexican kid responds, "Last night some vatos tried looking up my sisters skirt. So I tell them, HEY LIVER ALONE! CHEESE MY SISTER!"

What do you call the electronic process of making a sandwich?

A sub routine.

As I went to reach for the largest cucumber....

As I went to reach for the largest cucumber in the supermarket a woman also went to grab it.
"Oh yeah, I bet I know why you want the biggest one," I winked.
"You've got me," she giggled, "do you fancy coming back to mine and watching?"
"No thanks," I replied, "I've got better things to do with my time than stand watching a woman make sandwiches."

Guy walks passed a bar with a sign "$5 sandwiches, $20 h**..."

..and then walks inside. He walks up to the bar and see's a smoking female hot bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the h**...?"
"Yes"
"Okay good, wash your hands and make me a sandwich".

Does anyone else love thick sandwiches with three slices of bread and two layers of filling?

We should make a club.

Why do feminist picnics s**...?

Because no one ever makes sandwiches.

Sandwich making

Two brothers shared a bedroom, bunk beds. The older brother had the top bunk. He wanted to bring his girlfriend over to spend the night. He tells his girlfriend if she wants it faster say lettuce, harder say tomato.
The younger brother wakes up hearing, "lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce, tomato." He yells up to his older brother and says, "I know you guys are making sandwiches up there but can you stop dropping the mayo!"

If Kanye West and Justin Beiber were drowning, and you only save one of them...

What kind of a sandwich would you make?

A guys wife is in the kitchen making a sandwich when he walks in with a duck under his arm

Hispanic Joke

Three kids are in school...
A white, a black, and a hispanic kid. The teacher tells them to make a sentence with the words liver and cheese.
White kid says: "My mom made me a liver and cheese sandwich and it was sooo good."
Black kid says: "Pops told mom to go get the Government cheese And she didn't, so pops punched her in the liver."
Hispanic kid says: "Some kid was trying to look under my sister's dress and I told the c**..., "Hey!!! Liver alone, cheese my sister!!"

I'm celebrating international women's day by not having my wife make me a sandwich today.

I'm going to Subway and having Rachel make it instead.

What do you call an Aligator that makes sandwiches?

A deligator.

What's the diffrence between a...

What's the difference between a hockey player and a feminist?
After three periods the hockey player takes a shower.
How do you confuse a feminist?
Tell her that you refuse to allow her to make you a sandwich.

Man walks into a bar...

A man walk into a bar and sees Loretta, a forty-something waitress smoking behind the bar. On the bar is a sign that reads, "Cheese sandwiches: $5.00. Hand jobs: $10.00." Man says to Loretta, "Here's ten dollars. Go wash your hands and make me two cheese sandwiches."

Did you hear about the feminist picnic?

Yeah, apparently it got cancelled, no one wanted to make the sandwiches.

What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?

*Make me one with everything*

How many men do a feminist need to make her sandwich?

two. One from front and another from behind.

Why are women terrible drivers?

Because making sandwiches behind the wheel is a lot harder than making them in the kitchen.

The biggest question of our generation...

Who makes the sandwich in a lesbian relationship?

The Women's March is organising a strike day where women won't do anything

Thank god I know how to make sandwiches

Give a man a fish...

And he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to Phish and he'll make grill cheese sandwiches on your lawn for a week.

I heard its National Woman's Day

So what kind of sandwich did yours make you?

Wife and husband are in the living room.

She's doing stuff in her computer, while he's sitting on the couch typing on his phone.
At one point, wife's cellphone receives a message.
Her phone is charging in the kitchen, so she stands up from her desk and goes to the kitchen.
At the kitchen, she looks up her phone and see's a text message from her husband.
"Well, since you're in the kitchen, might as well make me a sandwich."

When I bit into my sandwich, I broke my teeth

Never ask your chemist friend to make you a PB & J.

To this day, the guy who took my lunch money during school still takes my money.

On the bright side, he makes really good subway sandwiches.

If you ever get into an argument with a girl and she pulls a knife,

Pull out ham, bread, and mayo. Instincts will kick in and she will make you a sandwich.

A boy asked his mum to make him a sandwich

She said p**..., you're a sandwich'

I find Siri, Cortana and Alexa really s**....

They may not be able to make me a sandwich, but they can order me one.

A Buddhist monk walks into a cafeteria

"Good morning Sir what would you like in your sandwich?"
"Make me one with everything"

A salesman walks into a bar and and asks the female bartender what the specials are...

She says it's $5 for a club sandwich and $20 for a bj. Salesman looks at her and and asks her do you give hand jobs? To which she responds Yes that's $15.
Salesman looks and her, slips her a $10 and says that's $5 for the sandwich and another $5 for you to wash your hands before you make it

You wanna hear a geography joke?

Bob : "Hey Tom if you're Hungary I'll Serbia a Turkey Sandwich"
Tom : "Oman that was a bad joke"
Bob : "Yemen I know"
Tom : "You Syriasly need to stop with these jokes..."
Bob : "But Iraq at making jokes :("

Mommy, can you make me a sandwich?

First, you can make you your own freaking sandwich. And second, you don't have to call me 'Mommy' just because I'm sleeping with your father.
But, but ... what should I call you?
Thomas is fine.

A guy takes a girl back to his parents house to have s**......

The only problem is, he shares a bunk-bed with his younger brother. Reluctantly, they decide to proceed -- but he gives her the code words "lettuce" for faster, and "tomato" for slower.
As the two get into it, the boy hears "lettuce! tomato! lettuce! tomato!" coming from the top bunk. He yells out, "Guys! Stop making sandwiches, the mayo is getting all over me!"

"Dad, can you make me a sandwich?"

p**..., you're a sandwich

Did you hear the one about the armless man and the tuna sandwich?

**He didn't make it.**

The guy whom used to beat me up and take my lunch money in high school still takes my lunch money today.

On the plus side, he makes really great sandwiches.

Why did the scientist try to genetically sequence his chicken sandwich?

He wanted to make it crispr.

If a woman ever pulls a knife out on you during an argument....

....pull out some bread, deli meat and cheese. Her instincts will kick in and she'll make you a sandwich.

How did I get so fat?

Every time I bang your mom she makes me a sandwich.

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders a rubber band sandwich ...

He says And make it snappy

A period in a sentence can make a huge difference

Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her sandwich
Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her period

What are the simularities in between a sexist man and a s**... owner

Somebody is making the sandwich, and it isn't gonna be them

I bought a chicken to make sandwiches...

Turns out it doesn't, it just make a lot of noise and poops on the floor.

Me, on the phone: I have a complaint. Every time I make a sandwich, it's always too dry.

Guy on the other end: Sir, that's not what we do at the Mayo Clinic.

Subway makes all their sandwiches with love.

Now if they would actually put some meat in them...

A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew

It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot sandwich.
He turns to his crew and asks if anyone snuck in to eat the sandwich. One by one, they all shake their heads and deny any wrongdoing. He's at a loss until one of his guys points out that the company had hired an electrician to do a bit of wiring that morning.
"Of course!" the boss exclaims, "he's the subcontractor!"

So this guy's in bed with a married woman when her husband's car gets home

She brings the guy, completely n**..., into the living room and tells him to stand completely still as she covers him in white powder.
Honey, what's that? , said her husband.
Well, it's a statue. I saw the Robinsons down the street got one and I wanted one! , said the woman.
The husband bought it, and the day went on and eventually the couple went to bed.
At about 2 a.m., the husband gets up, goes down to the kitchen, makes a sandwich and grabs a beer. He goes into the living room, and tells the statue : Here you go; I spent two whole days like that at the Robinsons and nobody even offered me a d**... glass of water!

What do you call a Subway manager who spends too much time helping make sandwiches up front and not enough time back in the office attending to business matters?

Counter productive.

Why should you ask an anti-masker to make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

Because they are a super spreader!

a caring mother makes her son loafs of bread shaped like batman, to make his sandwiches fun every time. guess what happens when it's in the oven?

the dark knight rises.

A guy at work takes out his lunchbag and looks inside

He sighs and says "a tuna sandwich again? I'm getting tired of this."
The next day during the lunch break he takes out his lunch bag, opens it, looks inside and again he sighs, saying "every single day for lunch, a tuna sandwich. I really can't take it anymore."
His friend says to him "if you're so unhappy with the same tuna sandwich every day, why don't you just ask your wife to make something else for you?"
The guy replies "I'm the one who makes the lunch."

I hate when people smoke in the porta potties at my job

It makes it hard to enjoy my sandwich

I saw my ex working at subway the other day

So I stopped in and had her make me a sandwich, for old times sake.

Subway is opening a sandwich making college in Alabama.

Everyone there is already great at making things i**....

In the Resident Evil series, how does one make a proper Jill Sandwich?

You put it between two slices of Breadfield and then add some Weskershire sauce.

I took my wife to Subway today.

I asked the girl, can you make me a sandwich please.
She said no problem sir.
I turned to the wife and said, see how hard was that...

I was looking for something to eat the other day & I found this Kentucky brand jelly my wife bought.

I tell you it don't matter, even if you put peanut butter on the bread too, you just can't make a decent sandwich with it. Got no taste.
I told her, "Woman, don't buy that k**... jelly anymore!"