Makes Me Wanna Jokes
86 makes me wanna jokes and hilarious makes me wanna puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about makes me wanna that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Makes Me Wanna Short Jokes
Short makes me wanna jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The makes me wanna humour may include short make me blush jokes also.
- A friend told me he doesn't let his kids watch orchestra performances cuz there's too much sax and violins. I told him puns make me wanna commit violins.
- Wanna hear a physics pun? If an aircraft always takes off at an angle, doesn't that make it an inclined plane?
- Trump in his first speech after recovery from the coronavirus: "I wanna thank all of you for your prayers..." Makes me wonder why. They obviously weren't answered.
- I couldn't figure out which lotion to use for my skin condition. I tried asking my doctor... He just said "I don't wanna make any rash decisions ."
- I'm making a TV show about the different roles people serve on aeroplanes. Wanna see the pilot episode?
- I wanna make a joke about my mom and dad being "gender neutral" But it seems too transparent
- Mom used to get furious when I peed with the seat down. She'd say, "I know you wanna be like your father, Sandra, but you make a horrible mess."
- Titanic was such a beautiful movie, it always gets me. Makes me wanna go on a cruise like that one day.
- I wanna stay fresh - baby, can we make love now?
- sorry, I wanna stay fresh for the obgyn tomorrow!
- right! Dentist is next week, isn't it? - Wanna see a magic trick? Post you social security number in the comments below and I will make the funds in your bank account disappear!
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Makes Me Wanna One Liners
Which makes me wanna one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with makes me wanna? I can suggest the ones about make me laugh and felt like.
- Hey baby, are you a GPU? Cause I wanna make you mine.
- Hey girl are you a cool autumn breeze Because you make me wanna jacket
- Are you opposite over hypotenuse? Because you're making me wanna sin
- You wanna know what makes me smile? Face muscles
- Hey, are you into geology? Because I wanna make your bedrock!
- I wanna make a toast, to all of you. But i have no bread.
- Do you wanna hear something that will make you laugh? Nitrous Oxide
- Fish Pickup Lines: "Hey, baby. Wanna come over to my place and make caviar?"
- A math pickup line...You're so hot....... You make me wanna SCATTER my PLOT.
:) - I'm a dyslexic geologist.. Wanna get back my my place and make a creek bed?
- Do you wanna make 10 million dollars on your first movie? Spend 100 million making it.
- Ayy girl! When I get a Pikachu it makes me wanna Squirtle!
- Girl are you a plumber? Cause i wanna make you moen
- I wanna make a toast to blind h**... you really gotta hand it to them.
- As a matter of fact, I am Play-Doh. **Wanna make something out of it?**
Makes Me Wanna Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about makes me wanna you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean helps jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make makes me wanna pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wanna hear a joke?
Never mind. I was going to make a black joke but I'll s**... it for later?
Wanna hear a virginity joke? Never mind, I lost it.
Invitation to a Scientists' ball
Some of the replies from the scientists invited:
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Volta was electrified and Archimedes, buoyant at the thought.
Ampere was worried he wasn't up to current research.
Ohm resisted the idea at first.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
Dr Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now must dash."
Heisenberg was uncertain if he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol.
Audobon said he'd have to wing it.
Hawking said he'd try to string enough time together to make a space in his schedule.
Darwin said he'd have to see what evolved.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Newton was moved to attend.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
JP Clark & Siegfried the Deerslayer Wanna-Be
You guys wanna hear a sushi joke? Alright... How do you make a tuna roll?
Push it down a hill.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks.
(TKZS = a state-run c**... collective farm.)
A man walks in the TKZS' boss office and says: "Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks."
The boss laughs straight at his face: "Comrade, the average salary here is 150 bucks. I don't make 500. Why would I pay you 5000?"
„Cuz I can talk to animals. Don't believe me? Let's walk around the farm.
They reach the cow, she says "Moo!" and boss asks cockily "What'd she say?"
„She said she gives 30 litres of milk daily. She also says you and the mayor split 10 litres between you and book only 20. The boss looks a bit worried now and says „Come with me, I wanna show you the pigsty. They get there, the sow says „Oink! and boss waits for our guy's answer.
„Piggy says she gave birth to 6 piglets, but you and the mayor got one each, and booked only 4.
TKZS boss sizes up our guy and then says „Welcome aboard, let's go sign the papers.
They make their way to the office building and while they pass the goat, the goat goes „Meeh!
Boss says „Don't listen to her. Me and the mayor were a bit drunk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
r**... Exam (visual joke)
This joke is visual and is best told while making gestures which I'll put in parentheses.
A man goes in to the doctor for a r**... exam. The doc tells the guy to turn around and disrobe. "Don't worry, it'll be over in just a sec.".
The patient is obviously nervous as he undresses and turns around. "I've never had anything like this done before and I'm kind of nervous"
"Don't worry, now you're going to feel a little pressure as I put in my thumb...", the man feeling the pressure at this point winces and is obviously nervous.
"It's ok, it's ok.. Lets try changing the subject", says the doctor-- "Wanna see a magic trick?"
"uum sure" says the patient, trying to ignore the pressure in his backside.
"TA DAH!" the doc says (leaning over the patient and holding up both thumbs)
Cowboy and the memorizing Indian
A cowboy walks into a saloon. The bartender says "Hey, wanna see something really interesting? That Indian over in the corner can remember ANYTHING. If you ask him anything about his life, he'll remember the answer." Cowboy thinks that sounds pretty cool, so he wanders over to the ancient Indian, sitting alone in the corner. He says "So chief, what did you eat for breakfast last Tuesday?" The Indian stares at him for a long moment before replying "eggs". The cowboy thinks "He could just be making that up." But he doesn't really care, and wanders away. The cowboy strikes it rich, finds a ton of gold, and returns to town a wealthy man. He goes back into the saloon and sees the same Indian sitting in the same corner. He gets a little loaded, and feeling like a big man, he swaggers over to the Indian and says "HOW". The Indian stares at him for a long moment before replying "Scrambled."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This man was suspicious his wife was cheating on him...
... as she was leaving home at night, telling him she was going to visit some friends, he followed her. She left driving the family car and he took a cab.
Upon destination, the woman enters a w**... and the man is now sure - she is cheating and working as a p**... behind his back, it was time to settle things right.
This man asks the taxi driver: "hey, wanna make 100$ more? go inside that w**... and retreive my wife - tell her you are paying for s**... and deliver her to me, I'll wait here, at the cab"
A few minutes later the taxi driver comes out of the w**... carring a very upset woman over his shoulders and tucks her inside the cab, when the husband looks at this woman he says: "hey, that`s not my wife!"
so the cab driver responds: "I know! that's MY wife. I'm coming back there to get yours, keep an eye on her for me yea?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man suspects his wife of cheating...
A man suspects his wife of cheating on him so he waits for her to leave that night and jumps in a taxi to follow her. He finds she's been working in a brothel.
The guy says to the taxi driver, "hey, wanna make £50?"
The taxi driver says, "sure, what do I have to do?"
The guy tells him all he has to do is go inside the brothel and grab his wife, put her in the back of the taxi and drive them both him. The taxi driver goes in.
A couple of minutes later the brothel door is kicked open; the driver is dragging a woman out who is k**..., biting, punching and fighting all the way to the taxi.
The driver opens the taxi door, pushes her in and tells the man, "here, hold her!"
The man looks at the woman and says to the driver, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE".
The driver replies, "I KNOW, IT'S MINE; I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!"
My little sister's sick burn
She's 7, which makes this so much better.
Her: Hey /u/Teeplaysgames, wanna know why Mom named Noah (our brother) Noah?
Me: Sure, why?
Her: Because the first time she saw him, she yelled "NOO! AHHHH!" and the doctor just wrote that down.
Five Blondes and a blind man..!
A blind man walks into a bar, makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender. "Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?"The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair that you should know five things.Number One. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.Number Two. The bouncer is a blonde girl.Number Three. I'm a six-foot-tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.Number Four. The woman sitting next to meis blonde and a professional weightlifter.Number Five. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.She concludes by smugly asking, "Now thinkabout it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five f*cking times."
Nighttime. You're alone on a small boat at sea, hours away from any land. All you brought with you is a pack of cigarettes. You wanna smoke, but realize you forgot a lighter. What do you do?
You just take out a cigarette, throw it off the boat into the water... thus, making the boat a cigarette lighter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All these bulemia commercials make me wanna p**....
Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are in a bar
After a few drinks Steven says he's thinking about making an action movie about classical composers
Sylvester says "I wanna be Mozart!"
Arnold says "in that case...I'll be Bach"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke meant to be told to someone you wanna make love to... 10% success rate.
A curious rabbit escaped from the zoo and into wilderness... It went HOP HOP HOP until it spotted a cow.
Rabbit: What are you?
Cow: Do you really wanna know?
Rabbit: Yes!
Cow: Let's have s**... first.
--love making--
Cow: I'm a cow.
So it went HOP HOP HOP again until it spotted a chicken.
Rabbit: What are you?
Chicken: Do you really wanna know?
Rabbit: Yes!
Chicken: Let's have s**... first...
--Love Making--
Chicken: I'm a chicken.
And the rabbit went HOP HOP HOP until it ran into a sprukotok...
Girl/Guy you are telling the joke to: What's a sprukotok?
You: Do you really wanna know?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the s**... say to the egg?
Nice to meet you. Wanna make a baby?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Chinese man is making love to his wife...
The man is going for it m**... style, he slides up her body, kisses her softly and whispers in her ear, "Baby, I wanna 69!". Immediately, her face turns from pleasure to confusion and anger, she replies, "You want Salt and Pepper Chicken NOW?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A p**... goes to the doctor
p**...: "it's too wide, the guys don't like it anymore, I wanna make it tighter"
Doctor: "no problem, but I have to see it first"
She undresses and shows him.
Doctor: "What's this?" "What's this?" "What's this?"
p**...: "Why'd you say it 3 times?"
Doctor: "I said it once but the rest echoed"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A married couple with children made a code word for s**.....
The code phrase is "Typing a letter".
So on a Friday movie night, the husband is in the mood and asks his wife around their children, "would you like to type some letters tonight?". The wife says they're watching a good movie, maybe tomorrow.
Saturday comes and the husband is now in heat, all day keeps asking to "type". Finally at night as the kids are tucked in, the wife softly asks, "I'm sorry for making you wait, do you wanna type the letter now, honey?", to which the husband replies:
"Forget it, it's been handwritten."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... time with my girlfriend
So, me and my girlfriend are making out.
She says, "take off my shirt!"
I took off her shirt.
She then says, "take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
She also says "take off my shoes!"
I took off her shoes.
Finally, she says "take off my bra and p**...!"
I took off her bra and p**....
She then looks at me and says "I don't wanna catch you wearing my things ever again!"
A man walks into a bar with his buddies and sees three steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender "Why are there three steaks hanging from the ceiling?"
The bartender replies "It's a contest sort of thing, actually. If you can jump and slap one of the steaks, you and your buddies get free drinks for the night. If not, you have to pay for everyone in the bar's drinks for the next hour. Wanna give it a try?"
The man thinks for a few minutes and makes his decision.
"Bartender, as much as my buddies and I would like free drinks, the stakes are just too high."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wanna know the best part about making out with a perfect 10?
The cold feel of the mirror on your lips.
I hate that feeling that you get when your files get encrypted...
It just makes you wanna cry.
Help me think of a joke/pun
My friend got rear ended (she's fine) on her way to a concert and posted a pic of her car. I wanna make a pun about how he ruined her plans, by rear ending her. Any help?
True story
A few months ago one of my classmates enters a messy classroom and exclaims:
- These desks make me wanna learn sorting algorithms!
A baseball pitcher is walking home...
after a long and exhausting game. Suddenly, bright lights appear in the sky directly above him, and a beautiful angel descends from above, wearing an umpire's mask and a catcher's mitt.
The pitcher looks up, gapes and thinks, "Heavens! She's so pretty."
Without skipping a beat, his shoulders slump back, his grin shines out of his mouth, he winks and says, "Hey baby. Wanna play some catch? Looking up at you makes me want to throw up."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just heard my ex just moved in with her boyfriend and he's abusive. Makes me wanna go over there with a baseball bat...
... and then blame it on the boyfriend
Credits ~ Anthony Jeselnik
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You wanna hear a geography joke?
Bob : "Hey Tom if you're Hungary I'll Serbia a Turkey Sandwich"
Tom : "Oman that was a bad joke"
Bob : "Yemen I know"
Tom : "You Syriasly need to stop with these jokes..."
Bob : "But Iraq at making jokes :("
A heartbroken guy walks into his bar and orders a strong drink.
"You theem pretty upthet", the barman says, with a strong lisp, "I'm a good lithener if you wanna talk about it?"
The man swigs his beverage and tells the barman about how his wife has fallen out of love with him. He explains that he's decided to give her some room in hope that the time apart will make her miss him.
"No no, thath not the anthwer", says the barman and hands him a large bottle.
"Oh, I can't drink this", says the man, "I hate aniseed".
"It'th not for you, it'th for your wife... abthinthe makth the heart grow fonder".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two sailors were chatting
One says "We'll soon arrive at Port. I can't wait to make love to my lady, it's been so long."
The other one asks "Yeah, me too. Say, have you ever made love to your love in the other hole?"
"No, are you crazy? I don't wanna make her pregnant"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wanna have s**... without the chance of h**...
Make sure they not postive.
Single, attending ex's wedding, person next to me asks, 'wouldn't weddings make you wanna get married?'
'Wouldn't funerals make you wanna get dead?' I answered.
I wanna make SourPatch condoms a thing, but I don't think it'd turn out to well.
Mostly because of their slogan "sour, sweet, gone".
Hippo cruelty
I don't know what to say, the song "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas..." makes me wanna cry hippo cruelty, why only the poor hippo, why? why?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jesus and a Hippie (one of the Best ewer)
Jesus Christ is walking on the beach, a beautiful sunset is in the making...
He meets a hippie who is rolling a joint and sits himself next to him.
Jesus: what are you doing?
Hippie: rolling a joint, wanna smoke some?
Jesus: hmmm... i only smoke good w**..., you know.
Hippie: yeah man, it's super good stuff!
... and they smoke it up!
Minutes later...
Jesus: my friend do you know who I am?
Hippie: no my friend I don't
Jesus: I am Jesus Christ!
Hippie: I TOLD YOU, it's good stuff!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind man walks into a bar
He makes his way to the front, takes a seat and says to the bartender:
"You wanna hear a blonde joke?"
To which the bar tender replies:
"Mate, im blonde, and over there we have the world wrestling champion and he is blonde, on the other side of the room we have the womans boxing world champion and she is blonde. Two seats behind you is a black belt in karate and he is also blond. Are you sure you wanna say your blonde joke?"
"Nah not if im gonna have to *repeat* myself 4 times"
A wife is making deer meat for her guests
A wife is making deer meat for her guests.
They soon arrive and to impress them, she tells them her children can guess what animal the meat belongs to.
She asks her children but they are dumbfounded.
Not wanting to be embarrassed in front of her guests she gives them a hint.
"It's also the nickname I have for your dad."
The children push the plate away and say "I don't wanna eat donkeys"
A Chinese National went traveling abroad in the US...
He stopped by a bar and said to the lady bartender, "I wanna make love". The bartender told him that was inappropriate and to stop saying that. The man said again, "I wanna make love". The bartender again asked him not to do that. The man repeats, the bartender got angry and called the cops.
The cops show up and were about to arrest the man when one of them ask the man why he kept saying that. The man said, "All I want is a beer" while pointing at a Michelob sign.
Blind man walks into a bar
And says to the bartender: hey wanna hear a blonde joke?
Bartender says: listen pal, I'm blonde, the two marines next to you are blonde, the pianist is blonde, and the bouncer is blonde. Now, are you sure you want to make a blonde joke?
Blind man: nah, not if I have to explain it 5 times!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Granny suprise
A p**... in Philippines stands in line with 50 others during a police raid, checking their IDs
As suprise her grand mother shows up, asking what she is doing in that long line.
"There is a man on the end, giving oranges for free, to make juice", she lies ashamed.
"Well, in this heat i wanna have some too ", says the grandmother and joines the line.
As the police officer showes up he is shocked and said: "Oh my god, how can you do that! You are quiet old already!".
"No problem Officer, i take out my teeth and s**... em dry..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Turns out, my new girlfriend is quite the gambler
What makes you say that?
Yesterday when we were having s**..., she suddenly says: wanna make this more interesting?
So little Timmy has bone cancer.
The Make-A-Wish Foundation people come around and say well Timmy, you can see anyone you want. We'll do our best to get them.
So Timmy says I wanna see Black Panther!
The Doctor says hold on now, you'll see him in a couple days anyways. Why don't you pick someone else?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A p**... and a g**... are sitting in the traphouse late at night, all alone.
A p**... and a g**... are sitting in the traphouse late at night, all alone. They're talking about life, getting deep.
The p**... says he's been feeling depressed recently, and he hasn't been thinking positively enough.
The g**... says "You gotta surround yourself with people that make you happy, your h**... always be complaining about this and that, if you wanna think positively you gotta surround yourself with positive people."
The p**... replies;
"That's the problem, all I have is negative thots."
Just tell me mate
Ight guys I wanna make this guy mine and he loves jokes so tell me your best joke .
Well since this is a joke community I will tell a joke so the post won't get deleted .
Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b**... with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's b**...."
I wanna get married!
So a four year old says to his dad, "I want to get married dad". His dad, obviously a little bemused, chuckles and asks his son, "who do you want to marry?" His son responds, "to grandma." His dad chuckles a little and responds, "that's a little tricky. Why do you want to marry Grandma?" The son replies, "she always calls me handsome and tells me in her husband and it makes me happy, so I want to marry her." His dad responds to this saying, "well grandma is my mum so I don't know about that." The son says to his dad, "well you're married to my mum so I should be able to marry your mum."
Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger are talking about making a new film together.
Sly: I wanna show the world that we're more than just action movie stars. I wanna make a movie about classical music and classical composers. I know you guys love that stuff too. What do you think? Will you help me make a movie about it and show the world how cultured we are?
Bruce: I could play Beethoven. I've always wanted to play a tortured genius
Sly: You would be great. And I'll be Tchaikovsky. What about you Arnie?
Arnie: I'll be Bach