The Best 87 Make Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Make jokes. There are some make require jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these make making a sandwich puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Make Jokes and Puns

Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

For anyone attending Stan Lee's funeral...

Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.

Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888

So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678

Make joke, Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888

My wife left me because I'm too insecure.

No wait, she's back.

She just went to make a cup of tea.

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction,

and name it ElonGates.


Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.

Since she can't even beat an egg

Make joke, I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic

I refused. If I'm going to have sex, its going to be on my own Accord

Where do little jokes come from?

Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.

Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it

Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

You can explore make slinkies reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean make making a salad dad jokes. There are also make puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie...

George Clooney said, "I'll direct."

Dicaprio said, "I'll produce."

And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."ο»Ώ

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference

For example:

Johnny ate his own lunch after school.

Johnny ate his own colon after school.

I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.


He said, NO!

I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.

He said, OK.

I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.

Bill Gates said, NO.

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.

Bill Gates said, OK.

I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

He said, NO.

I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.

He said, OK.

This is how politics works.

My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.

Make joke, Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

A woman visits her husband in prison

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:

"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"

The officer laughs, saying:

"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"

"Bullshit! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"

A little girl asks her grandad...

"Would you make a frog noise for me?"
The grandad, confused asks, "why?"
The little girl replies, "dad says when you croak we are all going to disneyland".

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.


I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?

SEIZURE SALAD.

I peed

Why do the Lannisters have such big beds?

They push two twins together to make a king.

LPT: When Googling Gary Oldman always make sure to include the 'R'

I should make a monument in my yard dedicated to the guy who killed Hitler.

So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...

... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely apeshit. So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.

A man asks god...

Man:"Why did you make women so beautiful?"
God:"So you would love her."
Man:"Then why did you make her so dumb?"
God:"So she would love you."

Never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp, she's probably thick and tired of it.

Money or Sex

A woman preparing to leave her husband casually informs him, "I'm going to become a hooker. I can make $400 for what I give you for free."

"I'm coming with you," the man replies. "I want to see you live on $800 a year."

A woman goes into a pharmacy

She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having sex with the Pharmacist's wife.
"Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription."

Don't make fun of fat people with lisps...

They're thick and tired of it

My joke was removed for comparing Trump to Hitler

Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.

If you watch an Apple store get robbed,

Does that make you an iWitness?

A horse walks into a bar...

"Why the long face?" asks the bartender...
The horse replies, "I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from Sex in the City."

What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.........?

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"

A woman wakes up to her husband crying in bed today

"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.

"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having sex in the back of his police car?"

"I remember," she says.

"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"

"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"

"I would have gotten out today."

What do a glass of water and an Atheist have in common?

Jesus can make them both wine.

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

At the pharmacy I asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing.

I turned around, looked them straight in the eyes and said, "Make that 52."ο»Ώ

Gordon Ramsay walks into a bar...

... and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: "What did you use to make the ice cubes?"

Bartender: "Water."

Ramsay: "Fresh?"

Bartender: "No, frozen."

Ramsay: "Oh for fuck's sake."

A man cheats with his wife's sister

Man: Calm down! You haven't heard my side of the story!

Wife: You slept with my sister!

Man: When i got to work she was just laying there naked on my table! What was I supposed to do?!

Wife: The autopsy!

PS: Didnt make this up

The trump family is flying from New York to DC

Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass.

Just wanted to make that clear.

My buddy said to me yesterday, "If I shagged your wife, would that make us related"?

I said "No man, that would just make us even."

I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms.

There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now both of them have condom balloons :D

What makes Hitler better than Jesus?

Jesus could only feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. Hitler made 6,000,000 Jews toast.

My girlfriend looked at me with her sexy eyes and said, "I want you to make me scream with your two fingers baby"

.... so I poked her in the eyes.

A doctor hands a man his newborn baby and says "I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it."

The man hands the baby back and responds, "Well, bring me the one my wife made."

What sound does an airplane make when it bounces off the ground?

Boeing.

My darling asked me what I wanted for Xmas, and I said, "Nothing would make me happier than oral Sex."

So that's what she gave me.

Nothing.

There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke?

they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Β 
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
Β 
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
Β 
The man said, Yes, that's the one.Β  Do you have it in paperback?

I named my eraser Confidence...

Because it gets smaller with every mistake I make

Son: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?



Me: I don't know; how many?

Son: Ten tickles.

Me: Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.

Son: Huh?

Me: Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tell if an octopus is a male octopus?

Son: No; how?

Me: Test tickles.

Son: ...

Son: ...that's inappropriate.

Hey baby, are you a GPU?

Cause I wanna make you mine.

If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state.

We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible

How do you make a room full of epileptics go nuts?

Ask someone with parkingsons disease to turn off the lights

My kid says he came up with this one: A guy goes to interview for IKEA...

The manager says Welcome! Come in and make a seat.

Why did God make man before He made woman?

Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Fat. You get fat.

What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

This is an old joke but my husband told me to never tell it again!

3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks a Bloody Mary?

The vampire shakes his head. Hot water for me

Hot water?

I found a tampon out back and want to make tea

A woman is breastfeeding on the bus but struggling to get her baby to suckle....

So she says to her baby

_"Eat up now or I'm going to give it to that nice man over there"_ and points at the man sitting across from her

10 mins later _"You have to eat, baby, or I will give to that man!"_

5 mins later _"Baby come on now, I can't waste this milk so you have to eat or im giving it to that man"_

At this point the gentleman sitting across from her yells

_"FFS Make up your mind lady, my stop was 3 stops ago!"_

Trumpty Dumpty

Trumpty Dumpty promised a wall

Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the golf courses and all the white men

Couldn't Make America Great Again

I haven't had sex since 1956

A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied "1956, ma'am." The woman, in disbelief said "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the general and said "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956..." The general looked at her, confused, and replied "I sure hope not, it's only 2130 now."

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"

after the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-"

"please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets"

"that's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"

Having invented a time machine I'm going to do the art world a favor

I'm going to make sure Adolf Hitler never gets into art school. I'm tired of seeing his paintings everywhere.

Why did the Proud Boy check on his sad friend?

To make sure his friend was feeling... alt-right.

Feel free to downvote me to reddit hell...

The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, I stole a can of peaches.

The judge then asked, how many peaches were in the can?

Six, replied the woman.

After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.

At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn't know what to do.

And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, your honor, wait!

The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.

She also stole a can of peas!

TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed.

It's called gluten tag.

If a tree falls.....

A tree falls in the forest but doesn't make a sound.

Hunter in camouflage gear: "WHAT THE HECK???!"

Tree: "I mean, AAAAAARGH, I fell!"

The nurse hands a man his newborn and says "I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it."

He responds "well give me the one my wife made."

Some Yank had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.

We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.


We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.

My girlfriend said I'm terrible in bed

But it's unfair to make a conclusion in 17 seconds

I always thought that Steve Jobs would make a better president than Donald Trump

but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges

I really think OSHA should make an OnlyFans account

They're some of the leading experts in NSFW content after all

I just got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas

There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second count

I used to make jokes at work during meetings, and I could really get people laughing. Then COVID hit, and all our meetings were online. I'd still make jokes, but no one would laugh...

Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted. It turns out, they didn't find me remotely funny.

My wife said, Can you have a talk with the kids on drugs?

I said, Fine, but I don't make any sense when I'm high.

My wife is an economist and I am an engineer.

I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, Hey sweetheart, why don't you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby minimizing total distance travelled?

Well don't you know, she loved my suggestion!

It used to take her 11 minutes to make her breakfast… now I do it in 5.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.

The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.

The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"

Tinder hookups are like microwave dinners.

Done in 2 minutes, looks nothing like the picture, but just good enough to make you come back for more when you are desperate and nothing better is available

What did the skimmed milk say to the cream?

You can make me whole again

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes.

What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke

A man in the army walks up to the General's office...

A man in the army walks up to the General's office and knocks. The General says "Come in". The man enters the office, salutes at the General, and says "Sir, I'd like you to demote me from my rank, all the soldiers make fun of me!"

"Sorry, but demotion is not something we carry out in the army, Major Failure"

If you're trying to make a good mailman joke:

it's all about the delivery.

The new Joker went to see a doctor for his mental health, but didn't make an appointment.

It was a Joaquin.

People are like onions They make me cry

but they smell good when they're cooking

How does a rabbi make his coffee?

Hebrews it!

Enjoy your day!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the make produce jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working make making sentences piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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