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Major Jokes

152 major jokes and hilarious major puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about major that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Get ready to laugh with these massive jokes about English majors, Finance Majors, Art Majors, Psychology Majors, and Drum Majors. These pivotal jokes are sure to get you laughing no matter the major you chose.

Funniest Major Short Jokes

Short major jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The major humour may include short minor jokes also.

  1. I spent four years at college and didn't learn anything... It's really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.
  2. Did you know that the majority of people don't know the opposite of these words? Always
    Coming
    From
    Take
    Me
    Down
  3. How do you tell the difference between an English major, a Math major, and a programmer? Ask them what "!" is
  4. A majority of English Speakers do not know the opposite of these words... Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.
  5. Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident. All involved were rushed to the ICU
  6. People should really stop making jokes about major tragedies. My Dad died on 9/11... He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia...
  7. A new study shows that the majority of humans alive today are better at math than Albert Einstein. Because he's dead.
  8. What's the difference between a guy with an Arts Major, and a guy with a philosophy Major? One will ask WHY you want fries with that!
  9. I heard starbucks is trying to hire a lot more refugees Those poor art majors are going to suffer, then
  10. "Why is there a Women's Studies Major, but not a Men's Studies Major" "There is a Men's Studies major, its called history"

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Major One Liners

Which major one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with major? I can suggest the ones about principal and main.

  1. How do you get an art major off your front porch? Pay for the pizza!
  2. What math classes do gender studies majors take? Triggernometry
  3. What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry? Popcorn
  4. My psychiatrist and I had a major breakthrough. Now he can hear the voices too.
  5. What was spider Man's major in college? Web Design.
  6. My wife says that I only have 2 major faults I don't listen, and something else
  7. What did the Arts Major say to the Business Major? "Can I take your order?"
  8. Why are subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"? Even art majors deserve recognition
  9. My friends that majored in English always tell me the same thing Welcome to Starbucks!
  10. How do you get an art major off your doorstep? Pay for your pizza.
  11. What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other? Cyber boolean
  12. What do you get if you drop a piano on a military base? A flat major.
  13. To all the philosophy majors out there... Can I get a Grande Mocha with whip please?
  14. When math majors graduate, do they get degrees or radians?
  15. How do you get a philosophy major off of your front porch? Pay him for the pizza.

Art Major Jokes

Here is a list of funny art major jokes and even better art major puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I vandalized an art major's car today. Removing pizza delivery signs is surprisingly easy.
  • What has four wheels and can't support a family? A liberal arts major.
    I lied about the wheels.
  • What's the difference between an Art major and a guy who mops bathrooms at KFC? One has a job.
  • An engineer major asks... "How can we build this?"
    A business major asks, "How can we finance this?"
    A liberal arts major asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
  • What's the difference between a homeless person and an art major? About $4.32 in change.
  • What is the difference between a philosophy major and a liberal arts major? One will ask WHY you need fries with that!
  • What's a Liberal Arts Major's Favorite Board Game?...... Trivial Pursuit.
  • What did the Arts major say to the Science major? Do you want fries with that?
  • What's the difference between a liberal arts major and a pizza? The pizza can feed a family.
  • What do liberal arts majors yell when overwhelmed? Oh,the humanities!

Philosophy Major Jokes

Here is a list of funny philosophy major jokes and even better philosophy major puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist and worse… she can prove it.
  • What's the difference between a philosophy major and a picnic table? A picnic table can support a family.
  • I'm going to major in Philosophy when I go to college... ...so one day I can ask '*Why* do you want fries with that?'
  • What's the difference between a social media influencer and a philosophy major? The philosophy major needed a degree to be useless.
  • How do you get a philosophy major off of your porch? Pay for the pizza.
  • Greece announced they are going to default on their nearly 1.8 billion dollar loan Who would've thought the country that invented the philosophy major would be broke?
  • It's fun being a philosophy major I get to reflect on why I can't pay for food
  • What is the world's smallest book? Job listings for philosophy majors.
  • What's the best part about majoring in philosophy? You get to ask people why they want fries with that
  • Never date a philosophy major My last girlfriend was one and she spent most of her time trying to prove that I didn't exist
Major joke, Never date a philosophy major

English Major Jokes

Here is a list of funny english major jokes and even better english major puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If a tree falls in the woods, and there are no English majors around to hear it... does is lay on the ground, or lie?
  • It's sad to see people with MBA's ending up as McDonald's cashiers They're taking jobs from English majors.
  • Computer Science major walks into an English class The Professor says "Welcome to English 101".
    The student panicks.
    "What's wrong?" asks the Professor.
    "I missed the first 4 English classes".
  • How do you comfort an English Major? There, their, they're....
  • What did the English major have after getting intestinal surgery? A semicolon
  • What kind of drink do English majors favour?.... Tequila mockingbird
  • If there's one thing my English major girlfriend has taught me, It's what a colon does.
  • I don't understand why so many people major in English Literature. I mean there's only so many ways to ask, "Do you want fries with that?"
  • Why did the English majors switch to Spanish? (OC) Too many persuasive esses.
  • Why did the English major break up with the pilot? Because the pilot kept ending sentences with a preposition, over.

Math Major Jokes

Here is a list of funny math major jokes and even better math major puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Always invite the math major to the party. They are a great addition.
  • What happens to a math major when he flunks out of school? The aftermath
  • Why do so many math majors confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 is Dec 25
  • Why don't math majors like to drink alcohol? Because they don't like to drink and derive.
  • I asked a math major freshman friend this morning, "So what's your four-year plan in college?" ohhh you mean my Four-Year Transform or Four-Year Series?
  • Math majors have terrible grammar... How else can you explain them saying "pie are squared"?
  • My friend just got his bachelors in mathematics and my GF just asked gf: "What's a common problem for a math major?"
    friend: "getting laid"
  • What it is like to be a math major. The only thing I satisfy are equations.
  • Did you hear about the statistics major who ended up homeless when they couldn't find a job after graduation? It was a real bad after-math.
  • How does a math major travel west? √66

Business Major Jokes

Here is a list of funny business major jokes and even better business major puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I recently bought into a chain of restaurants well-known for their beef dishes I'm now a major steak holder in the business
  • You can major in 5 things in college: science, engineering, business, nursing, or unemployment.
  • Dolly Parton's made a major move into the grocery business... She bought the chains Piggly Wiggly, Giant and Harris Teeter, and is going to rename them "Giant Wiggly Teeters".
  • What do you call a hippie with a business major? A Hippie-crite.
  • Are you a psychology major? "No, I'm a business major."
    "Well, business is psychology..."
Major joke, Are you a psychology major?

Gather Around for Fun Major Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about major you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean important jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make major pranks.

Philosophy Major: True story

With five minutes left in his class, a philosophy professor decides to talk about his own college experience.
Philosophy is basically a dead-end major. You know where your career is going when you sign up for it. He looks at one student and asks, What would your parents say if you told them you were changing your major to Philosophy.
The student says, They'd be thrilled. See, I am a theater major.

This is my dad's (a math major) favourite joke. What's the difference between an Engineer and a Mathematician?

A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.

The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.
The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.

Why are the majority of firefighters men?

They've been training with fluid launching cannons since the day they were born.
I'll show myself out.

What's the only major difference between Cinco de Mayo and Saint Patrick's day?

Nobody wants to pretend to be a Mexican for a day.

The Accounting major asks: How much will it cost?

The Physics major asks: How does it work?
The Engineering major asks: How do you build it?
The Philosophy major asks: Do you want fries with that?

My friend's a psychology major.

He's writing his thesis on the psychology of s**... fetishes. It's not ready yet, though- he still has some kinks to work out.

I wanted to major in reverse psychology.

My dream school turned me down.
So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their s**... program. They sent me a diploma.

Four Majors...

The science major asks "Why does it work?"
The engineering major asks "How does it work?"
The business major asks "How much will it cost?"
The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"

Why God never got a PhD

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

I majored in Politics, Computer Science, and Dance.

Now I'm stuck writing Al Gore Rhythms.

I'm going to major in m**... when I go to college...

I hear it's a growing field.

A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in

"I want to be a history major," he says.
The dad responds, "No you don't! There's no future in it!"

Why did the CS major quit his job?

He didn't get arrays.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

What subject did Dracula major in during college?

AcCOUNTing
This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.

My girlfriend is an English major.

She loves when my dangling modifier is between her open parentheses right before the c**....

They say choose a major you love and you'll never work a day in your life...

because that field probably isn't hiring.

My mother and father separated last year

My mother and father separated last year and my father recently started seeing someone and it's been very hard for me. There are two major issues I have with his new partner.
He's black.

I went to one of those colleges where you can make up your own degree...

I ended up with a major in paedophilia and a minor in the back of my van.

Did you hear they're doing a remake of Dumb and Dumber?

It's on tonight on every major network, tonight at 9.

Why did the musician get fired

Because he couldn't fix a minor problem that ended with major consequences and got himself in treble.

I accidentally swallowed a turntable needle.

Good thing nothing major happened good thing nothing major happened good thing nothing major happened good thing nothing major happened

People compare Trump and h**... all the time, but there is one major difference.

h**... was good at making speeches

C Major is the healthiest key to play in

It's all natural.

What major city is the most feminist?

Manhatin'

What do you call a major advancement made by an emo?

Cutting edge technology.

I just discovered a major difference between me and Rapunzel.

Rapunzel lets her hair down but I let everybody near me down.

Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first chemist, who had a major disagreement with the second and knows the second chemist only drink water, says to the bartender, "I'll take some H2O."
The second chemist automatically responds, "I'll take some H2O too."
The bartender shrugs then turns around and promptly gives the first chemist his glass of water, and the second chemist a glass of water too... because the bartender is an adult and can infer meaning from contextual clues.

I've decided on my college major!

Agriculture. I've heard it's a very large field.

Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"

The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."
Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"
The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"

You can now major in m**... at some universities

Guess grades are going to be a little higher this semester!

I ground up my ctrl key and gift wrapped it. The card reads:

This is ground ctrl.
TO: Major Tom


(Merry Christmas David Bowie!)

What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.
What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?
A flat minor.
What do you get if you drop a piano on a beehive?
B flat.
What do you get if you drop a piano on a Morris Marina?
An episode of Top Gear.

A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."

I'm surprised the University of Alabama doesn't offer a major in archaeology.

I heard they are really into relative dating out there.

Old Russian joke. Russia has 2 major problems: roads and idiots. One of them can be solved by a road roller...

But it's impossible to figure out what to do with roads.

All the major casinos are complaining about how much money they've lost.

Now they know how we feel

They should have a follow-up to the G7 summit a week later.

They could call it the the C Major summit. Maybe that would resolve everything.

A family takes their sick dog to the vet.

The vet picks the dog up and studies him. Finally, the vet says "I'm really sorry but I'm gonna have to put him down."
"Why?", asks the shocked family. "What's wrong with him?"
"Nothing major", replied the vet. "He's just really heavy."

A scientist walks up to a gender studies major in a Starbucks. What does the gender studies major say?

"Welcome to Starbucks. Can I take your order please"

My boss just referred to me as "A real pair of butts"

He said I am "A major a**... set to the company"

A group of soldiers on a first-aid course were tested by the instructor. He asked the recruits: 'If the sergeant major sustained a head injury during an exercise what would you do about it ?

One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'

My girlfriend is weirdly obsessed with the Soviet Union.

And for me, that's a major red flag.

A lot of comedians these days have a major issue with 'woke' people

Bill Cosby, for instance...

The game monopoly is fin, but has some major out of date stuff.

There's free parking, a luxury tax, you can actually afford to pay rent, and rich people can actually go to jail.

A major difference between men and women

is if a woman says "Sniff this." it usually smells nice.

A week after the G7 Summit, they should have the C Major Summit

That would resolve everything.

My p**... smoking college roommate decided to choose Theology as his major.

He's now a high priest.

iBoob

Apple announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their b**... and not listening to them.

Yet another art major joke

An artist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey, here's an art joke. How do you get an art major off your front porch? You pay for the pizza!" the bartender jests. "Oh, very funny. I'll have you know that now that I have my fine arts degree I don't have to deliver to people anymore. In fact, people come to me, money in hand, explaining what they want me to create," the artist indignantly replies. "Then let me guess .... you tell them to pull up to the next window," the bartender says.

Today would have been Betty White's 100th birthday and a major snowstorm has hit the northeast US and Canada

I guess you could call this a Betty Whiteout

My wife tells me I have 2 major faults.

I don't listen, and something else.

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped

and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.
Hushed silence turned into a roar of laughter, when
the quick-witted Diplomat announced:
"Ladies and Gentlemen!
You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-
Fall of Turkey
Breakup of China
Spillage of Greece
and Frustration of Hungary!"

Three engineers were arguing.

The mechanical engineer, the electrical engineer, and the civil engineer. They were arguing about what sort of an engineer God must be.
"Well, God must be a mechanical engineer, because look at the human skeleton. Look at all the stress it's able to absorb."
"But look at the nervous system. Look at all the wiring. God must be an electrical engineer."
"Well, God must be a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a liquid waste disposal unit right through a major recreational facility."

Major joke, Three engineers were arguing.

jokes about major