major Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious major puns

How do you get an art major off your front porch?

Pay for the pizza!

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People compare Trump and hitler all the time, but there is one major difference.

Hitler was good at making speeches

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Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"

The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."

Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"

The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"

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I spent four years at college and didn't learn anything...

It's really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.

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What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry?

Popcorn

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Did you know that the majority of people don't know the opposite of these words?

Always

Coming

From

Take

Me

Down

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A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."

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A majority of English Speakers do not know the opposite of these words...

Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.

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Apple announced a breast implant that plays music...

The iTit is considered a major social break through since women have always complained that men stare at their breasts but never listen to them.

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People should really stop making jokes about major tragedies. My Dad died on 9/11...

He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia...

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iBoob

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

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What was Spider Man's major in college?

Web Design.

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What's the difference between a guy with an Arts Major, and a guy with a Philosophy Major?

One will ask WHY you want fries with that!

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My wife says that I only have 2 major faults

I don't listen, and something else

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I wanted to major in reverse psychology.

My dream school turned me down.

So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.

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This is my dad's (a math major) favourite joke. What's the difference between an Engineer and a Mathematician?

A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.

The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.

The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.

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"Why is there a Women's Studies Major, but not a Men's Studies Major"

"There is a Men's Studies major, its called history"

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What did the Arts Major say to the Business Major?

"Can I take your order?"

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A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in

"I want to be a history major," he says.

The dad responds, "No you don't! There's no future in it!"

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I just discovered a major difference between me and Rapunzel.

Rapunzel lets her hair down but I let everybody near me down.

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Four Majors...

The science major asks "Why does it work?"

The engineering major asks "How does it work?"

The business major asks "How much will it cost?"

The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"

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A major yet unspoken difference between medieval times and now is...

These days, if someone owns a sword, it's a pretty safe bet you can kick their ass.

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What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

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Did you hear they're doing a remake of Dumb and Dumber?

It's on tonight on every major network, tonight at 9.

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Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first chemist, who had a major disagreement with the second and knows the second chemist only drink water, says to the bartender, "I'll take some H2O."

The second chemist automatically responds, "I'll take some H2O too."

The bartender shrugs then turns around and promptly gives the first chemist his glass of water, and the second chemist a glass of water too... because the bartender is an adult and can infer meaning from contextual clues.

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My mother and father separated last year

My mother and father separated last year and my father recently started seeing someone and it's been very hard for me. There are two major issues I have with his new partner.

He's black.

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What's the difference between a philosophy major and a picnic table?

A picnic table can support a family.

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I'm going to major in Philosophy when I go to college...

...so one day I can ask '*Why* do you want fries with that?'

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What has four wheels and can't support a family?

A liberal arts major.

I lied about the wheels.

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What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a beehive?

B flat.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a Morris Marina?

An episode of Top Gear.

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What subject did Dracula major in during college?

AcCOUNTing

This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.

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I'm surprised the University of Alabama doesn't offer a major in archaeology.

I heard they are really into relative dating out there.

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A young Jew wants to get married...

...but he has a major dilemma, so he goes to see a wise rabbi.

'Rabbi! I'd like to get married, but tell me: what should I do? Should I marry a super hot girl who'll cheat on me every other month or an ugly one who I know will only be mine?'

To which the rabbi replies:

'Well, son, you have to decide what's the better option: share a cake with your friends or eat a load of shit alone?'

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What's the difference between an Art major and a guy who mops bathrooms at KFC?

One has a job.

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What's the only major difference between Cinco de Mayo and Saint Patrick's day?

Nobody wants to pretend to be a Mexican for a day.

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What are the most funny Major jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Major? Well, here are the best Major dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Major pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes