The Best 93 Major Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Major jokes. There are some major main jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these major psychology major puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Major Jokes and Puns

Philosophy Major: True story

With five minutes left in his class, a philosophy professor decides to talk about his own college experience.

Philosophy is basically a dead-end major. You know where your career is going when you sign up for it. He looks at one student and asks, What would your parents say if you told them you were changing your major to Philosophy.

The student says, They'd be thrilled. See, I am a theater major.

This is my dad's (a math major) favourite joke. What's the difference between an Engineer and a Mathematician?

A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.

The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.

The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.

Why are the majority of firefighters men?

They've been training with fluid launching cannons since the day they were born.

I'll show myself out.

What's the only major difference between Cinco de Mayo and Saint Patrick's day?

Nobody wants to pretend to be a Mexican for a day.

jokes about major

The Accounting major asks: How much will it cost?

The Physics major asks: How does it work?

The Engineering major asks: How do you build it?

The Philosophy major asks: Do you want fries with that?

My friend's a psychology major.

He's writing his thesis on the psychology of sexual fetishes. It's not ready yet, though- he still has some kinks to work out.

What's the difference between an Art major and a guy who mops bathrooms at KFC?

One has a job.

Major joke, What's the difference between an Art major and a guy who mops bathrooms at KFC?

How do you get a philosophy major off of your porch?

Pay for the pizza.

I wanted to major in reverse psychology.

My dream school turned me down.

So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.

Four Majors...

The science major asks "Why does it work?"

The engineering major asks "How does it work?"

The business major asks "How much will it cost?"

The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"

Why God never got a PhD

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

You can explore major massive reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean major psychology dad jokes. There are also major puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

I majored in Politics, Computer Science, and Dance.

Now I'm stuck writing Al Gore Rhythms.

Greece announced they are going to default on their nearly 1.8 billion dollar loan

Who would've thought the country that invented the philosophy major would be broke?

An engineer major asks...

"How can we build this?"
A business major asks, "How can we finance this?"
A liberal arts major asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

What was Spider Man's major in college?

Web Design.

Major joke, What was Spider Man's major in college?

I'm going to major in Philosophy when I go to college...

...so one day I can ask '*Why* do you want fries with that?'

I'm going to major in Marijuana when I go to college...

I hear it's a growing field.

"Why is there a Women's Studies Major, but not a Men's Studies Major"

"There is a Men's Studies major, its called history"

A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in

"I want to be a history major," he says.

The dad responds, "No you don't! There's no future in it!"

What has four wheels and can't support a family?

A liberal arts major.

I lied about the wheels.

Why did the CS major quit his job?

He didn't get arrays.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

What subject did Dracula major in during college?

AcCOUNTing

This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.

The one good thing about having a kid with Zika virus...

even if he achieves major success in life, he'll never get a big head.

My girlfriend is an English major.

She loves when my dangling modifier is between her open parentheses right before the climax.

Major joke, My girlfriend is an English major.

What's the difference between a liberal arts major and a pizza?

The pizza can feed a family.

Did you know that the majority of people don't know the opposite of these words?

Always

Coming

From

Take

Me

Down

They say choose a major you love and you'll never work a day in your life...

because that field probably isn't hiring.

My mother and father separated last year

My mother and father separated last year and my father recently started seeing someone and it's been very hard for me. There are two major issues I have with his new partner.

He's black.

I went to one of those colleges where you can make up your own degree...

I ended up with a major in paedophilia and a minor in the back of my van.

People should really stop making jokes about major tragedies. My Dad died on 9/11...

He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia...

Did you hear they're doing a remake of Dumb and Dumber?

It's on tonight on every major network, tonight at 9.

Why did the musician get fired

Because he couldn't fix a minor problem that ended with major consequences and got himself in treble.

How do you get an art major off your front porch?

Pay for the pizza!

I accidentally swallowed a turntable needle.

Good thing nothing major happened good thing nothing major happened good thing nothing major happened good thing nothing major happened

People compare Trump and hitler all the time, but there is one major difference.

Hitler was good at making speeches

C Major is the healthiest key to play in

It's all natural.

What major city is the most feminist?

Manhatin'

Religious differences

Judge: Why are you divorcing your wife?

Husband : We have major religious differences!

Judge: What are those differences??

Husband : She thinks she is God, I don't.

There was a major car pileup in Mexico

Luckily, no Juan was hurt.

What's the difference between a guy with an Arts Major, and a guy with a Philosophy Major?

One will ask WHY you want fries with that!

I used to be a science major in college

I was going through an experimental phase

What do you call a major advancement made by an emo?

Cutting edge technology.

I spent four years at college and didn't learn anything...

It's really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.

I just discovered a major difference between me and Rapunzel.

Rapunzel lets her hair down but I let everybody near me down.

What did the Arts Major say to the Business Major?

"Can I take your order?"

Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first chemist, who had a major disagreement with the second and knows the second chemist only drink water, says to the bartender, "I'll take some H2O."

The second chemist automatically responds, "I'll take some H2O too."

The bartender shrugs then turns around and promptly gives the first chemist his glass of water, and the second chemist a glass of water too... because the bartender is an adult and can infer meaning from contextual clues.

What's the difference between a philosophy major and a picnic table?

A picnic table can support a family.

I've decided on my college major!

Agriculture. I've heard it's a very large field.

A majority of English Speakers do not know the opposite of these words...

Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.

Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"

The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."

Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"

The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"

What did the Arts major say to the Science major?

Do you want fries with that?

You can now major in Marijuana at some universities

Guess grades are going to be a little higher this semester!

My wife says that I only have 2 major faults

I don't listen, and something else

I ground up my ctrl key and gift wrapped it. The card reads:

This is ground ctrl.
TO: Major Tom


(Merry Christmas David Bowie!)

What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a beehive?

B flat.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a Morris Marina?

An episode of Top Gear.

What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry?

Popcorn

A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."

I'm surprised the University of Alabama doesn't offer a major in archaeology.

I heard they are really into relative dating out there.

Why did the music note drop out of college?

Because it couldn't pick a major

Old Russian joke. Russia has 2 major problems: roads and idiots. One of them can be solved by a road roller...

But it's impossible to figure out what to do with roads.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a military base?

A flat major.

All the major casinos are complaining about how much money they've lost.

Now they know how we feel

They should have a follow-up to the G7 summit a week later.

They could call it the the C Major summit. Maybe that would resolve everything.

Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

What is the difference between a philosophy major and a liberal arts major?

One will ask WHY you need fries with that!

My psychiatrist and I had a major breakthrough.

Now he can hear the voices too.

How do you get a philosophy major off of your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

A family takes their sick dog to the vet.

The vet picks the dog up and studies him. Finally, the vet says "I'm really sorry but I'm gonna have to put him down."

"Why?", asks the shocked family. "What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing major", replied the vet. "He's just really heavy."

How do you get an art major off your doorstep?

Pay for your pizza.

A scientist walks up to a gender studies major in a Starbucks. What does the gender studies major say?

"Welcome to Starbucks. Can I take your order please"

My boss just referred to me as "A real pair of butts"

He said I am "A major ass set to the company"

A group of soldiers on a first-aid course were tested by the instructor. He asked the recruits: 'If the sergeant major sustained a head injury during an exercise what would you do about it ?

One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'

My girlfriend is weirdly obsessed with the Soviet Union.

And for me, that's a major red flag.

A lot of comedians these days have a major issue with 'woke' people

Bill Cosby, for instance...

The game monopoly is fin, but has some major out of date stuff.

There's free parking, a luxury tax, you can actually afford to pay rent, and rich people can actually go to jail.

A major difference between men and women

is if a woman says "Sniff this." it usually smells nice.

A week after the G7 Summit, they should have the C Major Summit

That would resolve everything.

My pot smoking college roommate decided to choose Theology as his major.

He's now a high priest.

iBoob

Apple announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Yet another art major joke

An artist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey, here's an art joke. How do you get an art major off your front porch? You pay for the pizza!" the bartender jests. "Oh, very funny. I'll have you know that now that I have my fine arts degree I don't have to deliver to people anymore. In fact, people come to me, money in hand, explaining what they want me to create," the artist indignantly replies. "Then let me guess .... you tell them to pull up to the next window," the bartender says.

Today would have been Betty White's 100th birthday and a major snowstorm has hit the northeast US and Canada

I guess you could call this a Betty Whiteout

My wife tells me I have 2 major faults.

I don't listen, and something else.

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped

and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.
Hushed silence turned into a roar of laughter, when
the quick-witted Diplomat announced:

"Ladies and Gentlemen!
You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-
Fall of Turkey
Breakup of China
Spillage of Greece
and Frustration of Hungary!"

I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist

and worse… she can prove it.

At the beach house, we had a major problem with sea birds. I started throwing rocks at them.

I left no Tern unstoned.

I recently bought into a chain of restaurants well-known for their beef dishes

I'm now a major steak holder in the business

My wife asked what I thought our daughter was going to do in college...

"Crash and burn. It's a double major."

The majority of archaeologists are women.

Because of their natural ability to dig up the past.

Three engineers were arguing.

The mechanical engineer, the electrical engineer, and the civil engineer. They were arguing about what sort of an engineer God must be.

"Well, God must be a mechanical engineer, because look at the human skeleton. Look at all the stress it's able to absorb."

"But look at the nervous system. Look at all the wiring. God must be an electrical engineer."

"Well, God must be a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a liquid waste disposal unit right through a major recreational facility."

What's the difference between a social media influencer and a philosophy major?

The philosophy major needed a degree to be useless.

I had a major breakthrough while on the toilet at work today.

Really wish they'd buy thicker TP.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the major music major puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working major philosophy major piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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