Majestic Jokes
20 majestic jokes and hilarious majestic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about majestic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Majestic Short Jokes
Short majestic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The majestic humour may include short magnificent jokes also.
- I am 24 seconds older than my twin brother... ... whenever I come out of the toilet I start a sentence with "When I was your age...." then proceed telling him the details of my majestic creation.
- If you ever feel like a third wheel, just stop.... You are not a third wheel. You are a majestic unicycle and they are your noble training wheels.
- Here we see the majestic Woodchuck, also known as a groundhog which begs the question How much ground would a ground hog hog if a ground hog could hog ground?
- i know all my jokes are dad jokes but... You know what the majestic kodiak tells his cub...
Bear with me. - When I was a kid, I got really upset when my mom started buying Dove body wash. I just couldn't understand why they would make soap out of such majestic birds.
- 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑆𝑖𝑏𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑎𝑛 𝐻𝑢𝑠𝑘𝑦 An animal of grandeur with unwavering fortitude, physical prowess, majestic beauty...
𝐻𝑢𝑠𝑘𝑦: *ᶜʰᵒᵏᵉˢ ᵒⁿ ᵗᵒⁿᵍᵘᵉ*
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Majestic One Liners
Which majestic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with majestic? I can suggest the ones about majesty and glorious.
- So I complimented my friend's majestic moustache. No idea why she had to slap me though.
- A pessimist finished building a majestic slide. "Things can only go downhill from here."
- Here we see two Majestic birds of pray. Or Nuns, as they are also known.
Comical & Quirky Majestic Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about majestic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean magical jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make majestic pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)
A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a m**...!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said m**...', you certainly meant the Czar!"
A biologist, physicist, and a chemist all go to the beach for the first time.
The physicist, upon seeing the majestic waves, exclaims,
"Behold! I wonder how much force the waves of the ocean can produce?"
And so he dives into the water but is never seen again.
The biologist, upon seeing fish in the water, cries out,
"I wonder how many life forms live in the depths below?"
And so he too dives into the water and is never seen again.
The chemist, after having observed everything that happened, then pulls out his lab notebook and writes,
*The physicist and the biologist were both soluble in water.*
Tour guide in the mountain
A guide was leading a group of people on a hike through some mountains. He pointed at a fairly majestic looking peak and said "This one is most popular with mountain climbers. Most days you have a few teams doing a climb. The ascent, depending on your skill level can take between two and five hours. The descent, again depending on your skill level, takes anywhere between 4 hours and 30 seconds."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two women meet over a coffee.
"Ah, Marie, I haven't seen you in years, what's going on in your life?"
"I have met a charming and well-off young man half my age."
"Majestic."
"Indeed. He took me to Paris, we dined in the finest restaurant, bought paintings from the vernissage!"
"Majestic!"
"Once we marry, he insists that I retire to our moderately sized European house, free to pursue my leisure activities."
"Definitely majestic!"
"But enough about me. Tell me about yourself, Annette. What are you up to lately?"
"I signed for an etiquette class. We've already learned to say 'majestic' instead of 'fucking h**...'"
A climber fell off a cliff, and, as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch.
"Help! Is there anybody up there?" he shouted.
A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:
"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."
"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.
"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.
There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "Is there anybody else up there?"
Old Native American joke
A young Indian boy was curious about how he got his name. He asked the chief, "Chief, how do we get our names?"
The Chief answers him, "We give names by what is outside of the teepee during ones birth.
"When your mom was born, it was a beautiful April day, so we named her BlueSky.
"After your dad's birth we were greeted by a majestic deer, so we named him WhiteTail."
The chief looked at the boy a little puzzled,
"Why do you ask BearFuckingBear?"
I once spoke to a midwife about the miracle of birth
She said "Have you ever witnessed something as majestic as a human birth? It's wonderful!"
I said "I was at a birth once"
"Oh? How was it?" she quizzed me.
I said "first it was very very black, then all of a sudden very light"
There once lived a puma (mountain lion) in LA.
This particular cat never really identified herself as a puma, she really felt a closer affinity towards tigers. Being in LA, she convinced herself she could chase her dreams and set off on a journey to find herself and realise her identity.
After swimming across the seven seas, she finally got to India and roamed about the Sunderbans looking for a royal Bengal tiger. When she finally met one, she made her case, pleading the tiger to accept her as a part of the community and promising that she'd be a great tiger.
The tiger, a majestic male, thought about it for a few moments and said,
"No. You'll have to earn your stripes."
Two Mexican men have just crossed the border into the U.S.
They are now wandering through the Arizona desert. In short time, they become lost amongst the sand, praying for any sign of civilization. They spend days out there, and are on the verge of death from heat and starvation.
When suddenly, a shining oasis appears before them. The water is crystal clear and it is surrounded with lush foliage. And in the center is one specific tree. It is a majestic plant and from it's branches hang the most unexpected of things.
Bacon. Delicious, crispy bacon. Enough to feed a man for days. Without even thinking, one of the men bolts for the oasis, desperate for food and water. As he reaches the half way point, from behind the tree springs forth a man wielding a machine gun. The poor immigrant is gunned down and lays in the sand, dieing. His friend runs to him and says
> Miguel, are you alright? What happened to you?
To which the man responds, looking up at his friend with his dieing breath
> Pedro, it is not a bacon tree...it is a hambush.
