Mailman Jokes
122 mailman jokes and hilarious mailman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mailman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of the best mailman jokes! From funny customer interactions to pranks gone wrong, these postal workers have seen it all.
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Funniest Mailman Short Jokes
Short mailman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mailman humour may include short mail man jokes also.
- I quit my new job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver. I looked at it and thought, This isn't for me.
- My wife's fantasy is to be with another man. Mine is to have two girls at the same time. She must have misunderstood because now we have twin daughters from the mailman
- What has four letters, sometimes has nine letters and occasionally has twelve letters? The mailman
- I had a vasectomy. Did you know that it actually doesn't prevent your wife from getting pregnant it just changes the color of the baby. Or at least that's what my mailman said.
- Hey, why do you still work as a mailman despite having such a low salary? It's not about the money, it's about sending a message.
- Why do mailmans work for so little money? It's not about the money, it's about sending a message.
- "Mom, I'm dating a man" "Who, sweetheart?"
"The mailman"
"The mailman? But he could be your father!"
"Mom, age is just a number"
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood" - Gender neutral guide: Fireman = Firefighter Policeman = Policefighter
Mailman = Mailfighter
Fisherman = Fisherfighter - As a mailman, I have a lot of jokes about undelivered letters. But people just don't seem to get them.
- One single day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was handed a letter and thought to myself.. .. this isn't for me.
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Mailman One Liners
Which mailman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mailman? I can suggest the ones about postman and milkman.
- I punched a mailman yesterday. He said I had a small package.
- The Mailman just told me a joke. It wasn't that funny, but it was delivered really well.
- What is the mailman's favorite body part? Deliver
- What's the key to a good mailman joke? The delivery.
- I've heard someone in our neighborhood is gay. I hope it's the mailman, he's so cute.
- Why did OP get fired from his job as a mailman? He never delivered.
- What do you call an alcoholic mailman? De-livered
- What Language Does a Mailman Speak? Parcel-tongue
- If you're trying to make a good mailman joke: it's all about the delivery.
- What do you call a Mailman who only delivers watermelon? Post Melone
- What's a black mailman called? A blackmailer.
I'll show myself out :(. - I was woken up by the mailman trying to deliver a washbasin today. Let that sink in.
- I met this delivery guy who'd just come out as transgender... ...he used to be a mailman.
- How does a mailman kill his enemies? He de-livers them.
- What do you call a tough mailman? Alpha Mail
Dog And Mailman Jokes
Here is a list of funny dog and mailman jokes and even better dog and mailman puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I recently got hired as a USPS mailman. I was really excited about it, but my dog wouldn't talk to me for a week afterwards!
- My friend made a puppy out of glue! I thought it was cool until it bit a mailman. He's a viscous dog.
- Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the other mailman.
- What did the dog say when the mailman asked "how was your day"? ruff
- I dressed up my dog as a mailman for Halloween and He bit himself :D Very late entry for Halloween hahaha.
- Why is dog man's best friend? They keep the mailman away from his wife
- Why does the Mexican man chain his dog away before the mailman comes? Because his panics.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Mailman Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about mailman you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean delivery man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mailman pranks.
"Mom, I'm dating a man."
"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
​
A mailman was trying to tell a joke while transporting a package
But he messed up the delivery
Little Johnny Has A Question
A boy comes home from school one day looking for his father. He has an assignment that he needs a little help with. He finds his father and tells him that he has to write a paper explaining the difference between potentially and actually.
His father says to him "That's an easy one", "Go upstairs and find your sister; ask her if she'd sleep with the mailman for $10,000."
So the boy does as he is told. When he comes back down he tells his father what he learned. "She said yes, dad." "So," said his dad "Find your mother, now, and ask her if she'd sleep with the mailman for $10,000 as well."
The boy does as he is asked, and then returns to his father again.
"She said yes too, dad." "Well, there you go." said the dad.
The boy looked at his father, puzzled.
He smiled, "Potentially we're sitting on a gold mine; but, actually I live with a couple of w**...!"
The mailman
A mailman gets a new route in a rural community. Walking up to a isolated little farmhouse, he sees a woman out back getting hammered by a goat.
He looks at the kid sitting on the porch, and asks him "Hey kid, doesn't it bother you, what your mom's doing back there?"
The kid looks at him and says "NAAAAAAA!"
Mailman's last day on the job.
After 30 years, mailman George decides to retire. On his last day, he makes his usual rounds.
When he arrives at the first house, the whole family comes out, congratulates him, and sends him on his way with a $50 gift envelope.
At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars.
At the next house, he is met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She takes him by the hand and leads him up to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate s**... he has ever experienced.
When done, they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast. As she pours him a cup of coffee, he notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this is just too wonderful for words," he says, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she says, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.' But breakfast was my idea!"
A boy is told by a classmate that every adult has at least one big secret
A boy is told by a classmate that every adult has at least one big secret and that it is easy to blackmail them by saying: I know the whole truth.
When the boy comes home he decides to test this, so he goes to his mother and says: I know the whole truth.
The mother gives him $20 and says: Take this and go just don't tell your father anything.
Next, the boy goes to his father and says: I know the whole truth.
The father gives his son $40 and says: Take this and go just don't tell your mother anything.
The next day on the way to school the boy sees the mailman and says to him: I know the whole truth.
The mailman responds: Then come give your daddy a big hug!
Theory vs Reality
Little Billy had a homework assignment to compare theory and reality. The boy asked his father what the difference was between theory and reality. His father told him, 'Go ask your mother if she would have s**... with the mailman for a million dollars.' The boy asks his mother and she says she would. Billy tells his father she would have s**... with the mailman for million dollars.
The father then tells the boy, 'Now go as your sister if she would have s**... with the mailman for a million dollars.' The boy asks his sister and she to says she would have s**... with the mailman.
Little Billy goes and tells his father both his mom and his sister would have s**... with the mailman and his father says, "Well son, in theory we're multimillionaires, but in reality we live with a couple of w**....
Jim had been out for a few days with the flu. Back at work,...
...he ran into a friend of his, who asked him, "Jim, how are you feeling?"
"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience," Jim replied.
"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?"
"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know, whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"
A mailman walks up to a house...
He sees a pig with a wooden leg. When the owner answers the door, the mailman asks why the pig has a wooden leg.
"Well, you see, that pig is a life-saver."
"That doesn't explain why he has a wooden leg."
"A couple nights ago, our house caught on fire. That pig dragged every one out of the house- even the dog."
"Okay, but that still doesn't explain the leg."
"Well, with a pig that great, you can't eat him all at once!"
Something disturbing came in the mail today...
...my mailman.
Mailman's last day of work.
It's the mailman's last day on the job, he goes to a woman's house and she invites him in, makes loves to him, makes him a wonderful breakfast and then gives him 5 dollars.
Mailman: 'What was that for?'
Woman: 'Well I asked my husband what to do for you on your last day and he said, "Screw him, give him 5 dollars." The breakfast was my idea!'
Wet Mail
A man one morning walks out to his mailbox to get his mail. He opens the door, reaches in, and he can feel that the mail is all wet. He gets very upset that his mail is soggy and ruined. He flags down the mailman who has not made it very far and asks..
"Whats the deal with the wet mail?!"
The mailman stone faced looks back at the man and says
"It's because there is Postage Dew."
A little girl writes a Christmas letter to Santa
"Dear Santa, I want a fur coat and a scarf for Christmas." She goes to the post office and sends the letter. Next day the postman reads the letter and decides to give the girl a scarf for christmas. After christmas the postman gets another letter: " Santa, thanks for the scarf, but i bet the mailman took the coat!"
Woman greets mailman at her mailbox, invites him in, they make passionate love, then she makes him a lunch fit for a king and then hands him a $1 bill.
Flabbergasted mailman says: "My goodness that was outstanding, wonderful, thank you, I really appreciate it. May I ask why you did all this for me?"
Woman says: "I told my husband you were retiring and suggested we do something for you and he said "screw the mailman, give him a dollar", the lunch was my idea."
I guess my parents were secret agents all along.
I heard they're getting a divorce because my dad got blown by the mailman.
A mailman, a boy, and a unicorn walk into a bar.
The woman gets a concussion, some stitches, and a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder.
How are the Oakland Raiders like the mailman?
Neither one delivers on Sunday!
Why did Verizon's mailman get fired?
He was losing packets.
I'm an adrenaline j**... and an agoraphobic.
I talked to the mailman through the door once, that was a rush delivered.
What's a mailmans favorite o**...?
Da Liver
Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced...
My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!
What makes you say that? the bartender inquired.
Last week, Bill explained, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she'd run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!'
My mom says I look just like my father.
It's weird that she thinks that, because everyone else says I look like Steve the mailman.
There's a group of passive aggressive people that keep saying I'm a snoopy mailman
I know because they keep writing letters about it to their friends.
I freaked out my mailman today
I freaked out my mailman today when I came to the door completely n**.... I'm not sure what shocked him more, my n**... body, or the fact that I knew where he lived.
My son came home from school and I immediately asked him:
"Hey son, what has 4 legs but isn't alive?"
"Dad, you told me that one yesterday" he said, looking annoyed. "It's a chair."
"Not this time son...the mailman ran over your dog today."
Love Letters
My grandmother told me how she ended up marrying
Grandpa. She was in her 2os, and the man she was dating
left for war. "We were in love, " she recalled, "and wrote to
each other every week. It was during that time that I
discovered how wonderful your grandfather was."
Did you marry Grandpa when he came home from the
war? " I asked.
Oh, I didn't marry the man who wrote the letters. Your
grandfather was the mailman."
I greeted the mailman at the door n**...
He freaked out. Not so much because of my appearance, more because I knew where he lived.
Feminists want to replace words like mankind and mailman so that women are also represented.
I am all for this and think that they should start with manipulate.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer...
I don't know what they were laced with but I've been tripping all day
heard from the mailman who comes in to my shop with a new joke every day. He's making the world a better place one joke at a time
I'm not sure what to call the woman postal worker
but apparently "female mailman lady" is **not** it.
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
Things you can say to your girlfriend but NOT the mailman.
"Get off the mailman!"
The United States Postal Service is, in the interest of gender neutrality, discontinuing the title of "Mailman"
and changing it to "Personman".
Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated.
Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10.
"Just don't tell Dad" she says.
*Hey, it's working* thinks Little Johnny.
An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and says: "Dad, I know everything."
Dad gives Johnny $100. "Don't tell Mom" he says.
Just then, the mailman knocks on the door. Johnny opens it and says. "I know everything, Mister."
The mailman drops all his mail, his eyes tear up and he says:
"Well then Johnny, come give Daddy a hug."
The mailman told me he's off to Spain tomorrow...
So I asked him if he is off to Parcelona. He then proceeded to ignore what is my best joke of 2017.
Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman's joke is the delivery.
I scared my mailman by showing up at the door completely n**...
I'm not sure what scared him more; me being n**... or me knowing where he lives.
What's the difference between a priest and a mailman?
The mailman doesn't handle packages on Sunday.
What do you get when you cross the mailman with a Cougar?
According to the Paternity Test: Me
This girl once told me she wanted me to do it d**....
So I licked her face, crapped on the carpet and bit her mailman in the ankle
What's the same about the Eagles and a mailman?
They both won't deliver on Sunday.
A man was ill one day and had to take the day off work
Staying home, he began to appreciate how much his wife loved him.
The wife was so thrilled to have her husband home, that when the mailman came round, for example, the wife ran outside shouting "My husband's home! My husband's home!
The new mailman really s**... at telling jokes
He needs to work on his deliveries more
I got a new shipment of jokes in today.
I asked the mailman if the punchlines were included, but he assured me it was all in the delivery.
A postal carrier is working on a new beat.......
when all of a sudden he comes upon a garden gate marked BEWARE OF THE PARROT!
Befuddled, he looks down the walk and into the garden and, sure enough, there is indeed a parrot sitting on its perch.
He has a little chuckle to himself at the sign and the parrot there on its perch.
The mailman opens the gate and walks into the garden.
He gets as far as the parrot's perch, when suddenly the parrot calls out: "REX, ATTACK!"
Me: The mail man told me he was going on holidays to spain...
...so i asked was he going to Parcelona and he continued to ignore what I believe was my best joke of the year.
Dad: Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery
What does the soil have in common with a mailman?
They both become hostile when you rearrange their letters.
Why would Prometheus make a good mailman?
Because he has a lot of experience with de-livering.
Several feminist organizations have attacked the postal service for the use of the word "Mailman"...
In response to the demands, they've switched to "Femaleman".
A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up
v
People from the neighborhood were complaining that their mailman was being super lazy.
He was making all the babies, but the doctor was doing all of the deliveries.
The mailman was confused by President Lincoln's orders.
He was told to deliver to the Gettysburg Address.
My mailman tried telling me a joke but it wasn't all that funny.
He should work on his delivery.
Johnny became a mailman after hearing how they always slept with women as part of the punchline of jokes. He figured he'd tell the jokes to mothers as he dropped of the mail and then sleep with them. He dropped off package after package and told joke after joke, but no mothers ever slept with him.
One day he asked a mother if he's been mislead by the jokes. Maybe mother's really never slept with the mailmen and the jokes were misleading.
The mother said, oh honey, it's not the jokes, it your delivery.
A man who worked two jobs, archery manufacturing and mailman, was well known for his prowess in bed.
He could make them quiver when he delivered.
A mans wife was in labor when the doctor said...
You know, there is an experimental technology that can transfer your pain to the father, but he will feel the pain 10 times as much
The husband, seeing his wife in pain hurt him too much and said, Do it. I'm strong enough
The doctor then did it, and the man didn't feel a thing, which the doctor found odd.
Later, the couple came home, and found their mailman, on their driveway, dead.
I scared the mailman today by coming to the door n**....
I don't know what terrified him more, the fact that I was n**... or that I knew where he lived.
What do you call a black person who delivers mail?
A mailman
Do you know the difference between a mailbox and a cow?
If your answer was no, you had better not become a mailman.
A Christmas Miracle
It was Christmas time and the lady answered the door to the mailman. She said come inside I have something for you. She took him upstairs and s**... his brains out. The next morning she cooked him a huge breakfast and gave him a dollar. The mailman asked what just happened. She said I asked my husband what to give you for Christmas and he said 'fuck him, give him a dollar' the breakfast was my idea.
A man walks up to a mailman..
He went beside him and asked him..
"Hey Carl, why do you still work as a mailman?"
The mailman turned to him.
"It's not about the money, it's about sending a message"
I scared the mailman by going up to the door completely n**...
I dont know what shocked him more, the fact that I was n**... or that I knew where he lived
I know my wife loves me and all, but I don't think she needs to tell everybody.
Just yesterday, when the mailman arrived at our house, she rushed downstairs yelling, "My husband is home! My husband is home!"
I asked the mailman why he worked at such a low-paying job. He replied:
It's not about the money. It's about sending a message.
