The Best 90 Maid Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Maid jokes. There are some maid nanny jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these maid the maid puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Maid Jokes and Puns
The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Helen: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So, how much do you want?"
What do you call the person that cleans the Mafia's hotel rooms?
A maid man.
Why did the astronaut bring his maid to the ISS (International Space Station)?
He heard there was a vacuum in space.
I've been sleeping with my maid for the past 3 years.
Just don't tell me wife, she hates it when I call her that.
The groom, waiting in the church for his bride, has a huge grin on his face...
..."What is wrong with you", asks the best man, "don't you know your life is over?" "No it's not", says the groom, "Last night, I got the best blow job in the history of blow jobs, and I'm marrying this girl. My life is set." Meanwhile in the bride's room, she too has a huge grin on her face. "What is wrong with you", asks the bride's maid, "don't you know your life is over?" "No it's not", says the bride, "Last night, I gave the last blow job I ever have to."
A husband calls his wife from his office, and the maid picks up...
The husband ask, "Hello, is my wife around?"
The maid responds with, "No, sir, she's upstairs with her boyfriend."
The husband, completely enraged, orders the maid to kill both his wife and her boyfriend.
Wen the maid returns, she asks what she should do with the bodies. The husband instructs her to simply toss the bodies in the pool.
Silence comes from the other end, and after a few seconds, the maid says, "Pool, sir?"
The husband looks down at his phone and says, "This isn't 229-6342, is it?"
Math teachers have been lying to you.
You're whole life math teachers have said Pi R squared, but that's a lie, My mother maid pie, and Pie are round
My girlfriend got mad at me because I wanted to role play
I wanted her to be the maid, and I wanted to be the guy playing video games.
What gets wet the more it dries?
A sexy maid doing the laundry!
I once knew a guy...
I once knew a guy who smiled everytime he had a house maid. He was a builder.
Robin Hood
The teacher asked "Who can tell me the name of Robin Hood's love?". Little Billy raised his hand and said "It's Trudy Glen miss". The teacher says "No that's not right Billy, the correct answer is Maid Marian." Billy says: "That's not true miss. In the song it says.. Robin Hood Robin Hood Riding Trudy Glen"
You can explore maid bellboy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean maid home dad jokes. There are also maid puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A woman said to her husband: Tie me and I'll let do what you want
Then, he tied her and slept with the maid
why did the fallen angel end up as a domestic help?
she was maid in heaven
A mother hears from her son that his dad was cheating on her...
So she decides to wait until they have a family reunion. Then, she asks the kid to say what he saw. The kid gets in front of everyone and says:
So... The maid and dad were in his room. He was naked and then she started sucking his... Mom, how do you call that thing that you suck when our neighbour's father visits you?
I dated a maid for a while but had to break it off
She was always sweeping around
Why did Helen Keller fire her maid?
Cuz she left the plunger in the toilet. - Jackie Martling
we call our maid a commercial cleaner
because she cleans only during commercials
Did you hear bout that mafia goon who crossdressed as a female servant?
He was a maid man.
The Bat family were playing a game of "old maid" with a poker deck...
Needless to say it was a never ending game. Everyone wanted the joker.
Little Johnny
"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "Can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not."
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.' "
George HW Bush fell and broke his neck today
It's in the news. Today George HW Bush fell and broke his neck at home in Maine. Fox news is blaming it on Hillary. Donald Trump said his Mexican Maid pushed him down the stairs.
"Mildred, are you putting on weight?"
Lady of the House, "Mildred, are you putting on weight?"
Maid, "Well, to tell you the truth Madam, I am pregnant." Lady, "OH DEAR! How ever did you get your self in such condition?"
Maid, "Well Madam it started when I ordered a vibrator through the mail."
Lady, "Goodness! You didn't use that dreadful thing did you?"
Maid, "No Madam, the mail man talked me out of it."
The night before the wedding
The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare.
"If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?" she slurred at the other bridesmaid.
"7-Up, because he's got seven inches and he can keep it up. What about you?"
"Mountain Dew. He knows how to mount and do me. And what about the future Mrs. Johnson? What kind of soda is Matt?"
"Jack Daniels," said the bride proudly.
"But that's not a soda! Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!" protested her friends.
The bride looked at them and said, "Girls, why do you think I'm marrying him?"
Even the driver say's so ...
A man while making love to his maid,
exclaimed 'Martha your are sweeter than my wife'
The maid smiled and said
'i know 'because the driver always tells me so'
My mother always said, "Pick your clothes up off the floor, I'm not your maid."
When I went to college the dorm had a maid who told us, "Pick your clothes up off the floor, I'm not your mother."
A maid asks for a raise
A maid asks for a raise from the queen.
"Give me three good reasons to give you a raise." the queen demands.
"Well, I cook better than you." Astounded by the answer, the queen asks, "Who told you that?"
The maid replies with, "Your husband told me that.".
The queen is unhappy, but shrugs it off and asks for another reason.
"I'm a better cleaner than you are." The queen is unhappy again and asks who told the maid this. "Your husband told me that." The queen is now unhappy and asks for a final reason to give a raise.
The maid says, "I'm better in bed than you." The queen's jaw drops open and asks "DON'T TELL ME MY HUSBAND TOLD YOU THAT DID HE?".
The maid replies calmly with, "No, the driver did."
The queen curses quietly, "Shhh. Keep it down, its 25% okay?"
Adolf Hitler's Refrigerator
Adolf Hitler opens his fridge to find 5 gallons of Tropicana, 8 gallons of Cranberry Ocean Spray, 1 gallon of Grape Minute Maid and a pint of V8. How long until he eliminates all of the juice?
I woke up this morning to the maid beating on my door
So I finally let her out.
We call our new maid Non Sequitur,
...because she's Latin and she doesn't follow.
The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss ....
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone
Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.
All of them shocked and together looked at the maid who's patiently listening to them.
Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??
😂😆
What do you call a cheap maid uniform?
Maid in China.
My wife caught me checking out the nanny the other day.
She fired the nanny. Then she told me no more sex for a year!
I said, "You're firing the maid, too?"
My maid was a victim of ID theft...
Now she's my ma.
Wife yelling at maid: Look at all the dust setting on the counter for 2 months!
Maid: See, not my fault. I've only been working here for a month.
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
The Trap
A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid, so she laid down a trap.
One evening, she suddenly sent the maid home and didn't tell her husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, "Please excuse me my dear, my stomach aches" and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went and got into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.
When they were finished and both still panting, the wife said, "Well my dear, you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And turned on the light.
"Absolutely not!", said her son.
hi What did the bar maid say in front of the gay bar?
"Im cracking up just being here" .
Angel
Lawrence: Mom do you know that our maid is an angel? Mom: Why do you think so?
Lawrence: I saw her naked today with her hands on the wall screaming "Oh my God I'm coming!!..if it wasn't for Dad that was holding her tight from behind, she would have gone to heaven..
My married life is awesome. I cook for my wife and she does my laundry.
We are maid for each other.
Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?
Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?
Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.
Got a new roommate. She cleans my room, I clean hers.
We are maid for each other.
What do maids in Manhattan use to clean their kitchens?
J-lo Cloths
Why did Hitler buy stock in Minute Maid?
Because they make 100% Concentrated Juice
I quit the mafia to become a housekeeper
Now I'm a maid man.
So I'm in my hotel room, it's the middle of the afternoon, I'm completely naked—and the maid walks in
...finally.
Why did the maid move to the coast?
Her job required some light house work.
President Trump to sign an executive action taking aim at Sun Maid and California's Raisin industry
He answered most of the criticism over the weekend by stating
"I would like to make raisins Grape again"
Why is Excel like a hotel maid?
They both spread sheets.
Wife:Do you need anything at the grocery store?
Me: pick up 30 bottles of minute maid
Wife: why so many?
Me: didn't you hear the news? O.J. is free!
A boy caught his dad red handed having an affair with the maid.
The dad told the son, take this $10 and don't tell your mum please!"
The son answered, but dad this is not fair!! Mum gave me $50 when I caught her with the security Man.
I went to a dinner and when I came back my friend asked me how it was.
"It would have been great if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, the fish as fresh as the maid, and the maid as willing as the Hostess!
A woman asks a man what his job is
The man tells her that he empties dishwashers for a living
"So you're like a maid?" The woman asks
"No" says the man "I'm a midwife"
How do you make a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone, no dressing permitted.
(Credit goes to the tour guide on the Maid of the Mist ~1996)
Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex
He asks, "Mommy, what are you doing to Daddy?"
She thinks fast and says "Daddy's too fat, so I'm trying to flatten him out".
"Why bother? Every Tuesday the maid comes in and blows him back up again!"
Maid: "No~! Sir... ahhhn... your wife will be furious!"
Master: "It's fine... she's not here"
Maid: "B-but!"
Master: "This dress suits me better doesn't it?"
My girlfriend wanted to do the French maid roleplay. One with skimpy dress and feather duster. It sounded hot.
But the dress didn't fit me.
7 year old daughter was looking at mom's driving licence and saw sex:F and started laughing
She then said you must. be so bad at sex to get an F no wonder dad's with the maid all the time
A 7 year old girl
A 7 year old girl was looking at her mother's driving license card. It was written " SEX: F", she then started laughing until the mother asked why she was laughing. The girl said " I can't believe you are so bad at sex that you got an F. Now i understand why daddy is always with the maid.
What is the name of Robin Hoods girlfriend?
Says one man to another. The second replies, it's maid Marian, isn't it? . The first man scoffs and replies absolutely not, her name is Trudy Glenn.
At this point the second man is beyond confused and questions the statement I disagree, I can't say I've ever heard of her.
The first man says haven't you heard the song? To which he is replied to with what song?
'Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glenn.'
A woman kept berating her maid that she was good for nothing all the time
One day the maid couldnt take it anymore .She shouted "Atleast I'm better than you in bed "
The woman was shocked,then she recovered and asked "Did my husband tell you that?"
Maid "No,your driver did "
Not my panties
A wife goes on a retreat for work.
When she returns, she finds a pair of panties in her dresser that do not belong to her.
Furious, she questions her husband.
The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry!"
So, the wife goes to the maid and questions her.
Indignant, the maid replies, "Madam, how should I know? These panties don't belong to me. I don't even wear panties just ask your husband!"
What's the only product label anyone would get excited by?
Maid in France
My wife hates cleaning so now I'm paying for a maid, she hates changing diapers so now I'm paying for a nanny...
And she hates having sex with me so now I'm paying for a tennis coach.
The farmer's maid requested a plane
so she could dust the crops
What do you call a guy who cleans up his own mess?
A self maid man
I had a thing for Rosie, the robot maid from the Jetsons.
Man, was she built!
A child ask his mother: "Did you know our maid was an angel?"
Mom: Why do you say that?
Child: Well yesterday she was in the kitchen with both her hands in the air and she was screaming : "Oh my God, I'm coming, I'm coming!"
If dad wasn't there to hold her waist, she would have gone straight to heaven!
Little Mary asks her mother: Mum, why do people go to heaven with their legs up?
A tad bit confused, her mother replies: Mary, what do you mean by that?
Well , Mary says. This afternoon, I saw the maid laying on the kitchen table with her legs up. She was screaming: Oh God, oh Lord, I'm coming, I'm coming! Thankfully, daddy was laying right on top of her to stop her from going!
Women are so unrealistic, they all want a prince on a white horse. Men, on the other hand
are perfectly happy with only a maid.
Fired the maid yesterday because wife suspected maid had been stealing her jewelry. Today I found a snake on our doorstep.
At least we got a diamondback.
What do a man who lives in a watch tower by the sea and a 85 lbs hotel maid have in common?
They're both light house keepers.
What are the chances you'd bump into someone you know at a baseball game in Minute Maid Park?
Astronomical
(OC) I got a new job at Minute Maid.
I'm working on the Punch line.
My wife sometimes works for my maid when she's in need.
Guess They're maid for each other!
What did the light house keeper do when he lost his job?
He became a maid, he was already accustomed to performing light house work.
My ex divorced me because she said I treated her like a maid.
But even the judge agreed that she should keep the house.
My rich friend just hired a maid who he calls Non Sequitur.
Because she's Latin and does not follow.
How did Robin Hood not impregnate maid Marion?
With his little Jon...
True house cleaners aren't just born
They're maid
Mary cleaned Marsha's house. Marsha cleaned Mary's house.
They both were maid for each other
What do Wattpad and Minute Maid have in common?
Both make lemons, but neither does it well.
A kid was talking with his mother.
He says : Mom i've seen Dad with maid doing.......
His mom shushed him and said wait till the dad comes home.
When his dad comes home, the mother asks her kid, Yes son what were you saying.
Kid Says : Mom i've seen dad with maid doing the same thing the neighbor does to you when dad isn't home.
Ordered a European cabinet from Wayfair and received a girl instead
Not what I expected when the description said Swedish maid
A lady of the house lost three pairs of expensive panties and blamed the maid, in front of her husband.
The maid looked at the husband and said "Sir, you're my witness. You know I never wear panties."
When I was in college my roommate used to clean my room and I used to clean his
We were maid for each other
A kid was sitting with the maid and had the following conversation:
Maid: You must leave this house.
Kid: Why?
Maid: There are ghosts here.
*Later that day the kid was sitting with his dad*
Kid: Dad, the maid told me we should leave this house because there are ghosts in it.
Dad: Pack your bags!
Kid: Dad, do you really believe in ghosts?
Dad: WE DON'T HAVE A MAID!!!
Who is smarter, a robot maid or a robot MD?
A robot maid, because she's got her AI.
A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house's private study
Maid: "I'd like a raise."
Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?
Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."
Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"
Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."
Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"
Maid:"Your husband.Third, I'm better in bed than you are."
Mrs. Smith:"I suppose my husband said that too?"
Maid:"No, the gardener."
Mrs. Smith:"How much do you want?"
A teacher asks her class.
Teacher: "Can any tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?"
Little Johnny: "Yes Miss, it's Trudy Glen."
Teacher: "No Johnny, the answer is Maid Marion."
Johnny: "But miss in the song it says, Robin Hood, Robin Hood,
riding Trudy Glen."
Growing up in a family involved with the mob, I never quite understood what my mom meant when she said that dad was a made man
Until I walked in on him banging the maid.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the maid butlers jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working maid furious piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.