Maid Jokes
119 maid jokes and hilarious maid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about maid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious maid jokes! Old maid, French maid, Minute Maid and Meter Maid jokes about bedroom cleaning and bellboys. Get your mother in on the fun with these age-appropriate jokes!
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Funniest Maid Short Jokes
Short maid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The maid humour may include short mate jokes also.
- My ex divorced me because she said I treated her like a maid. But even the judge agreed that she should keep the house.
- What did the light house keeper do when he lost his job? He became a maid, he was already accustomed to performing light house work.
- I've been sleeping with my maid for the past 3 years. Just don't tell me wife, she hates it when I call her that.
- My married life is awesome. I cook for my wife and she does my laundry. We are maid for each other.
- My mother always said, "Pick your clothes up off the floor, I'm not your maid." When I went to college the dorm had a maid who told us, "Pick your clothes up off the floor, I'm not your mother."
- Wife:Do you need anything at the grocery store? Me: pick up 30 bottles of minute maid
Wife: why so many?
Me: didn't you hear the news? O.J. is free! - my 5 year old daughter got me with this one! How do you keep the ocean clean!?
With a mer-maid! - Dave got his wife a French maids costume to get her in the mood but it was a complete waste.
The house is still messed up as usual. - Why did Helen Keller fire her maid? Cuz she left the plunger in the toilet. - Jackie Martling
- What's the difference between Noah's Ark and Joan of Arc? One was made of wood, the other was Maid of Orleans.
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Maid One Liners
Which maid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with maid? I can suggest the ones about mare and chairman.
- Got a new roommate. She cleans my room, I clean hers. We are maid for each other.
- If Cinderella had been a dairy maid she would have been called... mozzarella!
- I quit the mafia to become a housekeeper Now I'm a maid man.
- What do you call a cheap maid uniform? Maid in China.
- What do you call fast midget house cleaners? Minute maids.
- My maid was a victim of ID theft... Now she's my ma.
- Who is smarter, a robot maid or a robot MD? A robot maid, because she's got her AI.
- Why is Excel like a hotel maid? They both spread sheets.
- Who cleans the sea? A mer-maid
- I had a thing for Rosie, the robot maid from the Jetsons. Man, was she built!
- What do you call the person that cleans the Mafia's hotel rooms? A maid man.
- Where will you always find a Dr. inside a Maid Madrid
- Shout out to Hotel Maids. That have to change sheets February 15th
- Why did the maid move to the coast? Her job required some light house work.
- True house cleaners aren't just born They're maid
Old Maid Jokes
Here is a list of funny old maid jokes and even better old maid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The Bat family were playing a game of "old maid" with a poker deck... Needless to say it was a never ending game. Everyone wanted the joker.
- Fat Lady vs Old Maid What is the difference?
One is trying to diet, the other is dying to try it!
Minute Maid Jokes
Here is a list of funny minute maid jokes and even better minute maid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do Wattpad and Minute Maid have in common? Both make lemons, but neither does it well.
- (OC) I got a new job at Minute Maid. I'm working on the Punch line.
- What are the chances you'd bump into someone you know at a baseball game in Minute Maid Park? Astronomical
French Maid Jokes
Here is a list of funny french maid jokes and even better french maid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My girlfriend wanted to do the French maid roleplay. One with skimpy dress and feather duster. It sounded hot. But the dress didn't fit me.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Maid Jokes
What funny jokes about maid you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean master jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make maid pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at s**... than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Helen: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So, how much do you want?"
Why did the astronaut bring his maid to the ISS (International Space Station)?
He heard there was a vacuum in space.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The groom, waiting in the church for his bride, has a huge grin on his face...
..."What is wrong with you", asks the best man, "don't you know your life is over?" "No it's not", says the groom, "Last night, I got the best b**... in the history of blow jobs, and I'm marrying this girl. My life is set." Meanwhile in the bride's room, she too has a huge grin on her face. "What is wrong with you", asks the bride's maid, "don't you know your life is over?" "No it's not", says the bride, "Last night, I gave the last b**... I ever have to."
Math teachers have been lying to you.
You're whole life math teachers have said Pi R squared, but that's a lie, My mother maid pie, and Pie are round
My girlfriend got mad at me because I wanted to role play
I wanted her to be the maid, and I wanted to be the guy playing video games.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What gets wet the more it dries?
A s**... maid doing the laundry!
I once knew a guy...
I once knew a guy who smiled everytime he had a house maid. He was a builder.
why did the fallen angel end up as a domestic help?
she was maid in heaven
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mother hears from her son that his dad was cheating on her...
So she decides to wait until they have a family reunion. Then, she asks the kid to say what he saw. The kid gets in front of everyone and says:
So... The maid and dad were in his room. He was n**... and then she started s**... his... Mom, how do you call that thing that you s**... when our neighbour's father visits you?
we call our maid a commercial cleaner
because she cleans only during commercials
Did you hear bout that mafia goon who crossdressed as a female servant?
He was a maid man.
Little Johnny
"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "Can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not."
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.' "
George HW Bush fell and broke his neck today
It's in the news. Today George HW Bush fell and broke his neck at home in Maine. Fox news is blaming it on Hillary. Donald Trump said his Mexican Maid pushed him down the stairs.
The night before the wedding
The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare.
"If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?" she slurred at the other bridesmaid.
"7-Up, because he's got seven inches and he can keep it up. What about you?"
"Mountain Dew. He knows how to mount and do me. And what about the future Mrs. Johnson? What kind of soda is Matt?"
"Jack Daniels," said the bride proudly.
"But that's not a soda! Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!" protested her friends.
The bride looked at them and said, "Girls, why do you think I'm marrying him?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Even the driver say's so ...
A man while making love to his maid,
exclaimed 'Martha your are sweeter than my wife'
The maid smiled and said
'i know 'because the driver always tells me so'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A maid asks for a raise
A maid asks for a raise from the queen.
"Give me three good reasons to give you a raise." the queen demands.
"Well, I cook better than you." Astounded by the answer, the queen asks, "Who told you that?"
The maid replies with, "Your husband told me that.".
The queen is unhappy, but shrugs it off and asks for another reason.
"I'm a better cleaner than you are." The queen is unhappy again and asks who told the maid this. "Your husband told me that." The queen is now unhappy and asks for a final reason to give a raise.
The maid says, "I'm better in bed than you." The queen's jaw drops open and asks "DON'T TELL ME MY HUSBAND TOLD YOU THAT DID HE?".
The maid replies calmly with, "No, the driver did."
The queen curses quietly, "Shhh. Keep it down, its 25% okay?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adolf h**...'s Refrigerator
Adolf h**... opens his fridge to find 5 gallons of Tropicana, 8 gallons of Cranberry Ocean Spray, 1 gallon of Grape Minute Maid and a pint of V8. How long until he eliminates all of the juice?
I woke up this morning to the maid beating on my door
So I finally let her out.
We call our new maid Non Sequitur,
...because she's Latin and she doesn't follow.
The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss ....
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone
Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.
All of them shocked and together looked at the maid who's patiently listening to them.
Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??
😂😆
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife caught me checking out the nanny the other day.
She fired the nanny. Then she told me no more s**... for a year!
I said, "You're firing the maid, too?"
Wife yelling at maid: Look at all the dust setting on the counter for 2 months!
Maid: See, not my fault. I've only been working here for a month.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best b**... I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last b**... of my entire life."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Trap
A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid, so she laid down a trap.
One evening, she suddenly sent the maid home and didn't tell her husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, "Please excuse me my dear, my stomach aches" and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went and got into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.
When they were finished and both still panting, the wife said, "Well my dear, you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And turned on the light.
"Absolutely not!", said her son.
hi What did the bar maid say in front of the gay bar?
"Im cracking up just being here" .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Angel
Lawrence: Mom do you know that our maid is an angel? Mom: Why do you think so?
Lawrence: I saw her n**... today with her hands on the wall screaming "Oh my God I'm coming!!..if it wasn't for Dad that was holding her tight from behind, she would have gone to heaven..
What do maids in Manhattan use to clean their kitchens?
J-lo Cloths
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did h**... buy stock in Minute Maid?
Because they make 100% Concentrated Juice
President Trump to sign an executive action taking aim at Sun Maid and California's Raisin industry
He answered most of the criticism over the weekend by stating
"I would like to make raisins Grape again"
A boy caught his dad red handed having an affair with the maid.
The dad told the son, take this $10 and don't tell your mum please!"
The son answered, but dad this is not fair!! Mum gave me $50 when I caught her with the security Man.
I went to a dinner and when I came back my friend asked me how it was.
"It would have been great if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, the fish as fresh as the maid, and the maid as willing as the Hostess!
A woman asks a man what his job is
The man tells her that he empties dishwashers for a living
"So you're like a maid?" The woman asks
"No" says the man "I'm a midwife"
How do you make a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone, no dressing permitted.
(Credit goes to the tour guide on the Maid of the Mist ~1996)
Maid: "No~! Sir... ahhhn... your wife will be furious!"
Master: "It's fine... she's not here"
Maid: "B-but!"
Master: "This dress suits me better doesn't it?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 7 year old girl
A 7 year old girl was looking at her mother's driving license card. It was written " s**...: F", she then started laughing until the mother asked why she was laughing. The girl said " I can't believe you are so bad at s**... that you got an F. Now i understand why daddy is always with the maid.
What is the name of Robin Hoods girlfriend?
Says one man to another. The second replies, it's maid Marian, isn't it? . The first man scoffs and replies absolutely not, her name is Trudy Glenn.
At this point the second man is beyond confused and questions the statement I disagree, I can't say I've ever heard of her.
The first man says haven't you heard the song? To which he is replied to with what song?
'Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glenn.'
A woman kept berating her maid that she was good for nothing all the time
One day the maid couldnt take it anymore .She shouted "Atleast I'm better than you in bed "
The woman was shocked,then she recovered and asked "Did my husband tell you that?"
Maid "No,your driver did "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not my p**...
A wife goes on a retreat for work.
When she returns, she finds a pair of p**... in her dresser that do not belong to her.
Furious, she questions her husband.
The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry!"
So, the wife goes to the maid and questions her.
Indignant, the maid replies, "Madam, how should I know? These p**... don't belong to me. I don't even wear p**... just ask your husband!"
What's the only product label anyone would get excited by?
Maid in France
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife hates cleaning so now I'm paying for a maid, she hates changing diapers so now I'm paying for a nanny...
And she hates having s**... with me so now I'm paying for a tennis coach.
The farmer's maid requested a plane
so she could dust the crops
What do you call a guy who cleans up his own mess?
A self maid man
A child ask his mother: "Did you know our maid was an angel?"
Mom: Why do you say that?
Child: Well yesterday she was in the kitchen with both her hands in the air and she was screaming : "Oh my God, I'm coming, I'm coming!"
If dad wasn't there to hold her waist, she would have gone straight to heaven!
Little Mary asks her mother: Mum, why do people go to heaven with their legs up?
A tad bit confused, her mother replies: Mary, what do you mean by that?
Well , Mary says. This afternoon, I saw the maid laying on the kitchen table with her legs up. She was screaming: Oh God, oh Lord, I'm coming, I'm coming! Thankfully, daddy was laying right on top of her to stop her from going!
Fired the maid yesterday because wife suspected maid had been stealing her jewelry. Today I found a snake on our doorstep.
At least we got a diamondback.
What do a man who lives in a watch tower by the sea and a 85 lbs hotel maid have in common?
They're both light house keepers.
My wife sometimes works for my maid when she's in need.
Guess They're maid for each other!
What do you call it when a hotel maid cleans up after a one-night stand?
Unfortunate circumstainces
What do you call a male servant?
A maid man
How did Robin Hood not impregnate maid Marion?
With his little Jon...
Mary cleaned Marsha's house. Marsha cleaned Mary's house.
They both were maid for each other
A kid was talking with his mother.
He says : Mom i've seen Dad with maid doing.......
His mom shushed him and said wait till the dad comes home.
When his dad comes home, the mother asks her kid, Yes son what were you saying.
Kid Says : Mom i've seen dad with maid doing the same thing the neighbor does to you when dad isn't home.
Ordered a European cabinet from Wayfair and received a girl instead
Not what I expected when the description said Swedish maid
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lady of the house lost three pairs of expensive p**... and blamed the maid, in front of her husband.
The maid looked at the husband and said "Sir, you're my witness. You know I never wear p**...."
A kid was sitting with the maid and had the following conversation:
Maid: You must leave this house.
Kid: Why?
Maid: There are ghosts here.
*Later that day the kid was sitting with his dad*
Kid: Dad, the maid told me we should leave this house because there are ghosts in it.
Dad: Pack your bags!
Kid: Dad, do you really believe in ghosts?
Dad: WE DON'T HAVE A MAID!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house's private study
Maid: "I'd like a raise."
Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?
Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."
Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"
Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."
Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"
Maid:"Your husband.Third, I'm better in bed than you are."
Mrs. Smith:"I suppose my husband said that too?"
Maid:"No, the gardener."
Mrs. Smith:"How much do you want?"
A teacher asks her class.
Teacher: "Can any tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?"
Little Johnny: "Yes Miss, it's Trudy Glen."
Teacher: "No Johnny, the answer is Maid Marion."
Johnny: "But miss in the song it says, Robin Hood, Robin Hood,
riding Trudy Glen."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Growing up in a family involved with the mob, I never quite understood what my mom meant when she said that dad was a made man
Until I walked in on him b**... the maid.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was sitting n**... on the bed and the maid walked in
...finally.
