Magician Jokes

A mexican magician told the audience he'll disappear on the count of three. He said "Uno, dos" *p**...*

He disappeared without a tres.

A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear on the count of 3...

He says "uno... dos..." *p**...*! and disappears without a tres.

The Mexican Magician

A Mexican magician declares that he will disappear on the count of three. He begins to count, "uno, dos..." *p**...* The magician vanished without a tres.

A magician gets himself a parrot for his act

After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows. "it's under his hat, it's up his sleeve, his assistant has it."
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end. The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, "Alright, I give up. Where's the boat?"

An elementary school teacher was meeting her new class

She pointed to one student and asked "What does your father do for a living?"
The boy said "My father's a magician! He has a new act that ends with sawing people in half."
"That's wonderful!" said the teacher. "And do you have any siblings?"
"Yes," said the boy- "I have a half brother and a half sister."

Whats you father's occupation?

Asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year. "He's a magician," said the small boy. "How interesting! What's his favorite trick? "Sawing people in half." "Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?' "Yes, one half brother and two half-sisters."

Two magicians walk into a bakery

The first palms 3 donuts. He then snidely challenges the other magician to perform a trick of equal benefit. The second magician then calls the baker and asks for 3 donuts if he'd like to see a magic trick. The baker does his part and provides the donuts. The magician then eats the donuts and exclaims "Ta-Dah." The bakery is angered and asks "Well what's the magic trick?" The second magician replies "Look in my friend's pocket."

A hispanic magician was performing a magic trick

The magician said that he could make himself disappear within 3 seconds! So, he waves his cape in front of his face and says "uno, dos!" and just like that, he disappeared without a tres!

I once saw a Mexican magician

He pulled me on stage and said he would make me disappear by the count of three. I didn't believe. Without warning he started counting. "Uno...Dos..." and *p**...*. I was gone without a Tres.

A magician says to his audience...

A magician says to his audience "I can make myself appear in 100 different places in this room". He says "3, 2, 1, Abracadabra!" Nothing happens so he tries once again, "3, 2, 1, Abracadabra!" Still nothing happens. Flustered he asks to be excused while he checks his handbook. He closes the book and says " Sorry, I've been saying the wrong magic word, 3, 2, 1, Allahu Akbar!" Needless to say his audience was blown away.

A magician lost a leg during his performance.

The audience was suprised he could pull it off.

Did you hear about the mexican magician?

He said, "I'm going to disappear." "Uno, dos,..." He was gone without a tres :-)

What's the difference between a line of n**... women and a magician?

Well, the magician has a cunning array of stunts...

A short joke for my cakeday

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." p**.... He disappeared without a tres.

A Mexican magician came up to me and said "I can disappear in 3 seconds"

"uno"
"dos"
...
he disappeared without a tres.

A spanish magician ...

A spanish magician gets on stage and says "I will disappear in 3 seconds." He counts: "Uno, Dos." And he disappeared without a tres.

Little Johnny, the magician's son

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the schoolteacher.

"He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny.

"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" asked the teacher.

"He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny.

"Wow! That must be amazing to watch," said the teacher. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

And Little Johnny said, "One half brother and two half sisters."

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3

He says "uno, dos..." *p**...*. He disappeared without a tres.

A Spanish magician is at a party

He begins his trick for the birthday girl, grabbing a handful of magic sprinkle dust. He then begins to count, "uno, dos," p**....

He disappeared without a tres.

A Spanish magician told the crowd he'll make himself vanish on the count of 3. He goes "Uno, dos...

And *p**...*..... He disappeared without a tres.

I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician...

...when I pulled a habit out of a rat.

There was a mexican magician...

...Who said "On the count of three, I will vanish!"
And so he counted, "Uno... Dos..."
And then he vanished, without a tres.

What do you get when you cross an accordion player with a magician? Someone who can make a living disappear in no time.

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, 'Uno, dos… and p**...!

He disappeared without a tres.

Spanish Magician

A Spanish magician announced to his audience that "he would disappear on the count of three" then said "uno, dos" and then disappeared without a tres.

A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear at the count of 3

A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear at the count of 3.
He goes,"Uno, Dos...." and p**...!
He disappears without a Tres.

My dad is a magician

he could turn alcohol into child a**...

How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat?

One. It's a trick question.

Mexican Magician

Uno... Dos... p**...
He disappeared...
Without a tres.

A Spanish magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3

He says uno, dos... then p**..., he disappears without a tres

A Mexican magician said he was going to do a magic trick.

"Uno, dos..." *p**...* he disappeared without a tres.

A few days ago i saw an amazing magician...

When he opened his jacket and screamed Allahu Akbar he disappeared along with 30 others.

My dad's a magician

Bob: What does your father do for a living?
Joe: He's a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Bob: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Joe: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.

There was once a great Mexican Magician...

There was once a great Mexican Magician. He was world-renowned for his incredible feats. His most famous act, though, was his vanishing act. He would count;
uno
dos
and suddenly he would disappear without a tres.

Happy Cinco De Mayo. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three

He says "uno, dos..." then disappears without a tres.

A Mexican magician tells a crowd he's going to disappear on the count of three...

He begins the countdown. "Uno, dos..." then, p**...! He disappeared without a tres.

What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist?

A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.

The Spanish magician

So there's this Spanish magician right and he says "I'll make myself disappear on the count of three".
"Unos..... Dos...." *BANG!" in a cloud of smoke he disappeared without a Tres.

Did you hear the one about the Mexican magician?

He told his audience that he'd disappear on the count of 3. He counted "Uno! Dos!"... And disappeared without a tres.

A Mexican Magician tells his audience that he will disappear on the count of 3...

He says, Uno, Dos........ *p**...*....... he disappeared without a tres.

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring h**... as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

What'd the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod. Any cod.
(Ayyy, my 8yo loved it. )

Did you hear about the r**... magician?

He turns a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.

What's the difference between United Airlines and a magician's hat?

You can't pull a live rabbit out of a United jet.

I went to see a Spanish magician

I went to see a Spanish magician and he told the crowd that he could make himself disappear on the count of three.
He started counting.
"Uno! Dos!"
And then he was gone. Without a tres.

There was a famous Mexican magician.

His name was Gustavo. His signature trick is he would say "Uno, dos," and *p**...*! He would disappear without a tres.

A magician tells his audience that he will disappear on the count of 3.

He says "uno... Dos..." And then vanishes.
He disappeared without a tres.

A few years ago, I saw a Hispanic magician

My favorite trick was at end, when he said he would dissappear at the count of three.
And he started counting "Uno...."
"Dos.... "
And p**..., he was gone. Without a Tres.

Did you hear about the Spanish speaking magician?

He counted from uno to dos and disappeared without a tres.

My dad is the world's greatest magician..

He told me to close my eyes and he dissapeared without a trace for over 23 years.

What's the difference between a magician and a row of showgirls?

One has an array of cunning stunts............

What do you call a magician who doesn't do magic?

Ian

I saw a magician who could make anything weigh exactly 28.3 grams.

His stage name is "The wizard of oz."

What do you call a magician who looses his magic?

Ian :)

A magician walks into a gay bar

and disappears with a p**....

Hispanic Magician

So a Mexican magician stands up in front of his audience and tells them, "Ok hombres, on the count of three, I'm gonna make myself disappear! Uno, dos..." p**...! He disappeared without a tres.

A Mexican magician says he'll disappear on the count of 3.

"Uno, dos..." p**...!
He disappeared without a tres.