Magician Jokes
117 magician jokes and hilarious magician puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about magician that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Magician Short Jokes
Short magician jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The magician humour may include short magic trick jokes also.
- There was a Mexican magician who was about to disappear on the count of three. He said "uno... dos-" and vanished. He disappeared without a tres
- A girl asks a boy "What does your dad do for a living?'' He replies "He's a magician."
She asks "Is he good?"
He says "Yeah, he disappeared 8 years ago." - Magician: I can make anything disappear! Tom: (holding up a cup) Really? Make my tea disappear.
Magician: (waves hand) Done!
om: (looks in cup) It didn't work. - My Dad Is A Magician He can turn alcohol into domestic violence... But his disappearing act is even better.
- For a while, the magician Houdini used a trap door for every show he did. It was..just a stage he was going through.
- Did you hear about the magician that had chocolate in his shirt? He had some Twix up his sleeve
- A magician lost a leg during his performance. The audience was suprised he could pull it off.
- I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician... ...when I pulled a habit out of a rat.
- There was a mexican magician... ...Who said "On the count of three, I will vanish!"
And so he counted, "Uno... Dos..."
And then he vanished, without a tres. - What do you get when you cross an accordion player with a magician? Someone who can make a living disappear in no time.
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Magician One Liners
Which magician one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with magician? I can suggest the ones about juggler and magic spell.
- What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador!
I am not sorry. - I come from a family of failed magicians I have 2 half sisters
- What do you call a Jewish magician who only summons furniture? Bench Appearo.
- What do you call a magician without the magic? Ian
- A magician was driving down the road when suddenly... He turned into a driveway!
- Two magicians were walking down the street... one turned into a store.
- My girlfriend is a magician... She creates problems out of thin air
- Wives are amazing magicians... They can turn anything into an argument.
- Why did the magician flunk out of school? He couldn't spell.
- So a magician on a cruise night has a show every night... NOTSONINJA
- Magician: ''Take a card, any card.'' Me: *(Takes his credit card)*
- I think my girlfriend is a magician. She makes my paycheck disappear.
- Magicians don't answer "how did you do that" because those are trick questions
- Magician: I can make anything disappear Magician: I can make disappear
- What does a magician working in a morgue say? Abracadaver!
Uproarious Magician Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about magician you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean circus performer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make magician pranks.
A magician gets himself a parrot for his act
After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows. "it's under his hat, it's up his sleeve, his assistant has it."
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end. The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, "Alright, I give up. Where's the boat?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elementary school teacher was meeting her new class
She pointed to one student and asked "What does your father do for a living?"
The boy said "My father's a magician! He has a new act that ends with sawing people in half."
"That's wonderful!" said the teacher. "And do you have any siblings?"
"Yes," said the boy- "I have a half brother and a half sister."
Two magicians walk into a bakery
The first palms 3 donuts. He then snidely challenges the other magician to perform a trick of equal benefit. The second magician then calls the baker and asks for 3 donuts if he'd like to see a magic trick. The baker does his part and provides the donuts. The magician then eats the donuts and exclaims "Ta-Dah." The bakery is angered and asks "Well what's the magic trick?" The second magician replies "Look in my friend's pocket."
A magician says to his audience...
A magician says to his audience "I can make myself appear in 100 different places in this room". He says "3, 2, 1, Abracadabra!" Nothing happens so he tries once again, "3, 2, 1, Abracadabra!" Still nothing happens. Flustered he asks to be excused while he checks his handbook. He closes the book and says " Sorry, I've been saying the wrong magic word, 3, 2, 1, Allahu Akbar!" Needless to say his audience was blown away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A short joke for my cakeday
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." p**.... He disappeared without a tres.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny, the magician's son
"What's your father's occupation?" asked the schoolteacher.
"He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny.
"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" asked the teacher.
"He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny.
"Wow! That must be amazing to watch," said the teacher. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
And Little Johnny said, "One half brother and two half sisters."
How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat?
One. It's a trick question.
A few days ago i saw an amazing magician...
When he opened his jacket and screamed Allahu Akbar he disappeared along with 30 others.
What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist?
A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...
Hiring h**... as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
What'd the fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod. Any cod.
(Ayyy, my 8yo loved it. )
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the r**... magician?
He turns a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.
What's the difference between United Airlines and a magician's hat?
You can't pull a live rabbit out of a United jet.
My dad is the world's greatest magician..
He told me to close my eyes and he dissapeared without a trace for over 23 years.
What's the difference between a magician and a row of showgirls?
One has an array of cunning stunts............
I saw a magician who could make anything weigh exactly 28.3 grams.
His stage name is "The wizard of oz."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hispanic Magician
So a Mexican magician stands up in front of his audience and tells them, "Ok hombres, on the count of three, I'm gonna make myself disappear! Uno, dos..." p**...! He disappeared without a tres.
What's the difference between a blonde kick line and a talented magician? (sorry if this is an old one)
Well, the magician has a CUNNING array of STUNTS.
Magician mugging
I got mugged by a magician the other day. He pulled a knife on me, but what was weird is that it was behind my ear the whole time.
On earth: A magician puts his hand in his hat.
In the rabbit realm: The Hand emerges. It is time. The rabit council must choose another sacrifice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in Mexico last weekend enjoying what the entertainment has to offer....
...ended up going to this magic show that was highly recommended. The Magician came on stage and started the show with a disappearing act. He said "Pay close attention as I will vanish into thin air on the count of three"
He started counting... "uno....dos..."
And sure as s**... he disappeared without a Tres.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Interview with a stage magician
* So, what do you do?
* I saw women in half.
* Do you have any family?
* Four half sisters.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the sickly magician with blisters and bad breath?
He's a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the gay magician?
He disappeared with a p**....
Did you hear about the magician that tortured his props?
He pulled a hat out of a rabbit.
A male magician disappeared into a fruit,
Where do the mango?
What do you call a magician wearing a rainbow colored suit?
Hue-dini
Why did the Mafia hire a magician?
They heard he was an expert in making people disappear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do magicians hide their b**...?
The power of missed-e**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a magician who smokes?
A wheez-ard.
What do magicians and dads have in common?
Now you see them, now you don't.
What's the difference between a magician and a psychology researcher?
A magician pulls rabbits out of hats, a psychology researcher pulls habits out of rats.
Did you hear about the magician who could make a full breakfast appear out of nowhere?
He has some Trix up his sleeves.
:D
Did you hear about the magician who could create things out of thin air?
They contacted him to give him a TV show, but once they found out he was a fake, it never materialized.
I got kicked out of a bar for being too good of a magician.
Apparently making all the ladies disappear is bad for business.
I once saw a Spanish magician...
He told the audience that he was going to make his hat disappear on the count of three. So he tapped it with his wand and said, "Uno, dos," and it disappeared without a très.
A Mexican magician says he's going to make himself disappear on the count of three..
He says, uno.. Dos.. And then he vanished without a tres!
A bald magician pulled a rabbit out of a hat. Then he put the rabbit right on top of his head and gently lowered the hat down over the rabbit until the rabbit was completely covered. After a couple seconds of wearing the hat, the magician quickly lifted the hat back up, and presto!
there wasn't a hare on his head
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do you never want to scare a magician?
Because he'll p**... your pants.
Did you hear about the magician who got angry?
He pulled out his hare.
What do you call a Jawa's favourite magician?
Houdini.
Thinking about becoming a magician.
They make A LOT of money. I'm pretty sure my neighbor is a magician because she told me she gets "over $500 per trick".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the sound of a homophobic magician?
"p**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A magician was performing at a nursing home.
The magician said he was going to hypnotize the people that he was performing for. He started hypnotizing them with his watch. When they were hypnotized the magician dropped the watch and he said "s**...!". The nurses had a hard time after.
How can you tell if a psychopath is a magician?
They make everyone disappear.
A Mexican magician says that he can disappear on the count of three.
"Uno, dos...", he says before he was suddenly gone.
He disappeared without a tres.
Did you hear about the magician who made an entire art gallery disappear?
Now museum, now you don't
I asked a Jawa who his favourite magician is
He said "Whodini"
A magician working on a ship was losing people's interest with the captains parrot telling everyone how he was performing his tricks.
After a few weeks into the course, the ship breaks down and sinks in the ocean. The magician makes it out alive and holds onto a scrap of wood not to drown. Unfortunately the parrot was also using the same scrap to survive.
A few days go past and the parrot finally looks to the magician and says, "You know what? I give up! How did you make the ship disappear?"
What does a balding magician have in his hat?
Hare.
My dad was a Mexican magician who said he was gonna go to the store for some milk.
He said uno, dos, then vanished without a tres.
My dad was a magician...
He could be walking down the street and turn into a bar.
What's the difference between Merlin the Magician and the Rockettes?
One has a cunning array of stunts.......
Vladimir Putin is my favorite magician
He makes his opponents disappear
What did the magician say before he turned his assistant into an ear of corn?
Prepare to be a-maize-d
From my son: What did the hippopotamus do to the magician?
He hippo-tized him!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was watching a magic show and the magician cut a donkey into two parts.
Honestly, it was a pretty half-assed trick.
