Magical Jokes
94 magical jokes and hilarious magical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about magical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Magical Short Jokes
Short magical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The magical humour may include short mythical jokes also.
- I met a magical genie once. He gave me one wish. I said "I wish I could be you" The genue saud, "weurd wush but U wull grant ut."
- Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future. Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.
- I was on the fence whether I should buy Office 365 and consulted my Magic 8-Ball and it said Outlook not good!
- Chinese magican Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve. - Did you hear about the man who was obsessed with magic mushrooms? He was known as the fun guy … 🍄
- watching the US government deal with the Coronavirus is like watching the Ministry of Magic deal with Voldemort's return. change my mind.
- My 9-year old told this one today. What does snoop dogg say after performing a magic trick? Ta da da da da
- Why did the snowflake bring a gift to the winter solstice party? It wanted to give a little something back for all the magical snowy nights.
- How do winter solstice enthusiasts stay entertained during the long night? They gather around a bonfire and swap stories of winter magic.
- The magic word Daughter: Dad, do I get a new Iphone?
Dad: What's the magic word?
Daughter: Larissa!
Dad: Larissa??
Daughter: yes, your affair!
Dad: Do you want a cover with your Iphone too?
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Magical One Liners
Which magical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with magical? I can suggest the ones about magic spell and majestic.
- I asked my magic 8-ball which email client to use. It told me... Outlook not so good.
- I got a free iPad and iPhone today. It's like... this gun is magic!!!
- What do you call a magician without the magic? Ian
- What are the magic words you say to get what you want? I'm offended
- Me : Shaking a magic 8 ball.. "Will my vision ever get better??"
Coconut : - What does a Mexican wizard use to cast magic? A Juand
- I got a free iPhoneX, $300 cash and a camera Its like this gun has magic
- My dog can do magic tricks... He's an Abracadabrador.
- Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a field.
- Baby monitors are magical When I turn it off my baby stops crying
- So a magician on a cruise night has a show every night... NOTSONINJA
- There was a magical young lady, eating lunch in the desert It was a sandwich
- The girl I'm dating just said those three magic words. "I am infertile."
- What do you call a wizard who specializes in dairy based magic? A lactomancer.
- What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice? Neck-romance-y.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Magical Jokes
What funny jokes about magical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mysterious jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make magical pranks.
Everyone is familiar with the story of the Wizard of Oz, right?
Dorothy and her dog get flown away in a tornado, and end up in the magical land of Oz. Obviously Dorothy misses her family and home, but her dog, Toto, he misses the rains down in Africa."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My magical watch just told me you aren't wearing any p**....
Oh, you are? Hmmmmm...must be an hour off...
A Bear's Tale
One day, a bear was chasing a rabbit in a forest. As they were running, they found a magical turtle. The turtle said that if they stopped fighting, he would give them 3 wishes each. They both agreed, and the bear said his first wish. "I would like every bear in this forest, except for me, to be a female," stated the bear, as he was forever alone. The rabbit asked for a motorcycle. The bear was confused, and wondered why the rabbit hadn't just asked for unlimited money, so he could buy a motorcycle, but none the less gave the turtle his second wish. "I would like every bear in this country, except for me, to be female," excitedly exclaimed the bear. The rabbit asked for a biking helmet. Once again, the bear was stunned by the rabbit's stupidity, and made his final wish. The bear enthusiactically said,"I would like every bear in the world, excluding me, of course, to be a female." Then came the rabbit's turn for his final wish. The rabbit looked right into the bear's eyes, revved up the engine of his motorcycle he was sitting on, and said, "I wish that all the male bears in the world were gay."
Thor the God of Thunder
So Thor, the God of Thunder, is sitting on his cloud on Asgard when he suddenly wants to visit the humans. He jumps on his magical flying horse and rides down to them. When he gets there he proclaims, "I AM THOR!" to which his horse replies, "Well, that's because you forgot your thaddle thilly."
A man is in the desert..
and he hasn't drink or eat in a few days. Suddenly, this magical fairy appears, but she has no water or food. She gave him all she could. The man finishes the bottle of warm liquid quickly and asks for another bottle. The fairy gives him another bottle and the man finished it quickly. The man asks for a third bottle, but the fairy says,"Sorry, you'll have to wait until next month."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Mermaid Joke
A guy walks into a bar and sees a man at the other end with a very small head, about the size of a softball. He walks up and says, I just have to ask, whats up with your head? The guy with the tiny head says, "I was walking along the beach alone one night and a mermaid appeared. She said that she was magical and can grant me one wish. I hadn't had any luck with the ladies in a long time so my wish was to have s**... with the mermaid. She responded that she was a mermaid and it wasnt physically possible for her to have s**... with a human. So I responded, how about a little head?"
Zing!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bear is chasing a rabbit in the woods...
The happen upon a stream where a frog yells at them,
"I'm a magical frog. I'll grant each of you 3 wishes since your the first to grace me with your presence on over a hundred years"
"ok but i go first," says the bear. "I wish every bear in this forest, except for me, were female!" And p**...! All the bears are female.
"Ok ok my turn, I wish for a helmet!" Says the rabbit.
p**...! A helmet appears in his hands.
"you're an idiot rabbit. Such a waste of a wish... I wish all the bears in the next forest over were female!"
p**...! His wish is granted.
"i wish for the worlds fastest dirt bike." Says rabbit.
p**...! His wish is granted.
"For my final wish, i wish all the bears in the world, except for me, are female!"
p**...!
Rabbit gets on his new dirtbike and revs the engine a few times before saying, "Frog, for my final wish." He paused to rev his engine one more time. "I WISH BEAR WAS GAY!" and he took of into the woods.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Double Genie
A man comes across a magical lamp with a genie inside who grants him 3 wishes. The only stipulation is that whatever he wishes for, his ex-wife gets double.
The man says, "I wish for a million dollars." The genie replies, "It is done. Your ex-wife gets 2 million."
The man says, "I wish for a mansion." The genie replies, "It is done. your ex-wife now has 2 mansions."
The man says, "For my last wish... I wish you would beat me half to death."
So there's this magical mountain...
...where people jump off, and land in a pool of whatever they yell. There are three chicks, a brown-haired girl, and brunette, and a blonde. The brown-haired girl jumps, and yells "CANDY!", and lands in a huge pool of candy. The brunette jumps off and yells "MONEY!", and lands in a pool of money. The blonde jumps and yells "CANNONBALL!".
Where do magical animals go to jail?
Azkabarn
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irishman, Russian and the Blonde...
An Irishman, Russian and a Blonde come across a magical slide. They each decide to take a turn. The Irishman goes first, sliding down and shouting "GOLD!", and finding himself in a pile of gold as he reaches the bottom. The Russian amazed slides down screaming "v**...!", and lands into bottles of v**... at the bottom. The Blonde takes her turn, and without hesitation shouts "WEEEE!" as she slides down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bear and a rabbit are fighting in the woods.
Along comes the magical turtle of the forrest and says to them "if you two stop fighting I will grant you each 3 wishes." As to both bear and rabbit agree. First wish the bear says "I wish all the bears in this forrest except for me to be female" the rabbit without even hesitating says "I want a bike!". The bear looks at him in shock trying not to yell at him fpr such a s**... wish. Second wish the bear goes "I want all the bears in this forrest and the next forrest other than me to be female" the rabbit starts laughing and says "I want a bike!". Bear gets mad again at the bad wish rabbit ignores him. Third wish bear goes "I want all the bears in the world other than me to be female" at this point the rabbit is in tears from laughing, he puts on his helmet gets on his bike and as hes driving away he yells "I wish the bear was gay!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, a redhead, a brunette and a magic mirror
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear.
One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first.
"I think I'm the smartest woman on earth." "p**...!" She disappears.
The redhead goes up to try. "I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth." "p**...!" She disappears.
The blonde goes up. "I think--" "p**...!"
What do you call a man with magical pee?
A wizzard
Why is Gandalf's cupcake shop so successful?
Because he has a magical staff.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a magical creature with a skin disease?
A leperchaun.
A brunette and a blonde are stranded on an island.
Suddenly, a magical genie appears to them. He says, "You girls have stumbled upon an unfortunate fate. Therefore, I will grant you each one wish."
The brunette says, "I wish I were home with my family!"
"So it is done," the genie says, and the girl is poofed home.
The blonde looks over to where her friend had just been standing and says, "Aw man, I wish she hadn't left me here."
Our love was magical..
it vanished like one of Houdini's disappearing acts
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Magic Watch
The worlds most s**... girl is sitting in a bar. A man walks up to the bar counter and looks at his fancy watch. The girl glances at it and says to the man:
"Is your date late?"
"No, you see, this is a magical watch. It tells me about my surroundings. Right now, for instance, it tells me that you have no p**... on." The man responded.
"Well, then you watch is not so magical after all, because it's wrong." She said cleverly.
"Oh wait, it's an hour early."
I was magically turned into a baby goat
I kid
I think Android application developers are magical.
They're like open sorcerers.
How many magical fairies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, the tricky part is getting them both inside there.
There was a magical tractor...
There was a magical tractor traveling down the road. Then it turned in to a farm.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a magical dwarf?
A midgetcian!
I have an ear infection...and it hurts
If anyone has a magical cure for this, i'm all ears.
Have you heard the new Bruno Mars song?
It's pure gold, truly magical.
Harry Potter lost his virginity on a magical evening.
Or, as they say in Hogwarts, a Wednesday.
I finally told her those three magical words every woman wish to hear..
I give up!
Your vehicle has this magical lever
That shows which direction you're turning
The South is a magical place.
It has the most wizards.
I did a Marquez impression in the hood...
... I was the magical realest.
So Boxing Day, its a magical time of year,
when companies send you amazing emails with pictures of all the stuff you just brought from them, at half price.
I know why Hogwarts doesn't have math class. They have a magical device for it.
It's called a calculator.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde visit a magical bridge.
The sign reads "Magical bridge: Jump off the bridge and shout out what you want to land in and so it shall be."
The brunette goes first, she climbs on the rail, jumps off and yells "Pillows!" She lands safe and sound in a pile of pillows.
The redhead jumps next. " Hundred dollar bills!" She yells and lands in a huge pile of money.
The blonde goes last. She climbs up, jumps off and gets scared. She yells "Oh shiiiiiiiit!"
There's a magical being that consumes seconds, minutes, and hours for food who will go away if you feed it enough
It takes time
What do you call a magical cow
A Devine bovine
News from the Zimbabwean Lotto
and for a magical 100,000th time the winner is...
Robert Mugabe
So I saw Amy Schumer perform live...
The kentucky derby really is magical!
A thought about Del Toro's The Shape of Water
The Shape of Water is a story about a woman who falls in love with an otherworldly creature that learns how to communicate, has a funny scene where he interacts with a domestic setting and has magical healing hands. He is also returned to his natural environment, almost dying on the way by a plucky protagonist dodging authority.
However, the protagonist also has a love scene with him.
You could say that this is *BestialE.T.*
What do you call a magical sailor who's in love?
A row-mancer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since it's Women's day my girlfriend wanted s**... to be magical tonight
So I disappeared in the morning
Trump, Pence, and Paul Ryan and traveling together
President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan are traveling together in a presidential convoy. A tornado comes along, sweeps up their vehicle and launches them hundreds of yards away.
When they regain consciousness they realize they've been transported to the magical Land of Oz.
They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. The Wizard is known for granting wishes.
Pence says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain."
Paul Ryan adds, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart."
Trump looks around and asks, "Where's Dorothy?"
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
there once was a...
There once was a community in which there where the squares and the "jokes". the "jokes" were actually circles but were a minority and were often laughed at and segregated in the community, so they were called "jokes". One circle had enough of the ridicule from the squares and wanted to become a square himself.
He knew that there was only one person in their town that could pull off such a thing. They called him Eye, for he was all seeing. After his long Journey, he finally arrived at Eye's magical hut. After the circle told him his request, the mystical Eye said, "This joke will forever be pointless, and Eye just wasted your time"
I was in bed with a woman recently... She said "Baby, I want this night to be magical."
It was. After we made love, I disappeared.
Hey girl, are you a zombie?
Because your life is magical
How did the magical cauldron get down the hill?
By J.K. Rolling
My girlfriend said she wanted our relationship to be magical! So we made passionate love...
And then I disappeared. -Jimmy Carr
What breed of dog is magical?
The Labra-Cadabrador
Who has been magically making Nintendo money?
Nintendo'S witch
If there's a Scottish man out there with a magical smile that cheers up anyone he encounters....
Then beam me up Scotty!
This Magical item can prove any man guilty of a crime he did not commit
Women's tears
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
....magical blonde wizard wlaks ito a bra
**blonde:** ...where's my spell checker?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call someone who believes in a magical bearded sky fairy?
A religious liar.
Did you hear about the magical gorilla taking ceramics class at Hogwarts?
It's a Hairy Potter.
When I was 6, I had a magical rock that could write on cars...
My dad didn't like my magical rock...
An Italian tells a magical door, "Open!"
"Says who?" Asks the door. The man replies, "Open, says-a me!"
I heard about the story of the magical dock
The story goes that the dock was never built by anyone, but one day, it just apiered
The impossible wish
A guy saves a frog from a forest fire. The frog turns out to be a magical frog, and is very grateful to the man for having saved its life. So the frog offers to grant him three wishes. The man says, Great. So I want: 1. Lifelong access to any cinema, 2. I want to be 10 years younger and 3. I want a highway that goes straight from here to Hawaii. I'm happy to help you but the third wish is really difficult. You'll have to wish for something else instead of that third wish, says the frog. OK, agrees the man reluctantly, in that case I'd like to finally understand women. - The frog looks at him for a while: And should the highway be a three-lane or a four-lane one?
You wouldn't think that a pastry frosting made from magical trees would be very good,
but it's actually enticing!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Making love for the first time
Before my girlfriend and i made love for the first time, she said, "i want this night to be magical"
so after we made love
***i disappeared***
Bought a Magic toilet
At first i accidentally flushed my silver necklace down the toilet.
The next day i found silver jewelries on the bathroom floor.
Then i decided to flush down my gold ring.
The very next day, gold jewelries everywhere in bathroom.
I realized that my toilet is magical so i took out a 1 dollar bill,a 5 dollar bill and a 100 dollar bill out of my wallet. I flushed down a total of $106. Nothing happened throughout the day.
That night i woke up to the sound of loud noises coming from the bathroom. When i opened the door i was shocked and i couldn't believe my eyes.
Abraham Lincoln and George Washington was out of breathe trying to pull out Benjamin Franklin from the toilet.
What's the most magical grain for college students?
Uni corn
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I love it when a woman says those magical words which means she's up for s**... tonight
"This drink tastes funny"
~Jimmy Carr
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A magical spanish thief was caught trying to steal an early work of a famous artist
In his defeat, he declared they could keep the work, but he would set himself free on the count of three. He said "Uno...Dos...." and then p**..., he vanished without a trace.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A classic Russian joke...
An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stranded on an uninhabited island. They build a shelter, catch fish for food and suddenly catch a magical Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each in trade for her own freedom:
The American says: "A million dollars and to go back home!" He vanishes.
The Frenchman says: "Three beautiful women and to go back home!" He vanishes as well.
The Russian look around at the deserted island, and says: "Tsk, and we were getting along so well. Three crates of v**... and the two fellas back!"
A man finds a magical lamp.
He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears and says, "What is your first wish?" The man says, "I wish I were rich!" The genie snaps his fingers and replies, "Your wish has been granted! What is your second wish, Rich?"
She said "I want this night to be magical"
So I granted her wish. After I came, I disappeared.
My girlfriend said, "I want tonight to be magical"
So I disappeared
Three men are walking in the desert.
Three men are walking in the desert, all dehydrated.
They approach a slide with an empty paddling pool beneath it with a wizard standing nearby.
Wizard: This slide is magical. When you slide down it, you can say a drink of your choosing and the paddling pool will fill up with that drink.
The first guy slides down and says "Water!" and the pool is full of water.
The second guy slides down and says "Apple Juice!" and the pool is full of apple juice.
The third guy slides down and says "Wee!"
Butane really is a magical substance
It's a heavy liquid but a lighter fluid
People say you cant be sad in Hawaii, its a magical place
Apparently, they've never heard of a tropical depression.
A boy looks longingly to the distant islands
He wants to run away to the islands but the only problem is he's got no money. He walks over to his wise old neighbor and asks him for advice on how to get to there.
The old man says, well these woods here have magical pixies that have a special dust. If you get their dust you could just fly there! The only problem is they don't just give it out for free. You're gonna want to sneak up on 'em.
The boy nods his head in disbelief.
The old man says, So, I guess your options are you hire a boat, or catch a fairy!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a magical girl's comedy sketch and a female dog's snappy comeback?
One's a witch's bit and the other is a b**...'s wit.
Three children were walking on a mountain when found a magical slide.
Next to it, there was a sign that said, whatever you wish for comes true when you slide down . The first child stepped up, slid down, and wished for a river of chocolate. And voila, he swam in his chocolate river! The second child slid down and wished for a mountain of money. His wish came true too. Then the third child slid down and, forgetting the rules, said weeeeeeeeee!
I'm pitching a show about magical arts in the legal system
Subpoena the Teenage Witch
