The Best 35 Magazines Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Magazines jokes. There are some magazines spank jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these magazines newsstand puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Magazines Jokes and Puns

Three nuns were talking about their chores...

Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"

"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.

"I threw them away." The first nun replies.

The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"

"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.

"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.

The third nun fainted.

I once dated a girl that collected magazines.

We had to break up because she had too many issues.

What is The Fifth Element's opinion regarding American news magazines?

Time not important only Life important.

Magazines joke, What is The Fifth Element's opinion regarding American news magazines?

Three nuns are gossiping about a priest.

The first nun said, "I was going through father's desk and found pornographic magazines in his drawer."

The second nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"

"I burned them."

The second nun then said, "I was going through father's drawers and found a box of condoms."

The first nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"

"I poked holes in them."

The third nun fainted.

I am completely obsessed with collecting magazines.

What can I say, I have issues.

Why was a young man in a used bookstore?

Guy in the used book store picks up a bunch of old magazines and takes them to the counter.

Store owner says he's got lots that are more recent than the ones the customer has chosen.

The guy explains he's a new doctor just setting up his practice and he wants patients to think he's been a doctor for a while.

(NSFW) Doing math in your head is sort of like masturbating to magazines...

It's going to take a longer than usual, but it can be done.

Magazines joke, (NSFW) Doing math in your head is sort of like masturbating to magazines...

Women are like magazines

They have a lot of issues

50 Shades of Little Johnny

Johnny's Mum was cleaning under his bed when she found a stash of BDSM magazines.

A bit concerned she asks Johnny's Dad what he thinks she should do.

Johnny's Dad responds "whatever else you do, don't spank him"

[NSFW] A mother and father are snooping around in their son's bedroom.

Being a bit nosy, they search around the room to see if their son is hiding anything "naughty." The father checks under the bed and, in shock, sees *tons* of BDSM and bondage tapes, DVDs, and magazines.

The mother couldn't breathe. It took her a while to say "*Oh my god!* What should we do about this?!

The father replied "We shouldn't spank him, that's for sure."

A classic Woody Allen stand-up line: the political magazines Commentry and Dissent have decided to merge

They're gonna call the new magazine "Dissentary" ....

You can explore magazines book reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean magazines publisher dad jokes. There are also magazines puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A friend of mine collects National Geographic magazines,

he really has a lot of issues.

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook...

They wanted books but instead they got magazines

I take issue with people stealing magazines.

I went through three magazines on a train yesterday.

I'd killed a dozen people by the time they wrestled the gun off me.

All the kids at Sandyhook wanted books...

But all they got was magazines.

Magazines joke, All the kids at Sandyhook wanted books...

Mom finds a large number of BDSM magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

I feel sorry for people who sell magazines.

Seems like they got a lot of issues.

Joke for any location...

I was at a "place of religion or race" the other day going through some magazines...

... I was perfectly happy till my rifle jammed.

One my trip to South Africa I bought myself some pornografic magazines.

They costed R34

Why are old Playboy Magazines so coveted and expensive?

because the Centerfolds used to be scratch-n-sniff.

What do you call a 5 year old kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor

All they wanted was books but instead they got magazines

A mother cleaning her 12 year old's bedroom

A mum is cleaning her 12year old son's bedroom and finds a load of bondage gears and fetish magazines.

She asks her husband, "What do I do?"

He says, "I'm not sure, but whatever you do, don't spank him!"

Instead of The sandy Hook students recieving books...

They got Magazines instead.

A guy is buying some game DVDs, some magazines and a six pack.

Cashier : "You must be single."

Guy: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

You know what they say about people with tattoo magazines...

... they have body image issues.

The new industry slogan for people who design and create faux food for advertising in magazines, coupons, billboards, etc.

"*We* fake it until you make it".

How many magazines do you need to buy to get a pair of tennis shoes?

Ten issues.

My American friend was in the school library the other day going through a couple of magazines...

A mother of a teenage boy is cleaning his room when she finds a stack of BDSM magazines under his bed.

A student was going through some magazines at a high school library

As a child I would cut out pictures of sexy women from magazines and glue them to my wall. How times have changed!

Rabbi's wife finds Bdsm magazines under sons bed....

Did you know that the world's largest fish is called Alastair and only reads terrible magazines?

He's superficial.

Days when my mama gave me 3$ and I came back with bread,

Eggs, milk, yoghurt, chocolate bars, chips, soda, icecream and a bunch of magazines.


Now, there are surveillance cameras everywhere.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the magazines collection jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working magazines pages piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes