maga Jokes

Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.

The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.

The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.

The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.

How many magazines do you need to buy to get a pair of tennis shoes?

Ten issues.

Why do they call the Israeli martial art krav maga?

Because Judo was already taken.

I went through three magazines on a train yesterday.

I'd killed a dozen people by the time they wrestled the gun off me.

Guys can we please begin calling Krav Maga "Jew Jitsu?"

I'm pretty serious about this but I don't know where to post it.

M.A.G.A.

My Attorney Got Arrested

50% of a woman's magazine is telling you to accept yourself - you're beautiful just the way you are!

The other 50% is telling you how to lose 5 lbs in a week.

I was surprised to learn that the Israeli form of martial art was Krav maga...

I always thought they used JEWjitzu...

If the magazine for snipers is called "The Bulletin", what's the magazine for medics called?

The Bulletout

Apparently the Israeli armed forces are trained in Krav Maga for CQC

I always assumed they were taught Jew Jitsu

What did the magazine collector say to the psychiatrist?

"Doc, I got issues."

There's a new magazine for people who love mushrooms.

Spores illustrated

I survived a zombie apocalypse by wearing a MAGA hat

The zombies thought I had no brain to eat

MAGA has a new meaning...

My attorney got arrested

We should MAGA

Let's start with:

-affordable healthcare

-reasonable gun laws

-liveable minimum wages

Which magazine has only one issue?

Commitment

My Jewish friend told me about Krav Maga....

To which I replied "is that some sort of a legal term?"

Been trying to avoid politics; I only just yesterday watched the news and realized what MAGA means

Punxsutawney Phil comes out wearing a MAGA hat

There's a new magazine for gay soldiers.

What did the magazine say to the comic book?

Boy, do we have issues!

What's another name for Krav Maga?

Kike-boxing!