Made Jokes

Following is our collection of gave humor and told one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Made puns for adults, dirty felt jokes or clean original gags for kids.

There is an abundance of sewed jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 67 funniest jokes on made. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any unreasonable witze you can hear about made.

The Best jokes about Made

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

I heard he made a mint.

What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken.

Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump...

But that's comparing apples to oranges.

I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.

Since she can't even beat an egg

Where do little jokes come from?

Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.


I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.


That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it

Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess.

So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.

In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types.

But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.


My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

I made a virtual bubble wrap to keep you all busy during quarantine. There might be some irregular bubbles, but that is normal.

>!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Giv!< >!ve !< >!You!< >!Up,!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Let!< >!You!< >!Dow,!< >!n !< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!<

I bought a dog from a blacksmith this morning...

...within 10 minutes of getting him home he made a bolt for the door.

I know global warming is bad

but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?

I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese

made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Joke I made up: Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says "what's your story?" Caveman says...

Bear with me...

Why did God make man before He made woman?

Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.

A woman asked me what a creampie was

I made sure to fill her in


Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Wife: actually I'm holding my son.

Kidnapper: [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?

Wife: oh god.

Kidnapper: what?

Wife. you have my husband.

A doctor hands a man his newborn baby and says "I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it."

The man hands the baby back and responds, "Well, bring me the one my wife made."

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."...

...The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."

The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."

The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.

Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"

My dad always told me he never made the same mistake twice

Must be why I'm an only child

Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?

She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.

Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.

What makes Hitler better than Jesus?

Jesus could only feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. Hitler made 6,000,000 Jews toast.

I made a website for orphans.

Unfortunately it doesn't have a home page.

Don't you hate it when you can't sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago?

I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night

Brett Kavanaugh has stated that he will not be pressured into withdrawing his Supreme Court bid by the allegations made against him.

He sounds like the kind of guy who just won't take 'no' for an answer.

This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses

I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

Made love to my wife for an hour and four minutes tonight

Thanks, Daylight Savings Time!

What do you call a tire made out of 365 recycled condoms?

A Goodyear

A friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear.

I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.

I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West...

...could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash?

Because it had a bad driver!

*drops mic*

My teacher told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend

But then I saw the next two letters.

My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...

...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...

Leather armor is the best for sneaking because it's literally made of hide.

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash?

It had a bad driver!

**bows **

I'll show myself out.

85% of all Fords made are still on the road today...

The other 15% made it home.

My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"

My mom answered "Who?"

"Your daughter"

courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago

My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day

So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.

I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?

SEIZURE SALAD.

I peed

My kids were hungry so I made them burgers from scratch.

They got really upset and started to cry.

Scratch is a stupid name for a cat anyway..

Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish

But Hitler made 6,000,000 jews toast

I made this joke up when I was eight. I'm very proud of it.

What's in the wardrobe?

Narnia business.

I've just made up a word...

Plagiarism.

I bought a dog from a blacksmith

as soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

Where is happiness made?

At the satisfactory.

I just made this one up and it's really stupid. What do you call a resistor that can't afford rent?

Ohm-less

My dad's favorite. (Get the groan ready)

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and...with his odd diet...he suffered from bad breath.
This made him...
...a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

What kind of doctor is always on call?

An oncologist!


...


I made this one up last night but I'm sure someone has thought of it before.

Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history?

People would wait days in line for a single piece

Made love to my girlfriend for an hour and 15 seconds last night

Thanks, Daylight Savings Time. I couldn't have done it without you.

What do you call a really long metaphor?

It's like, a metafive

PS I made this up myself and I'm really proud of it

Why does leather armour help the wearer be stealthy?

Because it's made of hide.

Where do naughty rays of light go?

Prism

(Note: I made this joke up. Sorry if this little note refracts from the humour.)

A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...

She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".

The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

How was he killed asked one detective. With a golf gun. Replied the second detective.

A golf gun? What's a golf gun?

I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan

What must you have if you want to crash a train?

A loco motive.

I made this one up several years ago and have never posted here 🙃

If my wife made a dollar for every sexist joke I make

She'd be $.77 richer right now

At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.'

The poor bartender was crushed to death.

This Mother's Day, my dad got a new car for my mom.

He said it was the best trade he's ever made

I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell...

It only made it more sluggish.

Daddy, what are clouds made of?

Linux servers, mostly.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes