Madame Jokes

Following is our collection of woman puns and bedrooms one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Madame jokes for adults, dirty hodor jokes and clean gentleman dad gags for kids.

The Best Madame Puns

The Jewish way

As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.

A Jewish man walks into a whorehouse. The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have sex "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having sex the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a prostitute who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have sex the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have sex the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".

The man accepts the offer, and they have sex. She's surprised to find that it's just regular sex! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had sex with me, the most expensive hooker in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".

Doctor: it looks like you are pregnant madame.

Lady: Wow, I'm pregnant?
Doctor: No, but you look like it.

Two drunk men visit a brothel

The madame takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms.These guys are too drunk to notice.

After finishing their act ,on their way back ...

1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noise or made a move. Upon this the 2nd drunk says: Mine was worse....... I think she was a witch!!!

1st drunk: Why would u say that???

2nd drunk: Well i gave a little love bite on her bum.....She farted in my face and flew out of the window.

Blonde childbirth

It's a blonde who gave birth to two beautiful babies, twins, however, she cries endlessly!
The nurse then tells him:
"But see madame! Why are you crying ? You are now mother of 2 beautiful babies, in good health!
- I know, says the blonde, but I do not know who is the father of the second!

Wait, what do you mean Madame Curie is dead?

Because the last time I saw her, she was positively glowing!


I was going to write something about Madame Tussauds Museum.

But I don't want to wax poetic.

What does a French beaver call her home? (From my 8 year old)

Madame

A guy walks into a brothel...

I'd like to have a girl.

The madame gets on the loudspeaker:

Harry- lube up Sarah!

That'll be $40.

I don't have that much.

Harry- forget it! Lube up Tonya!

That'll be $20.

I don't have that much either.

Harry- forget it! Lube up Edna!

That'll be $10.

I'm afraid I don't have that much either.

Good God, man! How much DO you have?

$3.46.

Harry- lube up!

A woman in Paris talks to a man

The man says: Bonjour, madame, I want to say something to you.

Woman: Of course. Go ahead.

Man: Madame, when I see your amazing mouth I want to invite you at my home.

Woman: Oh, thanks, but you are such an attractive man...

Man: No, madame, you did not comprehend. I am a dentist.

How would Madame Foster begin the process of putting her Home for Imaginary Friends up for sale?

By contacting a Fake Estate Agent.

What do you call a guy who picks up prostitutes from Madame Tussauds Wax Museum?

John Wick


Why did the abused boy not want to visit Madame Tussauds?

Because it was full of whacks.

I saw a pair of men fencing at a wax museum.

Madame Twoswords

There is an abundance of lady jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 13 funniest jokes and madame puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any vous witze you can hear about madame.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes