mad Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious mad stories

What are the best mad puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Mad? Well here is a complete list of the top mad jokes:

Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.

Hawaii **IS** the early warning system.

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My sister asked for me to bring her something hard to write on

I don't know why she became so mad. It's pretty fucking hard to write on sand.

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Wife: Does this dress make me look fat? Me: You promise not to get mad no matter what i say? Wife: Yes

Me: I fucked your sister

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A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.

As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." 

He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

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My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

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I made a joke about net neutrality

Americans didn't get it.

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My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...

She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again

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Honesty

While trying on a jeans, a wife asks her husband.

Wife: "Darling, do I look fat in these jeans?"

Husband: "Can I be honest with you? Promise me you won't get mad."

Wife: "Sure darling, go ahead, I won't be angry."

Husband: "I fucked your sister."

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I wouldn't be mad.

And the Lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life". But John came fifth and won a toaster.

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Why do they call it PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

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Paddy and Murphy

...are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off. I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!" He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHT BULB! I'M A LIGHT BULB!" Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home". So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. "Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman. "I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

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Do these jeans make me look fat?

wife : Do these jeans make me look fat?
Me totally scared: Would you get mad if i tell you the truth?
Wife : No, i won't! Tell me.
Me : I slept with your sister

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Probably already been said, but it made me chuckle when I thought of it.

A man has been found dead in central London this evening, reports confirm the man died due to being stabbed with a triangular knife.

Police are calling it an isoscelated incident.

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Mad cow disease

Two cows were talking over the fence bordering their farms.

The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast."

The second cow responded "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."

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[One liner] How do you make an archaeolgist mad?

Give him a bloody tampon and ask him what period its from.

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A husband and wife are talking about their relationship...

and the wife suggests they each pick one person that they can have sex with without the other getting mad. The husband agrees and lets the wife go first. She thinks about it for a bit and settles on Brad Pitt. The husband nods his head and says "The neighbor."

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I made up a joke today.

What's the worst thing about pornographic literature?

Too many holes in the plot.

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How many friendzoned guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None; they all stand around complementing it then get mad when it wont screw.

Heard from my friend

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So i made a joke about paper..

but it was tearable

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Two cows are standing on a hill....

One turns to the other and says "Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"

The other replies, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!"

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Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.

One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."

The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."

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Why is Pre-Menstrual Syndrome called Pre-Menstrual Syndrome?

Mad Cow Disease was already taken

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What about the mad cow?

A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and
go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town. The waiter sits them and says, "Our special today is duck or shrimp."

The man replies, "I want a T-bone steak medium well."

The waiter, a bit miffed continues, "What about the mad cow?"

The man looks at the waiter and says, "She can order for herself."

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My wife got mad at me for not knowing my sense of direction

So I packed my bags and right.

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Do you know why they call it "PMS?"

Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.

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I made a chicken salad today...

The bastard didn't even eat it.

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Two cows are standing in a field

...and one says to the other, "Say, are you worried about this mad cow disease going around?" And the other one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter! PFFFFFT!"

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I made a chicken salad today...

The little bastard didn't even eat it.

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What do you call it when a woman gets mad at you on her period?

An ovary-action!

I'm sure someone must have told this before but I came up with it from scratch just now.

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Honesty

While trying on a pair of jeans, a wife asks her husband.

Wife: "Darling, do I look fat in these jeans?"

Husband: "Can I be honest with you? Promise me you won't get mad."

Wife: "Sure darling, go ahead, I won't be angry."

Husband: "I fucked your sister."

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Just made this up. What did one cannibal-rapist say to the other?

"Let's do lunch."

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Two cows are on a field

one turns to the other and asks " are you worried about mad cow disease" the other says nope. The first cow, was astonished at the ignorance the other cow was showing and barked "WHY?" the second cow slowly turns and shouts "because I am a helicopter"

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I made this up today. How do you print something when you've really got to go to the toilet?

You ctrl p.

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I made a terrible mistake when I searched for Gary Oldman on Google.

I forgot the R

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Made this joke up when my son was 3. Still his favorite

Once there were three fish who lived in a market. Their names were Red Fish, Blue Fish, and Green Fish.

One day the Red Fish said to the Blue Fish: "Hey, I think that Green Fish is stinky."

The Blue Fish said: "You're right, that Green Fish is stinky."

And the Green Fish said: "Sorry guys, I farted."

************


It's dumb, I know, but it still makes both of us laugh.

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A man and a woman go out to dinner...

This is during the time the Mad Cow disease ravished Britain. A man and a woman are sitting at a table when the waiter approaches them, asking "what would you like for dinner?"

The man replies, I'll have a fat juicy steak, medium rare with all the trimmings. Gravy and roast potatoes please. The waiter asks "what about the mad cow?"

To which the man replies
"Nahh she'll just have fish"

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Why was the candle mad at his friend?

He blew him off.

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Whoever made the knock knock joke...

Should get a Nobell prize

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Little Erika hates hypocrisy..

Little Erika gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As she passes her parents' bedroom she peeks in through the keyhole. She watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway muttering to herself, "And she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb . "

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I made this one up just now.

What is the difference between a cocksucker and the kraken?

The method by which they get covered in dying semen.

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Mad Cow Disease

There are two cows out in the pasture, watching as the farmer takes a prize bull behind the barn to shoot it.
The first cow looks at the second one and says "Can't believe Joe came down with mad cow disease. Are you scared we might get it too?"
The second cow looks at the first cow with a puzzled look and says "Why should I be scared? We're ducks."

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What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

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So, my niece told me this one today. I wanted to be mad, but I thought it was funny.

She was like "Uncle what do you get when you take F out of way?" **(The letter "F" out of the word way)** I'm like WTF is this kid talking about in my head, so I blurt out "There's no F'in way" Three seconds later... OHH! I see what you did there.

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Did you hear about that mad cow disease?

A cow to another: "Did you hear about that mad cow disease? Makes cows go completely insane!" The other cow: "Good thing I'm a helicopter!"

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Somewhere in the world...

Somewhere in the world, there exists a man or woman with the email address notreal@totallyfake.com, and they would be so mad if they found out that I'm the reason they get so much spam mail.

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Will get downvoted like mad but Im drunk so I dont care (higly racist)

Why do Beyonce sing "to the left to the left"???

Cause black people have no rights...

Im sorry

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Ever made love under a mirrored ceiling?

I could see myself doing that.

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How do you make an archaeologist mad?

Give him a bloody tampon and ask him what period its from.

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Why is it called PMS?

Because mad cow disease was taken.

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Why was the electron mad?

Well, it doesn't really matter...

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best mad jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about mad. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty mad gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these mad jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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