Lungs Jokes
69 lungs jokes and hilarious lungs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lungs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a laugh? Check out our collection of Lungs Jokes, featuring a wide range of lighthearted humor on topics like fun for lungs, bad lungs, arteries, inhalation and bypass. Enjoy a few laughs today!
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Funniest Lungs Short Jokes
Short lungs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lungs humour may include short one lung jokes also.
- Did you know that if all the capillaries of a human lung were rolled out onto a tennis court... The game would likely be cancelled
- How is the 85 year old Contractor that survived lung cancer doing? Asbestos he can.
I'm so sorry. - My friend told me he has developed a lung disease... I told him to explain it to me asbestos he can.
- One day, a man ran through Red Square in Moscow, shouting at the top of his lungs, "Khrushchev is a fool!" He was subsequently arrested for revealing state secrets.
- 9 year old told me this today. My favorite exercise is a mix between a crunch and a lunge... It's called lunch. Dad, I'm hungry.
- So I hear Lil Wayne is in critical condition. I think it has to do with his lungs... He's always been a lil weezy.
- Someone asked me about minerals that are long term contributors to lung cancer the other day, I just answered asbestos I could.
- You're coughing all the time and it's hard for you to breath, what happend? It's a lung story
- "It's a revolution!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Scared the rest of the people on the Ferris wheel.
- Did you know that, with enough pressure, the human lung will burst like a balloon? Anyway, I lost my medical license today.
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Lungs One Liners
Which lungs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lungs? I can suggest the ones about liver and lung cancer.
- My girlfriend said she wanted to try lunges. That's a big step forward.
- My favourite exercise is a cross between a crunch and a lunge... it's called lunch.
- Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body? Because they are well organized
- I started doing lunges this year for my health I think it's a big step forwards.
- What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection? LeBronchitis
- What did one lung say to the other? We be-lung together
- What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung. - My doctor told me I should do lunges, that would be a big step forward.
- What is another term for a lung transplant? Breath Implants
- I participated in a lung surgery earlier That was breathtaking
- What's the worst thing about a lung transplant? Coughing up someone else's phlegm
- My grandpa just died of lung cancer... He fought it asbestos he could.
- Only Coal Miners Will Get This Black lung disease.
- Why couldn't the surgeon 3D print a new pair of lungs? He ran out of tissue paper.
- It's true. A lot of people are only after me for my body Kidneys, liver, heart and lungs.
Fun For Lungs Jokes
Here is a list of funny fun for lungs jokes and even better fun for lungs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's a fun, stationary pool game that really gets the lungs pumping? Marco, Polio!
Bad Lungs Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad lungs jokes and even better bad lungs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know there are many different words for lungs? I just can't remember them because I have bad lung term memory
Hilarious Lungs Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about lungs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean breathing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lungs pranks.
Dance till you feel hurt. Sing till your lungs hurt. Act till you're William Hurt. - Phil Dunphy
From Phil's Osophies (Modern Family). I have to get that book.
I like to yard work listening to Judas Priest...
......singing at the top of my lungs: RAKING THE LAWN RAKING THE LAWN!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During a lady's medical examination...
The doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't t**... clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"
I love my lungs...
...they have a place very close to my heart.
DIEEEE in RUSSIAN means...
My 1.5 y.o. says "die" when she needs smth, because it means "Give me" in Russian. I'm Russian, my husband is American. So, when his big family was all together, and he did not give her what she wanted, she screamed on top of her lungs "DIEEE!!!!"
A old man goes to the doctor for some tests
...and the doctor has some bad news.
"I'm sorry to tell you this. But two of your tests cam back positive. Firstly, we have detected a cancerous tumor in your lungs."
"Oh dear!" said the man.
"And secondly," the doctor said, "it seems you have tested positive for Alzheimer's disease. I'm very sorry."
The man replied, "That sounds serious! Well, on the bright side, at least I don't have cancer!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.
Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"
So, a stutterer was a wedding
He stand's up and says:
-hip, hip
And then everyone on the wedding party said with their glasses raised:
-HURRAY
The stutterer, tried again, but louder
-HIP!! HIP!!
Everyone raised their glasses again and shouted out of their lungs!
-HUURRAAAAY!!!!!
The stutterer, again, yelled with both arms raised!!
-HIIPPPP !! HIPPP!!!
Everyone on the party became one, all the happiness expressed with one single shout!
-HURRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
But then, everyone was killed by a herd of ~~hippopotamus~~ Hippopotamuses
If a tree falls down in the middle of the forest....
And i scream something in the top of my lungs, and no woman can hear me,
Am I still wrong?
What are the two ways to scream "1" at the top of your lungs?
First way: "1!"
Second way: "0!"
The real troublemaker ...
While examining a female patient, doctor tells her:
Ur heart, lungs, pulse, BP are fine. Now let me see that cute little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.
Woman immediately started taking off her top and jeans..
Doc shocked said:
No! No! Plz put on ur clothes.
Just show me your tongue..."
What is the funniest part of the human body?
It would be the humerus but something in the lungs is cilia
What did the teenager say to his dad after being caught smoking cigarettes?
Black lungs matter.
Why don't people eat sheep's lungs in America?
Because it is offal
The guy driving in front of me didn't indicate, so I screamed at the top of my lungs.
He said, "Calm down, mate. Otherwise you can leave my taxi."
What's black and ten inches long?
My lungs.
A man with the biggest lungs may have broken the record for Longest Held Breath .
The judges are still adjusting for inflation.
I'm always going out for a smoke after every good joke of mine
That's why my lungs are in perfect health
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Would you believe it! My neighbor came round b**... on the door at 2:30am!
Luckily I was still up, m**... and screaming at the top of my lungs
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you really want a promotion at work, all you have to do is walk into your office shouting, "v**...! Tequila! Sambuca!" at the top of your lungs...
This will make you the person who calls the shots...
What do you call the tiny air sacs in an Italian's lungs?
Ralveoli.
What are the lungs favorite food?
R-alveoli
What do you call a Puffin with no lungs...
dead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man burst into a bar with a revolver on his hand
The man yelled at the top of his lungs
"WHICH ONE OF YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE?"
The whole bar went silent, one man stood up and replied
"You're gonna need more than six bullets pal!"
Everytime you smoke,
You're putting your lungs at steak.
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman meet a Genie.
The Genie says,
"You may all slide once down this magic slide. Whatever you shout on the way down will be what you land in at the end."
The Englishman slides down and shouts
"Lagerrrrrrrrrrrr!"
The Scotsman slides down and shouts
"Whsikeyyyyyy!"
Finally, the Irishman slides down, and at the top of his lungs, he exclaims:
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
So I got arrested on an airplane recently
So I saw a friend I hadn't seen for a very long time, but apparently the flight crew don't like it when you yell "Hi Jack at the top of your lungs.
How did the Iron Giant breathe when he got polio?
With iron lungs.
Sometimes I like to wind down the windows of my car, and sing at the top of my lungs to strangers walking by.
I was never meant to be a hearse driver.
Today an irate motorist at a stop light yelled at me saying, "YOU GOTTA GET BACK!"
To which I screamed back at the top of my lungs, "BACK TO THE PAST, SAMURAI JACK!" and sped off onto the highway.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL size doesn't matter.
Chicks will always scream through their lungs no matter how big the cockroach in their rooms is.
Respiratory pun (a breath of fresh air)
Once, I met a person whose lungs were so old that she had a hard time breathing out. I guess you could say that her lungs were past their expiration date.
An English soldier is captured by the French and is sentenced to execution
Unfortunately for him, screaming mercy at the top of his lungs only hastened the process.
The doctor told me that one of my lungs was dysfunctional, and that the other one was being discriminatory about it...
...Turns out it was a case of pulmonary ableism.
My sister was diagnosed with a terminal disease affecting the lungs...
The doctor said she only had 5 more years to live. Her last wish before she died was to go to Berkeley University. I thought it over for a while and said To Berk You Go Sis!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A hippo starts yelling at a man.
So this hippo was yelling at a man because the man was smoking. The hippo is actually a s**... himself though and because of his bad habit his lungs fail and he has to go to the ICU.
The whole situation was very hippo-critical.
My sister and her kids live with me, and I'm always waking up to a spoiled brat screaming her lungs out.
Her kids don't help either.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once a boy leaned to pick up something lying on the floor holding his collars stuck to his chest
Father: Son why are you holding your collar?
Son: Once Miss Hannah forgot to hold up her collar and both her lungs came out and dropped down.
Joke from my country, hope it translates well
A man walks into the doctors office, and he sees the doctor smoking his lungs off, the whole room is smokey.
The doctor asks him how he feels, and the man says:"Doctor, my lungs are hurting. Can you help?"
The doctor says:"Well, do you smoke?"
The man says yes, and the doctor continues:"Well, stop smoking and you will be fine."
The man, surprised:"But doctor, as far as I can tell, you are smoking too."
The doctor then replies:"Yes, but I ain't complaining to you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Basic Psychology
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an o**... test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Was awoken this morning by a loud b**... on my front door. Got up and someone was there yelling and screaming in t**... Help! Help! there is a crazy person trying to kidnap me. They kept screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs and b**... on the door.
Finally got so annoying I unlocked the door and let them out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tea is an evil substance. It is much more dangerous than beer.
I discovered this last night. I drank 15 beers up until 3 am in the pub while my wife was just at home drinking tea.
You should have seen how mad and violent she was when I got home. She threw the chair at me and kept screaming at the top of her lungs. On the other hand, I was quiet and peaceful and silently made my way to bed. But she kept cursing and shouting through the night and well into the next morning.
Please friends, if you can't handle your tea, you should not be drinking it. Please avoid drinking tea.
Dentist
A man came to dentist to check his teeth. After the examination the dentist said that everything was alright, but asked the man for a favor.
\- No problem. What favor?
\- Could you please now start screaming at the top of your lungs?
\- But why? I feel no pain, and you say all is fine?
\- Look! There are 10 people waiting behind this door, and I'm in a rush to get to a soccer game on time!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blowing up a Balloon.
My niece had a p**... baby that spent 2 weeks on a ventilator because her lungs were not fully developed yet. She continued to have breathing problems as a toddler and needed to you inhalers to get enough oxygen.
On her 3rd birthday, she insisted on helping her mom decorate for her party. And despite her chronic breathing issues, that little girl was able to blow up a balloon faster than the entire United States Air Force.
