The Best 54 Lungs Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Lungs jokes. There are some lungs ribcage jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lungs pulse puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Lungs Jokes and Puns
Dance till you feel hurt. Sing till your lungs hurt. Act till you're William Hurt. - Phil Dunphy
From Phil's Osophies (Modern Family). I have to get that book.
I like to yard work listening to Judas Priest...
......singing at the top of my lungs: RAKING THE LAWN RAKING THE LAWN!
Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
A pedestrian is walking past an insane asylum, and in the distance hears a bunch of the asylum inmates inside screaming at the top of their lungs, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Intrigued, the pedestrian peeks through a hole in the fence to see what all the commotion is about, and, suddenly, a finger pops out jabbing him right in the eye.
He screams in pain, and the inmates all start gleefully shouting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!
One day, a man ran through Red Square in Moscow, shouting at the top of his lungs, "Khrushchev is a fool!"
He was subsequently arrested for revealing state secrets.
So I hear Lil Wayne is in critical condition. I think it has to do with his lungs...
He's always been a lil weezy.
During a lady's medical examination...
The doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't take off your clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"
I love my lungs...
...they have a place very close to my heart.
Winning the lottery
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
DIEEEE in RUSSIAN means...
My 1.5 y.o. says "die" when she needs smth, because it means "Give me" in Russian. I'm Russian, my husband is American. So, when his big family was all together, and he did not give her what she wanted, she screamed on top of her lungs "DIEEE!!!!"
Why couldn't the surgeon 3D print a new pair of lungs?
He ran out of tissue paper.
A old man goes to the doctor for some tests
...and the doctor has some bad news.
"I'm sorry to tell you this. But two of your tests cam back positive. Firstly, we have detected a cancerous tumor in your lungs."
"Oh dear!" said the man.
"And secondly," the doctor said, "it seems you have tested positive for Alzheimer's disease. I'm very sorry."
The man replied, "That sounds serious! Well, on the bright side, at least I don't have cancer!"
You can explore lungs bypass reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lungs thorax dad jokes. There are also lungs puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Dance until your feet hurt. Sing until your lungs hurt.
Act until you're William Hurt.
Modern family.
A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.
Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"
So, a stutterer was a wedding
He stand's up and says:
-hip, hip
And then everyone on the wedding party said with their glasses raised:
-HURRAY
The stutterer, tried again, but louder
-HIP!! HIP!!
Everyone raised their glasses again and shouted out of their lungs!
-HUURRAAAAY!!!!!
The stutterer, again, yelled with both arms raised!!
-HIIPPPP !! HIPPP!!!
Everyone on the party became one, all the happiness expressed with one single shout!
-HURRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
But then, everyone was killed by a herd of ~~hippopotamus~~ Hippopotamuses
If a tree falls down in the middle of the forest....
And i scream something in the top of my lungs, and no woman can hear me,
Am I still wrong?
What are the two ways to scream "1" at the top of your lungs?
First way: "1!"
Second way: "0!"
"It's a revolution!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.
Scared the rest of the people on the Ferris wheel.
The real troublemaker ...
While examining a female patient, doctor tells her:
Ur heart, lungs, pulse, BP are fine. Now let me see that cute little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.
Woman immediately started taking off her top and jeans..
Doc shocked said:
No! No! Plz put on ur clothes.
Just show me your tongue..."
What is the funniest part of the human body?
It would be the humerus but something in the lungs is cilia
The guy driving in front of me didn't indicate, so I screamed at the top of my lungs.
He said, "Calm down, mate. Otherwise you can leave my taxi."
What's black and ten inches long?
My lungs.
A man with the biggest lungs may have broken the record for Longest Held Breath .
The judges are still adjusting for inflation.
I'm always going out for a smoke after every good joke of mine
That's why my lungs are in perfect health
Would you believe it! My neighbor came round banging on the door at 2:30am!
Luckily I was still up, masturbating and screaming at the top of my lungs
If you really want a promotion at work, all you have to do is walk into your office shouting, "Vodka! Tequila! Sambuca!" at the top of your lungs...
This will make you the person who calls the shots...
What do you call the tiny air sacs in an Italian's lungs?
Ralveoli.
What are the lungs favorite food?
R-alveoli
What do you call a Puffin with no lungs...
dead.
What has 2 eyes but cannot see, 2 lungs but cannot breath and 2 legs but cannot walk?
A dead bird.
A man burst into a bar with a revolver on his hand
The man yelled at the top of his lungs
"WHICH ONE OF YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE?"
The whole bar went silent, one man stood up and replied
"You're gonna need more than six bullets pal!"
Everytime you smoke,
You're putting your lungs at steak.
What's a fun, stationary pool game that really gets the lungs pumping?
Marco, Polio!
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman meet a Genie.
The Genie says,
"You may all slide once down this magic slide. Whatever you shout on the way down will be what you land in at the end."
The Englishman slides down and shouts
"Lagerrrrrrrrrrrr!"
The Scotsman slides down and shouts
"Whsikeyyyyyy!"
Finally, the Irishman slides down, and at the top of his lungs, he exclaims:
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
So I got arrested on an airplane recently
So I saw a friend I hadn't seen for a very long time, but apparently the flight crew don't like it when you yell "Hi Jack at the top of your lungs.
Sometimes I like to wind down the windows of my car, and sing at the top of my lungs to strangers walking by.
I was never meant to be a hearse driver.
Today an irate motorist at a stop light yelled at me saying, "YOU GOTTA GET BACK!"
To which I screamed back at the top of my lungs, "BACK TO THE PAST, SAMURAI JACK!" and sped off onto the highway.
TIL size doesn't matter.
Chicks will always scream through their lungs no matter how big the cockroach in their rooms is.
Respiratory pun (a breath of fresh air)
Once, I met a person whose lungs were so old that she had a hard time breathing out. I guess you could say that her lungs were past their expiration date.
An English soldier is captured by the French and is sentenced to execution
Unfortunately for him, screaming mercy at the top of his lungs only hastened the process.
The doctor told me that one of my lungs was dysfunctional, and that the other one was being discriminatory about it...
...Turns out it was a case of pulmonary ableism.
My sister was diagnosed with a terminal disease affecting the lungs...
The doctor said she only had 5 more years to live. Her last wish before she died was to go to Berkeley University. I thought it over for a while and said To Berk You Go Sis!
A hippo starts yelling at a man.
So this hippo was yelling at a man because the man was smoking. The hippo is actually a smoker himself though and because of his bad habit his lungs fail and he has to go to the ICU.
The whole situation was very hippo-critical.
My sister and her kids live with me, and I'm always waking up to a spoiled brat screaming her lungs out.
Her kids don't help either.
Research from China shows the Coronavirus really attacks the Lungs
As well as the Chans, Wongs, Lees and Lins.
One night at the discotheque
The DJ was playing shout, so shouted at the top of my lungs in joy.
Then he played jump and jumped up and down on the dance floor.
Finally he played come on Eileen, I was thrown out the doors for that. That's the last time I go in there.
Once a boy leaned to pick up something lying on the floor holding his collars stuck to his chest
Father: Son why are you holding your collar?
Son: Once Miss Hannah forgot to hold up her collar and both her lungs came out and dropped down.
Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?
Because they are well organized
People say smoking will give you diseases
But how can they say that when it cures salmon!!
(Lol im a smoking chef and when i heard this joke I coughed my lungs like i have the rona. Had to post it )
I have a really bad habit of screaming at the top of my lungs during my rectal exam.
It makes my patients really nervous.
Basic Psychology
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
Did you know there are many different words for lungs?
I just can't remember them because I have bad lung term memory
It's true. A lot of people are only after me for my body
Kidneys, liver, heart and lungs.
A lawyer goes to attend a function in his BMW.
On reaching there, he meets a friend and starts talking, his car parked nearby. A car suddenly comes crashing into his BMW, nearly taking a door off. The lawyer, howls at the top of his lungs, "LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO MY BEAMER!!" His friend remarks, "You lawyers are so pathetically materialistic, you didn't even notice that he ripped your wrist off!" The lawyer looks at his bloodied hand, and nearly fainting, exclaims "WHERE'S MY ROLEX?!"
Was awoken this morning by a loud banging on my front door. Got up and someone was there yelling and screaming in terror Help! Help! there is a crazy person trying to kidnap me. They kept screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs and banging on the door.
Finally got so annoying I unlocked the door and let them out.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lungs breathe jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lungs valves piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.