Lungs Jokes
70 lungs jokes and hilarious lungs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lungs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a laugh? Check out our collection of Lungs Jokes, featuring a wide range of lighthearted humor on topics like fun for lungs, bad lungs, arteries, inhalation and bypass. Enjoy a few laughs today!
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Funniest Lungs Short Jokes
Short lungs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lungs humour may include short one lung jokes also.
- Did you know that if all the capillaries of a human lung were rolled out onto a tennis court... The game would likely be cancelled
- How is the 85 year old Contractor that survived lung cancer doing? Asbestos he can.
I'm so sorry. - My wife told me last week that I needed to exercise more and do lunges. But that's a huge step forward.
- My friend told me he has developed a lung disease... I told him to explain it to me asbestos he can.
- One day, a man ran through Red Square in Moscow, shouting at the top of his lungs, "Khrushchev is a fool!" He was subsequently arrested for revealing state secrets.
- 9 year old told me this today. My favorite exercise is a mix between a crunch and a lunge... It's called lunch. Dad, I'm hungry.
- So I hear Lil Wayne is in critical condition. I think it has to do with his lungs... He's always been a lil weezy.
- Someone asked me about minerals that are long term contributors to lung cancer the other day, I just answered asbestos I could.
- You're coughing all the time and it's hard for you to breath, what happend? It's a lung story
- "It's a revolution!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Scared the rest of the people on the Ferris wheel.
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Lungs One Liners
Which lungs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lungs? I can suggest the ones about liver and lung cancer.
- My girlfriend said she wanted to try lunges. That's a big step forward.
- My favourite exercise is a cross between a crunch and a lunge... it's called lunch.
- Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body? Because they are well organized
- I started doing lunges this year for my health I think it's a big step forwards.
- What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection? LeBronchitis
- My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape That would be a big step forward
- What did one lung say to the other? We be-lung together
- My wife wanted us to do lunges to keep in shape It would be a big step
- What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung. - My doctor told me I should do lunges, that would be a big step forward.
- What is another term for a lung transplant? Breath Implants
- My favorite workout is a mix between a lunge and a crunch, I call it lunch.
- I participated in a lung surgery earlier That was breathtaking
- What's the worst thing about a lung transplant? Coughing up someone else's phlegm
- Don't call yourself a Chainsmokers fan... ..unless you have stage 4 lung cancer.
Bad Lungs Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad lungs jokes and even better bad lungs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know there are many different words for lungs? I just can't remember them because I have bad lung term memory
- At this point in my life... At this point in my life, i drink so i can smoke and I smoke after the bad decisions i made wile drinking, then I drink to forget that I am dying of lung cancer.
- I have a really bad habit of screaming at the top of my lungs during my r**... exam. It makes my patients really nervous.
Fun For Lungs Jokes
Here is a list of funny fun for lungs jokes and even better fun for lungs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's a fun, stationary pool game that really gets the lungs pumping? Marco, Polio!
Hilarious Lungs Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about lungs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean breathing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lungs pranks.
Dance till you feel hurt. Sing till your lungs hurt. Act till you're William Hurt. - Phil Dunphy
From Phil's Osophies (Modern Family). I have to get that book.
I like to yard work listening to Judas Priest...
......singing at the top of my lungs: RAKING THE LAWN RAKING THE LAWN!
Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
A pedestrian is walking past an insane asylum, and in the distance hears a bunch of the asylum inmates inside screaming at the top of their lungs, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Intrigued, the pedestrian peeks through a hole in the fence to see what all the commotion is about, and, suddenly, a finger pops out jabbing him right in the eye.
He screams in pain, and the inmates all start gleefully shouting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!
During a lady's medical examination...
The doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't t**... clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"
I love my lungs...
...they have a place very close to my heart.
Winning the lottery
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
DIEEEE in RUSSIAN means...
My 1.5 y.o. says "die" when she needs smth, because it means "Give me" in Russian. I'm Russian, my husband is American. So, when his big family was all together, and he did not give her what she wanted, she screamed on top of her lungs "DIEEE!!!!"
Why couldn't the surgeon 3D print a new pair of lungs?
He ran out of tissue paper.
A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.
Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"
So, a stutterer was a wedding
He stand's up and says:
-hip, hip
And then everyone on the wedding party said with their glasses raised:
-HURRAY
The stutterer, tried again, but louder
-HIP!! HIP!!
Everyone raised their glasses again and shouted out of their lungs!
-HUURRAAAAY!!!!!
The stutterer, again, yelled with both arms raised!!
-HIIPPPP !! HIPPP!!!
Everyone on the party became one, all the happiness expressed with one single shout!
-HURRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
But then, everyone was killed by a herd of ~~hippopotamus~~ Hippopotamuses
If a tree falls down in the middle of the forest....
And i scream something in the top of my lungs, and no woman can hear me,
Am I still wrong?
What are the two ways to scream "1" at the top of your lungs?
First way: "1!"
Second way: "0!"
The real troublemaker ...
While examining a female patient, doctor tells her:
Ur heart, lungs, pulse, BP are fine. Now let me see that cute little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.
Woman immediately started taking off her top and jeans..
Doc shocked said:
No! No! Plz put on ur clothes.
Just show me your tongue..."
What is the funniest part of the human body?
It would be the humerus but something in the lungs is cilia
The guy driving in front of me didn't indicate, so I screamed at the top of my lungs.
He said, "Calm down, mate. Otherwise you can leave my taxi."
What's black and ten inches long?
My lungs.
A man with the biggest lungs may have broken the record for Longest Held Breath .
The judges are still adjusting for inflation.
I'm always going out for a smoke after every good joke of mine
That's why my lungs are in perfect health
Would you believe it! My neighbor came round b**... on the door at 2:30am!
Luckily I was still up, m**... and screaming at the top of my lungs
If you really want a promotion at work, all you have to do is walk into your office shouting, "v**...! Tequila! Sambuca!" at the top of your lungs...
This will make you the person who calls the shots...
What do you call the tiny air sacs in an Italian's lungs?
Ralveoli.
What are the lungs favorite food?
R-alveoli
What do you call a Puffin with no lungs...
dead.
What has 2 eyes but cannot see, 2 lungs but cannot breath and 2 legs but cannot walk?
A dead bird.
A man burst into a bar with a revolver on his hand
The man yelled at the top of his lungs
"WHICH ONE OF YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE?"
The whole bar went silent, one man stood up and replied
"You're gonna need more than six bullets pal!"
Everytime you smoke,
You're putting your lungs at steak.
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman meet a Genie.
The Genie says,
"You may all slide once down this magic slide. Whatever you shout on the way down will be what you land in at the end."
The Englishman slides down and shouts
"Lagerrrrrrrrrrrr!"
The Scotsman slides down and shouts
"Whsikeyyyyyy!"
Finally, the Irishman slides down, and at the top of his lungs, he exclaims:
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
So I got arrested on an airplane recently
So I saw a friend I hadn't seen for a very long time, but apparently the flight crew don't like it when you yell "Hi Jack at the top of your lungs.
How did the Iron Giant breathe when he got polio?
With iron lungs.
My sister was diagnosed with a terminal disease affecting the lungs...
The doctor said she only had 5 more years to live. Her last wish before she died was to go to Berkeley University. I thought it over for a while and said To Berk You Go Sis!
A hippo starts yelling at a man.
So this hippo was yelling at a man because the man was smoking. The hippo is actually a s**... himself though and because of his bad habit his lungs fail and he has to go to the ICU.
The whole situation was very hippo-critical.
My sister and her kids live with me, and I'm always waking up to a spoiled brat screaming her lungs out.
Her kids don't help either.
Research from China shows the Coronavirus really attacks the Lungs
As well as the Chans, Wongs, Lees and Lins.
One night at the discotheque
The DJ was playing shout, so shouted at the top of my lungs in joy.
Then he played jump and jumped up and down on the dance floor.
Finally he played come on Eileen, I was thrown out the doors for that. That's the last time I go in there.
Once a boy leaned to pick up something lying on the floor holding his collars stuck to his chest
Father: Son why are you holding your collar?
Son: Once Miss Hannah forgot to hold up her collar and both her lungs came out and dropped down.
People say smoking will give you diseases
But how can they say that when it cures salmon!!
(Lol im a smoking chef and when i heard this joke I coughed my lungs like i have the rona. Had to post it )
Basic Psychology
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an o**... test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
It's true. A lot of people are only after me for my body
Kidneys, liver, heart and lungs.
A lawyer goes to attend a function in his BMW.
On reaching there, he meets a friend and starts talking, his car parked nearby. A car suddenly comes crashing into his BMW, nearly taking a door off. The lawyer, howls at the top of his lungs, "LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO MY BEAMER!!" His friend remarks, "You lawyers are so pathetically materialistic, you didn't even notice that he ripped your wrist off!" The lawyer looks at his bloodied hand, and nearly fainting, exclaims "WHERE'S MY ROLEX?!"
Was awoken this morning by a loud b**... on my front door. Got up and someone was there yelling and screaming in t**... Help! Help! there is a crazy person trying to kidnap me. They kept screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs and b**... on the door.
Finally got so annoying I unlocked the door and let them out.
Tea is an evil substance. It is much more dangerous than beer.
I discovered this last night. I drank 15 beers up until 3 am in the pub while my wife was just at home drinking tea.
You should have seen how mad and violent she was when I got home. She threw the chair at me and kept screaming at the top of her lungs. On the other hand, I was quiet and peaceful and silently made my way to bed. But she kept cursing and shouting through the night and well into the next morning.
Please friends, if you can't handle your tea, you should not be drinking it. Please avoid drinking tea.
A lawyer is driving his Ferrari...
...when suddenly he loses control and drives straight into a tree. A few moments later, another man pulls up beside him and asks him if he is alright.
"My Ferrari!" Cries the lawyer, "Its gone!"
The man says to him, "You're so focused on your supercar that you haven't noticed that your whole left arm is gone!"
The lawyer looks at what used to be his arm, screams in agony and at the top of his lungs yells;
"MY ROLEX!!!"
Dentist
A man came to dentist to check his teeth. After the examination the dentist said that everything was alright, but asked the man for a favor.
\- No problem. What favor?
\- Could you please now start screaming at the top of your lungs?
\- But why? I feel no pain, and you say all is fine?
\- Look! There are 10 people waiting behind this door, and I'm in a rush to get to a soccer game on time!
Blowing up a Balloon.
My niece had a p**... baby that spent 2 weeks on a ventilator because her lungs were not fully developed yet. She continued to have breathing problems as a toddler and needed to you inhalers to get enough oxygen.
On her 3rd birthday, she insisted on helping her mom decorate for her party. And despite her chronic breathing issues, that little girl was able to blow up a balloon faster than the entire United States Air Force.
