Lunchtime Jokes
18 lunchtime jokes and hilarious lunchtime puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lunchtime that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lunchtime Short Jokes
Short lunchtime jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lunchtime humour may include short lunch time jokes also.
- I got in line to watch Oppenheimer around lunchtime, but I realized it was three hours long and I was starving.
- So I walked into Library at lunchtime and asked the lady if they have any books on paranoia She said "They're behind you"...
- Almost every McDonalds A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.
- What do you call a restaurant that opens at lunchtime on Sundays after worship service? Separation of Church & Steak
- A wife asks her husband would he like to come home at lunchtime. Would you like a q**...?
Husband: It's pronounced Quiche, and yes I would. - If you went to a s**... club at lunchtime and it wasn't open, would the sign on the door say... "SORRY, WE'RE CLOTHED"
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Lunchtime One Liners
Which lunchtime one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lunchtime? I can suggest the ones about lunch break and lunch dinner.
- I had a row with my boss at lunchtime Perks of working near a boating lake
- What is Michael Jackson's favorite lunchtime meal? Grilled Chee-heese
- What's a caveman's favorite lunchtime meal? A club sandwich.
- Q: What did the computer do at lunchtime?
A: Had a byte! - Wife: Do you fancy coming home at lunchtime for a q**.... Me: It's pronounced Quiche.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Lunchtime Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about lunchtime you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean breakfast lunch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lunchtime pranks.
The Mathematician and the Waiter
A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -
'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.
'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order of magnitude!'
In and Out
(Part joke and part tongue-twister - lots of fun to tell out loud.)
Once upon a time, a mama skunk had twin baby skunks, who she named In and Out.
One day when they were just wee skunks, In and Out went out to play. At lunchtime, Mama Skunk poked her head out and called out, "In and Out, it's time to come in!"
After a few minutes, Out comes in. Mama looks at him and says, "Out, where is In? I just told you both to come in!"
Out says, "In is still out." So Mama tells him "Well Out, you go right back out, find In, and bring him in!" So Out goes out, and within just a minute he comes back in with In.
Mama Skunk is amazed. She says, "Out, how on earth did you find In so quickly?"
Out shrugs and says, "Instinks."
A man prayed to God his entire life to win the lottery.
A man prayed to God every day for 65 years. He prayed in the morning, at lunchtime, in the evening and just before he went to sleep.
The man passed away and went to heaven. The man was rather upset with the Lord and sought him out.
When the man found the Lord, he said "I've been praying 65 years. Every day when I woke up, ate my lunch, had my dinner in the evening and just before I went to sleep. How come I never won??"
And the Lord said, "IT WOULD HAVE HELPED IF YOU BOUGHT A TICKET!"
inflation
There's the story of an old lady selling pretzels for 25 cents on a corner in New York. Every day a young man passes her at lunchtime and drops a quarter in the cup but doesn't take a pretzel. She never says a word. He does this for three years, until one day he drops the quarter in her cup and she finally speaks. They're 35 cents now.
Drunk...
A drunk lurches out of a pub at lunchtime.
After getting his alcohol-induced double vision together, he notices a car parked by the kerb with its bonnet up and a man leaning against the car with his arms folded and looking very grumpy.
He staggers over and manages to slur, "What's the matter, mate?"
The grumpy guy scowls at the drunk and says, "Argh - piston broke!"
"Yeah - so am I!" replies the drunk and lurches off...
An expectant father wants to call the local hospital to ask about his wife, who's in labour...
But in his haste, he accidentally calls the local cricket ground instead.
He asks about the situation, and the shock almost kills him.
"All is well, we've already got 3 out, there's another 7 to go, and we're hoping to be finished by lunchtime. Last one out was a duck."
(This one will make more sense to English readers, but enjoy it anyway!)
The Dad joke pay-off [not actually a joke, sorry]
Dad, a little after lunchtime: "Are you hungry?"
Son: "No."
D. "Really? You've hardly had anything to eat all day."
S. "Okay, really I am, but I don't want to say it because then you'll do that joke again."
Son hates joke so much he would rather go hungry than risk hearing it one more time. Now my legacy is in place, I may die a happy man.
