Lunch Time Jokes
71 lunch time jokes and hilarious lunch time puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lunch time that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lunch Time Short Jokes
Short lunch time jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lunch time humour may include short lunchtime jokes also.
- I recently lost my job at NASA Mission Control... I misheard when someone said "It's lunch time", and sent a rocket up with nobody in it.
- Boss shows up at a job site Boss: "Bob where were you I've been looking for you since morning!!!!! It's lunch time already!!!!"
Bob: "Boss, a good employee is hard to find." - Why I dislike this sub: There's not enough cheese and bacon on it. I think I'll go to a different place for lunch next time.
- I get an hour lunch I live 35 minutes away. Theoretically that gives me just enough time to go home and shower before they realize I'm not coming back.
- My mother-in-law came into work at lunch time today, and I must admit unlike other men, I was genuinely pleased to see her. By the way I'm an undertaker.
- How do you end a prayer to the noodle God? Ramen.
- Trump and Clinton are on a building that is on fire. You got time to save only one, what do you do ? Go to lunch or go watch a movie ?
- Did you hear about the time Donald Trump made James Comey have lunch with him? I heard it was a presidential man-date.
- If Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau were drowning and you only had time to save one of them... ... where would you and Justin Trudeau go for lunch afterwards?
- In serious news there was a kidnapping at the local school. Thankfully the child woke up in time for lunch!
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Lunch Time One Liners
Which lunch time one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lunch time? I can suggest the ones about lunch and lunch break.
- I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time alpaca lunch.
- Sorry I threw up on you. Next time lunch is on me.
- This particular bible verse got me through a bunch of tough times as a kid. Lunch 11:35.
- What time does the U.N. break for lunch? At Ban Ki-Noon.
- What time is lunch? Is there any left after you eat?
- If you enjoy arguing about lunches at 6 AM I can't recommend parenting highly enough.
- Chuck Norris one checked the Library of Congress for typos during his lunch hour.
- What time do North Koreans eat lunch? Kim Jong Noon
- What did the Spanish Gorilla say at lunch time? Yo tengo Harambe.
- What Time Is It? Its time for lunch.
Comedy Lunch Time Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about lunch time you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ate lunch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lunch time pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building.
The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death.
That weekend at the f**..., the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me."
And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde replys "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."
The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch.
With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there.
"Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father.
"But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits.
"Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her.
And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
A kid walks up to his teacher and says "When is lunch."
The teacher said "When its my break."
"Your break for what? the kid asks.
"My break up" the teacher said.
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes.
The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru.
There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window.
"We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded.
I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich.
"I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
Q: What do the mosquito parents say to their small children, when they see people lying on the sandy beach during a hot summer day more than 15 minutes?
A: "Kids, prepare the cutlery and your chin-straps.
Our lunch is already heated up and ready for the consumption!"
Let's get married and have kids so instead of enjoying coffee in the morning you can braid hair while I pack lunches and we can all be late.
A Catholic bishop, a Hebrew rabbi and a Buddhist lama were sitting in a boat and fishing.
The rabbi looked at his watch and said: "Hey, it's lunch time, there's a restaurant on the shore, I'll go and eat there".
He stepped overboard and walked to the shore on the surface of the lake as if it was solid.
The lama watched him and said: "Yeah, I'll also go and have a lunch".
He also stepped overboard and walked on water to the shore.
The bishop sat in the boat confused. Finally he thought: "God, if a Hebrew and a Buddhist can walk on water then I also should be able to, just like Jesus did!"
He stepped overboard but just splashed into water.
The rabbi and the lama were watching him trying to climb back into the boat.
"Maybe we should've told him about those submerged poles and stones in the water," the rabbi said.
"What poles and stones?" the lama asked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
$20 dollars for s**...
I man and woman get married, on the night of their wedding, the man approaches his wife, ready to make love for the first time. She smiles sweetly and sticks her hand out. "That will be $20 please!" He goes along with her game and gives her $20. As the years of their marriage go by, she continues her little $20 game, always requesting it before making love to her husband. He figures this is just her cute little way of getting spending cash for her clothes and lunch with her girl friends, so he always obeys.
After 30 years of marriage, he comes home one day, and tells his wife he has been fire from his job, they are broke, they have no retirement! She gathers her check book and shows him many lists of $20 deposits into a savings account. He realizes what she has been doing all a long, and says to her, "d**..., if I would have known what you were doing I would have given you all my business."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a blonde man, a Mexican man, and an Italian man sitting on a construction site eating lunch and...
The Mexican man opens his lunch and exclaims, "Bean burritos again?! I swear if I get bean burritos one more time I am going to jump and kill myself!" Then the Italian man opens his lunch and says, "Seriously?! Spaghetti and meatballs again?! If I get this one more time in my lunch I am going to jump and kill myself as well!" then the blonde man opened his lunch and gets a ham and cheese sammich and pretty much says the same thing as the other guys.
Then next day at lunch time the three guys go to the the top of the site and open there lunches, all of them got exactly what they had yesterday and jumped to their deaths.
At the f**... the Mexican's wife goes up to the front and says, "If only I'd known he didn't want burritos for lunch I would have made him something else!" Next the Italian's wife walks up and says, "He should have told me he didn't want spaghetti and meatballs! I just would have made him something else!" After this everyone at the f**... looks at the blonde man's wife waiting for her to say something and she just says, "Don't look at me he makes his own lunch."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Falling Bricks
A man is starting his new job at a skyscraper construction site and he is a little nervous. He introduces himself to the other workers.
"H-H-Hello... M-My name is Peter." The Men grunt and continue working. When it's time for lunch, all the men sit on the edge of the building. the man walks over and sits next to them.
"W-What do you do around here for fun?" he asks. A rather large man turns around and says:
"Falling Brick."
"W-Well what's that?"
"Take a Brick and throw it off the edge. while it's falling yell falling brick. It's hilarious watching all the people below scatter."
The man reluctantly takes a brick from the pile. He tosses off the edge of the building.
"F-F-F-F..."
"F-F-F-F..."
"Fffffff..."
"F-F-f**... got him."
Normal Wife
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The farmer and the mule.
An old farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning til night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule, which he did as often as possible.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her s**... in the back of the head and killed her dead on the spot.
At the f**... several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement, but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.
This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the f**..., the minister spoke to the old farmer and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women but always shook his head and disagreed with all of the men.
The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
Grocery Economics
A man and his economist friend are having lunch.
the man mentions that he's noticed something strange when he buys groceries each week. "I always buy a tub of margarine, but I've noticed that, even though it's the same price every time, there's less margarine in the tub. I can't figure out what's going on."
The economist friend nods with a knowing smile and responds "what you have there is a case of the Law of diminishing Margarinal returns."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, a Scot, and an Irishman are all eating lunch together.
The Englishman says, "I hate bologna! If I get bologna one more time, I'm going to kill myself!"
The Scot says, "I hate ham! If I get ham one more time, I'll kill myself, too!"
The Irishman says, "I hate peanut butter! If I get peanut butter one more time, I'll do the same thing!"
The next day, each of them gets the same lunch as they did the day before, and killed themselves. At the f**..., their widows started talking.
The Englishman's wife said, "If I knew he didn't want bologna, I wouldn't have made it for him!" and began crying uncontrollably.
The Scot's wife said, "If I knew he didn't like ham, I would have made something else!" and also began crying.
The Irishman's wife said, "I don't know what his problem was. He made his own lunch!"
Blond man joke
An Irish, Mexican, and blond iron worker were sitting on the top of a skyscraper under construction for their lunch break.
The Irishman opens his lunch box, "Corned beef and cabbage again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The Mexican opens his lunch box, "Tacos again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The blond opens his lunch box, "A ham and cheese sandwich again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The next day the Irishman gets corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican gets tacos and jumps to his death. The blond gets a ham and cheese sandwich and jumps to his death.
At their wake, their wives sit together to mourn the men.
The Irishman's wife laments, "If he would have told me he hated his food I could have made something else."
The Mexican's wife agrees, "I could have made my husband quesadillas or enchiladas."
The women look over at the blond's wife, who responds, "Don't look at me, he made his own lunch."
Q & A with Ms Sonia Ghandi
Ms Sonia Ghandi is visiting a school. She goes to one class, gives a brief statement and says to the class full of rural children, "Ask me anything!"
So Pappu stands up. "Madam Sonia-ji, I have three questions. One, why are you not the prime minister of India; Two, who ordered the police to attack the peaceful demonstrators at Ramlila Maidan; Three, how much money do you have in your Swiss bank accounts."
Before Ms Ghandi can answer, the lunch bell rings. So after 30 mins the children and Ms Ghandi are back in the class. This time, Bubbly raises her hand. "Madam Sonia-ji, I have only questions. One, how did the lunch recess bell ring 40 minutes early; and Two, where is Pappu."
"Honey,my hands are freezing!"
A young couple go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey,my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing ! "
She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands are really, really freezing ! "
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold? "
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A man takes his mother to a nursing home.
A man and his family one day decided it was to take their mother to live at a nursing home.
When they arrived at the facility, her son went in to file paperwork and talk to the administrator while the mother sat on a bench outside of the office.
A rather nice orderly cam and sat down beside her and ate his lunch casually. He smiled as she gently closed her eyes, and appeared to fall asleep. Her body then leaned on his slightly, so politely as he coud he nudged her in to a sitting position again. Twice more she wound up leaning on him, and twice more the orderly gently nudged her off, until she opened her eyes and smiled at the young man.
At this time, the son walked out of the office and escorted his mother to the car. "How did you like it?" He asked his mother.
"It was great," she said, "but they won't let you f**...."
What Is Chutzpah?
Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance; it's Yiddish and no other word, and no other language, can do it justice.
A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for a dollar each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and as he passed the pretzel stand he would leave her $1.00, but never take a pretzel.
This offering went on for more than 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the young man passed the old lady's stand and left his dollar as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him for the first time in over 3 years. Without blinking an eye she said: "They're $1.25 now."
A homeless guy walks up to a table at an outdoor cafe where a woman is having lunch
"Pardon me, ma'am, for disturbing you, but I was wondering if you could help me out. I've been having a pretty rough time lately. I understand if you don't want to give cash, but could you at least spare me some of the bread off your table? I haven't eaten in two days."
She says, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
A child falls into a lion pit at the zoo...
The crowd is shocked, but a man jumps into the pit, punches the lion, and returns the child to safety. Another man runs up to the hero and says "I'm a reporter for the New York Times, and what you did is incredible! This deserves to be on the front page tomorrow, just tell me what your occupation is and your political affiliation is."
The hero replied "I'm a marine, and I'm a Republican." The next day, the front page of the New York Times reads
"REPUBLICAN MARINE PUNCHES AFRICAN IMMIGRANT, STEALS LUNCH"
My High School had a nap time class
It was great, every day it was so refreshing to get some sleep after lunch. But in order to get the class approved by the school district it had to have an official sounding name. So the school called it Math.
A lonely old man decides to get a pet caterpillar...
He takes the pet caterpillar home and sets up a cage for him.
The next morning, the man goes up to the cage and asks the caterpillar, "Hey, would you like to go out to breakfast with me?"
The caterpillar does not respond.
Lunch comes around and the man again goes to the cage and asks, "Would you like to go to lunch with me?"
The caterpillar still does not respond and the man walks away sad.
Dinner comes around and again, the man goes to the cage and asks, "Hey would you please like to go to dinner with me?"
To which the caterpillar responds, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... After Death
A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact, 'Judy ..Judy.':
'Is that you, Steve?'
'Yes, I've come back like we agreed.'
That's wonderful! What's it like?'
'Well, I get up in the morning, I have s**... I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have s**... again, bathe in the warm sun and then have s**... a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have s**... the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more s**... until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.'
'Oh, Steve you surely must be in Heaven!'
'Not exactly . I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The other day a co- worker asked me what I had for lunch, and I replied 5 Guys.
He laughed because it sounds funny. I guess I should have been more specific and said I got bukaked during lunch time.
TIFU by ordering food from my phone.
So I used the Subway app to order my lunch. I was in a hurry, so no time to wait in line. I put the order together, paid for it, and made my way to pick it up.
When I told the guy my name for the order, he handed it over and thanked me for my business. I went to check the food to make sure he got my order right, and it turns out he completely read the online order wrong. Great, more waiting.
I went back to the counter to explain the problem and he replied, "oops, wrong sub."
A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
Teacher: What are your son's names?
Lady: This boy's name is Leroy, this other boy's name is Leroy, and Leroy here is my third son's name.
Teacher: Isn't it confusing having all three boy's named the same?
Lady: Oh no, you see when it's time for lunch I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for lunch, and they all come a runnin. When it's time for dinner I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for dinner and they all come a runnin.
Teacher: Ok, so what do you do when you want a specific boy?
Lady: Oh, well then I just holler out their last name.
A resourceful woman...
A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time.
She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.
She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
"*Honey, you won't believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant*"
Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... the Bear
p**... is out around town doing a bit of shopping, in one particular store he spots something shiny behind the counter and says to the assistant "What's that thing there?"
"Its a thermos flask" says the assistant.
"What does it do?" p**... asks.
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, sir" She replies.
p**... buys the thermos flask and takes it to work the next day. At lunch time he sits down and takes it out of his rucksack.
"What's that thing?" m**... asks.
"Its a thermos flask, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" p**... says.
"Is that so? What've got in it?" Asks m**....
p**... says "Two cups of coffee and an ice cream"
Today, I decided to go and meet my good friend Chris Pine.
We hadn't seen each other in ages, but I decided to go and catch up with him for old time's sake. We went on a stroll down the park, waiting in the ice cream line as it was a hot day. Next, we went to a theater, but the phantom of the opera was showing, and the theater line was full. Exasperated, and famished, we decided to head to grab some food and go home. But there was no lunch, pine.
A developer finds a talking frog.
It says "Kiss me and I will become a princess". But he just puts she into his jacket and keeps on working.
During Lunch the frog jumps out of his jacket and says again "Kiss me and I will become your princess". But he just puts her back again.
In the evening he shows her to a friend and she asks "Why won't you kiss me?" - "I don't have time for a girlfriend but a talking frog is funny."
Two young lady friends hadn't seen each other in a long time and decided to meet for lunch. Their conversation got around to their respective love lives.
Marcy confessed there really wasn't anyone in her life at the moment. Heather started smiling like crazy when talking about her new beau. "He's perfect. He's so sweet. Then last night he said those four little words I've been waiting to hear."
"What? He asked you to marry him?" Marcy asked.
Heather said, "No, he said 'put your money away.'"
That's my lunch box
Laboni is looking at almost all the designs of the shop while choosing shoes. The shoe showroom was completely destroyed. But I didn't like either one. At this time he noticed a different box -
Laboni: Show me that box , please. I will see the design inside it.
Shopkeeper: Please don't want to see that anymore!
Laboni: How is that? The customer wants to see.
Shopkeeper: Apa, that's my lunch box!
Rabbi Schwartz and Father O'Malley were at a diner enjoying lunch
Father O'Malley put down his ham and cheese sandwich and commented, This sandwich is so good! Kosher dietary restrictions made sense in ancient times, but when are you going to join the modern age and eat delicious, wholesome food like this?
Without missing a beat, Rabbi Schwartz replied, At your wedding.
Use the word 'and' fives times in a row.
In exchange for lunch, a starving artist offered to paint a new sign for "The King and Queen" pub. Of course the proprietor quickly agreed, but when he saw the new sign he was not entirely pleased.
"There should be a bit more space between King and And, and And and King"
Little Tim was waiting for his dad to come back from the basement
Dad and Tim had agreed to eat lunch together. However, Dad told Tim that he had to fix something in the basement first, and he went downstairs with a rope. As time went by, Tim became more and more impatient and decided that dad should know.
"Dad!" Tim shouted. "I'm hungry!"
Suddenly, a voice that seemingly came from nowhere filled the living room.
"Hi hungry, I'm dead"
Breaking News
Local police are seeking a shoplifter who attacked a store this lunch time but was tackled by a have-a-go shopkeep with his labelling gun.
Officers say they're seeking a man with a price on his head.
- RIP Ronnie Corbett.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys who just met at a training class are driving through the city looking for a place to have lunch.
The guy driving is running every red light. The other guy is starting to freak out and says, "Dude?! What the h**... are you doing going through those red lights??" The guy driving says, "Its okay, my brother in law does it all the time." The passenger says, "Well its not okay with me, let me out up here!" They drive a little further up the road and the driver stops at a green light. The passenger says, "Why are you stopped? The light is green." The driver says, "My brother in law might be coming through."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mother in law and stairs
Two old friends meet each other after a long time:
A: Oh hey, what's new?
B: Nothing much, my mother in law died.
A: Oh really, d**..., how?
B: She went downstairs to the basement to get some potatoes for lunch, fell and broke her neck.
A: That's tragic, what did you do then?
B: We ordered pizza.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Popsicle
Me and Willard in the third grade got us a popsicle just as lunch was ending, We didn't have time to eat em so we just stuck em in our pocket. Later in class the history teacher ask Willard. If you're from America you are an American, what are you if you are from Europe? Willard looked confused and he didn't know the answer. To help, I whispered Willard, European, European! He looked at me and said I ain't done it, it's that d**... ole popsicle,
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Father shark teaches the son shark how to eat human
"Look boy, when you target a swimming human go close with your fin out of the water. Take a few laps around the target then you can eat. Does it make sense?"
"Yes, father. Thank you." the son replayed.
"Now go find your lunch" said the father.
The guy went in one direction and came back after some time.
"Did you find someone?" father.
"Yes dad."
"Did you do what I said?"
"Yes, I found a human and ate him?"
"Did you show your fin and make a few laps around the target?"
"No. I just ate him"
"Oh boy. You ate the s**... with that human."
A rabbi & a Catholic priest met at an interfaith conference
They decided to take a break for lunch together. While reading the menu, the priest asked a question.
"From what I know of your people Rabbi, you are not supposed to eat pork. Have you ever actually tried it?"
"Well, yes" said the rabbi "A couple of times. Now tell ME, Father- I've heard that your people are supposed to be celibate. So have YOU ever...?"
"um" the priest stumbled "in my youth, once or twice..."
"Better than pork, isn't it?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've had constipation for 3 months
Never been to the doctors in years, but took myself there as not had a number 2 in a long time.
Doc says "what have you been eating"?
I said well doc I've been eating snooker b**...!!
What?? Snooker b**... Charlie??
Yes doc, in the morning I have 3 reds a pink, bowl porridge and a nice cup of tea.
Lunch is a sandwich a black, 2 reds and a yellow washed down with another cup of tea.
For dinner I have a nice steak, 4 reds 2 blues 1 brown again washed down with a nice cup of tea.
Doc said "hey Charlie I know where you're going wrong, you ain't eating enough greens!!"
