Lunch Time Jokes
71 lunch time jokes and hilarious lunch time puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lunch time that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lunch Time Short Jokes
Short lunch time jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lunch time humour may include short lunchtime jokes also.
- I recently lost my job at NASA Mission Control... I misheard when someone said "It's lunch time", and sent a rocket up with nobody in it.
- Boss shows up at a job site Boss: "Bob where were you I've been looking for you since morning!!!!! It's lunch time already!!!!"
Bob: "Boss, a good employee is hard to find." - Why I dislike this sub: There's not enough cheese and bacon on it. I think I'll go to a different place for lunch next time.
- I get an hour lunch I live 35 minutes away. Theoretically that gives me just enough time to go home and shower before they realize I'm not coming back.
- My mother-in-law came into work at lunch time today, and I must admit unlike other men, I was genuinely pleased to see her. By the way I'm an undertaker.
- How do you end a prayer to the noodle God? Ramen.
- Trump and Clinton are on a building that is on fire. You got time to save only one, what do you do ? Go to lunch or go watch a movie ?
- Did you hear about the time Donald Trump made James Comey have lunch with him? I heard it was a presidential man-date.
- The other day a co- worker asked me what I had for lunch, and I replied 5 Guys. He laughed because it sounds funny. I guess I should have been more specific and said I got bukaked during lunch time.
- If Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau were drowning and you only had time to save one of them... ... where would you and Justin Trudeau go for lunch afterwards?
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Lunch Time One Liners
Which lunch time one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lunch time? I can suggest the ones about lunch and lunch break.
- I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time alpaca lunch.
- Sorry I threw up on you. Next time lunch is on me.
- This particular bible verse got me through a bunch of tough times as a kid. Lunch 11:35.
- What time does the U.N. break for lunch? At Ban Ki-Noon.
- What time is lunch? Is there any left after you eat?
- If you enjoy arguing about lunches at 6 AM I can't recommend parenting highly enough.
- Chuck Norris one checked the Library of Congress for typos during his lunch hour.
- What time do North Koreans eat lunch? Kim Jong Noon
- What did the Spanish Gorilla say at lunch time? Yo tengo Harambe.
- What Time Is It? Its time for lunch.
Comedy Lunch Time Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about lunch time you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ate lunch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lunch time pranks.
My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals.
Tired of it after several months, I said, “I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.”
“Fair enough. From now on I’ll make my own,” he replied.
A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him after wards.
“We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like,” he suggested.
I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter came to take our order.
My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, “Separate checks, please…”
The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch.
With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there.
"Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father.
"But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits.
"Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her.
And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
A kid walks up to his teacher and says "When is lunch."
The teacher said "When its my break."
"Your break for what? the kid asks.
"My break up" the teacher said.
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes.
The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru.
There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window.
"We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded.
I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich.
"I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs.
One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won't let us in a restaurant with pets."
Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant.
The maître d' stops them, saying, "Sir, you can't bring your dog in here."
"But I'm blind," the man replies, "and this is my guide dog."
The maître d', apologizing profusely, shows both man and dog to a table.
His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine.
"You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?" the skeptical maître d' says.
"A Chihuahua?" the man says. "Is that what they gave me?"
Q: What do the mosquito parents say to their small children, when they see people lying on the sandy beach during a hot summer day more than 15 minutes?
A: "Kids, prepare the cutlery and your chin-straps.
Our lunch is already heated up and ready for the consumption!"
Let's get married and have kids so instead of enjoying coffee in the morning you can braid hair while I pack lunches and we can all be late.
Fun with cucumbers
After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.
I don't know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.
After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same clerk. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smile's and sometimes a wink.
All of a sudden it hit me, and I felt embarrassed by what he was probably thinking. The next time I went in I also grabbed a jar of Vaseline; hopefully I fixed this before he spread any rumours about me being a vegan.
So, a blonde, an asian, and an african american are at lunch at school
The blonde opens up her lunch box and sees a PB&J. She exclaims "If I get PB&J one more time I'm going to kill myself."
The asian girl opens her lunch box and sees rice. She says "If I get rice more time I'm going to kill myself."
The african american girl opens her lunch box and sees chicken. She goes "If I get chicken one more time, I'm going to kill myself."
The next day they're all at lunch and the same thing happens, only they all kill themselves once they've opened they're lunch box and see the same food.
The asian girls parents cry "If only we didn't pack her rice for lunch again!"
The african american girls parents cry "If only we didn't pack her chicken again!"
The blonde girls parents look puzzled and say "I don't know what her problem was, she packed her own lunch."
Grocery Economics
A man and his economist friend are having lunch.
the man mentions that he's noticed something strange when he buys groceries each week. "I always buy a tub of margarine, but I've noticed that, even though it's the same price every time, there's less margarine in the tub. I can't figure out what's going on."
The economist friend nods with a knowing smile and responds "what you have there is a case of the Law of diminishing Margarinal returns."
Q & A with Ms Sonia Ghandi
Ms Sonia Ghandi is visiting a school. She goes to one class, gives a brief statement and says to the class full of rural children, "Ask me anything!"
So Pappu stands up. "Madam Sonia-ji, I have three questions. One, why are you not the prime minister of India; Two, who ordered the police to attack the peaceful demonstrators at Ramlila Maidan; Three, how much money do you have in your Swiss bank accounts."
Before Ms Ghandi can answer, the lunch bell rings. So after 30 mins the children and Ms Ghandi are back in the class. This time, Bubbly raises her hand. "Madam Sonia-ji, I have only questions. One, how did the lunch recess bell ring 40 minutes early; and Two, where is Pappu."
There's a Lawyer and an IRS Agent drowning,
at the same time and you could only save one, what would you do? Smoke a cigarette or go out for lunch?
At the office during lunch, Susan from sales stands up and yells, "53!".
All her other coworkers in the canteen laugh hysterically. A moment later Bob from accounting stands up and says, "41!". All in the canteen laugh even more loudly. A new hire in the canteen asks his coworker to his left, Joe from marketing, what was going on. Joe's answer: "We have hundreds of jokes circulating throughout the office, and each one is assigned a different number. Most of the jokes are very long, so to save time, instead of telling the entire joke, we just announce the number of the joke instead." At this moment Derek from the IT department, in the back of the canteen, stands up and squeaks in a rather uninspired way, "12!" No one laughs. Joe from marketing explains to the new hire, "some people just can't tell a good joke."
Hawaiian joke I love, closest thing i've heard on the mainland features "a brunette, a redhead, and a blond" instead
A Hawaiian, a Japanese, and a Portagee guy are taking a break from construction on the bridge they're building. They sit down to take out their lunches they brought from home.
Hawaiian: If it's tuna salad again, I'm jumping off this bridge!
Japanese: If *I* gotta eat tuna salad one more time, I'm jumping off too.
Portagee: If I have tuna salad again, I'm gonna jump off too. I've had it.
They open their lunches and discover they all have tuna salad. They jump off the bridge.
At their funerals, their wives are weeping to themselves.
Hawaiian man's wife: If only I had known he hated tuna salad! I never woulda made again!
Japanese man's wife: I wish he had told me he didn't like his lunch! I would have made something different!
Portagee man's wife shrugs and says, "Eh, he made his own lunch."
A homeless guy walks up to a table at an outdoor cafe where a woman is having lunch
"Pardon me, ma'am, for disturbing you, but I was wondering if you could help me out. I've been having a pretty rough time lately. I understand if you don't want to give cash, but could you at least spare me some of the bread off your table? I haven't eaten in two days."
She says, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
A child falls into a lion pit at the zoo...
The crowd is shocked, but a man jumps into the pit, punches the lion, and returns the child to safety. Another man runs up to the hero and says "I'm a reporter for the New York Times, and what you did is incredible! This deserves to be on the front page tomorrow, just tell me what your occupation is and your political affiliation is."
The hero replied "I'm a marine, and I'm a Republican." The next day, the front page of the New York Times reads
"REPUBLICAN MARINE PUNCHES AFRICAN IMMIGRANT, STEALS LUNCH"
My High School had a nap time class
It was great, every day it was so refreshing to get some sleep after lunch. But in order to get the class approved by the school district it had to have an official sounding name. So the school called it Math.
Sick days
For some reason when I get sick it always happens at the most suspicious time. For example, last year, I got sick the day before Thanksgiving. I called in sick, took the day off, and recovered over my now 5-day weekend.
Then Christmas rolled around, and I ended up getting the flu the day before I was due back at work. So I called in sick again and didn't end up back at work until after New Year's.
A few weeks later, it was my birthday, and I came down with a 24-hr stomach bug the night before! At this point I could tell my co-workers and boss were getting suspicious.
Not one month later my boss was having us stay overtime after work and I was hit with a severe migraine around lunch. This time I could tell that my boss definitely didn't believe me.
At that moment, while I was leaving the office building with the sunshine beating down on my pulsing headache, the reason why I got sick on all those days became apparent. I'm a pathological liar that hates to work.
A lonely old man decides to get a pet caterpillar...
He takes the pet caterpillar home and sets up a cage for him.
The next morning, the man goes up to the cage and asks the caterpillar, "Hey, would you like to go out to breakfast with me?"
The caterpillar does not respond.
Lunch comes around and the man again goes to the cage and asks, "Would you like to go to lunch with me?"
The caterpillar still does not respond and the man walks away sad.
Dinner comes around and again, the man goes to the cage and asks, "Hey would you please like to go to dinner with me?"
To which the caterpillar responds, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"
A Nun walks into a construction site
An older nun, who was living in a convent next to a construction site, noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
And so, she decided she would take her lunch and sit with the workers.
She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked to the spot where the men were eating.
Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: "And, do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other, very confused.
One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down. "Why?"
The worker yelled back,
"Cause his mom's here with his lunch."
A high school student approached a group of popular kids during lunch time.
"May I join you?" he asked politely.
"We don't sit with idiots." they said.
"But I do." he replied as he gestured them to scoot over.
A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
Teacher: What are your son's names?
Lady: This boy's name is Leroy, this other boy's name is Leroy, and Leroy here is my third son's name.
Teacher: Isn't it confusing having all three boy's named the same?
Lady: Oh no, you see when it's time for lunch I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for lunch, and they all come a runnin. When it's time for dinner I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for dinner and they all come a runnin.
Teacher: Ok, so what do you do when you want a specific boy?
Lady: Oh, well then I just holler out their last name.
A resourceful woman...
A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time.
She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.
She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
"*Honey, you won't believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant*"
Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..
A husband thinks his wife is cheating on him so he asks her to turn on the blender...
when he calls her on his lunch break at work.
The husband calls, asks if she's home, and if she could turn on the blender for proof.
She turns it on.
The next day, the husband calls again.
The wife turns on the blender.
The next day, husband calls, wife turns on the blender.
At the end of the week the husband comes home early from work. His wife's car isn't in the driveway.
He goes to his daughter, "Where's your mom??"
"She left a while ago. I don't know how long she's going to be. It could be a long time because she took the blender with her."
Heaviest Lunch
This is a really old story my grandfather told me years ago.
When he was in elementary school in his tiny rural town, they pretty much ate what they grew or killed. Well he was going on a couple weeks of having nothing to eat for lunch at school beside mustard greens and a biscuit. He got tired of eating that, so one day he snuck into the classroom early and swapped his lunch with the heaviest lunch bag he could find.
When lunch time came, he grabbed his new lunch and sat down at the table to eat it. He opened the bag only to find two pecans and a ball peen hammer!
Today, I decided to go and meet my good friend Chris Pine.
We hadn't seen each other in ages, but I decided to go and catch up with him for old time's sake. We went on a stroll down the park, waiting in the ice cream line as it was a hot day. Next, we went to a theater, but the phantom of the opera was showing, and the theater line was full. Exasperated, and famished, we decided to head to grab some food and go home. But there was no lunch, pine.
A developer finds a talking frog.
It says "Kiss me and I will become a princess". But he just puts she into his jacket and keeps on working.
During Lunch the frog jumps out of his jacket and says again "Kiss me and I will become your princess". But he just puts her back again.
In the evening he shows her to a friend and she asks "Why won't you kiss me?" - "I don't have time for a girlfriend but a talking frog is funny."
Two young lady friends hadn't seen each other in a long time and decided to meet for lunch. Their conversation got around to their respective love lives.
Marcy confessed there really wasn't anyone in her life at the moment. Heather started smiling like crazy when talking about her new beau. "He's perfect. He's so sweet. Then last night he said those four little words I've been waiting to hear."
"What? He asked you to marry him?" Marcy asked.
Heather said, "No, he said 'put your money away.'"
Jesus' Wife
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.
She walked up to the group and with a big smile said, "Do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other. One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled, `Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers asked, "Why?"
The worker yelled, "His wife is here with his lunch."
That's my lunch box
Laboni is looking at almost all the designs of the shop while choosing shoes. The shoe showroom was completely destroyed. But I didn't like either one. At this time he noticed a different box -
Laboni: Show me that box , please. I will see the design inside it.
Shopkeeper: Please don't want to see that anymore!
Laboni: How is that? The customer wants to see.
Shopkeeper: Apa, that's my lunch box!
Rabbi Schwartz and Father O'Malley were at a diner enjoying lunch
Father O'Malley put down his ham and cheese sandwich and commented, This sandwich is so good! Kosher dietary restrictions made sense in ancient times, but when are you going to join the modern age and eat delicious, wholesome food like this?
Without missing a beat, Rabbi Schwartz replied, At your wedding.
George loved to eat watches
Every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner George would eat his favorite brand of watch.
Feeling fancy? A Rolex does the job better than any restaurant.
Special occasion? A grandfather clock would fit any event perfectly.
Going on a diet? Apple watches are the way to go!
His family didn't see it though, they thought he was crazy for his bizarre choice of food. They decided to stage in intervention in order to help him quit.
We're worried about you, George his wife said, you need to stop. This isn't good!
Well, I don't see what that problem is, George defended, tell me what's wrong with them!
Well, George, his sister interceded
They're just too time consuming
Use the word 'and' fives times in a row.
In exchange for lunch, a starving artist offered to paint a new sign for "The King and Queen" pub. Of course the proprietor quickly agreed, but when he saw the new sign he was not entirely pleased.
"There should be a bit more space between King and And, and And and King"
In serious news there was a kidnapping at the local school.
Thankfully the child woke up in time for lunch!
My psychic is a wise woman. She believes that all things happen for a reason. I asked her to show me.
She said,
"In the year 3055, a time traveler will be vomiting uncontrollably in a dark room. At some point before his episode, unbeknownst to him, his time machine will have malfunctioned... This he'll only realize once it's too late."
All of a sudden, a man in a space-suit walked in. He grabbed a brown paper bag off of her desk and walked away. My psychic looked at me, smiled, and said, "that lunch has been sitting on my desk for 365 days. He thinks the year is 2019; he's late."
Little Tim was waiting for his dad to come back from the basement
Dad and Tim had agreed to eat lunch together. However, Dad told Tim that he had to fix something in the basement first, and he went downstairs with a rope. As time went by, Tim became more and more impatient and decided that dad should know.
"Dad!" Tim shouted. "I'm hungry!"
Suddenly, a voice that seemingly came from nowhere filled the living room.
"Hi hungry, I'm dead"
Breaking News
Local police are seeking a shoplifter who attacked a store this lunch time but was tackled by a have-a-go shopkeep with his labelling gun.
Officers say they're seeking a man with a price on his head.
- RIP Ronnie Corbett.
Two guys who just met at a training class are driving through the city looking for a place to have lunch.
The guy driving is running every red light. The other guy is starting to freak out and says, "Dude?! What the h**... are you doing going through those red lights??" The guy driving says, "Its okay, my brother in law does it all the time." The passenger says, "Well its not okay with me, let me out up here!" They drive a little further up the road and the driver stops at a green light. The passenger says, "Why are you stopped? The light is green." The driver says, "My brother in law might be coming through."
Mother in law and stairs
Two old friends meet each other after a long time:
A: Oh hey, what's new?
B: Nothing much, my mother in law died.
A: Oh really, d**..., how?
B: She went downstairs to the basement to get some potatoes for lunch, fell and broke her neck.
A: That's tragic, what did you do then?
B: We ordered pizza.
Popsicle
Me and Willard in the third grade got us a popsicle just as lunch was ending, We didn't have time to eat em so we just stuck em in our pocket. Later in class the history teacher ask Willard. If you're from America you are an American, what are you if you are from Europe? Willard looked confused and he didn't know the answer. To help, I whispered Willard, European, European! He looked at me and said I ain't done it, it's that d**... ole popsicle,
Father shark teaches the son shark how to eat human
"Look boy, when you target a swimming human go close with your fin out of the water. Take a few laps around the target then you can eat. Does it make sense?"
"Yes, father. Thank you." the son replayed.
"Now go find your lunch" said the father.
The guy went in one direction and came back after some time.
"Did you find someone?" father.
"Yes dad."
"Did you do what I said?"
"Yes, I found a human and ate him?"
"Did you show your fin and make a few laps around the target?"
"No. I just ate him"
"Oh boy. You ate the s**... with that human."
A rabbi & a Catholic priest met at an interfaith conference
They decided to take a break for lunch together. While reading the menu, the priest asked a question.
"From what I know of your people Rabbi, you are not supposed to eat pork. Have you ever actually tried it?"
"Well, yes" said the rabbi "A couple of times. Now tell ME, Father- I've heard that your people are supposed to be celibate. So have YOU ever...?"
"um" the priest stumbled "in my youth, once or twice..."
"Better than pork, isn't it?!"
I've had constipation for 3 months
Never been to the doctors in years, but took myself there as not had a number 2 in a long time.
Doc says "what have you been eating"?
I said well doc I've been eating snooker b**...!!
What?? Snooker b**... Charlie??
Yes doc, in the morning I have 3 reds a pink, bowl porridge and a nice cup of tea.
Lunch is a sandwich a black, 2 reds and a yellow washed down with another cup of tea.
For dinner I have a nice steak, 4 reds 2 blues 1 brown again washed down with a nice cup of tea.
Doc said "hey Charlie I know where you're going wrong, you ain't eating enough greens!!"
