The Best 29 Lunch Time Jokes

The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch.

With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there.

"Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father.

"But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits.

"Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her.

And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"

While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes.

The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"

What time is lunch? Is there any left after you eat?

Grocery Economics

A man and his economist friend are having lunch.

the man mentions that he's noticed something strange when he buys groceries each week. "I always buy a tub of margarine, but I've noticed that, even though it's the same price every time, there's less margarine in the tub. I can't figure out what's going on."

The economist friend nods with a knowing smile and responds "what you have there is a case of the Law of diminishing Margarinal returns."

There's a Lawyer and an IRS Agent drowning,

at the same time and you could only save one, what would you do? Smoke a cigarette or go out for lunch?

A homeless guy walks up to a table at an outdoor cafe where a woman is having lunch

"Pardon me, ma'am, for disturbing you, but I was wondering if you could help me out. I've been having a pretty rough time lately. I understand if you don't want to give cash, but could you at least spare me some of the bread off your table? I haven't eaten in two days."

She says, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Why I dislike this sub:

There's not enough cheese and bacon on it. I think I'll go to a different place for lunch next time.

My High School had a nap time class

It was great, every day it was so refreshing to get some sleep after lunch. But in order to get the class approved by the school district it had to have an official sounding name. So the school called it Math.

I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm,

next time Alpaca lunch.

The other day a co- worker asked me what I had for lunch, and I replied 5 Guys.

He laughed because it sounds funny. I guess I should have been more specific and said I got bukaked during lunch time.

What time does the U.N. break for lunch?

At Ban Ki-Noon.

Trump and Clinton are on a building that is on fire. You got time to save only one, what do you do ?

Go to lunch or go watch a movie ?

A high school student approached a group of popular kids during lunch time.

"May I join you?" he asked politely.
"We don't sit with idiots." they said.
"But I do." he replied as he gestured them to scoot over.

Did you hear about the time Donald Trump made James Comey have lunch with him?

I heard it was a presidential man-date.

Sorry I threw up on you.

Next time lunch is on me.

My mother-in-law came into work at lunch time today, and I must admit unlike other men, I was genuinely pleased to see her.

By the way I'm an undertaker.

A resourceful woman...

A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time.
She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.
She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
"*Honey, you won't believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant*"
Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..

Today, I decided to go and meet my good friend Chris Pine.

We hadn't seen each other in ages, but I decided to go and catch up with him for old time's sake. We went on a stroll down the park, waiting in the ice cream line as it was a hot day. Next, we went to a theater, but the phantom of the opera was showing, and the theater line was full. Exasperated, and famished, we decided to head to grab some food and go home. But there was no lunch, pine.

If Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau were drowning and you only had time to save one of them...

... where would you and Justin Trudeau go for lunch afterwards?

A developer finds a talking frog.

It says "Kiss me and I will become a princess". But he just puts she into his jacket and keeps on working.

During Lunch the frog jumps out of his jacket and says again "Kiss me and I will become your princess". But he just puts her back again.

In the evening he shows her to a friend and she asks "Why won't you kiss me?" - "I don't have time for a girlfriend but a talking frog is funny."

This particular bible verse got me through a bunch of tough times as a kid.

Lunch 11:35.

Two young lady friends hadn't seen each other in a long time and decided to meet for lunch. Their conversation got around to their respective love lives.

Marcy confessed there really wasn't anyone in her life at the moment. Heather started smiling like crazy when talking about her new beau. "He's perfect. He's so sweet. Then last night he said those four little words I've been waiting to hear."

"What? He asked you to marry him?" Marcy asked.

Heather said, "No, he said 'put your money away.'"

That's my lunch box

Laboni is looking at almost all the designs of the shop while choosing shoes. The shoe showroom was completely destroyed. But I didn't like either one. At this time he noticed a different box -
Laboni: Show me that box , please. I will see the design inside it.
Shopkeeper: Please don't want to see that anymore!
Laboni: How is that? The customer wants to see.
Shopkeeper: Apa, that's my lunch box!

Rabbi Schwartz and Father O'Malley were at a diner enjoying lunch

Father O'Malley put down his ham and cheese sandwich and commented, This sandwich is so good! Kosher dietary restrictions made sense in ancient times, but when are you going to join the modern age and eat delicious, wholesome food like this?

Without missing a beat, Rabbi Schwartz replied, At your wedding.

Use the word 'and' fives times in a row.

In exchange for lunch, a starving artist offered to paint a new sign for "The King and Queen" pub. Of course the proprietor quickly agreed, but when he saw the new sign he was not entirely pleased.
"There should be a bit more space between King and And, and And and King"

In serious news there was a kidnapping at the local school.

Thankfully the child woke up in time for lunch!

Little Tim was waiting for his dad to come back from the basement

Dad and Tim had agreed to eat lunch together. However, Dad told Tim that he had to fix something in the basement first, and he went downstairs with a rope. As time went by, Tim became more and more impatient and decided that dad should know.

"Dad!" Tim shouted. "I'm hungry!"

Suddenly, a voice that seemingly came from nowhere filled the living room.

"Hi hungry, I'm dead"

Boss shows up at a job site

Boss: "Bob where were you I've been looking for you since morning!!!!! It's lunch time already!!!!"

Bob: "Boss, a good employee is hard to find."