Lunch Jokes

145 lunch jokes and hilarious lunch puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about lunch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Liven up your lunchtime with some hilarious lunch jokes! From funny conversations with cafeteria staff to jokes about food like meatballs, this article is sure to make you chuckle. Get your friends giggling while you enjoy your school lunch or your boyfriendbirdman's packed lunch. Enjoy these remarks and one-liners and make your lunch break even more enjoyable!

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Funniest Lunch Short Jokes

Short lunch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lunch humour may include short dinner jokes also.

  1. A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference For example:
    Johnny ate his own lunch after school.
    Johnny ate his own colon after school.
  2. The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence. Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch
    Jimmy went to school and ate his colon
  3. A Republican Senator and a Democratic Senator are drowning and you can only save one. Do you... A: Have lunch.
    B: Browse reddit.
  4. The kid that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
  5. My wife asked me to prepare our 4 year old ginger son for his first day at school. So I punched him & stole his lunch money.
  6. To this day, my bully that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the positive side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
  7. My highschool bully still takes my lunch money... But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
  8. I came up with this joke during lunch break: What do you call a jewish obstacle course? Shlalom
  9. My secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her blouse at lunch today when she said, "remember, you have a wife."
  10. If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose... would you go to lunch or a movie?

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Lunch One Liners

Which lunch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lunch? I can suggest the ones about breakfast and diner.

  1. Two Karens are having lunch together The waiter stops by and asks "Is anything okay?"
  2. Happy ramadan to all my Muslim brothers and sisters! This month, lunch is on me.
  3. I know a mathematician who can't afford lunch. He can binomial.
  4. What did one plate say to the other? "Lunch is on me."
  5. Why are plants so skinny? They usually have a light lunch.
  6. What do nuclear plants serve their workers for lunch? Fission Chips
  7. What happened when the cannibal was late for lunch? He was given the cold shoulder.
  8. My favourite exercise is a cross between a crunch and a lunge... it's called lunch.
  9. I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time alpaca lunch.
  10. Why did the banker eat lunch by himself? Because he was a loaner.
  11. Someone stole my jar of mayonnaise at lunch today I was like, What the Hellman?
  12. Two things you can't eat for breakfast Lunch and dinner
  13. What did the lunch lady say to Luke Skywalker? *"Use the fork, Luke."*
  14. Why did the aligator spit out his lunch? Because it was two years old
  15. Your wife and your lawyer are drowning. You have a choice to make: Lunch or the movies?

Lunch Time Jokes

Here is a list of funny lunch time jokes and even better lunch time puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I recently lost my job at NASA Mission Control... I misheard when someone said "It's lunch time", and sent a rocket up with nobody in it.
  • Boss shows up at a job site Boss: "Bob where were you I've been looking for you since morning!!!!! It's lunch time already!!!!"
    Bob: "Boss, a good employee is hard to find."
  • Why I dislike this sub: There's not enough cheese and bacon on it. I think I'll go to a different place for lunch next time.
  • I get an hour lunch I live 35 minutes away. Theoretically that gives me just enough time to go home and shower before they realize I'm not coming back.
  • Sorry I threw up on you. Next time lunch is on me.
  • My mother-in-law came into work at lunch time today, and I must admit unlike other men, I was genuinely pleased to see her. By the way I'm an undertaker.
  • I stopped by my favorite noodle place on my lunch break, but the line to get in was out the door. There was no way I'd be able to order and get back to work on time, it was a real pho queue.
  • Trump and Clinton are on a building that is on fire. You got time to save only one, what do you do ? Go to lunch or go watch a movie ?
  • Did you hear about the time Donald Trump made James Comey have lunch with him? I heard it was a presidential man-date.
  • The other day a co- worker asked me what I had for lunch, and I replied 5 Guys. He laughed because it sounds funny. I guess I should have been more specific and said I got bukaked during lunch time.

School Lunch Jokes

Here is a list of funny school lunch jokes and even better school lunch puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Visiting my first grade son at school lunch today... Me: How is school going so far?
    Son: Good, I had a test.
    Me: What was your test on?
    Son: Paper.
  • My wife told me to get our ginger son ready for his first day at school So I punched him in the face and stole his lunch money
  • To this day, the guy who took my lunch money during school still takes my money. On the bright side, he makes really good subway sandwiches.
  • What do Japanese kittens take to school for lunch? A bean-toe box!
  • Why do african kids get off school earlier than american kids? they dont need a lunch break
  • Why was Biggie hungry at school? He forgot Tupac his lunch!
    *knee slap*
  • The boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.... He serves up a great burger and fries.
  • My girlfriend told me to get our ginger kid ready for school. So I beat him up and stole his lunch money.
  • School bullying ME: The bullies at school stole my lunch money again.
    DAD: Did you tell anyone?
    ME: Yes, but they just say things like "be strong", "stop crying", and "you're a useless teacher .
  • The guy whom used to beat me up and take my lunch money in high school still takes my lunch money today. On the plus side, he makes really great sandwiches.
Lunch joke, The guy whom used to beat me up and take my lunch money in high school still takes my lunch money to

Lunch Dinner Jokes

Here is a list of funny lunch dinner jokes and even better lunch dinner puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner? Breakfast and lunch.
    I'll show myself out now
  • What are the 2 things you cannot have for breakfast? Lunch and dinner.
  • Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3 - Breakfast
    - Lunch
    - Dinner
  • If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called? ...being poor.
  • The Donner Party Diet Breakfast: Jacks
    Lunch: Franks
    Dinner: Patties
  • For breakfast, lunch and dinner I eat copies of Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger and Secret of Mana You could say I eat three square meals a day
  • What did you have for breakfast? Pea Soup Q: What did you have for lunch?
    A: Pea Soup
    Q: What did you have for dinner?
    A: Pea Soup
    Q: What did you do all night?
    A: Pee soup…
  • NOAH'S DIARY: Day 42... NOAH'S DIARY: Day 42
    Dragon steak for lunch, and Unicorn pie for dinner.
  • Class Teacher At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?
    The child said, No ma'am, my moms a good cook!
  • What do you call having pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Regret

Breakfast Lunch Jokes

Here is a list of funny breakfast lunch jokes and even better breakfast lunch puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • This morning for breakfast, I made a Belgian waffle. For lunch, I'm planning to make a Dutch person uncomfortable.
  • Why don't astronauts eat much at breakfast? So they can be ready for lunch
  • What is something that you can never eat for breakfast? Lunch and dinner.
  • What did the Soviets eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Nothing.
  • What can you under no circumstance eat for breakfast? Lunch and dinner
  • I eat healthy every day For about six hours
    Between breakfast and lunch
  • If combining your breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called? It's called being poor.
  • What Matthew Mcconaughey movie skips from breakfast to dinner? Failure to lunch.
  • My friend just brought home five new chickens for her chicken coop, and asked for suggestions for naming them... I suggested "breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch and supper..."
  • What do you call a lady with two vaginas? Breakfast and lunch.
Lunch joke, What do you call a lady with two vaginas?

Silly & Ridiculous Lunch Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about lunch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean brunch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lunch pranks.

My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."
I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."
I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a h**..."
A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."

Lunch theif

At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.

Yet another genie in the lamp joke

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' p**...! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' p**...! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

It is Fred's first day in prison.

After spending the morning being processed, he is taken to the huge mess hall for lunch. He finds a seat at a table full of inmates who look like they have been behind bars for years. Suddenly, an inmate stands in the middle of the room and yells, "41!" As he sits down, the room erupts in laughter. Then another prisoner stands and yells, "123!" Again, there is laughter throughout the room.
Puzzled, Fred asks the inmate sitting next to him what's going on. "Well," the older inmate says, "Most of us have been here so long that we have heard all the jokes. So we just number them and use the number."
Fred says, "I love to tell jokes! Give me one."
"Okay," says the older inmate. "Everybody loves old 72. It always gets a big laugh"
Fred stands up, waits for the laughter to die down from the last joke, and yells, "72!" There is nothing but silence as hundreds of inmates just turn and stare at him.
Fred sits down and looks at the inmate who gave him the number.
"What happened?" he asks.
The older man shrugs and says, "Some people just can't tell a joke."

Priest and Rabbi

A priest and a rabbi were having lunch and the priest asked, "Have you ever strayed from not eating pork?" The rabbi said, "Well, once, but there was absolutely nothing else to eat, so I had a ham sandwich."
Then the rabbi asked the priest, "Did you ever stray from your vow of celibacy?" The priest said, "Yes, just once."
And the rabbi said, "Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

3 priests at lunch

So three priests are out to lunch.
One priest goes off about his problem with bats at his church,
"I've tried everything to get rid of them, they just won't leave."
The second priest relates to the first,
"I know! I've tried everything! Cats, spray, noise, light. They just won't go away."
The third priest says,
"Well, I baptized my bats; confirmed them and made them the newest members of my parish, haven't seen one since."

Whats the difference between a big mac and a b**...?

You don't know? Good, we will do lunch tomorrow....

Woman greets mailman at her mailbox, invites him in, they make passionate love, then she makes him a lunch fit for a king and then hands him a $1 bill.

Flabbergasted mailman says: "My goodness that was outstanding, wonderful, thank you, I really appreciate it. May I ask why you did all this for me?"
Woman says: "I told my husband you were retiring and suggested we do something for you and he said "screw the mailman, give him a dollar", the lunch was my idea."

Two engineers are meeting for lunch

Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.
"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.
The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."
"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.

Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.
As they were approaching Shubenacadde (shoe-been-ack-id-dee), they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... ver-r-ry slo-o-owly?"
The waitress leaned over the counter and says, "Tiiimmmmm Hoorrrrttooonnns"

My boss told me not to bring my lunch to work in a brown paper bag.

I told him that I'll drink my lunch how I want.

2 surgeons are sitting down having lunch.

They are both engaged in a conversation when all of a sudden, one of the surgeons starts laughing hysterically. A dermatologist walks over to their table to join them. He asked the surgeons, "what's so funny?" One of the surgeons replies, " you wouldn't understand. It's an inside joke. "

A black hole and a nebula go out to lunch...

A black hole and a nebula are at a restaurant. The nebula orders a ginormous amount of food and the black hole only orders a drink and a small appetizer.
The nebula says the the black hole, "Are you sure you don't want more?"
The black hole replies, "Nah, I eat light"

Pakistani math problem.

Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the e**....

the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness go to lunch.

So, the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness are all sitting in a restaurant. When the waitress comes over she takes their drinks order first
- 'Ill have a silver bullet' says the Coors guy
- 'Ill have the king of beers' says the Budweiser guy
- 'Lemonade please' says the head of Guinness
The other two look at him ... 'Lemonade?'
'Well if you're not drinking beer neither am I'

What's the difference between a burger, and a b**...?

You don't know?
Let's do lunch sometime!

Guy wakes up to breakfast in bed...

his lunch is made, and he notices he's late for work. Frantically, he calls work, and they let him know that his wife already called to let them know he would be late.
He asks his son what happened that his mom was so happy. The son says "Dad, you came home drunk last night, and mom brought you to bed, and when she tried to take your shirt off, you said 'Get off me lady, I'm married!"

A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"

The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"
"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.
"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."

My wife called me at work today.

"Honey, do you want to come home at lunch for a q**...?"
"Sarah, it's pronounced Quiche."

A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.

A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
Teacher: What are your son's names?
Lady: This boy's name is Leroy, this other boy's name is Leroy, and Leroy here is my third son's name.
Teacher: Isn't it confusing having all three boy's named the same?
Lady: Oh no, you see when it's time for lunch I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for lunch, and they all come a runnin. When it's time for dinner I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for dinner and they all come a runnin.
Teacher: Ok, so what do you do when you want a specific boy?
Lady: Oh, well then I just holler out their last name.

God is watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples

So I was teaching my brother English...

I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.

The teacher asks her students to use the word "contagious" in a sentence.

Jenny pipes up instantly; "My mum has the flu, I think it's contagious!".
"Excellent work!", the teacher responds. "Anyone else have an example? What about you Seamus?"
Seamus McDougall, the new Irish exchange student, thinks for a moment.
"M' Pa made me lunch t'day, but it took the contagious!".

A resourceful woman...

A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time.
She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.
She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
"*Honey, you won't believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant*"
Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..

After my mother's f**..., we all went for lunch at an Indian restaurant. When the waiter came to check that we had everything on our order he noticed my daughter crying.

He asked me what was wrong, I told him she was just missing her nan.

I don't understand why people have threesomes

If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I'd just get lunch with my parents

The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an u**.... What do they arm the lunch lady with?

A salt rifle

Smart waitress

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

Bill Cosby's lawyer fell asleep during testimony...

Apparently he and Bill had a lunch date earlier.

Old German joke

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, The soup is cold."
His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"
The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

Two English tourists were driving through Wales.At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch they asked the waitress: Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument.Can you pronounce where we are,very,very,slowly?"

The girl leaned over and said:
Burrr… gurrr… King.

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."

Where are we?

Not mine:
Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly? The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."

My boss came to me at lunch: "Where the h**... have you been? I've been trying to find you all morning!"

I shrugged and said: "Good employees are hard to find."

Who eats Five Guys for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Jeffrey d**...

I ate a kids meal at McDonald's for lunch today

His mom was p**...

Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.

The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."

My mum keeps moaning about the cost of things these days. £2.50 for a sandwich, £1.50 for coffee, £12.50 for a Sunday lunch....

So I say to her, look Mum, my house, my prices!

An Indian family went into self quarantine

after eating lunch at their English friend's house as they couldn't taste anything.

Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend's yacht.
Then we'll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.

One day, I asked my English Teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H Hour, Honour. ...etc. ...??????

My English Teacher said, " We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent "....... (I was even more confused .....?????)
During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her the empty container. ....!!!!!!!
My English Teacher : What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container.
I replied, "sir, I thought 'H' was silent.

Two old guys are working at a sewage treatment plant

o**... goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake.
"What are you doing?!" he yells
"My coat fell in" his buddy yells back
"You're not really gonna wear that again are you?!"
"No, no. Gosh no, I'm not going to wear it. I have to get it back though, My teeth are in the pocket!"

(Just a silly joke my granddad told me yesterday. Didnt see it when I searched the sub so figured yall might enjoy)

2 married ladies are having lunch in a coffee shop...

One lady whispers 'I'm getting a b**... job'
2nd lady: 'That's nothing, I'm getting my assh\*le bleached'
1st lady says: 'Really? I can't imagine your husband as a blonde'

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large tray of hot dogs. The nun posted a sign on the hot dog tray, "Take only one. God is watching."
Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the hot dogs."

A man prayed to God his entire life to win the lottery.

A man prayed to God every day for 65 years. He prayed in the morning, at lunchtime, in the evening and just before he went to sleep.
The man passed away and went to heaven. The man was rather upset with the Lord and sought him out.
When the man found the Lord, he said "I've been praying 65 years. Every day when I woke up, ate my lunch, had my dinner in the evening and just before I went to sleep. How come I never won??"

A colon in a sentence can make it memorable

Jane ate her friend's lunch.
Jane ate her friend's colon.
See what I mean?

Whilst driving through Wales with my pal, we stopped off at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch for lunch.

I asked the waitress, "Could you settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very slowly?" The waitress replied, "Burr gerr King!"

A new law

Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week," one of the guys answers the bartender. "Well it's not a law really," the other guy corrects him. "It's more of a mandate."

My co-worker told me to retire after this one

My co-worker just bought a new Kia Forte. We were heading to lunch one day and he drove. While in the car I say to him, Man this is a nice car, I was going to ask if I can drive it, but it's not my forte . He usually hates the dad jokes but I got him with that one.

I was teaching my science class about Pavlov.

The students were laughing at the stupidity of the dogs.
Then the bell rang and they all got up and rushed to the canteen for lunch.

God the Engineer

Three engineers are having lunch and discussing what kind of engineer God is. The mechanical engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer, look at the complex structures of the body!" The electrical engineer says, "No, look at the electrical processes of the body, which the brain could not operate without, he must be an electrical engineer." The civil engineer says, "You're both wrong, he had to be a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste line through a recreational area?"

Two chemists were having lunch.

One says to the other, "I thought you were limiting your sodium intake."
The other one says, "I wanted to, but Na."

Lunch joke, Two chemists were having lunch.

jokes about lunch