Lunch Jokes
144 lunch jokes and hilarious lunch puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about lunch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Liven up your lunchtime with some hilarious lunch jokes! From funny conversations with cafeteria staff to jokes about food like meatballs, this article is sure to make you chuckle. Get your friends giggling while you enjoy your school lunch or your boyfriendbirdman's packed lunch. Enjoy these remarks and one-liners and make your lunch break even more enjoyable!
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Funniest Lunch Short Jokes
Short lunch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lunch humour may include short dinner jokes also.
- A Republican Senator and a Democratic Senator are drowning and you can only save one. Do you... A: Have lunch.
B: Browse reddit. - The kid that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
- My secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her blouse at lunch today when she said, "remember, you have a wife."
- If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose... would you go to lunch or a movie?
- What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner? Breakfast and lunch.
I'll show myself out now - I recently lost my job at NASA Mission Control... I misheard when someone said "It's lunch time", and sent a rocket up with nobody in it.
- I don't understand why people have threesomes If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I'd just get lunch with my parents
- Boss shows up at a job site Boss: "Bob where were you I've been looking for you since morning!!!!! It's lunch time already!!!!"
Bob: "Boss, a good employee is hard to find." - Visiting my first grade son at school lunch today... Me: How is school going so far?
Son: Good, I had a test.
Me: What was your test on?
Son: Paper. - My boss told me not to bring my lunch to work in a brown paper bag. I told him that I'll drink my lunch how I want.
Share These Lunch Jokes With Friends
Lunch One Liners
Which lunch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lunch? I can suggest the ones about breakfast and diner.
- Happy ramadan to all my Muslim brothers and sisters! This month, lunch is on me.
- I know a mathematician who can't afford lunch. He can binomial.
- What did one plate say to the other? "Lunch is on me."
- My favourite exercise is a cross between a crunch and a lunge... it's called lunch.
- I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time alpaca lunch.
- Why did the banker eat lunch by himself? Because he was a loaner.
- Someone stole my jar of mayonnaise at lunch today I was like, What the Hellman?
- Two things you can't eat for breakfast Lunch and dinner
- Why did the aligator spit out his lunch? Because it was two years old
- Why did the scientist eat photons after lunch? He needed a light snack
- There was a magical young lady, eating lunch in the desert It was a sandwich
- Sorry I threw up on you. Next time lunch is on me.
- What does the lunch line at the old folks home smell like? Depends.
- What do Japanese kittens take to school for lunch? A bean-toe box!
- Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3 - Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner
Lunch Time Jokes
Here is a list of funny lunch time jokes and even better lunch time puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why I dislike this sub: There's not enough cheese and bacon on it. I think I'll go to a different place for lunch next time.
- I get an hour lunch I live 35 minutes away. Theoretically that gives me just enough time to go home and shower before they realize I'm not coming back.
- My mother-in-law came into work at lunch time today, and I must admit unlike other men, I was genuinely pleased to see her. By the way I'm an undertaker.
- How do you end a prayer to the noodle God? Ramen.
- Trump and Clinton are on a building that is on fire. You got time to save only one, what do you do ? Go to lunch or go watch a movie ?
- Did you hear about the time Donald Trump made James Comey have lunch with him? I heard it was a presidential man-date.
- This particular bible verse got me through a bunch of tough times as a kid. Lunch 11:35.
- If Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau were drowning and you only had time to save one of them... ... where would you and Justin Trudeau go for lunch afterwards?
- In serious news there was a kidnapping at the local school. Thankfully the child woke up in time for lunch!
- What time does the U.N. break for lunch? At Ban Ki-Noon.
School Lunch Jokes
Here is a list of funny school lunch jokes and even better school lunch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why was Biggie hungry at school? He forgot Tupac his lunch!
*knee slap* - School bullying ME: The bullies at school stole my lunch money again.
DAD: Did you tell anyone?
ME: Yes, but they just say things like "be strong", "stop crying", and "you're a useless teacher . - I just watched the movie 1917, and it reminded me of the lunch line in middle school.
- Class Teacher At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?
The child said, No ma'am, my moms a good cook! - The bully who used to take my lunch money from me in middle school still takes my lunch money from me everyday Except now he works at Subway and I'm on my lunch break
- School is like a dystopia You aren't allowed to think outside the box, you don't have the freedom of speech, and you can't gamble or have strippers come to your lunch room.
- When I was a kid I used to find sweet notes in my lunch at school But that stopped after they fired the cafeteria worker
- Whenever I make lunch plans with a friend I have to pre-plan my route and give myself an extra 30 minutes to get there. Staying 500 feet away from a school is harder than you think.
- We all know the Jered/ Subway story. Jered walked to Subway for lunch everyday and dropped a bunch of weight...
my question is.... how many schools did he walk by ? - You know why high school days in the Gulag are shorter than regular high schools? Since they don't include the lunch period.
Lunch Dinner Jokes
Here is a list of funny lunch dinner jokes and even better lunch dinner puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called? ...being poor.
- For breakfast, lunch and dinner I eat copies of Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger and Secret of Mana You could say I eat three square meals a day
- The Donner Party Diet Breakfast: Jacks
Lunch: Franks
Dinner: Patties - What did you have for breakfast? Pea Soup Q: What did you have for lunch?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you have for dinner?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you do all night?
A: Pee soup… - What do you call having pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Regret
- What'd you have for lunch? Rubber buns and liquor.
What'd you have for dinner?
Rubber buns and liquor.
What'd do to your girlfriend?
Rubber buns and liquor. - What did the Soviets eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Nothing.
- If combining your breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called? It's called being poor.
- What Matthew Mcconaughey movie skips from breakfast to dinner? Failure to lunch.
- Interviewer: What have you planned for the future? Me: Lunch
Interviewer: Anything, like, long term, something you've put your thought into?
Me: Oh, Mexican for dinner.
Breakfast Lunch Jokes
Here is a list of funny breakfast lunch jokes and even better breakfast lunch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- This morning for breakfast, I made a Belgian waffle. For lunch, I'm planning to make a dutch person uncomfortable.
- Why don't astronauts eat much at breakfast? So they can be ready for lunch
- I eat healthy every day For about six hours
Between breakfast and lunch - My friend just brought home five new chickens for her chicken coop, and asked for suggestions for naming them... I suggested "breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch and supper..."
- Did you hear about the guy who ate Mercury for lunch? and Uranus for breakfast?
- If meal between breakfast and lunch is brunch Then a meal between dinner and breakfast is defrost.
- Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner If Breakfast and Lunch are *Brunch*, and Lunch and Dinner are *Linner*, then Dinner and Breakfast must be *Dickfast*
- If the meal between breakfast and lunch is called brunch and the meal between lunch and dinner is called linner, what's the meal between breakfast and dinner called? Lunch
- Jarrod has a 6 inch for breakfast a 6 inch for lunch and a twelve year old for dinner.
- I eat blondes for breakfast, redheads for lunch... and actual food for dinner cause I skipped two meals already.
Silly & Ridiculous Lunch Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about lunch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean brunch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lunch pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference
For example:
Johnny ate his own lunch after school.
Johnny ate his own colon after school.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife texted "I'm leaving you"
And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."
I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."
I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a h**..."
A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just made this up. What did one cannibal-r**... say to the other?
"Let's do lunch."
Lunch theif
At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yet another genie in the lamp joke
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' p**...! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' p**...! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Grocery Economics
A man and his economist friend are having lunch.
the man mentions that he's noticed something strange when he buys groceries each week. "I always buy a tub of margarine, but I've noticed that, even though it's the same price every time, there's less margarine in the tub. I can't figure out what's going on."
The economist friend nods with a knowing smile and responds "what you have there is a case of the Law of diminishing Margarinal returns."
A Lawyer and an IRS Agent
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you: (1) go to lunch or (2) read the paper?
It is Fred's first day in prison.
After spending the morning being processed, he is taken to the huge mess hall for lunch. He finds a seat at a table full of inmates who look like they have been behind bars for years. Suddenly, an inmate stands in the middle of the room and yells, "41!" As he sits down, the room erupts in laughter. Then another prisoner stands and yells, "123!" Again, there is laughter throughout the room.
Puzzled, Fred asks the inmate sitting next to him what's going on. "Well," the older inmate says, "Most of us have been here so long that we have heard all the jokes. So we just number them and use the number."
Fred says, "I love to tell jokes! Give me one."
"Okay," says the older inmate. "Everybody loves old 72. It always gets a big laugh"
Fred stands up, waits for the laughter to die down from the last joke, and yells, "72!" There is nothing but silence as hundreds of inmates just turn and stare at him.
Fred sits down and looks at the inmate who gave him the number.
"What happened?" he asks.
The older man shrugs and says, "Some people just can't tell a joke."
A man sits down at a children's park
A man is sitting down at a bench enjoying some lunch during his lunch break. Overhead he watches children frolick and play. But then he sees a group of women quietly discussing (obviously) him.
Then all of the sudden one of the women confidently approaches the man. With an ounce of cockyness, in a bid to lure away the man, the women asks "So, which one is yours?"
The man replies "I haven't decided yet."
Priest and Rabbi
A priest and a rabbi were having lunch and the priest asked, "Have you ever strayed from not eating pork?" The rabbi said, "Well, once, but there was absolutely nothing else to eat, so I had a ham sandwich."
Then the rabbi asked the priest, "Did you ever stray from your vow of celibacy?" The priest said, "Yes, just once."
And the rabbi said, "Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
3 priests at lunch
So three priests are out to lunch.
One priest goes off about his problem with bats at his church,
"I've tried everything to get rid of them, they just won't leave."
The second priest relates to the first,
"I know! I've tried everything! Cats, spray, noise, light. They just won't go away."
The third priest says,
"Well, I baptized my bats; confirmed them and made them the newest members of my parish, haven't seen one since."
9 year old told me this today. My favorite exercise is a mix between a crunch and a lunge...
It's called lunch. Dad, I'm hungry.
My wife texted me at lunch
"Window's frozen"
"Pour warm water on it, then lightly tap the edges with a hammer and chisel" I replied.
Ten minutes later, she called back.
"We need a new computer now".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woman greets mailman at her mailbox, invites him in, they make passionate love, then she makes him a lunch fit for a king and then hands him a $1 bill.
Flabbergasted mailman says: "My goodness that was outstanding, wonderful, thank you, I really appreciate it. May I ask why you did all this for me?"
Woman says: "I told my husband you were retiring and suggested we do something for you and he said "screw the mailman, give him a dollar", the lunch was my idea."
Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.
Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.
As they were approaching Shubenacadde (shoe-been-ack-id-dee), they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... ver-r-ry slo-o-owly?"
The waitress leaned over the counter and says, "Tiiimmmmm Hoorrrrttooonnns"
What do elephants in the zoo get for lunch?
Half an hour, just like the rest of the animals.
A black hole and a nebula go out to lunch...
A black hole and a nebula are at a restaurant. The nebula orders a ginormous amount of food and the black hole only orders a drink and a small appetizer.
The nebula says the the black hole, "Are you sure you don't want more?"
The black hole replies, "Nah, I eat light"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Best part of b**... a m**...
What's the best part of having s**... with a m**...?
Leaving with a juice box and bagged lunch in the morning!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pakistani math problem.
Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the e**....
A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for lunch one day...
The nun sits down at the lunch table with her little sack lunch and turns to a group of workers and says:
"Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
One worker stands up and yells to everyone on the site: "Hey! Has anyone here ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
Another worker shouts back: "Why?"
The first worker says: "Because his mom's here with his lunch!"
Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...
and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a burger, and a b**...?
You don't know?
Let's do lunch sometime!
Guy wakes up to breakfast in bed...
his lunch is made, and he notices he's late for work. Frantically, he calls work, and they let him know that his wife already called to let them know he would be late.
He asks his son what happened that his mom was so happy. The son says "Dad, you came home drunk last night, and mom brought you to bed, and when she tried to take your shirt off, you said 'Get off me lady, I'm married!"
A feminist got drunk at lunch, accused her boss of coming on to her, and slapped him in the face.
She got loaded, triggered, and fired.
A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"
The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"
"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.
"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife called me at work today.
"Honey, do you want to come home at lunch for a q**...?"
"Sarah, it's pronounced Quiche."
A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
Teacher: What are your son's names?
Lady: This boy's name is Leroy, this other boy's name is Leroy, and Leroy here is my third son's name.
Teacher: Isn't it confusing having all three boy's named the same?
Lady: Oh no, you see when it's time for lunch I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for lunch, and they all come a runnin. When it's time for dinner I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for dinner and they all come a runnin.
Teacher: Ok, so what do you do when you want a specific boy?
Lady: Oh, well then I just holler out their last name.
God is watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples
So I was teaching my brother English...
I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.
The teacher asks her students to use the word "contagious" in a sentence.
Jenny pipes up instantly; "My mum has the flu, I think it's contagious!".
"Excellent work!", the teacher responds. "Anyone else have an example? What about you Seamus?"
Seamus McDougall, the new Irish exchange student, thinks for a moment.
"M' Pa made me lunch t'day, but it took the contagious!".
A resourceful woman...
A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time.
She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.
She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
"*Honey, you won't believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant*"
Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After my mother's f**..., we all went for lunch at an Indian restaurant. When the waiter came to check that we had everything on our order he noticed my daughter crying.
He asked me what was wrong, I told him she was just missing her nan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I came up with this joke during lunch break: What do you call a jewish obstacle course?
Shlalom
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an u**.... What do they arm the lunch lady with?
A salt rifle
Smart waitress
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
Bill Cosby's lawyer fell asleep during testimony...
Apparently he and Bill had a lunch date earlier.
A developer finds a talking frog.
It says "Kiss me and I will become a princess". But he just puts she into his jacket and keeps on working.
During Lunch the frog jumps out of his jacket and says again "Kiss me and I will become your princess". But he just puts her back again.
In the evening he shows her to a friend and she asks "Why won't you kiss me?" - "I don't have time for a girlfriend but a talking frog is funny."
Three days ago a lesbian couple were trying to decide where to go for lunch
They are still deciding
I went to lunch with a champion chess player.
It took him 8 minutes to pass me the salt...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.
Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch
becomes
Jimmy went to school and ate his colon
Old German joke
An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, The soup is cold."
His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"
The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife asked me to prepare our 4 year old ginger son for his first day at school.
So I punched him & stole his lunch money.
Where are we?
Not mine:
Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly? The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who eats Five Guys for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
Jeffrey d**...
Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.
The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."
My mum keeps moaning about the cost of things these days. £2.50 for a sandwich, £1.50 for coffee, £12.50 for a Sunday lunch....
So I say to her, look Mum, my house, my prices!
An Indian family went into self quarantine
after eating lunch at their English friend's house as they couldn't taste anything.
Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.
We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend's yacht.
Then we'll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.
Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.
One day, I asked my English Teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H ...in Hour, Honour. ...etc. ...??????
My English Teacher said, " We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent "....... (I was even more confused .....?????)
During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her the empty container. ....!!!!!!!
My English Teacher : What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container.
I replied, "sir, I thought 'H' was silent.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old guys are working at a sewage treatment plant
o**... goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake.
"What are you doing?!" he yells
"My coat fell in" his buddy yells back
"You're not really gonna wear that again are you?!"
"No, no. Gosh no, I'm not going to wear it. I have to get it back though, My teeth are in the pocket!"
(Just a silly joke my granddad told me yesterday. Didnt see it when I searched the sub so figured yall might enjoy)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 married ladies are having lunch in a coffee shop...
One lady whispers 'I'm getting a b**... job'
2nd lady: 'That's nothing, I'm getting my assh\*le bleached'
1st lady says: 'Really? I can't imagine your husband as a blonde'
A man prayed to God his entire life to win the lottery.
A man prayed to God every day for 65 years. He prayed in the morning, at lunchtime, in the evening and just before he went to sleep.
The man passed away and went to heaven. The man was rather upset with the Lord and sought him out.
When the man found the Lord, he said "I've been praying 65 years. Every day when I woke up, ate my lunch, had my dinner in the evening and just before I went to sleep. How come I never won??"
And the Lord said, "IT WOULD HAVE HELPED IF YOU BOUGHT A TICKET!"
Whilst driving through Wales with my pal, we stopped off at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch for lunch.
I asked the waitress, "Could you settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very slowly?" The waitress replied, "Burr gerr King!"
A new law
Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week," one of the guys answers the bartender. "Well it's not a law really," the other guy corrects him. "It's more of a mandate."
My co-worker told me to retire after this one
My co-worker just bought a new Kia Forte. We were heading to lunch one day and he drove. While in the car I say to him, Man this is a nice car, I was going to ask if I can drive it, but it's not my forte . He usually hates the dad jokes but I got him with that one.
I was teaching my science class about Pavlov.
The students were laughing at the stupidity of the dogs.
Then the bell rang and they all got up and rushed to the canteen for lunch.
God the Engineer
Three engineers are having lunch and discussing what kind of engineer God is. The mechanical engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer, look at the complex structures of the body!" The electrical engineer says, "No, look at the electrical processes of the body, which the brain could not operate without, he must be an electrical engineer." The civil engineer says, "You're both wrong, he had to be a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste line through a recreational area?"
Two chemists were having lunch.
One says to the other, "I thought you were limiting your sodium intake."
The other one says, "I wanted to, but Na."
