Lunch Dinner Jokes
58 lunch dinner jokes and hilarious lunch dinner puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lunch dinner that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Lunch Dinner Short Jokes
Short lunch dinner jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lunch dinner humour may include short dinner jokes also.
- What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner? Breakfast and lunch.
I'll show myself out now - If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called? ...being poor.
- For breakfast, lunch and dinner I eat copies of Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger and Secret of Mana You could say I eat three square meals a day
- What did you have for breakfast? Pea Soup Q: What did you have for lunch?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you have for dinner?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you do all night?
A: Pee soup… - Class Teacher At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?
The child said, No ma'am, my moms a good cook! - What'd you have for lunch? Rubber buns and liquor.
What'd you have for dinner?
Rubber buns and liquor.
What'd do to your girlfriend?
Rubber buns and liquor. - If combining your breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called? It's called being poor.
- Interviewer: What have you planned for the future? Me: Lunch
Interviewer: Anything, like, long term, something you've put your thought into?
Me: Oh, Mexican for dinner. - My friend just brought home five new chickens for her chicken coop, and asked for suggestions for naming them... I suggested "breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch and supper..."
- If meal between breakfast and lunch is brunch Then a meal between dinner and breakfast is defrost.
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Lunch Dinner One Liners
Which lunch dinner one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lunch dinner? I can suggest the ones about breakfast lunch and lunch.
- Two things you can't eat for breakfast Lunch and dinner
- Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3 - Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner - The Donner Party Diet Breakfast: Jacks
Lunch: Franks
Dinner: Patties - What do you call having pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Regret
- What did the Soviets eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Nothing.
- What Matthew Mcconaughey movie skips from breakfast to dinner? Failure to lunch.
- Jarrod has a 6 inch for breakfast a 6 inch for lunch and a twelve year old for dinner.
- Chuck Norris doesnt eat lunch, he drinks dinner.
- Who eats Five Guys for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Jeffrey d**...
Howlingly Hilarious Lunch Dinner Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about lunch dinner you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean diner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lunch dinner pranks.
After every sentence i say you say ketchup and rubber buns.
what did you eat for breakfast? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what did you eat for lunch? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what did you eat for dinner? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what do you do when you see a hot girl? "ketchup & rubber buns."
YOU WHERE RUBBING MY GF'S WHAT?!?!
After every sentence i say you say ketchup and rubber buns.
what did you eat for breakfast? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what did you eat for lunch? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what did you eat for dinner? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what do you do when you see a hot girl? "ketchup & rubber buns."
YOU WHERE RUBBING MY GF'S WHAT?!?!
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out.
I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, “I have a 22 year old wife at home.
She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.”
I said, “Well, then why are you crying?”
He said, “She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.”
I said, “Well, why are you crying?”
He said, “For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours”
I said, “Well, why in the world would you be crying?”
He said, “I can’t remember where I live!”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sid and Irv are business partners.
They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife.
So Irv dies.
Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife.
Then one day he gets a call.
It's Irv.
"So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks.
"Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have s**..., lots of s**.... Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more s**.... Take a nap. Huge dinner. More s**.... Go to sleep, and wake up the next day."
"Oh, my God," says Sid "So that's what heaven is like?"
"Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."
One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy.
Goodbye Grampa."
Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it.
The next day, the Grandfather died.
A month later the father heard his sony saying prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."
The next day the grandmother died.
Well, the father was getting more than a little woried about the whole situation.
One week later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers.
"God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."
This nearly gave the father a heart attack.
He didn’t say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic.
He stayed all through lunch and dinner.
Finally after midnight he went home.
He was still alive!
When he got home he appologised to his wife.
"I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today."
"You think you’ve had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU’VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled,
"The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
If you want to lose weight, it is not so difficult as it seems.
You only have to leave out the third breakfast, the fourth lunch and the fifth dinner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy sits in front of TV all day, f**... like there's no tomorrow.
But not just gassy airish farts, I'm talking mega greasy wet ones, the kind that would make your dog p**....
The wife, understandably is very angry, and says: "one day Honey, you are gonna f**... your guts out."
The next Sunday, as wife is preparing Turkey for sunday lunch, her husband falls asleep.
The wife spies an opportunity to get her own back, so she takes the innards of the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing. She then went back to cooking the turkey. Later on that night, her husband came to the dinner table looking very frightened.
"What happened?" asked his wife.
"Well," the man said, "you were right. I f**... my guts out."
"What did you do?" asked his wife.
"Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!"
Normal Wife
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.
Two men were out camping in the mountains...
They had spent four days together and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south. Then tonight we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and hikes south.
That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"
The second friend says, "I went south and found a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we made love in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."
"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was much better than mine. Was she pretty?" "I don't know," says the second friend eating his meal, "I couldn't find her head."
2 blondes
Two blonde girls decided to buy a horse for each of them, when they got the horses they were confused, *how were they going to tell them apart?* so blonde one decides to cut the ear off horse one, then they go have lunch.
when they come back, they see that horse one bit the ear off horse two, so they cut the other ear off horse two, then they go have dinner.
when they get back, horse two has bit the ear off horse one, then they get back to thinking, they decide that until they figure something out, blonde 1 gets the brown horse, and blonde 2 gets the white horse
"Honey,my hands are freezing!"
A young couple go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey,my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing ! "
She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands are really, really freezing ! "
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold? "
Great joke from a marriage counselor to my fiancé and Iast night.
In Northern Ireland there's a new Catholic priest in town at the ripe age of 25. He gives his first sermon ever, and the whole town is blown away and approaches him with lots of praise after he's finished mass. Feeling inspired, so much so that he tells the town that he will come and visit all of them for breakfast, lunch or dinner at some point in the next year. With 400 or so families in the town, this is quite the undertaking. He decides to start all the at the outskirts of his Parrish and work his way inward. As he's walking the 7 miles to the O'leary farm, he notices how perfect the soil is, and how bountiful the upcoming harvest will be for the O'leary family. He thinks to himself how blessed by God they are. He comes to the door and tells Seamus O'leary how blessed he has been by God for this farm, and with the help of God he hopes he wakes up everyday thankful for what he has.
To which Seamus replies "Aye, I awake everyday thankful for what I have Fadder, but you should seen the place when just God owned it!"
Tl;dr
My marriage counselor is an agnostic.
EDIT
Title should be and I. I no word good.
A man goes to the doctors office with his wife...
... after the examination, the doctor leaves the patient in the room and comes out to speak with his wife. The doctor says "If you don't want your husband to die, you must take a good care of him. You need to prepare his breakfast, lunch and dinner. Smile and be positive around him. If he says he is tired, you must make sure he rests properly, massage him for example. Long story short, never make him unhappy."
The guy comes out of the office as the doctor is leaving. With the curiosity boiling in him, he asks the wife "What did the doctor say?" The wife responds "That you are gonna die."
I eat blondes for breakfast, redheads for lunch...
and actual food for dinner cause I skipped two meals already.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man and an old woman...
An old man and an old woman are living alone. They make a pact that the one that dies first will come back and tell the other one about the afterlife.
Wouldn't you know it, one day the old man dies.
One night the old woman is laying in bed and she sees the old man floating above her. "So?" she says, "what's it like?"
"It's great!" says the old man. "I get up in the morning and have s**.... Then I eat breakfast. Then I have more s**... until lunch. After lunch I have more s**...; that gets me to dinner. After dinner I have s**... until I pass out. I wake up the next morning and do it all again."
The old woman can't believe it. "Heaven is nothing but eating and s**... all day?"
"Heaven?" says the old man. "I'm a rabbit in Kansas."
A lonely old man decides to get a pet caterpillar...
He takes the pet caterpillar home and sets up a cage for him.
The next morning, the man goes up to the cage and asks the caterpillar, "Hey, would you like to go out to breakfast with me?"
The caterpillar does not respond.
Lunch comes around and the man again goes to the cage and asks, "Would you like to go to lunch with me?"
The caterpillar still does not respond and the man walks away sad.
Dinner comes around and again, the man goes to the cage and asks, "Hey would you please like to go to dinner with me?"
To which the caterpillar responds, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"
Happiest old man or what
An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman
noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old
redhead. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make
love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love.
At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying!
You should be the happiest man in the world!"
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"
If the meal between breakfast and lunch is called brunch and the meal between lunch and dinner is called linner, what's the meal between breakfast and dinner called?
Lunch
A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
Teacher: What are your son's names?
Lady: This boy's name is Leroy, this other boy's name is Leroy, and Leroy here is my third son's name.
Teacher: Isn't it confusing having all three boy's named the same?
Lady: Oh no, you see when it's time for lunch I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for lunch, and they all come a runnin. When it's time for dinner I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for dinner and they all come a runnin.
Teacher: Ok, so what do you do when you want a specific boy?
Lady: Oh, well then I just holler out their last name.
Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner
If Breakfast and Lunch are *Brunch*, and Lunch and Dinner are *Linner*, then Dinner and Breakfast must be *Dickfast*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Circle of life
Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. 'So there is an afterlife! What's it like?' Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have s**..., lots of s**.... Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more s**..., take a nap. Huge dinner. More s**.... Go to sleep and wake up the next day.' 'Oh, my God,' says Sid. 'So that's what heaven is like?' 'Oh no,' says Irv. 'I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park.'
My Chinese neighbors just adopted three new dogs.
Their names are Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sid and Irv & the afterlife
Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. 'So there is an afterlife! What's it like?' Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have s**..., lots of s**.... Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more s**..., take a nap. Huge dinner. More s**.... Go to sleep and wake up the next day.' 'Oh, my God,' says Sid. 'So that's what heaven is like?' 'Oh no,' says Irv. 'I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park.'
A scientist is driving around the countryside looking for elderly test subjects to measure how people live longer.
She comes across a dilapidated cabin with a very old and worn-out man sitting in the rocking chair on his front porch.
The scientist approaches the man and says pardon me, sir, but what's your secret to long life?
The man says I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, drink chocolate milk for breakfast and eat burgers for lunch and dinner, and I wash it all down with a swig of hard liquor .
Wow! exclaims the scientist. Exactly how old are you?
26.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife accidentally ordered way too many chicken strips for lunch
She was quite upset about, as she hates wasting food. My daughter I were quite happy to have some tasty junk food for dinner though. I said to my wife "We could do this again, I don't mind eating KFC. I hope this wasn't just a s**... tease!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I couldn't come up with names so...
Person 1: Did you know that there's a secret menu at that burger place?
Person 2: No, tell me about it.
Person 1: The most secret is a burger. This burger is so h**... that it qualifies as breakfast, lunch and dinner for 7 people, for 7 years. And if you finish it in under an hour, they'll pay.
Person 2: For the burger?
Person 1: No your hospital fees.
George loved to eat watches
Every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner George would eat his favorite brand of watch.
Feeling fancy? A Rolex does the job better than any restaurant.
Special occasion? A grandfather clock would fit any event perfectly.
Going on a diet? Apple watches are the way to go!
His family didn't see it though, they thought he was crazy for his bizarre choice of food. They decided to stage in intervention in order to help him quit.
We're worried about you, George his wife said, you need to stop. This isn't good!
Well, I don't see what that problem is, George defended, tell me what's wrong with them!
Well, George, his sister interceded
They're just too time consuming
Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.
We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend's yacht.
Then we'll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.
Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.
A man prayed to God his entire life to win the lottery.
A man prayed to God every day for 65 years. He prayed in the morning, at lunchtime, in the evening and just before he went to sleep.
The man passed away and went to heaven. The man was rather upset with the Lord and sought him out.
When the man found the Lord, he said "I've been praying 65 years. Every day when I woke up, ate my lunch, had my dinner in the evening and just before I went to sleep. How come I never won??"
And the Lord said, "IT WOULD HAVE HELPED IF YOU BOUGHT A TICKET!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've had constipation for 3 months
Never been to the doctors in years, but took myself there as not had a number 2 in a long time.
Doc says "what have you been eating"?
I said well doc I've been eating snooker b**...!!
What?? Snooker b**... Charlie??
Yes doc, in the morning I have 3 reds a pink, bowl porridge and a nice cup of tea.
Lunch is a sandwich a black, 2 reds and a yellow washed down with another cup of tea.
For dinner I have a nice steak, 4 reds 2 blues 1 brown again washed down with a nice cup of tea.
Doc said "hey Charlie I know where you're going wrong, you ain't eating enough greens!!"