Lunch Break Jokes
44 lunch break jokes and hilarious lunch break puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lunch break that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Lunch Break Short Jokes
Short lunch break jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lunch break humour may include short lunch time jokes also.
- I came up with this joke during lunch break: What do you call a jewish obstacle course? Shlalom
- I just got fired for looking up clown videos on my lunch break. My boss didn't buy that "Lisa Ann gets creampied" is a clown video
- How do you end a prayer to the noodle God? Ramen.
- Why do african kids get off school earlier than american kids? they dont need a lunch break
- The bully who used to take my lunch money from me in middle school still takes my lunch money from me everyday Except now he works at Subway and I'm on my lunch break
- I asked my Latina coworker if she wanted Taco Tuesday for lunch break. She said absolutely, but let's grab food first.
- I saw some people building a new bridge near me. Every lunch break they would sit down for afternoon tea complete with tablecloth and napkins. It was very civil engineering.
- Police were called to my kids daycare today. Apparently after lunch break several children were resisting a rest.
- My obese Ex-wife, Ally, worked in a Californian grenade factory. She got struck by a grenade during her lunch break while covered in sticky u**.... Supper Cali frag a lick stick ex pee Ally dough sus
- I just got fired for getting beauty tips online during my lunch break! my Boss said " Madison Ivy gets a f**..." is not a video on beauty tips.
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Lunch Break One Liners
Which lunch break one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lunch break? I can suggest the ones about lunchtime and lunch.
- Where do people settle food fights? A food court
(Came up with this during lunch break) - Which miner gets a lunch break first? The one with a lot of apatite.
- What time does the U.N. break for lunch? At Ban Ki-Noon.
- What do earth scientists look at on their lunch breaks? Cleavage.
Uplifting Lunch Break Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about lunch break you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean breakfast lunch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lunch break pranks.
A kid walks up to his teacher and says "
When is lunch."
The teacher said "When its my break."
"Your break for what? the kid asks.
"My break up" the teacher said.
A nursing assistant, a floor nurse and a charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room.
In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished-stone jewelry.
"I am Gina the Great," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!"
With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.
The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish.
Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need."
With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich and retired, and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well-groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts."
With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.
"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.
The charge nurse said, "I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."
Penguin is driving down the road...
when his car breaks down. He gets it towed to the nearest mechanic who tells him it will be a while before it's fixed, so he goes to the diner next door to get some lunch while he waits.
He comes back an hour or so later and asks the mechanic what happened with his car...mechanic tells him that he blew a seal. He looks at the mechanic, wipes his lip, and says 'nope, that's just tartar sauce.'
Blond man joke
An Irish, Mexican, and blond iron worker were sitting on the top of a skyscraper under construction for their lunch break.
The Irishman opens his lunch box, "Corned beef and cabbage again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The Mexican opens his lunch box, "Tacos again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The blond opens his lunch box, "A ham and cheese sandwich again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The next day the Irishman gets corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican gets tacos and jumps to his death. The blond gets a ham and cheese sandwich and jumps to his death.
At their wake, their wives sit together to mourn the men.
The Irishman's wife laments, "If he would have told me he hated his food I could have made something else."
The Mexican's wife agrees, "I could have made my husband quesadillas or enchiladas."
The women look over at the blond's wife, who responds, "Don't look at me, he made his own lunch."
A man sits down at a children's park
A man is sitting down at a bench enjoying some lunch during his lunch break. Overhead he watches children frolick and play. But then he sees a group of women quietly discussing (obviously) him.
Then all of the sudden one of the women confidently approaches the man. With an ounce of cockyness, in a bid to lure away the man, the women asks "So, which one is yours?"
The man replies "I haven't decided yet."
A young man starts a new job at a construction site
During his lunch break, he asks an older man what he's carrying in his lunch box.
"It's a thermos, it keeps cold things cold and hot things hot."
"Oh wow, I have to get me one of those!" Said the young man
The next day, the older man sees the younger man carrying a thermos.
"I see you got a thermos. What do you got in it?" He asks.
The young man replies, "Ice tea and hot bean soup!"
A group of Nuns were enjoying their lunch break...
A group of Nuns were enjoying their lunch break, riding their bicycles around the gardens at their convent.
"I told you 5 minutes ago that lunchtime was over Sisters!" yelled the Sister in charge.
"If you don't stop immediately I'll put the seats back on!"
My coworker was eating an ice cream cone on her lunch break when she caught me staring at her
"Hey what's up?" she said
"Oh nothing.. It's just that I want to ask for something but I'm afraid you'll misunderstand me." I replied
"Haha don't worry, I won't." She said reassuringly
"I wanna lick it." I said
She quickly extends the ice cream cone to me, to which I said:
"I knew you'd misunderstand."
A pharmacist takes a lunch break...
and leaves his assistant in charge. When he gets back he finds everything in order except a man standing at the back of the pharmacy with his head down and arms crossed.
"What's with him?" The pharmacist asks
"He came in with a bad cough, but we're out of cough medicine, so I gave him some 'Ex-Lax' instead" The assistant informs him.
"Are you crazy!" the pharmacist yells, "you can't treat a cough with Ex-Lax,"
The assistant answers, "Well he's not coughing is he?"
Capitalism, Communism, and Socialism have a meeting for afternoon tea
Communism collapses on the way there and dies from malnutrition. Socialism is so late from collecting welfare to buy the tea that he decides to go home. However, Capitalism - seeing that neither of the two showed up - buys his own tea, finishes his lunch break, and goes back to work.
The German consulate is in NYC for a big UN meeting...
The clock hits 12:30 and the meeting breaks for lunch. Being that he's in New York, the consulate requests to go out to lunch at a local Deli. An intern is charge with taking him out. As they are sitting and eating the consulate turns to the intern and exclaims,
"I have to admit, these bagels are really delicious! We don't have bagels like this in Germany."
"Well," the intern replies, "whose fault is that?"
Nina and Liz are having a conversation during their lunch break.
Nina asks "So, Liz, how's your s**... life these days?"
Liz replies "Oh, you know. It's the usual, Social Security kind".
"Social Security?" Nina asked quizzically.
"Yeah, you get a little each month, but it's not enough to live on"
I thought 'H' is silent
One Day I asked Ms. Doris, our English teacher: "Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation. eg the letter....'H'.......in Hour, Honest, Honor.....e.t.c.........???"
Ms. Doris: "We are not ignoring them; they are considered silent."!
(I was even more confused.........??)
During the lunch break, MS. Doris gave me her packed lunch & asked me to heat it in the cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her an empty container....!!
Ms. Doris: "What happened, I told you to go and HEAT my food & you are returning me an empty container??"
Me: "Madam I thought 'H' was silent"
A seventh grader asked his English teacher a question in class
"Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H .......in Hour, Honour. .....etc. She replied, "We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent."
During lunch break that day, the teacher gave the student her packed lunch and asked him to heat it in the Cafeteria. He ate all the food and returned her the empty container.
Shocked, she asked: "What happened? The boy replied: "Madam, I thought 'H' was silent.
I used to drive my infant daughter (who refused to dribk from a bottle) to the hospital where my wife worked as a nurse so she could breastfeed during her lunch break.
I'm no math major, but I'm pretty sure that means that my wife was nursing².
p**... needed a job
Shawn said why not try a lumber jack?
So off he went to the forman.
p**... he says if you can do 100 trees a day , you're hired.
Off p**... went, only 10 trees the 1st day.
Forman says, now p**..., i have guys who can do 100 without breaking a sweat.
p**... forgoes breakfast and lunch but only manages 20 trees on day 2.
Forman says, ow p**..., i have a guy who can do 150 before lunch!
p**... starts at 4am ,no food and finishes at 7pm exhausted.
Forman says now p**... , 30 trees?
p**... says, i don't know what i'm doing wrong?
Forman says, well lets see and he picks up the chainsaw and starts it up.
p**... goes : Whats that?"
Breaking News
Local police are seeking a shoplifter who attacked a store this lunch time but was tackled by a have-a-go shopkeep with his labelling gun.
Officers say they're seeking a man with a price on his head.
- RIP Ronnie Corbett.
A guy at work takes out his lunchbag and looks inside
He sighs and says "a tuna sandwich again? I'm getting tired of this."
The next day during the lunch break he takes out his lunch bag, opens it, looks inside and again he sighs, saying "every single day for lunch, a tuna sandwich. I really can't take it anymore."
His friend says to him "if you're so unhappy with the same tuna sandwich every day, why don't you just ask your wife to make something else for you?"
The guy replies "I'm the one who makes the lunch."
One day, I asked my English Teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H ...in Hour, Honour. ...etc. ...??????
My English Teacher said, " We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent "....... (I was even more confused .....?????)
During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her the empty container. ....!!!!!!!
My English Teacher : What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container.
I replied, "sir, I thought 'H' was silent.
A dog in a hard hat walks into a bar
The dog says "I'll have a beer. I'm on lunch break from the construction site across the street."
The bartender says "Wow, a talking dog! You should join the circus!"
The dog replies "Why? Do they need construction workers?"
A pharmacist comes back from his lunch break
He finds his assistant standing by a customer who seems very tense.
What's wrong with this man? The pharmacist asks his assistant.
He has a terrible cough! The assistant replied. And there was no cough medicine so I prescribed him laxatives instead.
The customer gives a soft groan as the pharmacist looks horrified.
You can't prescribe laxatives to treat a cough!
Well of course you can, replied the assistant. Look at the customer, he's far too scared to cough
A woman goes into a restaurant for her lunch break.
She sees a man sitting at a table, alone with his bowl of tomato soup. Politely she asks him: "Excuse me, sir, is this seat taken? Mind if I join you?" He answers: "No problem, ma'am. But I have to warn you, I'm a very messy eater!" She smiles and sits down, and says: "Then it was a good idea to wear a red shirt when eating tomato soup, wasn't it?" He answers: "Nope, I'm NOT wearing a red shirt..."
A blonde and a brunette are taking a break
The brunette pulls out a thermos and starts to sip coffee while eating her lunch. The blonde asks what's up with the funny looking flask. "It's a thermos flask, it keeps hot beverages hot, and cold beverages cold!" the blonde is enthused, and decides right away to get one herself.
The next day the blonde walks in the breakroom with a brand new thermos and shows it to the brunette. "Oh," the brunette remarks, "What do you have in there?"
"Two coffee and an ice cream!"
A boss and his two workers had a genie appear before them...
The genie in his traditional style offered three wishes to them, so they decided to split the three wishes amongst them. The first worker said:
"I wish for a party yacht with hundreds of beautiful girls crawling all over me."
p**..., and he was gone. Seeing this, the second worker eagerly said:
"I wish for a castle with hundreds of staff and a limitless credit card."
p**..., and he too was gone. Scratching his stubble, the boss sighed.
"I want those two g**... loafers back in the office before lunch break ends!"
A man returns to work sporting a black eye after lunch
His coworker asked him if he got in a fight during his lunch break, and he says no, he was randomly punched by a guy after he asked him which food line he was standing in. The coworker asks if this happened in the line for the ramen shop, but he shakes his head and replies, "No, pho queue."
A rabbi & a Catholic priest met at an interfaith conference
They decided to take a break for lunch together. While reading the menu, the priest asked a question.
"From what I know of your people Rabbi, you are not supposed to eat pork. Have you ever actually tried it?"
"Well, yes" said the rabbi "A couple of times. Now tell ME, Father- I've heard that your people are supposed to be celibate. So have YOU ever...?"
"um" the priest stumbled "in my youth, once or twice..."
"Better than pork, isn't it?!"
