Lunatic Jokes
40 lunatic jokes and hilarious lunatic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lunatic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Tired of the same old jokes? Check out these hilariously funny lunatic jokes that take the insanity of an asylum and the zaniness of life on the freeway and combine it with Herman's contagious attitude. Get ready to laugh out loud!
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Funniest Lunatic Short Jokes
Short lunatic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lunatic humour may include short maniac jokes also.
- A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum. He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off.
Headline in the local newspaper next day read,
"Nut Screws Washer and Bolts . - Scientists have recently discovered the existence of a mentally unstable microscopic parasite on the moon... Apparently it's a real lunatic
- Falling off Bed A lunatic falls off his bed. He quickly gets up. 10 minutes later, he falls again. He thinks to himself "Good thing I got up 10 minutes ago, or I might have fallen on myself"
- Today i went to starbucks I got in and ordered a large coffee with milk, and the dude looked at me like i was a lunatic
- Me and my twin sister are named luna and Selena Our parents are lunatics for naming us that way.
- What do you call someone obsessed with the moon? A lunatic
(Sorry if repost, was just reading and came across) - What do you call a room full of deranged lunatics? The Miskatonic University ten year reunion.
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Lunatic One Liners
Which lunatic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lunatic? I can suggest the ones about insane and nutty.
- What do you call insects on the moon? Lunatics
- What do you call a tick that lives on the moon? A lunatic.
- What do you call fans of the moon? Lunatics
- What kind of tick should you look out for on the full moon? A lunatic
- What do you call people born on the moon? A lunatic.
- What do you call someone who thinks that the moon is winking at him? A lunatic
- Have you heard about President Moon?! He's a luna-tic!
- Who is Jay-Z's lunatic cousin? Cra-Z
- What did the lunatic vacuum cleaner salesman say to his son before murdering him? Dyson.
- what idiot called it a moon enthusiast and not a lunatic
Share Hilarious Lunatic Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about lunatic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean madman jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lunatic pranks.
Two guys in a lunatic asylum
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum… and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea… He says, 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' but the second guy just shakes his head. He says, 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!
There are two lunatics in a mental asylum...
So, there's two lunatics in a lunatic asylum and they're both due to have assessments to be released. They decide to make a pact that the first person who goes in to see the doctor will tell the other one the answers to the questions.
So the first one goes in to see the doctor and the doctor says: "if I took this fork and stuck it in your eye, what would happen?"
The patient says, "I'd be partially blind"
"Good," says the doctor, "what would happen if I stuck this fork into your other eye?"
"I'd be totally blind," says the man.
"Excellent, you're free to go!"
As they pass on the corridor, the patient says to his mate "the first one's partially blind and the second one is totally blind".
"Right," says the doctor, "If I took this knife and chopped off your ear, what would happen?"
"I'd be partially blind," says the lunatic.
"Hmm," says the doctor, but decides to continue: "what would happen if I take this knife and chopped off your other ear?"
"I'd be totally blind," says the lunatic.
Well, by this point, the doctor is very confused and decides to probe further into why this would be.
"Well," says the patient, "my cap would fall over my eyes".
First joke I ever learned
An elderly man arrives home from bingo and his wife comes running up to him.
"Thank goodness you're home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!"
He responds, "*A* Lunatic? There were hundreds of them!"
A guy is watching the news...
And he sees that there is a guy driving in the wrong direction on the highway. He knows that his dad is currently driving on that highway, so he calls his dad.
Dad, he says, watch out. There's some lunatic driving the wrong way on the highway!
His father replies, There're millions of them!
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum...and one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape. So, like, they get up to the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight. Stretching away to freedom. Now the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend dare not make the leap. You see he's afraid of falling. So then the first guy has an idea. He says "Hey! I have a flashlight with me. I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" But the second guy just shakes his head. He says "What do you think I am? CRAZY? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lady was walking home late one night...
when she heard a blood curdling cry behind her. Horrifed, she whipped around and saw a r**... lunatic charging headlong at her with a knife held high, bloodshot eyed and spittle flying.
Ran she did for all she is worth, screaming for help all the way, but at last she tired and stopped to plead with the mad man.
'Please, i will...will do anything!' She stammered, closed to fainting.
The mad man stopped, stared at her from head to toe, pondered a while or so, before handing her the knife and with a blissful smile, said, 'Ok then, its your turn to chase me!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Walking past a lunatic asylum
Walking past a lunatic asylum , and I could hear the inmates shouting 13, 13, 13, 13, curiosity got the better of me but the walls were too tall to see over .all the time they kept on shouting 13, 13, 13, finally I found a hole in the wall so I took a peep and some fool poked me in the eye with a stick and then they started shouting 14, 14, 14, 14,
Two Lunatics Escape The Asylum.
there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum and one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' But the second guy just shakes his head. He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!'
An old man is in his Volvo driving home from work...
... when his wife rings him on his cellphone.
"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now; some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".
"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"
A man gets off the plane
in a country he has never been before. He steps out the airport and hails a cab.
Once he's in and tells the address, the cabbie starts driving like a lunatic. The man starts grabbing his seat while the cabbie does dangerous movements.
When they come across a red light, and the cabbie doesn't stop, the man gathers up his courage to say "At least stop at the red light" in a soft voice.
Cabbie responds "manly drivers do not stop at red lights"
A little while later there is a green light at an intersection and the cab stops. Surprised the man asks "What kinda lunatic are you to drive past red lights and stop at green?"
Cabbie says "there are other manly drivers too"
An old man was driving along the highway...
...when a traffic emergency came on the radio.
"Attention all drivers on Highway 11, there is a lunatic driving on the wrong side of the road!"
The old man muttered to himself; "A lunatic? More like hundreds!"
2 guys locked in a lunatic asylum.
See, there were 2 guys locked in a lunatic asylum. One night, they decided to escape. They made it up to the rooftop, across this narrow gap, they see rooftops. Stretching out into freedom.
The first guy, he jumps across no problem. But his friend, nope, afraid of falling. First guy thinks of an idea, he says "hey, i got this flashlight with me, I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings and you can walk across the beam and join me!"
The 2nd guy says, "what do you think i am, crazy? you'll just turn it off when i'm half way across!"
*source, the joker tells batman this joke, batman laughs w/ him for the first time. *
Two lunatics planning their escape from the asylum.
A:(Give a task to B) Go see the keeper's position. If he's on the left we flee by the right; If he's on the right we flee by the left.
B: (returns disappointed) impossible to flee!! He's not here.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Theory of Jumping Fleas
A lunatic asylum inmate amused himself by placing the pet flea on his left hand and on the command "Jump, Freddie, jump", the insect would leap to his right hand.
This game helped the poor man to pass away the mindless hours but one day he produced a tiny pair of scissors and proceeded to cut off Freddie the Flea's legs. He then placed his truncated pet on his hand and gave the familiar command but to no avail.
And then raising his voice he shouted "Jump, Freddie, jump!" but still the flea remained in his left hand.
'There you are,' cried the man triumphantly. 'That proves my theory, you cut off their legs they go deaf.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[OC] What do you get when you cross a blood s**... insect with a moon worshiping cult?
A lunatic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Driving in France
I was driving from London to Paris and got off the ferry at Calais.
I got onto the D901, when my wife called me saying "careful dear, they are saying on the news that there is a lunatic driving on the wrong side of the road."
I said "the news is wrong honey. There are hundreds of these lunatics driving on the wrong side honking at me. Gotta go".
The numbers game
A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting. 'Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!' goes the noise from within the mental hospital's wards.
The man's curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence. It's not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in. Instantly, someone jabs him in the eye.
As he reels back in agony, the chanting continues:
'Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!'
