Lump Jokes
43 lump jokes and hilarious lump puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lump that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lump Short Jokes
Short lump jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lump humour may include short bulge jokes also.
- In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him
- Grandma found a lump under her left breast but the Dr said it's ok. It was just her kneecap.
- Grandma went to the hospital saying she felt a lump on her breast... Turns out it was her belt buckle.
- Quasimodo finally retired from his job today... He left with a lump sum and 30 years back pay.
- A walkie-talkie invited a lump of coal to dinner and a movie. Classic example of radio-carbon dating.
- This Christmas... Naughty children will be given £1 coins instead of an expensive lump of coal.
- I asked Santa for a new energy policy... ...but all I got in my stocking was a lump of coal. :-(
- A camel Goes into the coffee shop The barista, about to add the sugar asks, "one lump or two?"
- Doctor's Discussion Two surgeons are conferring in the hospital corridor outside a patient's room...
"We found a large lump in his wallet but I think we got it all." - Newborn babies are like a lump of unmolded clay. They even make the same sound when you drop them.
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Lump One Liners
Which lump one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lump? I can suggest the ones about tumor and mole.
- Consistency is important when dieting You don't want lumps in your cake batter.
- What do you call a lump of coal and a diamond hanging out together? Carbon Dating.
- A horse got cancer and a lump starts growing on its back
- I take my coffee with two lumps... My wife and my mother.
- Workplaces are like septic tanks: All the biggest lumps eventually rise to the top.
- Lions are wild, Kittens are tame. Fondled Lump,
Is our president's new name. - You must be giving me prostate cancer because there's a hard lump in my pants.
- A friend of mine found a gold coin in a lump of earth......... Lucky sod !
- Why do i have lumps on my b**...? wait this isn't google
- What's the definition of a surprise? A f**... with a lump in it.
- Friend: Do farts have lumps? Me: No!
Friend: Oops, I just s**... myself
Hilarious Fun Lump Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about lump you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bunch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lump pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My partner was afraid that I was cheating, which I wasn't.
She came to me one evening, very serious. I knew something was going on. She asked, in that tone that instantly puts a lump in your t**..., I suspect you've been unfaithful. Do you have a sec to talk?
I wanted her to know she has my full attention, so I replied, I have a lot of secs!
I still can't figure out why she walked out.
I'm looking for jokes that you have to work out. My favourite is the one in the below, which was posted here by another user. Does anyone else have any similar ones that you have to think about before finding the funny?
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.
To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I found a lump, so my doctor friend suggested that I have one of my t**... removed.
He really takes his mashed potatoes extremely seriously.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Eve eating the forbidden fruit cause a lump in Adams t**...?
Because she was eating Adam's apple.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Is that dog p**...?
A guy is walking down the street and sees a brown lump ahead. "Is that dog p**...?" He thinks to himself.
He approaches it to examine if it is dog p**.... "Well it looks like dog p**...." He bends down and sniffs it. "Smells like dog p**...." He grazes the substance with his finger. "Feels like dog p**...." His finger scoops up a part of the p**..., and he licks it. "Tastes like dog p**....... Yep, this is dog p**... alright."
"Well, good thing I didn't step in it."
When I was young, Dad found and lump and Mum had to have her breast removed.
That man took his mashed potatoes very seriously, let me tell you.
Why are steam trains naughty around Christmas?
They're hoping Santa will give them a lump of coal.
Billfold Biopsy
While I was in the hospital, the surgeons found a large lump in my wallet…
…
…
But they got all of it.
Going to work.
I got to work this morning to find a lump of Plasticine on my desk.
I didn't know what to make of it.
A botfly larva enters a bar..
.. and says "I'll have a shot of whisky and a lump of rotten meat please".
"Are you sure you want rotten meat?"
"Want it? I encyst on it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the M0D's name before they're triggered; turning into a furious, putrid, lump of blubber?
Bruce Banner
Did you hear about the black lady who got the abortion?
She got a lump sum check from crime stoppers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandad found a huge lump in his b**... this morning.
Turns out it was just his knee.
A man is laying carpet at a woman's house and it's a long, hot job.
He finally finishes and reaches into his shirt pocket for a pack of cigarettes and they are not there.
He glances at a small lump out of the carpet I realize they slipped out of his pocket. Bam! Bam! Bam! He flattens them till it looks great, there is no way he's going to take up all that carpet for a bunch of paper and tobacco.
Heads out to his truck, jumps in the front seat and is caught off guard to see his pack of cigarettes on the dash.
At that moment the woman of the house rushes out waving at him. "Excuse me, I don't know if you saw him or not, but I'm missing my hamster."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lesson 5 of 6: The Flying Turkey
A turkey was chatting with a bull I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy. Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings? replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients. The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.
**Moral of the story**: b**... might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Found a lump in my t**..., had to get it checked out
It was much bigger than the other two
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Real b**...!!
A turkey was chatting with a bull I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy. Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings? replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients. The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: b**... might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man Is wandering in the desert
He is lost with no food or water, and is starving. He assumes quite rightly that he is going to die.
However just then he sees a church off in the distance. He sprints for it and inside he gets down on his knees and prays for food. *PLOP* A lump of meat appears before him.
He wolfs the food down. It is tastier than anything he's ever had before.
He raises his hands to the sky and looks up and is about to give his thanks to God, when he sees......... a l**..., painting the ceiling.
