The Best 34 Lump Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Lump jokes. There are some lump scars jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lump trifle puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Lump Jokes and Puns
My mate had one of his testicles removed today after finding a lump.
That's how serious I am about mashed potatoes.
Grandma went to the hospital saying she felt a lump on her breast...
Turns out it was her belt buckle.
A man walks into a pub...
...and lifts a lump of asphalt onto the bar. He says to the barman, "One for me and one for the road."
So I was driving down the road one day, and somebody threw a lump of cheese at me...
and I thought to myself, that's not very mature...
Is that dog poo?
A guy is walking down the street and sees a brown lump ahead. "Is that dog poo?" He thinks to himself.
He approaches it to examine if it is dog poo. "Well it looks like dog poo." He bends down and sniffs it. "Smells like dog poo." He grazes the substance with his finger. "Feels like dog poo." His finger scoops up a part of the poo, and he licks it. "Tastes like dog poo.... Yep, this is dog poo alright."
"Well, good thing I didn't step in it."
Newborn babies are like a lump of unmolded clay.
They even make the same sound when you drop them.
What do you call a lump of coal and a diamond hanging out together?
Carbon Dating.
What's the M0D's name before they're triggered; turning into a furious, putrid, lump of blubber?
Bruce Banner
Why are steam trains naughty around Christmas?
They're hoping Santa will give them a lump of coal.
A botfly larva enters a bar..
.. and says "I'll have a shot of whisky and a lump of rotten meat please".
"Are you sure you want rotten meat?"
"Want it? I encyst on it!"
Going to work.
I got to work this morning to find a lump of Plasticine on my desk.
I didn't know what to make of it.
You can explore lump gigantic reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lump teste dad jokes. There are also lump puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Billfold Biopsy
While I was in the hospital, the surgeons found a large lump in my wallet…
…
…
But they got all of it.
I asked Santa for a new energy policy...
...but all I got in my stocking was a lump of coal. :-(
I was walking down the road when this bloke threw a lump of cheddar at me.
"That's not very mature" I said.
My grandad found a huge lump in his ball sack this morning.
Turns out it was just his knee.
Two lumps of concrete walk into a busy bar...
They see some chairs next to a lump of tarmac, and the one goes over to sit when the other grabs him saying:
"Dude, don't sit next to him.. he's a cycle-path"
Doctor's Discussion
Two surgeons are conferring in the hospital corridor outside a patient's room...
"We found a large lump in his wallet but I think we got it all."
Why did Eve eating the forbidden fruit cause a lump in Adams throat?
Because she was eating Adam's apple.
A horse got cancer and a lump starts growing on its back
A guy drove past me in his car and threw a lump of cheddar at me.
I thought to myself "That's mature!"
When I was young, Dad found and lump and Mum had to have her breast removed.
That man took his mashed potatoes very seriously, let me tell you.
A camel Goes into the coffee shop
The barista, about to add the sugar asks, "one lump or two?"
How do you make a flabby lump of fat attractive?
Put a nipple on it.
Quasimodo finally retired from his job today...
He left with a lump sum and 30 years back pay.
Did you hear about the black lady who got the abortion?
She got a lump sum check from crime stoppers.
Went for walk yesterday and a bloke threw a lump of cheese at me.
I thought to myself, well that's not very mature.
Grandma found a lump under her left breast but the Dr said it's ok.
It was just her kneecap.
My grandma had a scare when she felt a lump under her breast
Turns out it was just her knee cap
My partner was afraid that I was cheating, which I wasn't.
She came to me one evening, very serious. I knew something was going on. She asked, in that tone that instantly puts a lump in your throat, I suspect you've been unfaithful. Do you have a sec to talk?
I wanted her to know she has my full attention, so I replied, I have a lot of secs!
I still can't figure out why she walked out.
One of my mates found a lump, and then had one of his testicles removed.
That's how serious he is about mashed potato.
Why do i have lumps on my balls?
wait this isn't google
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him
To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him
My grandmother had a medical scare recently.
She felt a lump under her breast. Turns out it was just her kneecap.
A walkie talkie invited a lump of coal to dinner and a movie.
Radio-carbon dating
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lump prostate jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lump bump piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.