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Lumberjack Jokes

124 lumberjack jokes and hilarious lumberjack puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about lumberjack that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with this compilation of funny lumberjack jokes, featuring characters like lumberjacks, gay lumberjacks and their iconic shirt, logs, timber and orchards. Scour through these rib-tickling jokes and have a great time!

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Funniest Lumberjack Short Jokes

Short lumberjack jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lumberjack humour may include short lumber jack jokes also.

  1. A lumberjack once told me he's cut down 27,572 trees. How do ya know exactly how many? I inquired.
    Easy. I keep a log.
  2. A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree The lumberjack smiled, and you will dialogue .
  3. A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a Tree.. Upon arrival to the tree he started swinging at the tree.
    "But, I'm a talking tree" said the tree.
    "And you will dialogue" replied the lumberjack.
  4. As a lumberjack i know i have cut down 2,718 trees. Because every time I cut one down I keep a log.
  5. Did you hear about the lumberjack who got fired for cutting down too many trees ? He saw too much
  6. A lumberjack goes into a forest to chop down a tree. "Wait," says the tree, "I'm a talking tree." The lumberjack smiles and says, "And you will dialogue."
  7. A Lumberjack is about to swing his axe right at a tree until he hears a noise "Stop! Please don't kill me, I'm a talking tree!"
    The Lumberjack stops, and says
    "And you will Dialogue"
  8. As a lumberjack, I know that I've cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
  9. What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood? Logger-rhythms.
  10. I started brewing beer specifically for certain professions. The first two batches were brewed for lumberjacks and bellhops. A lager and a porter.

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Lumberjack One Liners

Which lumberjack one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lumberjack? I can suggest the ones about tree feller and wood log.

  1. A lumberjack chopped off my teeth But later he apologized and said it was axedental.
  2. What do you call three Irish lumberjacks? Tree fellers
  3. How do lumberjacks know how many trees they have cut down? They keep a log!
  4. What does a lumberjack and a trio of Irishmen have in common? They're both tree fellers.
  5. What dating app do lumberjacks use? Timber
  6. How does a lumberjack know how many trees he cuts down in one day? He kept a log
  7. Tree: Wait, I am a talking tree? Lumberjack: Yes, and you will dialogue
  8. What does a Chinese lumberjack do? Chop sticks
  9. Why couldn't the tree solve the Lumberjack's riddle? He was stumped.
  10. What is a lumberjacks favorite online activity? Logging in.
  11. How do lumberjacks know how many trees they've cut? They keep a log of each one.
  12. What do lumberjacks do when they're about to finish work? Log off.
  13. Did you hear about the Lumberjack who abruptly stopped doing his job? He just woodn't.
  14. How do lumberjacks work from home? They Log In
  15. What did the tree say to the lumberjack? I'm falling for you

Lumberjack Wood Jokes

Here is a list of funny lumberjack wood jokes and even better lumberjack wood puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Our village has a lady lumberjack Every time I see her I get wood
  • I had long suspected a rival robot lumberjack of stealing my wood So I checked its log files.
  • A lumberjack lost his arm cutting wood. It was an axe-ident.
  • What's awkward for a man but a normal part of the job for a lumberjack? Morning wood.
  • She was only a lumberjack's daughter ... ... but she always gave me wood.
  • What's a lumberjack's favorite snack? Wood chips
  • What did lumberjack's wife say to lumberjack at the end of the day? Got wood?
  • Why did he lumberjack quit his job chopping wood? Because he couldn't hack it
  • 2 Lumberjacks 2 lumberjacks chop down a tree, but don't know what to do with the wood. One of them suggests they make carpentry, and the other says, "that woodwork."
  • Why did the lumberjack stretch the wood? To keep them nice and timber.
Lumberjack joke, Why did the lumberjack stretch the wood?

Hilarious Lumberjack Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about lumberjack you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cutting wood jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lumberjack pranks.

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree

When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!
The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.

I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldn't concentrate.

So I tried my hand at being a lumberjack. I couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Then i gave being a barber a go. But I didn't cut it.
I was then hired as a tailor and found I wasn't suited for the job.

A weak little man applied for a job as a lumberjack...

...but the foreman refused to take him because he was too small. "I may look puny," protested the man, "but I'm not. Just give me a chance to show you my strength."
The foreman consented and told the man to go chop down a giant redwood that stood nearby. Half an hour later, to the foreman's shock, the redwood was lying on the ground.
"Where'd you learn to cut down trees like that?" the foreman asked.
"The Sahara Forest," the man answered.
"You mean the Sahara Desert?" the foreman ventured.
"Sure," said that man, "if that's what they call it now."

Why did you cut me down, lumberjack?

Lumberjack: Oh, you really don't know why?
Tree: Sorry, I'm stumped.

Why did the hippy teach the lumberjack calculus?

So he'd use natural logs!

For all of those Philosophy Majors out there

Philosophy Joke:
If an argument concludes a tree fall without human interaction in a forest for a stump to be made, and there are no lumberjack's in the forest to hear it, does it make it sound?

What did the lumberjack cobbler make?

Wooden shoe like to know?

Who Is every lumberjack's favourite director?

TIMBURRRTON!

What do you call a dating service for lumberjacks?

Timbr

A lumberjack applies for a job...

...the interviewer asks, "so, where have you worked previously?"
The lumberjack replies, "I did a few years in the Sahara Forest."
The interviewer, taken aback, inquires, "the Sahara 'Forest?' Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
Lumberjack says, "yeah, that's what they call it now."

What do Chinese lumberjacks do?

Chopsticks

Did you hear about the lumberjack who lost his job?

They gave him the axe, he just couldn't hack it.

Why was the lumberjack executed?

He committed treeson.

Three Men are Captured by Female Savages!

They are told their d**... would be removed in a manner appropriate to their jobs.
The first was a lumberjack, so his would be chopped off.
The second was a butcher, so his would be sliced off.
The third man started laughing. The females asked what was so funny, and he replied, "I work for Dyson!".

What do you get when you watch a lumberjack chop down a tree?

bored.
ha^ha

The main lumberjack at my company does some minor computer hacking in his spare time...

...he's our key logger.

Did you hear about the lumberjack who worked overtime?

He logged a lot of hours.

My sphincter is a lumberjack.

He cuts logs in half.

An Irish Lumberjack

A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.

The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the Irishman.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the Foreman. "Take your axe and go cut it down."

The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the Foreman's door.

"I cut the tree down," said the Irishman.
"*Holy smokes!*" Said the Formean. "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied the Irishman.

Confused, the Forman asked "...don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
"Is that what they call it now?"

A musician, a lumberjack, and a mathematician were in a room together...

They made a log-rhythm.

My friend told this great lumberjack joke the other day.

But no one was around to hear it...

What is it called when a lumberjack masturbates?

Logging off.

What do you call a s**... lumberjack?

An Axymoron!

What do you call a southern lumberjack

a tree feller

What do you call a lumberjack from the middle east?

o**... Bin Loggin

Where does a lumberjack find a date?

Timber!

I tried joining a lumberjack site for some strength tips

I couldn't log in.

I got chatting to this lumberjack the other day

He seemed like a decent feller

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut down a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, No! Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"

Did you know Raymond Burr had a brother who was a lumberjack?

His name was Tim

A lumberjack applies for a job and gets called for an interview. The interviewer asks him, So, what experience do you have? The lumberjack replies, Well, I used to work in the Sahara Forest.

The interviewer is a little taken aback and asks, The Sahara Forest? Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?
The lumberjack says, Yeah, that's what they call it now.

What do you call a lumberjack without any legs?

Stumped!

A Lumberjack walks into a Magical Forest..

He finds a mighty tree and begins to chop it down. As soon as he starts chopping, the tree yells out "Stop it! I'm a talking tree!" The lumber jack responds, "And you'll dialogue."

What do Black lumberjacks use to cut trees?

An *ask*

What's a lumberjacks favorite filmmaker?

TIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRR-ton

A lumber jack went into a forest....

Upon entering he found a tree and began his first swing when the tree suddenly shouted, wait I'm a talking tree
And the lumberjack grinned and said,
And you will dialogue

The New Lumberjack

A lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked as hard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three trees in a day. His supervisor noticed this, and asked what was wrong. Maybe his chainsaw was broken. The supervisor turned it on, but it was working fine.
The lumberjack looked incredibly startled and asked, "What's that noise?"

How did the lumberjack cure his constipation?

He dropped a log.

Whats the difference between being a lumberjack and any other job?

You get the axe when you're hired not fired.

A lumberjack went to a doctor complaining of back pain and can't carry heavy logs.

He was told he didn't have enough lumber support.

Why don't lumberjacks work n**...?

They might cut the wrong wood

A lumberjack was being cross-examined during a m**... trial.

The defense lawyer, trying to discredit the lumberjack as a witness, asked him:
"Is it true you were working at night?  How can you be sure that it was a pine tree that fell on the victim?"
The lumberjack replied confidently: "I know what I saw."

Every knows about comedian Bill Burr.

Many have not heard of his lumberjack brother Tim, he is one of the best in the world.

A s**... donor, a lumberjack, and an agreeable man walk into a bar.

He came, he saw, he concurred.

A lumberjack says to another

You know I can cut a log just by looking at it.
The other lumberjack says that's not possible .
The lumberjack says It may seem impossible but I saw it with my own two eyes.

Everyone knows comedian Bill Burr, most don't realize he has a huge family with lots of talent.

His mother, Barb, is a famous hair stylist.
Rob, his brother is in jail for theft.
His sister Cally is a great gunsmith.
Lastly, don't forget about his cousin the famous lumberjack, Tim.

I met a person claiming to be the greatest lumberjack.

I asked "How do you know, you are the greatest"
Well, have you ever heard of the sahara forest ?
I replied you mean the Sahara desert ?
Well I guess they call it that now.

Lumberjacks are bad at fixing computers

They only know how to log out.

What's the difference between a miner and a lumberjack?

You don't get arrested for dating a lumberjack.

My 3 year old's first joke: what did the lumberjack say to the tree?

I saw you.

A lumberjack chooses a tree to chop down. Before he has a chance to swing his axe, the tree exclaims, "WAIT! Don't do this! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack responds, "Good. Then you will dialogue."

Who's a lumberjack's favorite classical composer?

Chopin.

I asked a lumberjack who many trees had he cut

He said 23,679
I asked how do you know the exact number
He said I keep a log

What's a lumberjacks favorite dating app?

Tinnnnddddeeerrr!!

My friends think that your name represents what you should do in life. Dina worked to find a dinosaur fossil, and Jack became a lumberjack,

We don't talk about Cliff.

Where were all the lumberjacks taking the train to?

Deforestation

Why does the rate of trees cut follow an inverse exponential trend when lumberjacks start singing?

Because it falls into a logger-rhythm.

Why are lumberjacks always men?

Because they're fellers.

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"

Two lumberjacks are having a conversation.

One of them says "You know, I can cut wood just by looking at it!"
The other replies "That's not possible! I don't believe you!"
The first says "I know, that it's hard to believe, but I'm telling you! I saw it with my two eyes!"

How do you escape an angry lumberjack on the internet?

You log off

Lumberjack joke, How do you escape an angry lumberjack on the internet?

jokes about lumberjack