Lumberjack Jokes
124 lumberjack jokes and hilarious lumberjack puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about lumberjack that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with this compilation of funny lumberjack jokes, featuring characters like lumberjacks, gay lumberjacks and their iconic shirt, logs, timber and orchards. Scour through these rib-tickling jokes and have a great time!
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Funniest Lumberjack Short Jokes
Short lumberjack jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lumberjack humour may include short lumber jack jokes also.
- A lumberjack once told me he's cut down 27,572 trees. How do ya know exactly how many? I inquired.
Easy. I keep a log. - Did you hear about the lumberjack who got fired for cutting down too many trees ? He saw too much
- What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood? Logger-rhythms.
- I started brewing beer specifically for certain professions. The first two batches were brewed for lumberjacks and bellhops. A lager and a porter.
- My friends think that your name represents what you should do in life. Dina worked to find a dinosaur fossil, and Jack became a lumberjack, We don't talk about Cliff.
- Every knows about comedian Bill Burr. Many have not heard of his lumberjack brother Tim, he is one of the best in the world.
- Did you hear about the lumberjack competition? Apparently it was won by tree fellers from Ireland
- Where were all the lumberjacks taking the train to? Deforestation
- I got chatting to this lumberjack the other day He seemed like a decent feller
- Why did the hippy teach the lumberjack calculus? So he'd use natural logs!
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Lumberjack One Liners
Which lumberjack one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lumberjack? I can suggest the ones about tree feller and wood log.
- What do you call three Irish lumberjacks? Tree fellers
- What does a lumberjack and a trio of Irishmen have in common? They're both tree fellers.
- What dating app do lumberjacks use? Timber
- What does a Chinese lumberjack do? Chop sticks
- Why couldn't the tree solve the Lumberjack's riddle? He was stumped.
- What is a lumberjacks favorite online activity? Logging in.
- What do lumberjacks do when they're about to finish work? Log off.
- Did you hear about the Lumberjack who abruptly stopped doing his job? He just woodn't.
- How do lumberjacks work from home? They Log In
- What did the tree say to the lumberjack? I'm falling for you
- My 3 year old's first joke: what did the lumberjack say to the tree? I saw you.
- Did you hear about the lumberjack who worked overtime? He logged a lot of hours.
- My sphincter is a lumberjack. He cuts logs in half.
- What do you call a southern lumberjack a tree feller
- What do you call a dating service for lumberjacks? Timbr
Lumberjack Wood Jokes
Here is a list of funny lumberjack wood jokes and even better lumberjack wood puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Our village has a lady lumberjack Every time I see her I get wood
- A lumberjack lost his arm cutting wood. It was an axe-ident.
- What's awkward for a man but a normal part of the job for a lumberjack? Morning wood.
- She was only a lumberjack's daughter ... ... but she always gave me wood.
- What's a lumberjack's favorite snack? Wood chips
- What did lumberjack's wife say to lumberjack at the end of the day? Got wood?
- Why did he lumberjack quit his job chopping wood? Because he couldn't hack it
- 2 Lumberjacks 2 lumberjacks chop down a tree, but don't know what to do with the wood. One of them suggests they make carpentry, and the other says, "that woodwork."
- Why did the lumberjack stretch the wood? To keep them nice and timber.
- I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
Hilarious Lumberjack Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about lumberjack you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cutting wood jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lumberjack pranks.
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree
When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!
The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.
A weak little man applied for a job as a lumberjack...
...but the foreman refused to take him because he was too small. "I may look puny," protested the man, "but I'm not. Just give me a chance to show you my strength."
The foreman consented and told the man to go chop down a giant redwood that stood nearby. Half an hour later, to the foreman's shock, the redwood was lying on the ground.
"Where'd you learn to cut down trees like that?" the foreman asked.
"The Sahara Forest," the man answered.
"You mean the Sahara Desert?" the foreman ventured.
"Sure," said that man, "if that's what they call it now."
Why did you cut me down, lumberjack?
Lumberjack: Oh, you really don't know why?
Tree: Sorry, I'm stumped.
For all of those Philosophy Majors out there
Philosophy Joke:
If an argument concludes a tree fall without human interaction in a forest for a stump to be made, and there are no lumberjack's in the forest to hear it, does it make it sound?
What do you call A Bohemian Lumberjack?
...A *Blogger.*
( I'll see myself out.. :)
Lumberjacks are good at maths because of their log rhythms
Thanks, HL Math.
What did the lumberjack cobbler make?
Wooden shoe like to know?
Who Is every lumberjack's favourite director?
TIMBURRRTON!
A lumberjack applies for a job...
...the interviewer asks, "so, where have you worked previously?"
The lumberjack replies, "I did a few years in the Sahara Forest."
The interviewer, taken aback, inquires, "the Sahara 'Forest?' Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
Lumberjack says, "yeah, that's what they call it now."
Would you guys buy Apple's new product for lumberjacks?
iWood.
Why was the lumberjack executed?
He committed treeson.
What did the lumberjack say when his colleague went home sick?
Hope you fell better tomorrow.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Men are Captured by Female Savages!
They are told their d**... would be removed in a manner appropriate to their jobs.
The first was a lumberjack, so his would be chopped off.
The second was a butcher, so his would be sliced off.
The third man started laughing. The females asked what was so funny, and he replied, "I work for Dyson!".
What do you get when you watch a lumberjack chop down a tree?
bored.
ha^ha
The main lumberjack at my company does some minor computer hacking in his spare time...
...he's our key logger.
What do you call a female lumberjack?
A lumberjill
A tree falls in the forest and kills a baby, whos fault is it?
The lumberjack
An Irish Lumberjack
A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.
The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the Irishman.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the Foreman. "Take your axe and go cut it down."
The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the Foreman's door.
"I cut the tree down," said the Irishman.
"*Holy smokes!*" Said the Formean. "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Sahara Forest," replied the Irishman.
Confused, the Forman asked "...don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
"Is that what they call it now?"
A musician, a lumberjack, and a mathematician were in a room together...
They made a log-rhythm.
My friend told this great lumberjack joke the other day.
But no one was around to hear it...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
100 Lumberjacks walk into a Pirate bar...
The Pirate bartender looks at them and says; **Well shiver me timbers!!**
What's a lumberjack's favorite TV show?
The Axe-Files
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a s**... lumberjack?
An Axymoron!
If a lumberjack becomes a dentist...
Then would his job be accidental?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a lumberjack from the middle east?
o**... Bin Loggin
I've never been able to sustain a friendship with a lumberjack.
They all arbor resentment.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lumberjack has s**... with a witch, gets his soul trapped inside a jigsaw, and seeks revenge by ruining her cheese company
*I Came. I Saw. I Con Curd.*
Where does a lumberjack find a date?
Timber!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did j**... greet his lumberjack friends?
Evening, fellers.
I used to be a lumberjack in the Sahara...
-But the Sahara is a desert.
-Now it is.
I tried joining a lumberjack site for some strength tips
I couldn't log in.
How do lumberjacks talk?
With a thick axe-cent.
What do you call a lumberjack who directs gothic films?
Timber-ton.
What did the lumberjack say on his way out of yoga class?
LIIIIIIIIIIMBERR!
What is a lumberjack's favorite punctuation?
An axelamation mark!
Did you know Raymond Burr had a brother who was a lumberjack?
His name was Tim
What do you call a lumberjack without any legs?
Stumped!
What is a horrible lumberjack yell ?
Tim...
The credit for the joke goes to Ryan Stiles.
What is the first thing lumberjacks do when they start work?
Login.
What did the tree say to the lumberjack?
Please leaf me alone....
What do Black lumberjacks use to cut trees?
An *ask*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lumberjack chopped off my teeth
But later he apologized and said it was axedental.
The New Lumberjack
A lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked as hard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three trees in a day. His supervisor noticed this, and asked what was wrong. Maybe his chainsaw was broken. The supervisor turned it on, but it was working fine.
The lumberjack looked incredibly startled and asked, "What's that noise?"
How did the lumberjack cure his constipation?
He dropped a log.
Whats the difference between being a lumberjack and any other job?
You get the axe when you're hired not fired.
Why did the lumberjack pull the plug?
He couldn't log off.
I wanted to be a hacker when I grew up.
But when I realised how much upper body strength a lumberjack actually needs, my dreams were crushed.
A lumberjack went to a doctor complaining of back pain and can't carry heavy logs.
He was told he didn't have enough lumber support.
Competitive lumberjacking will never be a sport as it isn't a matter of skill
It just comes down to whoever has logged the most hours
If competitive lumberjacking is a sport...
...then Pinocchio would be a hall-of-famer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't lumberjacks work n**...?
They might cut the wrong wood
I met this Amputee Lumberjack
He said his specialty was stumps
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lumberjack was being cross-examined during a m**... trial.
The defense lawyer, trying to discredit the lumberjack as a witness, asked him:
"Is it true you were working at night? How can you be sure that it was a pine tree that fell on the victim?"
The lumberjack replied confidently: "I know what I saw."
There are 2 lumberjacks.
One hits the tree with an axe, and the other uses a saw to finish the job.
The one with the axe took down a tree by himself and said, "Could you see yourself cutting down a tree like that?"
The other man said, "No, I saw."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**... donor, a lumberjack, and an agreeable man walk into a bar.
He came, he saw, he concurred.
Everyone knows comedian Bill Burr, most don't realize he has a huge family with lots of talent.
His mother, Barb, is a famous hair stylist.
Rob, his brother is in jail for theft.
His sister Cally is a great gunsmith.
Lastly, don't forget about his cousin the famous lumberjack, Tim.
I met a person claiming to be the greatest lumberjack.
I asked "How do you know, you are the greatest"
Well, have you ever heard of the sahara forest ?
I replied you mean the Sahara desert ?
Well I guess they call it that now.
Lumberjacks are bad at fixing computers
They only know how to log out.
What's the difference between a miner and a lumberjack?
You don't get arrested for dating a lumberjack.
Who's a lumberjack's favorite classical composer?
Chopin.
Why does the rate of trees cut follow an inverse exponential trend when lumberjacks start singing?
Because it falls into a logger-rhythm.
