The Best 70 Lumber Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Lumber jokes. There are some lumber logs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lumber oak puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Lumber Jokes and Puns
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree
When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!
The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.
I like my beers like I like my lumber;
2 by 4:00
I hurt my back while cutting down a tree.
Guess you could say I have lumber problems.
Lumberjacks are good at maths because of their log rhythms
Thanks, HL Math.
What did the lumberjack cobbler make?
Wooden shoe like to know?
I repurposed some lumber.
It was ex-siding.
A lumberjack applies for a job...
...the interviewer asks, "so, where have you worked previously?"
The lumberjack replies, "I did a few years in the Sahara Forest."
The interviewer, taken aback, inquires, "the Sahara 'Forest?' Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
Lumberjack says, "yeah, that's what they call it now."
Why was the lumberjack executed?
He committed treeson.
What did the lumberjack say when his colleague went home sick?
Hope you fell better tomorrow.
How do lumber theives offload their stolen goods?
They fence it.
What happens when a lumberjack doesn't know which tree to cut next?
He gets stumped.
You can explore lumber chop reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lumber wood dad jokes. There are also lumber puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I had a job at a lumber yard,
but I soon got board.
What size lumber is used to build homes in Dubai?
Dubai fours
I wanted to invest in Lumber Liquidators...
But wood stock hasn't been viable sincs the 60s.
An Irish Lumberjack
A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.
The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the Irishman.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the Foreman. "Take your axe and go cut it down."
The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the Foreman's door.
"I cut the tree down," said the Irishman.
"*Holy smokes!*" Said the Formean. "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Sahara Forest," replied the Irishman.
Confused, the Forman asked "...don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
"Is that what they call it now?"
What do you call a pig that's a lumber jack?
Well you call him porkchop
What happened to the tree when the lumber jack hit on it?
It got all sappy
What do Lumber jacks do in China?
Chop sticks!
Why are lumberjacks bad at online video games?
Because their connections are so weak they are always logging out.
What does a lumberjack and a trio of Irishmen have in common?
They're both tree fellers.
Where do lumberjacks go for casual sex?
Timber
I once dated a girl at a lumber yard...
I got wood every time I saw her.
If a lumberjack becomes a dentist...
Then would his job be accidental?
Where does lumber go to file complaints?
The Board.
A lumberjack has sex with a witch, gets his soul trapped inside a jigsaw, and seeks revenge by ruining her cheese company
*I Came. I Saw. I Con Curd.*
What did the choir girl say to the lumber jack?
I love the timbre of your voice.
Where does a lumberjack find a date?
Timber!
What do lumbers call Virgin Forests
A place they've never been before
I used to be a lumberjack in the Sahara...
-But the Sahara is a desert.
-Now it is.
How do lumberjacks talk?
With a thick axe-cent.
What did the lumberjack say on his way out of yoga class?
LIIIIIIIIIIMBERR!
A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a Tree..
Upon arrival to the tree he started swinging at the tree.
"But, I'm a talking tree" said the tree.
"And you will dialogue" replied the lumberjack.
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut down a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, No! Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"
Where does the lumber mill keep their records?
In log books
A lumberjack applies for a job and gets called for an interview. The interviewer asks him, So, what experience do you have? The lumberjack replies, Well, I used to work in the Sahara Forest.
The interviewer is a little taken aback and asks, The Sahara Forest? Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?
The lumberjack says, Yeah, that's what they call it now.
A Lumberjack walks into a Magical Forest..
He finds a mighty tree and begins to chop it down. As soon as he starts chopping, the tree yells out "Stop it! I'm a talking tree!" The lumber jack responds, "And you'll dialogue."
What do lumberjacks do when they're about to finish work?
Log off.
What's another name for a lumberjack?
A tree feller
I wanted to build a house but I stopped after the first lumber delivery.
I got board.
Did you hear about all the loggers who got back problems?
I heard they had poor lumber support
What's a lumberjacks favorite filmmaker?
TIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRR-ton
A lumberjack chopped off my teeth
But later he apologized and said it was axedental.
As a lumberjack, I know that I've cut exactly 2,417 trees.
I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
A lumber jack went into a forest....
Upon entering he found a tree and began his first swing when the tree suddenly shouted, wait I'm a talking tree
And the lumberjack grinned and said,
And you will dialogue
The New Lumberjack
A lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked as hard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three trees in a day. His supervisor noticed this, and asked what was wrong. Maybe his chainsaw was broken. The supervisor turned it on, but it was working fine.
The lumberjack looked incredibly startled and asked, "What's that noise?"
How did the lumberjack cure his constipation?
He dropped a log.
A lumberjack goes into a magical forest to chop down some wood..
He goes up to the first tree he sees, and just as he's about to swing, the tree says, "Wait! Don't kill me! I'm a talking tree!"
"Yes," the lumberjack says, "and you'll dialogue."
Why are lumberjacks good musicians?
They have natural logger-rhythms.
Why did the lumberjack pull the plug?
He couldn't log off.
As a lumberjack i know i have cut down 2,718 trees.
Because every time I cut one down I keep a log.
A lumberjack went to a doctor complaining of back pain and can't carry heavy logs.
He was told he didn't have enough lumber support.
What did the bartender say to the scrap lumber?
Your cutoff
Why don't lumberjacks work naked?
They might cut the wrong wood
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree
The lumberjack smiled, and you will dialogue .
A lumberjack was being cross-examined during a murder trial.
The defense lawyer, trying to discredit the lumberjack as a witness, asked him:
"Is it true you were working at night? How can you be sure that it was a pine tree that fell on the victim?"
The lumberjack replied confidently: "I know what I saw."
I got a new job as a lumber jack this week. . .
The guy who interviewed me asked if I had, any experience?
I said I used to work out in the Sahara Forrest.
He said, "don't you mean the Sahara desert?"
well that's what they call it now, I said.
A lumberjack lost his arm cutting wood.
It was an axe-ident.
So I met a lumber jack in a pub last night.
Great feller
How do lumberjacks know how many trees they have cut down?
They keep a log!
There are 2 lumberjacks.
One hits the tree with an axe, and the other uses a saw to finish the job.
The one with the axe took down a tree by himself and said, "Could you see yourself cutting down a tree like that?"
The other man said, "No, I saw."
My friend asked me why there were protests at the lumber mill the other day.
I told him they were protesting the Christopher the lumberous statue.
One day a man working at a lumber mill had his finger cut off.
When he got home after work and told his wife she asked, "The whole finger?" He replied, "No, the one next to it."
A lumberjack says to another
You know I can cut a log just by looking at it.
The other lumberjack says that's not possible .
The lumberjack says It may seem impossible but I saw it with my own two eyes.
I want to start a all brass quartet with a lumber theme.
I'll call it the tuba four.
How do lumberjacks know how many trees they've cut?
They keep a log of each one.
A lumberjack once told me he's cut down 27,572 trees.
How do ya know exactly how many? I inquired.
Easy. I keep a log.
Lumberjacks are bad at fixing computers
They only know how to log out.
A man goes to the bar after his shift at the lumber mill...
A man goes to the bar after his shift at the lumber mill. After having a few beers with his friend, he spies a very attractive girl sitting by herself, and decides to go say hi. Before he can make his way over however, his friend grabs his arm and says, "Hey, it's not worth it man. I noticed she's only been drinking ales tonight. I don't think she's into lagers."
Sven and Oli went to the lumber store
Sven went in and Oli stayed in the truck. Sven said to the lumberman, I need a four-by-two . The lumberman said, Do you mean a two-by-four? . Sven said, let me ask my brudder . Sven came back and said, yup we need a two-by-four . The lumberman said, How long? . Sven said, huh? . The lumberman said, How long do you need it? Sven just stood there, not understanding. The lumberman said, Go ask your brother. Sven went out to the truck, and came back and said, We need it quite a while, we're building a garage
A lumberjack chooses a tree to chop down. Before he has a chance to swing his axe, the tree exclaims, "WAIT! Don't do this! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack responds, "Good. Then you will dialogue."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lumber whittle jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lumber hardwood piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.