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Luggage Jokes

142 luggage jokes and hilarious luggage puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about luggage that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh away your worries with these airline-themed jokes about luggage! From cargo to satchels and flights, get ready to giggle at these witty takes on the classic carry-on!

Funniest Luggage Short Jokes

Short luggage jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The luggage humour may include short baggage jokes also.

  1. BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
  2. I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline. You don't have much of a case, he replied.
  3. I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on." "Okay, that's fine." they replied.
    I added, "Your luggage is outside."
  4. A photon checks into a hotel and the front desk asks "Do you need help with your luggage"? The photon replies "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
  5. A man lost his luggage so he took the airline company to court Apparently he lost his case
  6. airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control. But cases continue to rise.
  7. my friend was arrested for stealing luggage from airport, his trial didn't last more than an hour It was a brief case
  8. A photon walks into a hotel..... ..... And is asked if he needs help with his luggage.
    The photon replies, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
  9. At the airport today a man fainted and slumped over onto the luggage carousel. He slowly came around.
  10. My mother-in-law has a massive case of diarrhea. She won't find out until she unpacks her luggage.

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Luggage One Liners

Which luggage one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with luggage? I can suggest the ones about suitcase and suitcase packing.

  1. I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
  2. Know a guy who took an airline to court over missing luggage... ...He lost his case
  3. I tried to sue an airport because of my missing luggage. I lost my case.
  4. A man took an airline to court after they lost his luggage He lost his case
  5. A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.
  6. I am suing American Airlines for losing my luggage Update: I lost the case
  7. British Airways. Breakfast in London. Dinner in New York. Luggage in Tokyo.
  8. I sued the airport for losing my luggage I lost my case
  9. Why didn't the Photon have any luggage on the plane? He was Travelling Light
  10. What do you call a snail's luggage? Its cargo
  11. Why didn't the buzzard have any luggage on the airplane? Because he ate his carrion.
  12. Why don't vultures check their luggage? They prefer carrion.
  13. What did the vulture bring on his flight? Carrion luggage.
  14. Did you hear about Schrodinger's missing luggage? It was an open and shut case.
  15. Why are commercial flights always cheaper for vultures? All their luggage is carrion.

Lost Luggage Jokes

Here is a list of funny lost luggage jokes and even better lost luggage puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man lost his luggage in an airport , so he sued the airport... Needless to say, he lost the case.
  • I hired some lawyers to sue the airline company for mishandling my luggage. They lost my case.
  • Finding your lost luggage at the airport should be easy...... however, that's not the case.
  • Tried to sue British Airways because they lost my luggage. Turns out I didn't have a case.
  • I sued the airlines after they lost my luggage. I lost the case.
  • A man was suing an airline for losing his luggage Unfortunately he lost his case
  • I sued Delta Airlines for misplacing my luggage But I lost my case.
  • I sued the airport the other day because they didn't want to give me my luggage Guess what, I lost the case
  • I tried to sue the airline for misplacing my luggage. I unfortunately lost the case.
  • A man who sued an airline for misplacing his luggage Unfortunataly lost his case.

Airport Luggage Jokes

Here is a list of funny airport luggage jokes and even better airport luggage puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A photon is going through airport security... The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage.
    The photon says, No, I'm traveling light.
  • I was at the airport today and saw a man collapse on the luggage carousel. He slowly came around.
  • A photon went on holiday. When checking in at the airport...
    Check In agent. "Do you have any luggage sir?"
    Photon. "No, I'm travelling light"
  • A photon arrives at the airport As he checks in, security asks him: "Do you not have any luggage?"
    The photon replies, "No, I'm travelling light".
  • I just came up with this A photon us going through airport security. The security guard says "that's not a lot of luggage" the photon says "I'm travelling light.
  • I sued the airport for misplacing my luggage They lost the case
  • My friend was flying with Delta airlines I told him: "Don't expect luggage to arrive".
    He later informed me his luggage didn't even leave the airport.
  • To much precaution... Two security guards obtained me at the airport after they opened my luggage and found some IcyHot patches, they said: I was packing heat.
  • The airport lost my luggage so I took it to court. I lost my case.
  • Why did the airport luggage checker refuse to date the depressed man? he had to much baggage
Luggage joke, Why did the airport luggage checker refuse to date the depressed man?

Airline Luggage Jokes

Here is a list of funny airline luggage jokes and even better airline luggage puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I took British Airlines to court after losing my luggage. The judge threw it out because we had no case
  • Finally some good news for the passengers of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370. Their luggage has landed safely in Manchester.
  • The airline smashed my luggage so I asked my lawyer if I could sue them... he said, "you don't have much of a case".
  • Did you hear about the guy who sued the airlines because they misplaced his luggage? He lost the case.
  • Did you hear about the man who sued the airline for losing his luggage? He lost the case
  • A mans luggage was lost on an airline, so he attempted to sue them. Turns out he lost the case.
  • What did the vulture say when the airline agent asked if he wanted to check his luggage? No, thanks, it's just carrion...
  • Why'd the vulture check his bag? The airline didn't allow carrion luggage.
  • I had a bad airline experience the other day... I don't want to name names, but let's just say me and my luggage were not... "united".
  • Why didn't the airline refuse to allow the vulture to board his flight? Because of the terrible smell coming from his carrion luggage.

Holiday Luggage Jokes

Here is a list of funny holiday luggage jokes and even better holiday luggage puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I tried bringing some shrooms on holiday with me in my hand luggage... ...I couldn't in the end as I didn't have mushroom.
Luggage joke, I tried bringing some shrooms on holiday with me in my hand luggage...

Gather Around for Heartwarming Luggage Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about luggage you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean handbag jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make luggage pranks.

As migration approached, two elderly vultures

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.
"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

Free ride

Tourist to Taxi driver: "How much is it to the airport?"
Taxi driver: "That's five pounds twenty."
Tourist: "And how much is it for the luggage?"
Taxi driver: "The luggage, of course, is free."
Tourist: "All right, just take that stuff along. I'm walking."

Photon

A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk man asks if he has any luggage. The photon replies "No, I'm travelling light."

A man brought a dead animal onto a plane...

When the flight attendant asked what he was doing, he simply replied, "It's my carrion luggage!"

A blonde woman waves a cab

She asks the cab driver
"How much do you charge to drive me to the nearest airport?"
The cab driver answers
"Around 20 bucks"
The woman then says "I'm carrying luggage, do these get charged?"
Driver: "No, i don't charge for luggage"
The woman smiles, leaves her luggage in the cab and then says
"see you at the airport then, ill take the bus"

Why wouldn't the airline allow the vulture to board his flight?

#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.
*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*
*

A vulture boards a plane

Tired of flying himself, a vulture boards a plane carrying with him his lunch, a dead animal. The atendant notices and says, "Sir, we do not allow you to bring on dead animals." Quite surprised, the vulture says, "But I was told I could bring carrion luggage."

Some accuse me of being a luggage denier.

I want to assure everyone, that is definitely not the case.

An Irishman is at JFK airport in New York

He is standing over a broken whiskey bottle and crying. A security guard approaches him and asks what's wrong. The Irishman wipes away his tears and says, "I LOST ALL ME LUGGAGE!"

A photon walks into a hotel...

and the desk clerk says, "can I help you with your luggage?"
The photon responds, "no thanks, I'm traveling light."

A photon checks into a motel

the clerk says, "Do you have any luggage? If so, I can have the bell hop take it to your room."
The photon replies, "No, I am traveling light!"

A photon checks into a hotel.

The bellhop asks, "May I help you with your luggage?"
The photon responds, "No thank you. I'm traveling light."

Little Johnny told his parent "I'm a grown up now, I am ready to live by myself"

His parent, being very proud of their son, said "Well that's great! We have no reason to stop you"
To which he replied "Awesome! Your luggage is at the front door"

What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon?

The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light.

A photon stops at a hotel and is asked: "May I take your luggage?"

He replies, "No, thanks. I'm traveling light."

A mathematician is afraid of flying

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

A photon walks into a hotel with his luggage...

The bellhop asks, "sir, do you need help with your bags?"
The photon responds, "that's alright, I'm traveling light!"

I tried getting on a plane with a dead moose once.

The attendant said I had to check it as luggage. I said, no it's carrion.

A man walks into an airport with a pet vulture

He approaches the terminal gates, but airport security stops him.
"Your vulture has to be checked in, and shipped with the luggage." Security said.
The man replied "What do you mean checked in? This is my carrion bird."

A photon checks into a hotel.

The bell hop asks "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies "No I'm traveling light."

Why could the vulture not take two carcasses onto the plane?

Because he was only allowed one piece of carrion luggage.

A photon walks into a hotel

The hotel clerk asks, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon responds, "No, I'm travelling light"

My kid was boarding the wrong flight when he asked me, "What's another name for onboard luggage?"

I said, "Carry-on, my wayward son."

This guy lost his luggage, so he went to court.

He apparently lost his case.

A photon walks into a Hotel

The innkeeper says, welcome! Do you have any luggage?
The photon says, "Nope, I'm traveling Light"
:D

A photon walks into a hotel

The concierge says, "need any help with your luggage?"
"Nah" says the photon. "I'm traveling light"

A photon checks into a hotel, and when the bellhop asks if can help with the luggage, the photon says

"*I don't have any, because I'm traveling light*"

What's the difference between a teenage girl and the Popes luggage?

One is totes blessed and the other is blessed totes.

I was packing my luggage with German sausage, when my wife told me, "Don't overfill it. Last time it exploded in the airport and you caused a scene".

"Dont be silly", I said, "you're always thinking of the wurst case scenario".

Photon checks into a hotel

Receptionist: do you need help with the luggage?
Photon: no thanks, I'm traveling light.

A German was packing his luggage for holiday when his wife interrupts him...

"I hope you're not going to bring sausages again", she said, "They exploded everywhere last time and caused a frightful scene!"
"It'll be fine", He said, "Stop worrying about the wurst case scenario".

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with him in his hand luggage.

The probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero!

My friend took Delta to court after his luggage went missing ...

He lost his case.

What did the snail call his luggage?

His-cargo

A photon walks into a hotel.

The desk clerk says, Can we help you with your luggage?
The photon says, No, thanks. I'm traveling light.

I just told my luggage there will be no vacations this year.

Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks if he needs help with his luggage...

The photon responds "No thanks. I'm traveling light."

Took Qantas to court over my missing luggage.

They lost the case.

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.

He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Why are flights with crows often delayed?

Because they bring a lot of extra carrion luggage.

A man who thinks he's a piece of luggage has been admitted to a mental hospital.

Psychiatrists say he's the strangest case they've ever come across.

What kind of luggage does a vulture use for traveling?

Carrion bags.

A man walked onto a plane, holding a vulture.

The stewardess asked "What the heck is that?"
He said "It's my carri-on luggage"
*sorry sorry sorry*

A photon checks into a hotel

A photon checks into a hotel and the lady at the desk asks him: "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies: "No I'm travelling light"

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks...

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
"No" replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.

I'm at JFK and the man in front of me has collapsed on the luggage carousel.

He's coming round slowly….

My son came to pick me up for a road trip. He had a new luggage rack on top of his car.

He said, See this, it's Iraq. It's for your Baghdad.
I was so proud.

Luggage joke, My son came to pick me up for a road trip. He had a new luggage rack on top of his car.

jokes about luggage