Luggage Jokes
120 luggage jokes and hilarious luggage puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about luggage that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh away your worries with these airline-themed jokes about luggage! From cargo to satchels and flights, get ready to giggle at these witty takes on the classic carry-on!
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Funniest Luggage Short Jokes
Short luggage jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The luggage humour may include short baggage jokes also.
- I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline. You don't have much of a case, he replied.
- I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on." "Okay, that's fine." they replied.
I added, "Your luggage is outside." - airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control. But cases continue to rise.
- my friend was arrested for stealing luggage from airport, his trial didn't last more than an hour It was a brief case
- At the airport today a man fainted and slumped over onto the luggage carousel. He slowly came around.
- My mother-in-law has a massive case of diarrhea. She won't find out until she unpacks her luggage.
- Photon A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk man asks if he has any luggage. The photon replies "No, I'm travelling light."
- Some accuse me of being a luggage denier. I want to assure everyone, that is definitely not the case.
- My kid was boarding the wrong flight when he asked me, "What's another name for onboard luggage?" I said, "Carry-on, my wayward son."
- I took British Airlines to court after losing my luggage. The judge threw it out because we had no case
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Luggage One Liners
Which luggage one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with luggage? I can suggest the ones about suitcase and suitcase packing.
- I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
- British Airways. Breakfast in London. Dinner in New York. Luggage in Tokyo.
- Why didn't the Photon have any luggage on the plane? He was Travelling Light
- What do you call a snail's luggage? Its cargo
- Why didn't the buzzard have any luggage on the airplane? Because he ate his carrion.
- Why don't vultures check their luggage? They prefer carrion.
- Did you hear about Schrodinger's missing luggage? It was an open and shut case.
- Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
- Took Qantas to court over my missing luggage. They lost the case.
- I sued the airport for misplacing my luggage They lost the case
- The mystery of how my luggage worked has been solved. It was an opened and shut case.
- I was on trial for stealing a man's luggage. It was a briefcase.
- What type of luggage only speaks in short sentences ? A brief case.
- What do I do when my luggage gets tired? I rest my case.
- How does a bird prepare to travel? He pecks his luggage.
Lost Luggage Jokes
Here is a list of funny lost luggage jokes and even better lost luggage puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Finding your lost luggage at the airport should be easy...... however, that's not the case.
Airport Luggage Jokes
Here is a list of funny airport luggage jokes and even better airport luggage puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A photon arrives at the airport As he checks in, security asks him: "Do you not have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "No, I'm travelling light". - My friend was flying with Delta airlines I told him: "Don't expect luggage to arrive".
He later informed me his luggage didn't even leave the airport. - To much precaution... Two security guards obtained me at the airport after they opened my luggage and found some IcyHot patches, they said: I was packing heat.
- Why did the airport luggage checker refuse to date the depressed man? he had to much baggage
- Why did the photographer get arrested at the airport? His luggage contained a couple of Canons.
- I was allowed to check my misbehaving child as luggage at the airport so I supposed I'll have to... ...carry on my wayward son.
Airline Luggage Jokes
Here is a list of funny airline luggage jokes and even better airline luggage puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Finally some good news for the passengers of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370. Their luggage has landed safely in Manchester.
- I had a bad airline experience the other day... I don't want to name names, but let's just say me and my luggage were not... "united".
- United Airlines: We treat you like we... treat your luggage.
Holiday Luggage Jokes
Here is a list of funny holiday luggage jokes and even better holiday luggage puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I tried bringing some shrooms on holiday with me in my hand luggage... ...I couldn't in the end as I didn't have mushroom.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Luggage Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about luggage you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean handbag jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make luggage pranks.
Pack your Bags
A woman was going to Los Angeles from New York City for an extended stay. With permission from the airline was permitted to bring five pieces of luggage.
As the clerk was starting to take the luggage, the woman says, "I would like you to send the first bag to Miami, the second bag to Chicago, the third bag to Dallas, the fourth bag to Phoenix and the fifth bag to Seattle."
The clerk says looks at her for a second, then types a few things in his computer, then looks back at the women and says, "I'm sorry, we can't do that!"
The woman says, "Well why not? You guys did it last time without me even asking?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke from my childhood
Three men boarded a plane, a farmer, a teacher, and a soldier. Their plane crashed and released their luggage, but they survived. The farmer was looking for his suitcase full of watermelon when he saw a little boy crying, when asked why he responded
"because a watermelon fell on my dads head and he died."
The teacher was looking for her suitcase filled with books when she found a little girl in tears, she asked what was wrong and she said,
"A book fell on my daddy's head and he died."
The soldier was very worried looking for his suitcase with a bomb when he found a little boy in hysterics.
"What's so funny son?" he asked
"My dad f**... and then he exploded."
As migration approached, two elderly vultures
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.
"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."
So this plane is flying over the atlantic.
So this plane is flying over the Atlantic Ocean. The captain comes over the loudspeaker and says, "One of our engines is malfunctioning but we should still make it to our destination just a little late.".
30 minutes and everyone hears a loud BOOM. The passengers get nervous and start looking at each other. The captain comes over the loudspeaker again, "We uh... have a problem. Another engines has gone out and we won't have enough fuel to make it. We've dumped our luggage and now we have to make the unfortunate request to have some of our passengers jump out."
The flight attendant pops the hatch. A well dressed gentleman goes to the hatch and proclaims in a British accent, "Remember the queen of England!" before jumping out.
Next a large frenchman goes to the front and proclaims in a thick accent, "Remember le president!" before jumping out.
Next a Texan moseys on up to the air lock and yells "REMEMBER THE ALAMO!" then he throws two Mexicans out the door.
Free ride
Tourist to Taxi driver: "How much is it to the airport?"
Taxi driver: "That's five pounds twenty."
Tourist: "And how much is it for the luggage?"
Taxi driver: "The luggage, of course, is free."
Tourist: "All right, just take that stuff along. I'm walking."
A man brought a dead animal onto a plane...
When the flight attendant asked what he was doing, he simply replied, "It's my carrion luggage!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
26 blondes and one brunet are on a plane
26 blonde girls and one brunet girls are on a play. They were flying along when they hit some turbulence. The pilot comes onto the speaker and says "the plane is to heavy we need to drop all unnecessary items." The people franticly grab all the thing they don't need and throw it out.
The pilot comes back on the loud speaker and says, "we are still to heavy we have to drop all the luggage." Again the people franticly begin to discard all there luggage.
The pilot comes on again and says "we are still too heavy we have to drop the floor.", so the pilot flicks the switch and everyone is hanging on by s**... the roof. When the pilot says "we are still to heavy someone has to jump.
Everyone is reluctant but finally the brunet (who is around 60) says i have live a long and happy life I will jump to save your live because you are still young and still can make something with your life. I am worn out and poor. I have nothing left.
all the blondes start to clap
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four passengers flying on a small plane. ..
Saudi, Chinese, Mexican and an American. While flying the plane began experiencing difficulties and the pilot determined the reason being a heavy load. So he suggested that every one gets rid of some unnecessary luggage by tossing it out the window, otherwise they will c**.... The Saudi man had a barrel of oil, so he tossed it out telling the others that there are a lot of oil in his country so he didn't really need it and it could be replaced rather easily. The Chinese man grabbed a big bag of rice, tossed it out and said the same thing. The American man looked around and he saw the Mexican guy, so he grabbed him and threw him out the window mentioning the same reason like the other two.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together...
They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How s**... is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me.
I saw this joke on the Wikipedia article for "joke." It's interesting how, even though this joke is from the third or fourth century, it's still humorous today.
The smart smuggler
A shrewd businessman was crossing a border with two donkeys and some luggage. The border guard stops him and checks the packs, but finds nothing in them. He lets him pass.
This cycle repeats itself, with the businessman crossing the border back and forth, and the border guard never finding anything. Many years later, both the businessman and guard are retired and by chance meet up at a coffee house.
The guard sees that the businessman is very rich, so he asks him "Please answer honestly. I know you were smuggling something, but I can't for the life of me figure out what. What was it?"
The businessman replies: "Donkeys!"
This is a story from one of the adventures of a Persian sage called Mulla Nasrudin. Nasrudin's stories are both wise and funny. If you enjoy this one, I can post more. I had a book about these stories and remember quite a few.
A blonde woman waves a cab
She asks the cab driver
"How much do you charge to drive me to the nearest airport?"
The cab driver answers
"Around 20 bucks"
The woman then says "I'm carrying luggage, do these get charged?"
Driver: "No, i don't charge for luggage"
The woman smiles, leaves her luggage in the cab and then says
"see you at the airport then, ill take the bus"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 men in a plane, one with a knife, one with a gun and one with a bomb.
The plane was about to c**... so the pilot says we need to shed weight fast, you all need to chuck your luggage out. They comply. The plane stabilises and they land safely.
The guy that chucked the knife out the plane returns home and sees his mother sobbing. When he asks why she said "some madman chucked a knife from a plane and killed your father when he went to the toilet ". He remains silent.
The man with the gun decided to shed the bullets instead of the precious gun so he shot all his bullets. When he returns home he too sees his mother and crying and when he asks why she replys "some madman shot out of a plane and killed your father when he went to the toilet" he too remains silent.
The man that chucked the bomb out of the plane returns home and sees his mother laughing uncontrollably. When he asks why she said "your dad whent to the toilet, f**... and blew up the house"
True Story.
My wife and I were shopping with her parents. Lovely people, who had just booked a holiday to New York to visit my brother in-law, who is expecting his first child. In preparation for this they needed to buy new luggage. We were walking around the shopping centre and had a few bags by the time the luggage was bought so we decided to fill the suitcase with them, which my father-in-law rolled about with ease. As the day came to a close and we headed for the car my wife turned and said, 'You know what Daddy? We should take you and that bag with us every time we go shopping.' To which he replied, 'Don't talk about your mother like that.'
Why wouldn't the airline allow the vulture to board his flight?
#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.
*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*
*
Im not a racist but...
doesn't all black luggage look the same?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I visited the ghetto once...
Didn't see much, i was in the luggage of a car blindfolded.
If you managed to figure out the code to someone else's luggage...
Could you say you solved the case?
What is Queen's (the band, not the monarch) favourite type of luggage?
carry ooooooooonnnn, carry ooooooonnnnnnnnnn
"Great, now we're looking at luggage. Not like we need more luggage."
Me, 11/25/2015
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are commercial flights always cheaper for vultures?
All their luggage is carrion.
What did the Mexico team travel back home with?
Luggage full of goals.
Little Johnny told his parent "I'm a grown up now, I am ready to live by myself"
His parent, being very proud of their son, said "Well that's great! We have no reason to stop you"
To which he replied "Awesome! Your luggage is at the front door"
What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon?
The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light.
What happened to the German man's luggage?
It was Lufthansa plane
I went into a hotel..
I went into a hotel when a luggage boy came and said "I'm the 'beg'gar"
"If You See an Un-attended Bag, Please DO NOT Report It!"
"..And thank you for shopping at Luggage World"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mathematician is afraid of flying
A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."
Why are condors such efficient fliers?
All their luggage is carrion.
A photon walks into a hotel with his luggage...
The bellhop asks, "sir, do you need help with your bags?"
The photon responds, "that's alright, I'm traveling light!"
When vultures fly...
...do you think they bring carrion luggage?
LPT: Always wait for the taxi driver to exit the car first if you have luggage in the trunk
Then jump in the driver's seat and steal the car
I tried getting on a plane with a dead moose once.
The attendant said I had to check it as luggage. I said, no it's carrion.
A man walks into an airport with a pet vulture
He approaches the terminal gates, but airport security stops him.
"Your vulture has to be checked in, and shipped with the luggage." Security said.
The man replied "What do you mean checked in? This is my carrion bird."
Just a final check before I head off for my vacation
Passport? Check
Money? Check
Itinerary? Check
Luggage? Check
Hotel? Trivago
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A UN delegation was flying across the Atlantic...
A Brit, a Frenchman, an American, and a Mexican are told by the pilot that they are too heavy and may c**....
They pop the hatch and toss out all the luggage, but they're still too heavy.
They rip out the seats and toss them, but they're still too heavy.
The Brit stands up and yells God save the Queen! and jumps out, but they're still too heavy.
The Frenchman stands and yells Vive la France! and jumps out, but they're still too heavy.
The American stands and yells Remember the Alamo! and throws out the Mexican.
What's the difference between a teenage girl and the Popes luggage?
One is totes blessed and the other is blessed totes.
My mom was at the airport on her way home from Wisconsin when she got stopped by TSA.
Ma'am, do you have any sharp objects in your luggage?
He proceeded to unzip her luggage and pulled out a block of cheese she had packed.
She smiled and said Just that sharp cheddar
Do you ever wonder what happens to your luggage once you checked it in?
So does British Airways.
160 Destinations, Over 90 Countries Worldwide.
Could be in any one of them.
What's Justin Bieber's back up luggage called?
Just-in case
Always watch your luggage when going on vacation
It might get stolen.
At least that was the case with me.
A zombie is checking for an overseas flight...
At the security check the TSA is scanning his luggage, running him through metal detectors, etc. Finally, an attendant stops him at the gate.
"Sir, you're absolutely crawling with bugs. You're going to have to store those un your suitcase or ship them separately."
"Oh, no, it's okay." He says. "These are my carrion beetles."
I asked the TSA how often they find suspicious items in luggage
they said it's case by case
A German was packing his luggage for holiday when his wife interrupts him...
"I hope you're not going to bring sausages again", she said, "They exploded everywhere last time and caused a frightful scene!"
"It'll be fine", He said, "Stop worrying about the wurst case scenario".
I went luggage shopping with my detective friend.
I pointed at one and said, This looks like an open and shut case.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First day on the job.
A young man was starting his first job as a bellhop. Keen to make a good impression he asked the supervisor for any tips. Be polite and address the customer by their name was the response. How do I know their names? the boy asked. Check the name tag on their luggage replied the supervisor.
Excited and ready to get going, he greets a rich American couple, grabbing their luggage, glancing at the tags and taking it to their room. As he was leaving he remembered the advice, turned to the couple and said, hope you have a pleasant stay Mr and Mrs genuine cowhide.
One for the classical music fans
For those who aren't, Herbert von Karajan was an acclaimed symphony conductor in the 20th century. You need to know that his name is pronounced approximately "KAHRY-on."
Not many people know it, but the maestro actually had a second career outside of music, he was a successful luggage designer.
I mean, surely you've heard of...Karajan Luggage?
Why are flights with crows often delayed?
Because they bring a lot of extra carrion luggage.
A man who thinks he's a piece of luggage has been admitted to a mental hospital.
Psychiatrists say he's the strangest case they've ever come across.
First trip to the USA
My friend and I visited the USA. We landed at LAX and after an epoch, we cleared Homeland Security and got our luggage.
My friend immediately pulled out a pair of brown, furry, shoulder length gloves and pulled them on. I stared at him. He looked ridiculous - the gloves even had claws.
"What are you doing??" I asked incredulously.
""Exercising my freedom. Now I'm here, I have the right to Bear arms!"
A man walked onto a plane, holding a vulture.
The stewardess asked "What the heck is that?"
He said "It's my carri-on luggage"
*sorry sorry sorry*
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks...
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
"No" replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
I'm at JFK and the man in front of me has collapsed on the luggage carousel.
He's coming round slowly….
