The Best 72 Lucky Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Lucky jokes. There are some lucky splendid jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lucky lottery puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Lucky Jokes and Puns

What's the difference between Notre Dame and Lucky Charms cereal?

One of them belongs in a bowl.

Lucky Numbers

There was this man by the name of Mr Five.

His lucky number was, not surprisingly, 5.

He was 55 years old, ate 5 times a day, always brought with him $55 in his wallet and always wore a shirt with 5 pockets.

One day, he saw a horse by the name of Lucky Five was racing.

He bet $5555.55 on the horse.

After 5 hours the results are out.

Sure enough the horse comes in fifth.

What does a novice woodworker have in common with a constipated woodworker?

In the end, both are lucky to produce a stool.

Lucky joke, What does a novice woodworker have in common with a constipated woodworker?

A man looking for work

A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"

A guy meets a hooker in a bar

She says to him, "this is your lucky night. I've got a special going, for $300 i'll do absolutely anything you can think of but the catch is you have to be able to say it in 3 words or less."

The guy replies, "thats a great deal" then slowly lays out 3 &100 dollar notes and says "Paint... My... House."


One day the youngest son asks his mother, "Mom, why do I look so different from all my siblings?"....

The mother says "Son, from what I remember about that party, you are lucky that you don't bark".

Some people say I am crazy

Lucky for me, only I can hear them

Lucky joke, Some people say I am crazy

Reflection vs Refraction

the point at which I realize how lucky I am to not have an Asian professor.

Facebook should make a bigger deal over privacy, certainly as far as photos are concerned.

I managed to find a really attractive girl I'd seen before, and without adding her, I could see all her photos, including some in a bikini.
I mean, she's lucky it's only me wanking and not some pervert.

Literary position.

Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.

"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"

"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."

"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."

"How do you figure that?"

"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."

Did you ever hear about the Lucky Charms leprechaun's evil twin?

He was tragically malicious.

You can explore lucky unfaithful reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lucky unluckiest dad jokes. There are also lucky puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Single airline stewardesses are very lucky...

for their convenience all men are already sorted into different classes.

Lucky I didn't get caught...

I was nailing this chick in the park the other weekend. And I was so lucky not to get caught.

Supposedly crucifixions are illegal these days

The wife

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.Β 

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment! Β 

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day! Β 

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.Β 

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.Β 

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"Β 

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into the states to play for his team.
After a very successful rookie season the young man was discussing his rookie of the year award via telephone with his mother.
She told him that she was proud but living in fear constantly. She continued " your brother was shot twice just in the last few weeks and your sister is regularly the victim of assault. Matters have escalated and life is worse than it has ever been. I will never, ever forgive you for bringing us to Philly."

Egg timer

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.Β 

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment! Β 

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day! Β 

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.Β 

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.Β 

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"Β 

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Lucky joke, Egg timer

A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parent's. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar.

She says, 'This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for Β£300 as long as you can say it in three words.' The guy replies, 'Hey, why not?' He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays Β£300 on the bar, and says slowly. 'Paint…my….house.'

The term "Every 60 seconds in Africa , a minute passes" is stupid

Because the majority of Africans don't get seconds , they'll be very lucky if they even get their first servings .


My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night

lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes.

"Mommy, why do I have black skin and you have white skin?"

"Honey, when I think back to that night, you're lucky you don't bark."

A kid asks, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"

The mom replies, "Listen, the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark."

Two married man talking..

1st man: Im so lucky, my wife is an angel.

2nd man: Good for you! Mine's still alive.

Sex Statistics on a Plane.

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics.
It identifies that American Indians have the longest
average penises and Polish men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

My girlfriends parents and I tried surprising her with a car on her 16th birthday

But she got lucky at the last second and jumped out of the way.

They say that make up sex is the best…

Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up…

Please pray for my wife....

A spider bit her on the forehead and she is now in the E.R. They said she almost died.
Lucky for her, I was near and hit the spider as hard as I could with a bat right when it bit her.

Two guys at a bar, one says "My wife drives me to drink."

The other says "You're lucky, my wife makes me walk."

Two married men are talking: - My mother-in-law is an angel

- You're lucky, mine's still alive.

People who work in coin factories sure are lucky.

They make a lot of money.

A guy is approached by a hooker in a bar. She says, "This

A guy is approached by a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three one hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint...my...house."

My crush said I'm like a brother to her

Lucky she likes game of thrones

Two men are chatting over a pint

Bob turns to John and says, "You're looking down in the dumps, what's wrong?"
"It's the wife. Since she's started this high-powered job, she's cut our sex down to 3 times a week!"
"You're lucky" remarked Bob. "She's cut me out completely!"

People say Michael Jackson only became a paedophile when he was white. [NSFW]

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

The term "Every 60 seconds in Africa..." is really stupid

Everyone knows Africans don't get seconds, they're lucky if they get a single serving.

A penguin falls asleep on an iceberg,...

When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.

"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"

I can't believe my neighbor had the audacity to ring my doorbell at 2 in the morning.

Lucky for him though I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Met an older woman at a bar last night.

She wasn't bad for 57, we drank and flirted a bit, then she asked if I'd ever had a mother and daughter combo? I said no.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight is my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:

"Mom, you still awake?"

I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died...

Which was lucky, because he stepped on a Landmine.

I ended up with an older woman at the club last night. She looked olay for a 57 year old.

We drank a bit and talked a while and she asked if I had ever had a Sportman's Double

"What's that?" I asked.

"It's a mother and daughter threesome", she said.

I said, "No."

We drank a bit more, then she says tonight's my lucky night.

We went back to her place.

She flipped on the hall light and then shouted upstairs: "Mom, you still awake?"

Boy, I just got hit in the head with a can of soda.

I was lucky it was a soft drink.

Two men were talking about their wives

The first guy says My wife is an angel!

The other says You're lucky, mine's still alive.

Barry likes the number five.

He is the fifth child in his family, lives on the fifth house on Fifth Avenue, so much so that he sees 5 as his lucky number.

One day he went to the races, and saw a horse named Number Five. He went ahead and placed a huge bet, confident that it'll win him big money.

It finished fifth.

If you find 400 pounds on the street in England, you're a lucky man...

If you find 400 pounds on the street in America, you've met Phillip.

A woman goes to the fortune teller.

A woman goes to the fortune teller, who tells her, "Two men want to marry me. Who will be the lucky one?" The fortune teller answers, "You will marry Robert, David will be the lucky one."

As a child I had a severe condition where I had to drink my own urine else I would die

Lucky my brother told me about it before it was too late.

Tell you what, it's lucky that those Kids trapped in the cave in Thailand are footballers

It means they're already good divers.

I often tell myself

"You're lucky the cloning machine worked."

Putin wanted to either get a new pet or learn to play a new instrument.

He got lucky with both and ended up with a Trump pet.

A traffic cop in a small town stopped a motorist for speeding.

"but Officer," said the driver, "I can explain-"
Save your excuses," said the cop. "You can cool your heels in jail till the chief gets back."
"But Officer..."
"Quiet!" snapped the cop. "You're going to jail the chief will deal with you when he gets back."
A few hours later the officer looks in at the prisoner. "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. It means he'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," said the prisoner. "I'm the groom."

A guy picks up a hooker

She says, This is your lucky night. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300.00. as long as you can say it in three words.

The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays $300.00 on the table and says slowly.

Paint…my….house.

I don't win Marathons because I'm lucky



I win because I'm driven.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555.55 in his bank account. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth.

A nights work...

A guy meets a sex workerΒ in a bar.

She says, "Hey, tonight is your lucky night. I've got a very special game for us to play. Tonight I'll do absolutely anything you want for Β£300 as long as you can say it in three words."

The guy replies, "Hey, why not?, you're on" So he proceeds to put Β£300Β on the bar from his wallet, and says to the sex worker slowly. "Paint…my….house."

I got hit on the head with a can of soda yesterday.

Lucky it was a soft drink

Karen goes to the psychic...

"Two men, Bob and Carl, both want to marry me. Who will be the lucky one?"

"You will marry Bob. Carl will be the lucky one."

When I was 6 I found out I had a life threathening disease. I had to cover myself in urine once a day to stay alive

I am just lucky my brother told me about it

When I was younger, I had a horrible condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day.

I'm lucky my older brother told me about it, really.

I wasn't close to my father when he died

Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine

I met an older woman at a bar last night.

She wasn't bad for 57, we drank and bullsh*tted a bit, then she asked if I 'd ever had a mother and daughter threesome?

I said no.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.

I went back to her place.

She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:

"Mom you still awake?"

Americans are so lucky

Americans are so lucky that wherever they fight terrorism they manage to find oil.

An art collector walks by a shop and sees a stray cat drinking from a dish that looks very valuable.

The art collector asks the shop keeper if he could buy the cat.

The shop keeper tells him he can have it for $10.

The art collector asks if he could get the dish as well because the cats already familiar with it.

The shop keeper tells him he can't have it because its his lucky dish.

The art collector asks why it is lucky.

The shop keeper tells him its lucky because he has sold twelve cats this week.

A guy walks into a grocery store and says "I want half a pound of butter"

He looks and sees shelves completely covered with boxes of salt. All over the grocery store, hundreds and hundreds of boxes of salt. So he says to the grocer, Listen, I don't want to pry, but do you sell a lot of salt? And the grocery man says, Me, if I'll sell a box of salt a month, I'm lucky. But the guy that sells me salt… Boy, can he sell salt."

I encountered a milf at a bar last night

although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet".

She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys

opens her door

turn on the light

and she yells towards upstairs

"Mom, are you still awake?

A racist, a misandrist and a misanthropist kills Thanos

The racist, Tyrone, says: "I need it - so I can remove all the asian people. I really don't like them".

The misandrist, Evelyn, says: "No I need it more - so I can remove all men from existence!"

"Don't be silly! If you remove all the men, women will die out too!" Tyrone shouts out angrily.

While Tyrone and Evelyn argue. Jacob, the misanthropist takes the gauntlet and says: "Don't worry guys today is your lucky day, I got you both covered and then some!"

Davy Jones was a lucky man

He had 3 grown men fighting for his heart

What do you call a dog ,with one eye, and one leg?

Lucky
In loving memory of my father who was the biggest jokester, until his very last days, all he wanted to ,do was make others laugh.
He wanted us to put a fart machine in his casket and let them blow, my mom wouldn't allow it...

I ended a long term relationship today...

Lucky, it wasn't mine.

My lucky day! I didn't have enough money for the Honda, but the dealership took pity on me and gave me an old Fiesta.

I couldn't afford an Accord, but I was accorded a Ford.

Doctor, I'm Santa. I just shot myself in the foot with an icicle-gun!

Santa, I believe in you and that you'll have a swift recovery. You're lucky you managed to missalltoe

my wife cut down our sexy time to once a month!

but i guess i should feel lucky

some guys i know she cut off completely!

Three guys were sleeping on a single mattress

When they wake up the guy on the left whispers to the other two, "Dudes, I just had a dream I was getting a handjob...It was friggin awesome."

Then the guy on the right says, "Get outta here! I had a handjob dream too!"

While they high fived and discussed the odds, the guy in the center said, "Lucky stiffs. In my dream, I was skiing."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lucky luckily jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lucky happy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes