The Best 65 Luckily Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Luckily jokes. There are some luckily unharmed jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these luckily ironically puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Luckily Jokes and Puns
I had a terrible dream of a dystopian future where robots controlled every aspect of our lives.
Luckily, I was awakened by my Tesla.
My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.
Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.
My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.
Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
There was a murder in my yard last night.
Luckily, they flew away this morning.
A Boy chokes on a coin
A little boy was playing in his yard when he swallowed a coin that became lodged in his throat. His mother picked him up and ran down the street screaming for help. Luckily, a man ran over and hit the boy hard on the back so that the coin popped out of his mouth. "Thank you so much, doctor!" the mother said.
"Oh, I'm not a doctor, ma'am," said the man. "I work for the IRS"
Be careful of your aim
A woman was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her that her children will be all right, and that one day the bullets will come out.
So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.
The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"
On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" So she goes, "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"
Fifty clowns got fired from the circus.
Luckily, it freed up three parking spots.
Last night my black colleague.......
Last night my black colleague walked away with the 'Employee of the year' award.
Luckily security stopped him at the door.
A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a coma...
6 months later she awakes and she asks her doctor about her babies. And he replies
"Oh you had happy healthy twins. One boy, and one girl. Luckily your brother was here to name then"
"Oh god no" says the woman "my brothers an idiot. What are their names"
"The girls name is denise" says the doctor
"Oh thats not to bad, and the boy?"
"Denephew"
So I was walking outside yesterday(potentially offensive)...
when I saw a black guy with a TV. I was shocked, and I rushed back home, thinking it was mine. But luckily, it was still there, shining my shoes.
They say statistically, 1 out of every 3 of your neighbors are likely to be a pedophile.
Luckily for me, I live next to two gorgeous 12 year olds.
You can explore luckily yesterday reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean luckily nonetheless dad jokes. There are also luckily puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I fell of a 50ft ladder today!
Luckily, I was only on the second step.
My son was so upset when he didn't get a gaming pc for his birthday
luckily, this playstation was able to..........console him
This Vietnamese couple I knew got married...
Luckily for them they shared the same last name so it wasn't a big hassle for either of them. It was a Nguyแป n-Nguyแป n situation.
I witnessed an attempted murder earlier...
Luckily only one crow showed up...
A woman wakes up from a coma and...
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
A close call.
Yesterday I was walking on the streets in my hometown Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. I was about to go to the grocery store when I saw a black man running with a TV. I was afraid of it being mine, so I ran home as quick as possible, but luckily mine was still there, polishing my shoes.
A woman collapsed on the street
Her husband, luckily, was able to catch her in time.
"Is anyone here a doctor!?" The husband shouted with sheer panic in his tone.
A man barreled through the onlooking crowd, knocking a few of them over to join the husband and wife.
"I'm a vegan!" The man said.
A woman who has just given birth has fallen into a coma.
After 7 months the mother finally awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: Good news, you had twins! a boy and a girl. They are healthy, luckily your brother named them for you.
Mother: Oh no, not my brother! he's so stupid! What did he name my daughter?
Doctor: Denise.
Mother: well that isn't so bad, and what did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew.
My dog swallowed my engagement ring last night, but luckily coughed it out when he barked.
There was a diamond in the ruff.
Sometimes you have to choose between what is hard and what is easy
Luckily for you I'm both right now
Pulling Together
A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn't move.
"Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn't budge.
"Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse drags the car out of the ditch.
Curious, the motorist asks the farmer why he kept calling his horse by the wrong name. "Buddy's blind," said the farmer. "And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."
A vending machine fell on me today
Luckily it only had soft drinks
Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the television.
My mother was in a car crash but luckily she was okay...
WAS okay, she's dead now.
My friend threw a can of coke at my head today...
Luckily it was a soft drink.
My parents have been yelling at me that I'm wasting my life doing nothing but playing video games.
Luckily I have three lives left.
A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors
But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.
Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.
I fell off a 20 foot ladder yesterday...
Luckily I was just on the first rung.
When I was a teenager, my mom always said that your bedroom is so messy that you will never get any self-respecting girl to come back here.
Luckily they weren't the ones I was going after.
60% of people in the world are dumb
luckily I am in the 30%
I almost witnessed a murder
Luckily, only one crow showed up.
Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning. A bee landed on her face. Luckily she wasn't stung.
I was too quick with the spade.
Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me today...
...luckily my injuries where only super fish oil.
A few months ago my friend got ill and his body temperature dropped to -273.15ยฐC
Luckily he turned out to be 0K
My son used to be horrible at graphing trig functions.
Luckily he's made excellent sines of improvement.
I told my friends a cancer joke, but they didn't think it was funny. I was asked if I had anything else...
...luckily I still had tu mor.
I'm finally 5 years clean!
Having to get a shower every day has been hard - luckily, I've had my heroin addiction to help me through it.
I watched 3 movies back to back with my wife last night.
Luckily, I was the one facing the screen.
My brother is in the ER right now because of a bee sting that swelled his head,
Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with a shovel.
TIL that 97% of people are stupid . . .
Luckily I'm part of the other 5%.
Did you guys hear that Nicolas Cage robbed all the coins from a bank recently? Luckily he got caught and went to jail, plus all of the money got returned!
He's currently in a Nickleless Nicolas Cage Cage
A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,
She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.
15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"
The son replied, "No, what? I was masturbating and I shot the dog."
I got into a fight in the drug store and they threw a bottle of Omega 3 at me.
Luckily my wounds were only super fish oil.
A mugger stole my mood ring from me, but luckily, I wasn't hurt.
I really don't know how to feel about it.
My neighbor knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 AM!
Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums
I just got hit in the head with a can of Pepsi
Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Did you know that 97% of the world is stupid
Luckily, I'm the other 5%
A penguin is driving to the mall...
All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."
These long quarantines have been so difficult for many marriages.
Luckily for me I have an amazing wife. Just last night I woke up to her firmly pressing a pillow against my face to protect me from Covid-19.
The safety distance of 2 meters has been hard for the people in Finland.
Luckily, when it's over, we can return to the usual 10 meter distancing.
I got hit in the head with a can of Dr. Pepper today
Luckily I'm not hurt, it was a soft drink
Today I came out to my parents, and my dad instantly wanted to disown me.
Luckily, his boyfriend talked him out of it
My girlfriend got really mad at me today, screaming about how I always have to be right about things and how I'm a complete monster like Frankenstein or something.
Luckily she paused for breath so I was able to point out Frankenstein was the doctor's name.
95% of people are completely STUPID
Luckily, I'm in the other 10%
My best friend told me he was planning on naming his son "Square Root of 2".
Luckily his wife managed to convince him that would be completely irrational.
I was just struck in the head by a flying bottle of omega 3 pills!
.... luckily, my wounds were only super fish oil.
(Last one for the night) - Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow turns and says "Hey have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?" and the second cow responds...
"No, luckily I'm a helicopter."
I was queuing to go into the supermarket when the man in front of me farted.
Before I could say anything, he said, "If you heard anything it means you're not following social distancing. But if you can smell it, luckily for you it means that you're covid negative!"
Do you know 99% of people are really dumb?
Luckily, I belong to the smart 5%.
I was hit by a stationary vehicle the other day,
luckily it wasn't carrying any scissors
As I got home drunk...
... at 2AM, my wife refused to let me in, but luckily my best friend opened the door for me.
So happy to have homie like him.
The other day I got lost in the Jungle, but luckily I had a compass with me...
So I was able to draw perfect circles with a pencil.
Did you hear about the kettle explosion?
Luckily, there were no casual-teas.
I was worried about my prostate exam
But luckily my doctor was kind enough to keep his hands on my shoulders the whole time to reassure me.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the luckily lastly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working luckily wreckage piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.