Luck Jokes
128 luck jokes and hilarious luck puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about luck that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Span the range of luck with a laugh by reading these jokes about good luck, bad luck, pot luck and Lady Luck - fate, winnings and the four-leaf clover. Whether you’re looking for humor or solace, check out these luck jokes to get you laughing.
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Funniest Luck Short Jokes
Short luck jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The luck humour may include short fortune jokes also.
- America sure is having some bad luck It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
- America is going through such bad luck at the moment It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...
- The waiter asked me how I like my steak. I said rare. He said you're in luck, today's special is panda.
- America has been having a lot of bad luck lately It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground
- The United States has such bad luck It's almost as if it was build on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
- BLONDE LUCK A blonde was at a gumball machine. She kept putting quarters in and getting gumballs out. The man behind her asked if he could get a gumball. She said, "Shut up! I'm winning."
- I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well, I will be out of debt. I'm so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.
- With all the bad luck that the US has seen this year... You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
- This girl wants to get me fired for giving her inappropriate shoulder rubs... Good luck with that, I don't even work there.
- A 13 month old baby breaks a mirror, giving it 7 years of bad luck. The good news, his mom is an anti-vaxxer.
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Luck One Liners
Which luck one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with luck? I can suggest the ones about success and hope.
- What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally? Sheer Luck Holmes
- I heard the Toronto Maple Leafs now have the milk board as their sponsor. Now they only have to put in 2% of the effort.
- Why shouldn't you iron a 4 leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck!
- Bad luck Steve Irwin. Puts on sunblock.
Doesn't protect against harmful rays. - You should never iron a four leaf clover. You don't want to press your luck.
- I've always had bad luck with women. My first wife died and now my second wife won't.
- With my luck With my luck if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying
- TIL that Garden Gnomes are a symbol of good luck. It's a little gnome fact.
- My luck is like a bald guy... ...who just won a comb.
- I don't worry about Friday the 13th. It's bad luck to be superstitious.
- A good advice to avoid click bait Better luck next time.
- Happy Friday the Thirteenth I think it's bad luck to be superstitious
- What starts with two i's and ends with an i and an r? A pirate with bad luck
- Why shouldn't you iron a shamrock? Because you don't want to press your luck!
- Bad Luck I think my luck is getting worse.
I was mugged by a Quaker.
Good Luck Jokes
Here is a list of funny good luck jokes and even better good luck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- This woman keeps going to HR to try to get me fired for giving her "inappropriate" massages. Good luck with that. I don't even work here.
- Why don’t accordion players ever get to play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding with that thing.
- 600 Stimulus check joke The next stimulus check is just a piece of paper that says "good luck"
- Try your luck! Want to win a new cellphone for Christmas?
Scratch below with a nail.
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Good luck!!! - I was at a hockey game yesterday and I came up with this horrible joke. Why are women bad luck at hockey games? Because they never have good periods.
- Why don't husbands play hide and seek on Karwa Chauth? Because good luck hiding when your wife hasn't eaten all day!
- I was told not to make fun of my girlfriend for waving smoke around the house for good luck. It was some sage advice.
- There was an Irish botanist that was trying to cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy... He was hoping for a rash of good luck.
- How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only two, but good luck fitting them in there.
- Hey Professor can I do something to help my grade? Professor: Uh...it's May.
Me: Oh sorry! MAY I do something to help my grade?
Good luck on finals everyone!
Bad Luck Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad luck jokes and even better bad luck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between bad luck and extreme bad luck? Bad luck is when your mother-in-law falls into a river.
Extreme bad luck is when someone saves her. - The HR takes the top 20 application folders from the pile and throw it in the trash. Those people have bad luck. We don't want people with bad luck.
- A man goes to a fortune teller The fortune teller: " I foresee 8 years of bad luck "
Guy: " Ouuuf! and after that? things get better? "
The fortune teller: " No, you just get used to it " - Bad luck today, I have a bout of food poisioning AND I dropped my Galaxy Note 7 in the toilet by mistake :( Talk about explosive diarrhea.
- I know it's just bad luck that what I post never reaches the front page. After all, I've definitely seen it there before.
- Today marks 10 years... ...since I didn't forward that mail chain that got me bad luck. It's on now
- If you break a mirror it's 7 years of bad luck. If you don't use protection it's 18
- I have such bad luck getting a girl to come over... I watched the video from "The Ring" and the creepy chick called seven days later and said something came up and she couldn't make it.
- America sure is having some bad luck with the recent hurricanes. As if it's built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
- When is it bad luck to have a black cat follow you? When you are a mouse.
Lady Luck Jokes
Here is a list of funny lady luck jokes and even better lady luck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friends compare my luck with the ladies to Steph Curry... I ball pretty hard but I still hit 3's like it's going out of style
Pot Luck Jokes
Here is a list of funny pot luck jokes and even better pot luck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was disappointed that my friend chose to bring hot dogs to my fancy p**...-luck dinner party. But, I suppose he could have bratwurst.
- A man tripped and fell onto his p**... of four-leaf clovers. He was down on his luck.
- What did Mr. Burns bring to the p**... luck? Egg_salad
Giggle-Inducing Luck Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about luck you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wins jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make luck pranks.
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
African Roulette
Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.
The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."
The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.
The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform o**... s**... on you."
The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part.
As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal."
God creates Adam
God creates Adam and it was good. After some time God realizes Adam needs a companion and says to him, "Adam, I have decided to give you a companion. I will give you a woman who will love you and live to please you. She will be intelligent, witty, and above all beautiful. She will cook your meals, wash your clothes, and laugh at all of your jokes."
Adam couldn't believe his luck!
God says, "All this will cost you only and arm and a leg." To which Adam replies, "What can I get for a rib?"
Library s**...
A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on how to commit s**....
The librarian says "Yeh, I think we do, it should be at the back row on the top shelf".
The man goes and looks, even climbs a ladder to look at the top but still can't find it.
"Still no luck" says the man.
The librarian replies "Oh, the last person who borrowed it mustn't have brought it back"
Lucky Numbers
There was this man by the name of Mr Five.
His lucky number was, not surprisingly, 5.
He was 55 years old, ate 5 times a day, always brought with him $55 in his wallet and always wore a shirt with 5 pockets.
One day, he saw a horse by the name of Lucky Five was racing.
He bet $5555.55 on the horse.
After 5 hours the results are out.
Sure enough the horse comes in fifth.
Two out-of-work Mexicans knock on a rich guy's door - looking for odd jobs
The rich guy feels for them, so he says, "I'll give you 100 bucks to go out back and paint my porch."
The Mexicans can't believe their luck - and agree. The rich guy gives them a few gallons of paint and some brushes.
About an hour later, they knock on the door. The guy answers, and the Mexicans tell him they are done. He says, "I can't believe you're done so fast. That should have taken at least 5 hours."
One of the Mexicans says, "We are done, Senor. But I have to tell you - that wasn't no porch. That was a Mercedes."
First Time
A man is in an operating room for a hernia operation. The anesthesiologist starts counting him down from 10. He gets to 9, and the surgeon turns to the anesthesiologist and says, "Well, wish me luck, this is my first s**... change operation!"
Hours later, the man awakes in recovery with a complete panic, but he doesn't remember why. The surgeon comes in and explains it to him.
True story...LOL!
Police Lineup
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect, who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. Detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot."
One of them, when it was his turn, shouted, "That's not what I said!"
Beer
This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "Bud Light" cheap.
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"
A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...
Lost her job and she's in dire financial straits.
She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my job, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.
The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."
So Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing
The first to play is Jesus. After his swing, the ball land in the lake. He runs towards it, walks on the water and grabs the ball. Then it's Moses' turn. Bad luck, the same thing happens to him. He walks to the lake, spreads the water into two parts and grabs the ball on the dry ground. Finally, it's time for the old man to play. His ball lands on the top of a tree. Instead of getting the ball, he just waits. After a few minutes, a squirrel hiding in the tree takes the ball and goes down. Then a wolf attacks the squirrel, kills it and eats it. He goes further and ends up vomitting the ball, which is then taken by an eagle. The eagle goes even further, but a hunter shoots it down. The ball falls down and lands exactly in the golf hole. It's hole-in-one and the old man wins. Moses looks at Jesus and says: "I hate playing with your dad."
Sorry if it's a bit long, but I really like that one. Also sorry for my writing, I'm not a native English speaker.
If you think 7 years of bad luck is too much for breaking a mirror ...
try breaking a c**....
Lazy vultures
Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."
"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"
"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."
Lucky I didn't get caught...
I was nailing this chick in the park the other weekend. And I was so lucky not to get caught.
Supposedly crucifixions are i**... these days
Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.
Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a s**.... He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into the states to play for his team.
After a very successful rookie season the young man was discussing his rookie of the year award via telephone with his mother.
She told him that she was proud but living in fear constantly. She continued " your brother was shot twice just in the last few weeks and your sister is regularly the victim of assault. Matters have escalated and life is worse than it has ever been. I will never, ever forgive you for bringing us to Philly."
I'm Friends with a Really Poor Guy
He's been down on his luck lately, so he told me that he had to become a male p**... to make ends meet. One day, he walked up to me and said that he made a really good amount of money the night before.
Me: How much did you make?
Him: I made $250.05.
Me: Who on earth gave you 5 cents?
Him: Everyone.
Gentleman
Despite the fact that I'm a gentleman, I have no luck with women, I just always seem to screw things up.
Recently I saw an attractive woman. I decided to open the doors for her. Unfortunately, she got s**... out of the plane.
Break a mirror and get 7 years of bad luck...
Break a c**... and get 18
A couple of men in prison were telling each other jokes
After telling them so many times to each other they started referring to them as numbers. Someone would shout "45!" and they'd all start laughing. One day a new inmate arrived. He never understood why they laughed everytime someone said a number, so he just laughed along. After a week or so he decided it was his turn to try, so he shouted "345!" and to his luck, everyone laughed like never before because they hadn't heard that one before.
TIL that the term "A s**... of luck" has more than one meaning-
-when my fortune teller gave me a h**....
A Husband came home late at night from the office one day and realised he forgot his Wife's birthday...
"How would you feel if you don't see me for next few days?" His wife said
He couldn't believe his luck. He replied at once. "Wowww.....That would be great!''
Monday passed & he didn't see her....
Tuesday he didn't see her...
and Wednesday passed too...
On Thursday the swelling was better as he caught a glimpse of her from the corner of his left eye.
A girl from the office is trying to get me fired for
s**... harassment because I've been giving her "inappropriate massages during work"
I said, Good luck sweetheart. I don't even work here.
A black guys walks into a bank...
... says "I'm looking for a job!"
The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"
The black guy says "You're joking."
The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"
What's worse than getting 7 years of bad luck from breaking a mirror?
Getting a lifetime of bad luck from breaking a c**....
[nsfw] What do you call it when a leprechaun gives you a h**...?
A s**... of luck
Why are there no female s**... b**...?
Good luck convincing a girl by telling her if she do it, she will meet 70 virgins in heaven.
My friend said that he was going to try online dating.
I said, "I didn't have much luck with it personally."
"But that's where *we* met," said my wife.
I said, "Exactly."
Bad luck
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck.
*c**... walks in laughing*
Break a mirror, 7 years of bad luck.
Break a c**..., your bad luck will probably outlive you.
3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.
After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info.
Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info.
Then they took the Italian spy and did the same to him, but he didnt give any info. They kept torturing him for 3 hours but with no luck. Eventually they gave up and put him back in the cell.
The 2 other spies asked him How did you do that? They tortured us like crazy! The Italian replied: I wanted to give all my info, but they tied my hands and so I couldn't speak.
My Mom told me I shouldn't try bungee jumping...
I came into this world because of broken rubber, shouldn't test my luck and go out the same way.
A trucker gets lost one day and as luck would have it, he comes to low bridge and gets stuck under it...cars are backed up for miles behind him....
Eventually, a cop car pulls up, the officer gets out and walks up, laughing hysterically and pointing at the trucker.
He puts his hands on his hips and says with a chuckle, "Got stuck, eh?"
The trucker replies, "No sir, not at all, you see, I was delivering this bridge when I ran out of gas..."
For my birthday, my friend bought me a book called, "Road Kill Recipes". As luck would have it, the very next day, I came across some road kill, so I cooked it according to one of the recipes in the book and it was delicious...
I'm just not sure what I should do with the bike...
A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.
"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All they needed now was to chop down a tree to make the raft.
"That's easy," says the economist. "Let's assume an axe."
A beer bottle, a mirror, and a c**... are all talking to each other....
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!
c**...: Hahaha... (c**... walks off laughing)
My friend's OCD is really killing his luck with women
As soon as he turns them on, he has to turn them off.
Tell you what, it's lucky that those Kids trapped in the cave in Thailand are footballers
It means they're already good divers.
I often tell myself
"You're lucky the cloning machine worked."
Me and my wife gave our 15 year old daughter the "go ahead" to start dating boys, but she is having the worst luck.
Every one she meets online gets arrested.
Glass: If someone breaks me, its one year of bad luck
Mirror: Thats nothing. If someone breaks me, its seven years of bad luck.
c**...: hahahaha
Good pickup line.
Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"
The US government has been there for us through hard times From the great depression, the numerous market crashes, through pandemics of flu and tragedies like the loss of American lives.
I'm starting to think they're bad luck
I wish I could get lucky with banks as I am with women.
Women always offer a 0% interest rate.
A beer bottle, a mirror and a c**... go to the pub.
The beer bottle thinks for a moment and says, You know, if you break me, you get a years bad luck.
The mirror looks incredulous at this comment and says, That's nothing, if you break me you get 7 years bad luck.
The c**... starts to laugh so hard he falls on the floor.
A beer bottle is sitting on a table.
And it is saying Well you know if you break me you get a years bad luck
The mirror is sitting on the wall and saying Are you kidding me if you break me you get seven years bad luck
And the c**... is just sitting there saying HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
A Patient Needs a Heart Transplant
The surgeon tells the patient, "You are in luck; we have two matching donors! A twenty-year-old athlete and an eighty-year-old lawyer. Which heart do you want?"
The patient answers, "Give me the lawyer's heart. That one hasn't been used yet."
I was seriously depressed after a recent loss. My GF bought me an Xbox
But that didn't help. So she tried a Playstation - no luck there either. She ended up going through everything from a Sega Master System to a Nintendo Switch, but nothing helped - turns out I was just inconsolable
I just joined a f**... group, but I'm not having any luck connecting with anyone.
Everybody I meet, it seems like I'm getting off on the wrong foot.
Young couple at doctors office
Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,
"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need to know if there is some medical problem."
Doctor sat back on his chair crossed his hands and sighed,
"You boys are nuts."
3 Chinese blokes apply for American visa.
They decide to use Americanized names for starting their new lives.
So, Chu became Chuck and got his Visa stamped.
Lu became Luck and also received his Visa.
Fu had to continue working in the p**... fields.
I went to my local library to look for a book on small p**...
With not alot of luck I decided to ask the librarian - "Have you seen the book about small p**...?"
she replied "It isn't in yet"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!"
Blushing
My gorgeous next door neighbor is a beginner gardener. I asked her how it was going so far.
She said,'I cant get my tomatoes to turn red like yours. Any advice?'
I said,"Every morning expose yourself to the tomatoes and you'll see they'll start blushing red.'
After a week of watching her expose her beautiful body to the tomatoes, I went over and asked her.'Any luck with the tomatoes?'
She said,"Not yet, but the cucumbers are enormous.'
What do you call a h**... from a leprechaun?
A s**... of luck.
A woman was pumping her gas on an extremely hot day.
As she pulled the nozzle from her car, some splashed on her arm and a random spark ignited the gas. As her arm was burning, she called for help to have someone try to quell the flame before it grew too high. To her luck, a couple police officers walked out from inside the gas station and immediately walked over to her.
As she pleaded for help, they approached her and immediately arrested her for unlawfully waving a firearm.
A girl walks up to her mother and asks, "Mommy, why am I named Clover?"
"Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family."
Then, her other daughter walks up. "Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?"
"Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened."
Finally, her son walks up to her. "Those names make sense, but why am I named *Cakeday?"*
His mother sighs. "Your father believes it is the best way to earn karma."
A wife sits by her ill husband's bedside
Husband: You have been there whenever I get hurt
Wife: I know!
Husband: through every illness
Wife: yes
Husband: Whenever anything goes wrong
Wife: of course
Husband: I think...
Wife: tell me
Husband: I think you are bad luck
Lucky Number 7
I had a vivid dream of the number 7, just a giant 7... and when I woke up, it was 7:00... so I get up and decide to go to the track, because I like to play the ponies.. and I get a cab, and the cab pulls up, and it's number 7... so I get to the track and I ask what I owe, and it was $7.77... I go in through gate 7 and the only booth open is the 7th. I look at the board and in the 7th race there's a horse named Lucky Number 7 and his odds are 77/1. So I put $700 on him... and believe it not... he came in 7th.
(Cr
Keep 'em warm
Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave, when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the water.
Bob can't believe it, he yells over " whats your secret?"
"woogatkakeptewrwm" he answers back.
"what did you say?" replies Bob.
The man spits a large ball of worms into his hand and says to Bob, " you have to keep your worms warm".
The pickup artist
A single guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You know, despite being known as a pickup artist I haven't had any luck with the ladies lately," he complains to the bartender. "It's probably because you spend all your time over there in a booth drawing pictures of F-150s," the bartender says.
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I wasn't suited to be a tailor.
The muffler factory was just exhausting.
I couldn't cut it as a barber.
I didn't have the patience to be a doctor.
I wasn't a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.
The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance was too draining.
I got fired from the cannon factory.
And I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
