The Best 63 Lube Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Lube jokes. There are some lube oil jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lube oily puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Lube Jokes and Puns

How do you get a smoking hot lover?

Stop using lube and go really fast.

What do ghosts use for lube?

Rectoplasm...

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking??

Slow down and grab some lube!!

Lube joke, How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking??

What do you call it when you use Icy Hot as lube?

Fire in the hole!

What do you call optimistic lube?

Lubrican


Did you hear about the guy who accidently used super glue instead of lube while having sex?

He's now a man trapped in a woman's
body..

What did kings use as lube?

Vassaline

Lube joke, What did kings use as lube?

Why don't doggies use lube?

They likes it Rrruff!

I pulled the local slag last night and took her back to my place for sex.

As I laid on the bed watching the sperm dribble out of her minge, I immediately thought to myself, "Well, at least I won't need lube."

Apparently "I'm buying this lube for the back door"

is not OK to say to the cashier when buying WD-40 to treat some rusty hinges.

I was once a man stuck in a woman's body.

I'll never mistake superglue for lube again.

You can explore lube handy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lube oiled dad jokes. There are also lube puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


An old woman ask her husband of 65 years...

what would you do if I stated smoking?

He quickly replies "Slow down and use more lube."

Did you hear about the guy that was accused of using his boss's hand soap as lube for masturbating?

He came clean.

Netflix and Chill or ...

Redtube and Lube 😜

What do you call humor without lube?

*Dry*

Oil is so cheap nowadays

That I have 5 unused bottles of lube

Lube joke, Oil is so cheap nowadays

I am a 60 year old stuck in an 8 year old body . I want to break free .

I should've used more lube.

Al Lubel: Night Panic

I was lying in bed last night, I got scared: 'What if I died right now from very immensely, incredibly delayed crib death?'

How much lube should you buy to prepare to have sex with a McDonald's fry cook with a cheddar fetish?

About a quart to pound her with cheese.


Lube is like a foot

Without it you'll be walking funny

Why did Ray Bradbury use heated lube?

It was a pleasure to burn.

My caddie says it shouldn't take five shots to get it into the hole.

I'd get it in three if he ever brought lube.

What should you do when you see your girl smoking?

Slow down, use lube and try again.

A long-awaited prize

So a rich dude wants to have sex with a virgin, so he puts a girl into a convent until she reaches age of consent.

The big day comes and he's putting some lube on his dingdong and the girls asks "what's that for?" He replies "so it doesn't hurt going in."

She replies "why don't you just spit on it like the monks do?"

I see you have turned Autocorrect off.

I also like to lige dargejonsly.

I see you have turned Autocorrect back on.

I also like to lube degenerates.

How do you convert a one car garage into a two car garage?

Time, patience, and lots of lube.

I am a man trapped inside the body of a woman.

I will never keep lube and glue in the same drawer ever again.

I always carry a microphone and some lube...

in case I need to bust a nut and a rhyme at the same time

Why doesn't Popeye need lube?

Because he has Olive Oyl..

Bonus:
What does Popeye do to keep his favourite tool from rusting?
He sticks it in Olive Oyl.

I bought some cherry lube the other day but I didn't end up using it.

Turns out cherries are already pretty easy to shove up your arsehole as they are.

Whats something love, liquor, and lube have in common?

They all help a tight situation

I have come to the realization that I am, in fact, a man trapped inside a woman's body…

In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have put the lube next to the glue…

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking.

Use more lube.

What's the best way to help your girlfriend quit smoking?

Slow down and use some lube.

Austerity cuts really seem to be affecting the NHS hard..

I went for my prostrate exam today, and instead of lube the doctor spat on my arsehole.

Accidentally used superglue instead of sex lube

Now my girl won't even speak to me. Guess you could say her lips are sealed.

social lube

Do you know what makes a great non-alcoholic social lubricant?
Extroversion olive oil.

You know you have a problem when...

Your personal lube is depleting like two people are using it, but you live alone...

I tried to use super glue as lube

It brought us closer

Anti gay protestor: sodomy makes Jesus cry

Counter protesters: sounds like Jesus isn't using enough lube...

I confused a tube of super glue with a tube of lube

It was horrible. My model airplane kept slipping apart.

What do I doIf stop the baby won't stop crying?

Use more lube.

Where do furries go for an oil change?

Yiffy lube

What oil (lube) do you put on a cripple?

Vegetable Oil

How do I use gummy bears when I run out of lube?

I gelatin.

They say baby shampoo in tear free,

But I still cried when my uncle used it on me as lube.

Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for stealing lube?

They couldn't get any of the charges to stick.

[NSFW?] Use the force Luke...

I ran out of lube

How do you stop women from smoking?

Slow down and use more lube.

I Always smoke after sex.,,

I should probably use lube and slow down...

Is your girlfriend smoking hot?

Slow down and use some lube, bro!

My wife used to smoke after sex

So we decided to start using lube

How do you keep your wife from smoking in bed?

Use lube

I'm a man trapped in a woman's body

Now I know not to keep the superglue and the lube in the same drawer.

This quarantine hasnt been easy on my sex life.

I keep confusing the lube with the alcohol.

A guy walks into a brothel...

I'd like to have a girl.

The madame gets on the loudspeaker:

Harry- lube up Sarah!

That'll be $40.

I don't have that much.

Harry- forget it! Lube up Tonya!

That'll be $20.

I don't have that much either.

Harry- forget it! Lube up Edna!

That'll be $10.

I'm afraid I don't have that much either.

Good God, man! How much DO you have?

$3.46.

Harry- lube up!

What does Senator Graham use for lube?

Lindsay Oil.

What's the worst part about accidentally using glue instead of lube

Deciding whether to go to the hospital or the vet

What do you call a large pack of lube in Alabama?

Family size

I am opening a specialty shop that only sells flavored lube

It's called Hole Foods

My girlfriend used to smoke after sex

So we started using lube.

What do you call a lube that doubles as a laxative?

Easy Come, Easy Go

What do you call the situation where you've already applied lube, but still can't put it in?

Lubri-cant

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lube lubricate jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lube squirt piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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