Lowered Car Jokes
22 lowered car jokes and hilarious lowered car puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lowered car that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lowered Car Short Jokes
Short lowered car jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lowered car humour may include short lowered jokes also.
- I get self conscious about driving my lowered car at times. I feel like other motorists are always looking down on me.
- I got rid of my house, cars and credit cards to get my interest rates lower.. It worked! Now girls are barely interested in me..
(Heard it from somewhere on tv maybe) - If there's one good thing about the election of Trump, it's the greatly lowered odds of being attacked by Russia. After all, they're not going to key their own car.
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Lowered Car Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about lowered car you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean old car jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lowered car pranks.
A POLICEMAN pulls over a speeding car and takes out his little book.
The driver lowers her window.
policeman: Name, please?
Woman: Freda.
Policeman: Surname?
Woman: Gonow.
Policeman: So you are Freda Gonow.
Woman: Thanks very much , and she takes off!
A blond walks into a mechanic's shop.
She is concerned because her car has a lot of miles and nobody wants to buy it from her. The mechanic tells her that for a price, he can roll back the odometer. After she agrees, he does just that, telling her she can now sell her car. He blond says, "why would I do that? It has lower mileage now!"
A man is driving a car in somewhere he doesn't know.
He sees a sign that says "Slow: 70 Km".
Seeing the sign, the man lowers the speed to 70 kilometres.
Then he sees a sign that says "Slow: 25 Km". Seeing the sign, he lowers his speed to 25 kilometres.
Then he sees a sign that says "Slow: 1 Km". The man is furious, but he lowers his speed to 1 kilometre.
After an hour he sees a sign. The sign says:
"Welcome to Slow"
Three legged pig
A man is driving through the country to see a farmer about a sale.
after awhile he turns into the front gate of the property.. before he can get out of the car to open the gate.. a three legged pig leaps up and undoes the latch - opens the gate for him.
He is amazed as he stops to close the gate again but notices the three legged pig quickly close and latch the gate behind him.
As he drives on to the next gate the pig runs at speed past his car - by the time he gets there the gate is wide open - the pig closes it behind him again.
He arrives at the homestead and the pig has already sped past him and in sitting on the lower step.
He asks the farmer 'what's the story with this three legged pig? he opened the gates and ran like lightning to get in front of me - it's only got three legs - amazing!'
Farmer replies - 'Good pig like that.., you would be mad to eat 'im all at once'
Traffic accidents
A Frenchman and an Englishman are talking at a bar:
Frenchman: "Did you hear, in France they lowered the the amount of alcohol you can drink before driving. But now car accidents have significantly increased"
Englishman: " Wow, how can that be?"
Frenchman: " Well its because if a man drinks wine with a meal at a restaurant, his wife has to drive him home"
After a car c**..., a woman comes to the hospital to see her husband...
She asks the doctor :
"How is my husband ? Is he going to be fine ?"
The doctor said :
"Well, his lower body is untouched"
Being less concerned she says :
"Oh, thank God, but what about the upper?"
He answered :
" His upper body is still on the way to the hospital "
A truck driver sees a n**... man tied to a tree off to the side of the road.
He pulls his rig to the side and approaches the man. The man says to him, "Oh, thank God you're here. I pulled into a gas station to get some gas. I was robbed at gun point, thrown into the trunk of my car and then driven here. Then they stripped me of all of my clothes, took my wedding ring and drove off."
The truck driver shook his head, lowered his fly and said, "This just isn't your day, is it."
I was minding my own business driving down the road the other day
when the car in front of me suddenly stopped and I went right up the back of it.
Then a dwarf got out of the driver's side and tapped on my window. As I lowered my window, he said "I am not happy."
I said "Which one are you then?"
I watched a man get cut in half in a car accident today
By the time I got to him, he was delirious, clearly in his dying moments. He glanced to his left where his lower half was lying motionless, then up at me with a look somewhere in between anger and humor, and uttered his last words:
"I am beside myself right now!"
A heavily inebriated man is out with his wife.
Finally they call it a day and make their way home. Driving on a major road, the car swerves dangerously, frequently crossing lanes at a frightening speed and narrowly avoiding causing countless collisions. Eventually they are pulled over by the cops.
With the window lowered, the man attempts to justify his actions.
"Goodd evvening... offficer..." he slurs. "As you can see, I've had rather a lot to drink."
The cop is fuming. "Sir. That is not a valid excuse to allow your wife to drive."
A man travelling on a highway....
....when he nocticee the sign "Speedlimit: 50km". He was kind of surprised but still lowered his speed well below 50km/h. Half an hour later he spotted another sign "Speedlimit: 25km". Frustrated but didn't want any fine, he slowed down to 25km/h. After a while he saw yet another sign "Speedlimit: 3km". Having no other choice he got off the car and push it, cursing Donald Trump while at it for allowing such s**... rules. 2 hours passed, and another sign appeared:
- "Welcome to Speedlimit"
A frog went to the bank to take out a mortgage.
He sat down with Patty Mack the banker, and began the negotiations.
His credit score wasn't bad, but when it came to the subject of collateral, he was a little unsure. Collectables and other odds and ends were all he had to offer.
Patty was not convinced. No car? No property? Little credit? "Times are rough..." she started to say, when her manager stepped up to her desk, and asked what the problem was.
She handed him his paperwork, and after a few minutes browsing, the manager raised an eyebrow and lowered his glasses.
"He has knick-knacks, Patty Mack, give the frog a loan."
Canadian Blonde Joke.
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says " Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
20 years
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes I do" she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'either you marry my daughter, or will send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said...... "I would have gotten out today."
Let's pretend
A man and woman, strangers to each other, were assigned to the same sleeper car for an overnight train trip. Because it was late and both were very tired, they agreed to accept what fate had dealt them. The man took the upper berth, and the woman crawled into the lower berth. In the middle of the night, it became awfully chilly, and the man gently awakened the woman to ask whether she would get him another blanket from the storage area. "I have a better idea," she said. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we are married." "Wow!" the man replied. "That's a great idea." "Good," said the woman. "Get your own blanket."
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.....
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.... "Why are you down here at this time of night!?"
The husband looks up from his drink, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met."
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15," he said solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.
The husband pauses....... The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?"
"I remember that, too" she replied softly...
He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."
11 Minutes
A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover's spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. Uh, yes, officer?
The cop says: What are you doing?
The young man says: Well Officer, I'm reading a magazine.
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: And her, what is she doing?
The young man shrugs: Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater.
Now, the cop is totally confused.. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane… and nothing obscene is happening!
The cop asks: What's your age, young man?
The young man says I'm 22, sir.
The cop asks: And her…what's her age?
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.
One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window.
"I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver.
"No way! Get lost!" replied the boy.
"How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked.
"I said no way," replied the boy.
"What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the driver.
"No, I’m not getting in the car," answered the boy.
"Okay, I’ll give you a bag of M&Ms and 100 dollars," the driver offered.
"No!" replied the boy.
"What will it take to get you in the car?" asked the driver.
The boy replied: "Listen, Dad: You bought the Volvo-you live with it!"
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched, thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the backseat of my car?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years!" "I remember that too," she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today!"