Lower Than Jokes
50 lower than jokes and hilarious lower than puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lower than that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lower Than Short Jokes
Short lower than jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lower than humour may include short lowered jokes also.
- Condoms 1272AD - arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat. - When the inventor of the USB dies... they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.
- The inventor of the USB died. They lowered his coffin, raised it back out, flipped it over, lowered it again, raised it back out, flipped it over again, then lowered him again.
- Got home from work today to find my kids have been on ebay all day. If they are still there tomorrow I will lower the price.
- The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs... ...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
- When the creator of USB drive will die, they'll lower his coffin into the ground.. ..take it out, flip it over and lower again.
- The guy who invented the USB connector died... They lowered the coffin into his grave.
Then they lifted it back out, turned it round, and lowered it back in again. - The only time my girl friend will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER"... ...is when they are lowering my casket into the ground!
- Condoms were invented by Arabic-Muslims sometime in the 1400s using lower goat intestine They were later improved by the British in 1873 by taking the intestine out of the goat first
- When I die... I want the people who I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.
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Lower Than One Liners
Which lower than one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lower than? I can suggest the ones about inferior and higher than.
- What gets bigger the more you take from it? The lower class.
- Hey baby are you a Communist? Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class.
- Why does Batman leave his lower face visible? So cops can see that he's white
- Donald Trump walks into a bar ......
and set it lower - Hey girl is your name Karl Marx? Cuz you're starting an uprising in my lower classes
- Do Russians only write in lower case letters? I mean, they hate Capitalism.
- Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest? Because not all heroes wear caps.
- Why do Soviets always write in lower-case? Because they hate Capitalism.
- do commies write everything in lower case? you know beacause they hate capitalism
- Why do Russians always use lower case letters? Because they hate capitalizing.
- Kim Kardashian, pitbull and Amy Schumer walk into a bar. They set it lower.
- i type everything in lower case because i don't give a shift
- Donald Trump walks into a bar He lowers it
- Me: What kind of dog you got? Him: Husky Me (in a lower voice): What kind of dog you got?
- Did you hear that Tom Brady is running for president? His platform is lowering inflation.
Lower Than Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about lower than you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean slower than jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lower than pranks.
Is it normal if one of my t**...
Hangs lower than the other two?
Doctor, I think I have a problem with my t**....
Should one of them be lower than the other three?
What do you call a Jew with a pH lower than 7?
....hasidic
I'll let myself out now. I know that was matzo good...
TIL the Earth produces global electromagnetic resonance with the highest peak frequency of 33.8Hz, slightly lower than a C#1 note with a frequency of 34.65Hz.
I guess you can say the earth is flat.
The speed of sound is much slower than the speed of light.
This is why some people seem bright before you hear them talk.
s**... with me is like a ferris wheel:
Slower Than You Hoped, Full Of Clunky Stops And A Carny Watches To Make Sure You Don't Get Off.
Ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot…?
…And everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
How do you know a palm tree is getting old?
It's coconuts hang lower than its trunk.
What country is slower than Iran?
Iwalk.
Sound is slower than light...
That's why some people appear to be smart before they open their mouth
I've been practicing pickup lines for depressed men...
Hey baby, can you get your pants lower than my self-esteem?
Why do Asian Women have small breast
If They Have Anything Lower Than an A Their Father Beats Them.
Why do Irish websites load slower than the others?
...
Because their domain name is .ie
A fancy sports car gets pulled over by a cop
-You've exceeded the speed limit by driving 75 mph!
-Officer, here, take these 300 bucks and buy yourself a decent radar. I never drive slower than 100 mph!
You're IQ's lower than your shoe size.
what's 5 times slower than a blue van?
a blue van with stilts
What did the Tomatodad say to the Tomatoson when he was slower than him when crossing the road?
"Son, you're like dogshit, always in the middle of the road.
Hillary Clinton promised to reduce the national debt if elected...
Though I don't think can go any lower than Monica Lewinsky.
Yo Momma's so fat...
she moves slower than her metabolism.
(Just an insult that popped into my head a while ago)
Valve time slower than thought
Researchers have calculated that it takes longer than expected for radioactive fluids with a half-life of 3 years to pass through valves. Reason unknown.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Patient: "Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don’t mind. Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?"
Doctor: "You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc."
An officer pulls over a car with 5 elder women on the freeway.
Approaching the car he notices the women in the back of the car are pale white and wide eyed.
The women was visibly confused about being pulled over and asked, Why was I pulled over I was going exactly 22 mph?
The officer tells her she wasn't speeding but she was going a lot slower than the speed limit.
She responds I was going the exact speed limit 22 MPH.
He laughs and says the that was the route number and not the speed limit.
The women smiled out of embarrassment and thanked the officer.
Just before the officer walked off he asked if everyone is ok in the car.
The women responds, They will be in a minute. We just got off route 119.
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer go golfing
They get stuck behind a group of golfers who seemed to be moving slower than usual.
One of the country club members explains to them that this is a group of blind men who lost their eyesight as firefighters. The country club allows them to use the course once a year free of charge.
The priest immediately chimes in and says, "I am going to pray for these men everyday in my church to help their well being."
The doctor then exclaims, "I am going to get the best medical care in the country to research a possible way to help these men."
The engineer then says, "Why don't they just golf at night?"
A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician are walking down a hallway...
when they notice with alarm that a fire has broken out in a nearby lab.
The physicist immediately shouts "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out."
The chemist then cries "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants."
The statistician looks around, thinks for a minute, then sets the rest of the building on fire.
The physicist and the chemist look on in horror and yell, "what are you doing?!"
The statistician replies "getting a bigger sample size".
Speeding Drivers
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142."
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.
The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?
These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."
Stats joke..
Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there. The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.
The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out."
The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants."
While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires. They both scream, "What are you doing?"
To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size.
Police and Old Women
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder! So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...twenty-two miles per hour!", the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
**(I dont make this joke. One of my best friend made this)**
Five old ladies in a car . . .
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
A man walks into a hardware store
A man walks into a hardware store and asks the clerk for a faster way to cut down trees. "My axe isn't cutting it anymore, it's just too slow," he says.
The clerk looks around for a bit and comes back with a chainsaw. "Here, this might be what you want." The man says, "Oh yeah, I've heard of those! I'll take it!" So the clerk rings him up.
The man comes back the next day, holding the same chainsaw. "Hey, I think there's something wrong with the saw you sold me yesterday," he says. "I tried it out last night and it's even slower than my axe!"
The clerk takes it from him and looks it over. "Well, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with it..." He pulls the starter cord and the chainsaw starts running.
The man jumps a bit and says, "Wait, what's that noise?"
Sawing Wood
So a gentleman walks into a Sears store to buy a saw. The store employee recommends to the customer a smal entry level chainsaw insisting that it will make the man's job much easier. The customer is reluctant at first but upon being assured that anyone can use a chainsaw he decides to make the purchase. So he took his new saw home and started cutting wood. But it took forever and was much slower than his trusty old hand saw. Irate, the man took his saw back to the store to complain to the employee about how bad it was. The employee checks the saw out briefly, sets it down and starts it right up. The customer was flabbergasted. "You mean it turns on and makes noise!"
Taking his son golfing
Mr. Smith was a bad golfer, but God help him, he still loved to play the game. One weekend morning, his wife couldn't look after their son, so he agreed to bring him along, and have him act as his caddy.
When they got to the course, he pulled his son aside and handed him a scorecard.
"Here's the scorecard Timmy. I need to you write down the number I tell you for each hole, OK?"
"OK Daddy!" His son replied.
So they went out and boy, oh boy was it a bad day for Mr. Smith. Every other shot, it seemed, went into the rough, a sand trap or somewhere other than where he wanted. After a long, hot arduous round, he was ready to hit the 19th hole...but first he had to get the score.
"Ok Timmy, what do you have my score at for today?"
His son pulled out the scorecard and counted up the total and said "I have you with a 72 dad."
"72? That's amazing! That's like 50 strokes lower than my average. Are you sure you wrote down the number I said for every hole?"
"Yeah, you yelled Fore! on every hole."
(For those who don't know about golf, "Fore" is a yell you give when your ball is going in the direction of other golfers)
A priest, a doctor, and a mathematician...
are playing golf, and they notice that the group ahead of them is playing slower than any group they've seen before. So when the owner of the course walks by, they ask why the group ahead of them were going so slowly. The owner says, "Oh, this is a group of volunteer firemen who lost their sight while saving our course from a r**... fire last year; we let them play for free."
The priest says, "I'll have my congregation pray for them."
The doctor says, "I'll do my best to get them a good surgeon."
The mathematician says, "Why don't they play at night?"
Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean.
Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there.
The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.
The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out."
The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants."
While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires.
They both scream, "What are you doing?"
To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size."