The Funniest Lower Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What gets bigger the more you take from it?
The lower class.
Lower back problems
The other day, my friend and I were discussing Scarlett Johansson. I said: "I think she got breast reduction surgery." My friend asked why. I told him, "lower back problems." He looked shocked and indignant and said: "why didn't she get lower back surgery then?"
For everyone in the working world today: It's a Tuesday...
...which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim.
The Good Old Days!
Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular to his grandson.
"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!
"Grandson, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."
What's a baker's favorite part of Manhattan?
The Lower Yeast Side.
What do you call a Jew with a pH lower than 7?
....hasidic
I'll let myself out now. I know that was matzo good...
When I die...
I want the people who I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.
What do you call the facility where they make lower quality, but still acceptable, goods?
The satisfactory.
Do Russians only write in lower case letters?
I mean, they hate Capitalism.
i type everything in lower case
because i don't give a shift
Condoms
1272AD - Arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.
You can explore lower downstairs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lower high dad jokes. There are also lower puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Apple is trying to market its new iPod to the lower demographic with a newly named device ...
... however they decided "iTouch Kids" was not a good name.
A woman is in a coma and her nurses are giving her a sponge bath
They notice when they get near her lower area that her vital signs improve a little. They think o**... s**... may bring her out of her coma. They go in the waiting room and tell her husband their theory and assure him they will have complete privacy. The nurses leave and come back 15 minutes later and the woman is flat-lined. What happened?? Yelled the nurse. Her husband replies, I don't know...I think she choked.
Hey girl is your name Karl Marx?
Cuz you're starting an uprising in my lower classes
c**... origins
Did you know the c**... was invented in a small village in wales in the 12th century. They thought it would be a good idea to use the lower intestine of a sheep to stop their wives becoming pregnant.
Of course, in the 1350's, the English improved on the idea. They took the lower intestine out of the sheep before they used it.
How to tell time in a forest
Here's how to tell time in a forest.
Try and face north, or make your best approximation as to which way is north. Stand straight and tall. Extend both arms so that they are parallel with the ground. Lower your left arm back down to your side. Bend your right arm so that your hand is against the left side of your chest. Now lower your chin to your chest and look at your watch.
Are you the Proletariat?
Because I feel an uprising in my lower class.
How do you know your s**... partner works in IT?
They insist your safe word has an upper case letter, a lower case letter, and at least one number.
I have a Pakistani girl friend.
Last night she said that she wanted to blow me. Now I wasn't sure if I should lower my pants or call the cops.
Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...
"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"
Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.
"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"
The history of the c**....
In 1272, a Welsh inventor created the first c**... using a sheeps lower intestine.
In 1873 the English somewhat refined the idea by taking it out of the sheep first.
~ Obligatory edit. No, it took them 601 years to get the welsh out of the sheep to make the condoms.
After a car c**..., a woman comes to the hospital to see her husband...
She asks the doctor :
"How is my husband ? Is he going to be fine ?"
The doctor said :
"Well, his lower body is untouched"
Being less concerned she says :
"Oh, thank God, but what about the upper?"
He answered :
" His upper body is still on the way to the hospital "
In the 15th century the Arabs invented the c**..., using a goat's lower intestine.
In the 18th century the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
Hey baby are you a Communist?
Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class.
I was at a f**... & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
Condoms were invented by Arabic-Muslims sometime in the 1400s using lower goat intestine
They were later improved by the British in 1873 by taking the intestine out of the goat first
""When I die, I'd like you to lower the coffin into the grave...
... so you can let me down one last time."
A man at a f**... Interrupts the priest and says, "Excuse me, do you have the WiFi password?"
The priest stares at him and says, "Good God man, have some decency. This is your mother's f**...!"
The man replies, "Is that all lower case?"
The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs...
...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
do commies write everything in lower case?
you know beacause they hate capitalism
Two kittens are sitting at the edge of a slide. Which falls first?
The one with the lower mu
When the creator of USB drive will die, they'll lower his coffin into the ground..
..take it out, flip it over and lower again.
Hey girl are you a communist?
Because I feel a rise in my lower class
Why do Russians always use lower case letters?
Because they hate capitalizing.
Kim Kardashian, Pitbull and Amy Schumer walk into a bar.
They set it lower.
When the inventor of the USB dies...
they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.
Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest?
Because not all heroes wear caps.
A blond walks into a mechanic's shop.
She is concerned because her car has a lot of miles and nobody wants to buy it from her. The mechanic tells her that for a price, he can roll back the odometer. After she agrees, he does just that, telling her she can now sell her car. He blond says, "why would I do that? It has lower mileage now!"
I told my boyfriend that people with lower IQs are more likely to believe in conspiracy theories...
He said Thats what they want you to think!
Is it normal if one of my t**...
Hangs lower than the other two?
USB Inventor
When the inventor of the usb dies thay will lower him slowly stop flip the Casket and put him in all the way
Doctor, I think I have a problem with my t**....
Should one of them be lower than the other three?
The Falcon Heavy is now the world's most powerful rocket
The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or your mom into deep space.
Me: What kind of dog you got? Him: Husky
Me (in a lower voice): What kind of dog you got?
TIL the Earth produces global electromagnetic resonance with the highest peak frequency of 33.8Hz, slightly lower than a C#1 note with a frequency of 34.65Hz.
I guess you can say the earth is flat.
In 1272, the Muslims invented the c**..., using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
Why should communism always be lower case?
So that it's not capitalized
A robber corners a well-dressed man in an alleyway...
Take out your wallet and give me all your money! The robber says, holding a gun to the man's chest.
You can't do this! says the well-dressed man. I'm a senator in the U.S. Congress!
The robber doesn't lower his gun and replies:
Well in that case, take out your wallet and give me all MY money!
Scientists discover a food proven to lower a woman's s**... drive by at least 95%
This discovery has been named "Wedding Cake"
I went to an archaeologist's party where we were excavating a lower leg bone.
It was quite the shindig.
An FBI statistician gave me some advice
I asked him, "I'm flying next week. Do you have any tips on how to lower my chances of being blown up by a bomb smuggled onboard by a t**...?"
He chewed that one over for a while, then answered "Yes. Smuggle a bomb onboard yourself. I've never seen a case where two separate bombs were on the same plane, so the odds of a t**... smuggling a second bomb onboard are very low."
I have a litter of Pomeranian puppies specifically nurtured to look like a French loaf, 500$ per pupper
Please don't ask me to go lower on the price, they are *pure bread*
Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"
Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.
What is a food that, if eaten by women, could lower their s**... drive by up to 90%?
Wedding cake
Donald Trump walks into a bar
......
and set it lower
I visited the doctor today and he said my sugar was too high
So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf
My girlfriend tried to look s**... by biting her lip
She doesn't realize that she's supposed to bite her lower lip.
Why does Batman leave his lower face visible?
So cops can see that he's white
My husband kept telling me to lower my voice during s**...
I never understood his batman f**....
I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural...
I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural (or any pain meds at all).
I asked if the tattoo was the reason, and the anesthesiologist said no, it's because your wife is the one giving birth, not you, sir.
At first I was mad when my doctor prescribed me medication that would lower my s**... drive, but now ..
No hard feelings.
A 100 year-old man goes to the doctor and says I need my s**... drive lowered!
The doctor replies I think it's all in your head.
The old mans exclaims That's the problem, I need it LOWER!
The worst thing about this pandemic is all the restaurants apparently using lower quality ingredients to save money.
I'll keep eating out every day, but I haven't been able to taste anything for weeks.
Someone in the f**... asks for the Wi-Fi password
"You should respect the dead"
"All together and lower case?"
My dad works for a company that focuses on the health of the lower 3/4 of the body, and yesterday he just became the CEO.
Now he's the Head of Shoulders, Knees, and Toes!
Train ride
A man and a woman share sleeping compartment on a train ride.
The woman flirts with the man, and after a while, says she's cold and asks if he could please give her a blanket, as he's in the lower bunk.
The man smiles at her and asks: Hey, how about if we play we are a married couple on a train ride . Sure! , she eagerly replies.
Man: So get the blanket yourself!
It's true women do make less money than men.
But it's their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Where women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
A man walks into a pub and asks the bar tender for the WiFi password.
The bar tender replies "You have to buy a drink first"
So the man buys a Coke.
"Ok now what's the WiFi password?"
The bar tender replies "you have to buy a drink first, all lower case, no spaces"
Got home from work and the kids had been on ebay all day
If they're still there tomorrow I'll lower the price.
A man is at a barber's shop getting his f**... hair s**......
The barber gives him a piece of rubber ball to put between his teeth and inside of lower lip so he can give him a cleaner shave. While getting the shave, the customer asks, "what if I accidentally s**... the rubber ball?"
"You can return it tomorrow" answers the barber. "Like everyone else does".
Lower my s**... drive
An old man goes to see the doctor, when the doctor enters the exam room he asks what he can do for him today.
The old man replies "I want you to lower my s**... drive"
The doctor looks at this obviously old man and says "Can you tell me how old you are?" The man replies I am 96.
The doctor says "I don't know how to tell you this, but your s**... drive is all in your head"
The old man replies "I know, I want you to lower it"
Got home from work today to find my kids have been on ebay all day.
If they are still there tomorrow I will lower the price.
Why do communists always use lower case letters?
because they're not filthy capitalists!
The wage gap isn't real.
Men simply focus on getting the higher paying jobs like scientist, doctor, engineer. Meanwhile, women tend to go towards the lower paying jobs, like female scientist, female doctor and female engineer.
I came home today to find my wife has been on Ebay all day long.
If she's still on there tomorrow, I'm going to have to really lower the price.
I came home today to find that my wife was on Ebay all day.
If she's still on there tomorrow, I'll have to lower the price
Married
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married.
Why not? giggles the woman.
Good, he replies. Get your own blanket.
A twofer
A priest and a lawyer are on a ferry boat along with a bunch of kids who are on a field trip. The ferry boat hits a rock and starts to sink. The priest and the lawyer lower a lifeboat. The lawyer jumps in, and yells, "Get in! Hurry up!"
The priest says, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer says, "Screw the kids!"
And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
At the zoo, a kid says to his mother: "mom, look, look, that monkey looks really like my brother".
His mother looked at him and said calmly : "Lower your voice, don't say that, he can hear you".
The kid replied: "Don't worry mom, monkeys don't understand our language".
A priest is offering his condolences to a recently widowed man at his wife's funeral...
Priest :"I'm very sorry for your loss. Is there anything I can do for you?"
Widower: "Can you give me the WiFi password for this place?"
Priest: "You realise we're about to bury your wife?"
Widower: "is that all lower case?"
The guy who invented USB passed away recently
At his funeral, they started to lower his casket into the ground, but they had to stop half-way, and flip him over.
