Low Jokes

What are some Low jokes?

What do we want?

Low flying airplane noises!

When do we want them?

NNEEEEOOOOWWWWW

Why was the blonde snorting Sweet and Low?

She thought it was diet coke.

WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!!

WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!?

LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!!

WHEN DO WE WANT 'EM?!?!?

*NEEEEEYYYYOOOOOOOOWWWW*

Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low?

He's a master of deduction.

I used to smoke weed and go to class...

Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions.

I was the best teacher ever.

The Irishman's parking space

An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.

He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."

Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."

Why does Japan have a low obesity rate and a low birth rate?

They don't like Fat Man and Little Boy

I was reading in the news that a dwarf got pickpocketed...

how could anyone stoop so low

Someone broke into my house last night and stole my Limbo stick..

How low can you get?

Did you hear about the guy who's been pickpocketing midget charity workers?

How could someone stoop so low?

I just saw a midget get pickpocketed...

I still can't believe someone could stoop so low.

A mathematician is afraid of flying

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

Why is the birthrate in Japan so low?

Last time they had a little boy, 66,000 people died.

I was walking down the street yesterday when I saw someone pickpocket a dwarf.

I don't know how anyone could stoop so low.

Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up

Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?

Dad: That's right!

Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....

Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?

A dwarf was upset someone picked his pocket

He said, " How could someone stoop so low"

I was reading in the paper today about a midget that got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

I read in the local paper someone was going around pickpocketing midgets.

I never thought someone could stoop so low.

What do you call a gymnast with a low IQ?

A flippin' idiot.

I'm thinking about starting a dating app for low IQ people.

I'm calling it OK Stupid.

Why are lesbians always low on cash?

Because they're constantly eating out!

Three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger...

One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ" he exclaimed.
Joseph said: "Write that down, Mary. It's better than Wayne."

I've searched high and low for my brother's killer

but nobody is willing to do it.

What do you call a chubby midget?

Low fat.

Did you hear about the dwarf who was pickpocketed?

How could anyone stoop so low??

Did you hear about the guy who pick pocketed a midget?

How could he stoop so low?

Wife calls her scientist husband...

"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."

"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"

"Whats that?"

"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."

"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."

If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport...

I would probably get bronze.

I don't understand people who pickpocket midgets

How could they stoop so low?

Why were birth rates low in 1970?

You can't get pregnant during '69.

Why does japan have such a Low birth rate?

Because the last time they saw a little boy, 90000 people died

A new recruit in the military was looking for a sheet of paper

He would look for a particular sheet of paper no matter the day and weather. He refused to tell anyone what the sheet of paper was about, so after a week of this recruit searching high and low for the sheet of paper, the psychiatrist declared him mentally challenged and discharged him from the military. He handed the letter of discharge to the recruit and he smiled and said "Oh yes. This is the sheet of paper I was looking for!"

I was reading in the paper...

And I saw this article about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
I thought to myself, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

Did you hear about the midget that got pick pocketed?

I can't believe someone could stoop so low..

I saw on the news today that a dwarf got pickpocketed. I don't know how anyone could stoop so low!

What do you call cheap apartments in the Middle East?

Low rents of Arabia.

Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything...

Because you're at an all-time low.

(Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)

Why do horses have such a low divorce rate?

Because they're all in *stable* relationships!

I went to a party and all the party games were dreadful, they resorted to the Limbo for entertainment

Like seriously, how low can you go?

What do you call a lock with low self-confidence?

Insecure.

A man is caught cheating in a Limbo tournament.

The organizer, hurt and dissapointed, asks him: "How low can you go?"

A worried flyer asks a statistician...

"What are my chances of getting on a plane that has a bomb on it?" to which the statistician replies, "very, very low". But I fly a lot, said the businessman. Then, said the statistician, Take your own bomb with you. The odds against being on a plane with two bombs on it are 50 billion to one.

A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a terrorist bombing it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage

"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.

My wife has everything I could ever want in a woman:

Low standards.

Why is Thor's brother always overlooked?

Because he's low key.

A man's father has just passed...

The son is arranging the funeral and talks to the mortician about his father's remains. He says "I know we don't have much money, but I want the best for my father. Please do what you can".

A week after the funeral, the mortician presents the son with a bill for $50. Thinking it to be very reasonable, the son pays the bill. The next week, the son gets another $50 bill from the mortician. He pays that as well.

A week later low and behold a third bills comes to the son for $50. The son calls the mortician and says "The funeral was 3 weeks ago, why am I still getting this $50 bill?" "You wanted the best for your father", the mortician says, "so I rented him a tux".

A good, short oldie to end your Monday

A professor is working in his office during his open hours. It's only a week away from the final exam, so he thinks nothing when one his students comes in. That is, until he sees she's in a short skirt, a low cut top, and closes the door behind her.

She quickly takes a seat and leans over the desk, saying, "Professor, I *really* need to pass this class. If I pass this exam, I'll pass the class, so I really need your help. It's very important to me. I mean, I would do *anything* to pass this exam."

She reaches out and touches the professor's hand lightly. The professor raises an eyebrow and glances at the closed door. He clears his throat and leans in.

"Anything?" he asks.

"Anything," she nods.

He takes in a deep breath and then asks, "Would you . . . study?"

A North Irish girl lives with her grandmother...

and they find that they are running very low on money. The girl tells her grandma,

"I'm going to head off south to find work, I'll come back with money. I promise."

The girl is gone for many months, and when she returns home she has tons of money! The grandmother is overjoyed and says,

"How did you make all this money, child?"

The girl says in a hushed voice, "Well, I was a prostitute grandma."

The grandmother looked enraged, "What did you say?!"

"I was a prostitute, grandma! I'm sorry."

The grandmother calms down, "Oh thank God! I thought you said you were a protestant!"

Thor: Brother! What are you doing this weekend?

Loki: nothing, just hanging out

Thor: oh sweet! that sounds...

Loki: no

Thor: low key

4 friends in their 20s....

Four friends in their 20s go to a new restaurant, Sands, because they've never been there before.

10 years later, they reunite and go back because the waitresses were so pretty.

In their 40s, they decide to go again because of the amazing wine selection.

Another 10 years pass and they once again go because of the delicious food.

In their 60s, they go again because the quiet atmosphere is perfect for a low conversation.

You guessed it, in their 70s they go again, this time for the amazing sunset over the late.

Ten years later, they decide to go to Sands, because they've never been there before.

I tried my best to prepare my girlfriend for dinner with my folks.

Dad loved her, but mum said she could've done with another hour on a low heat.

Cheating at a limbo contest....

that's about as low as you can get!

My doctor told me to stop masturbating.

I went to the doctors yesterday and was surprised when he told me i needed to stop masturbating.

"Why, is my sperm count low?"

"No, you just need to let me finish your prostate exam first."

Surgery

After her fifth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her gammon was dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.
Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.
"Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them". "Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".
"Ah, that's really nice" said Jane.
"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!".
"Brilliant!" said Jane." "And the third?".
"That's from Eric in the burns unit" said the nurse..............he just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."

Two statisticians are out hunting...

Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck. The first takes aim and shoots, but the bullet goes sailing pass 6in too high. The second statistician also takes aim and shoots, but this time the bullet goes sailing past 6in too low. The two statisticians then give one another high fives and exclaim "Got him!"

So I checked into a low class hotel

I called the frontdesk and told him "I got a leak in my sink," he said "go ahead."

Some evil scumbag has just broken into my 87 year old Aunts house and stolen her limbo dancing trophy.

Seriously, how low can you get.

A fat redneck went to a doctor to check on his heart condition.

The doctor advised him to stop eating meat with high fat contents, while low fat meat are still OK to eat. The redneck was confused which are which, so the doctor gave simple explanation; "You may only eat animal which swims in the water, like fishes for example."

A week later, the doctor went to the redneck house to check on him. The doctor found him around a pool in the back of his trailer. The doctor asked "What are you doing here?". Redneck answered "Oh hi mister doctor, I'm just teachin ma cow to swim."

An ant, a spider, and a centipede are holding a party.

The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more beers. The centipede says, "No, let me do it. You'd take too long. I have a lot more legs than you - I can do it faster!" The bugs agree.

10 minutes pass... Then 20 minutes, then 30, then more. The spider asks, "What's taking him so long?" The ant decides to head out to investigate. He opens the front door and sees the centipede outside.

The ant asks, "Hey man, what's taking you so long?"

The centipede replies, "I'm still putting on my shoes."

What did the cop tell the midget that was pick pocketed?

How can anyone stoop that low!?

My therapist recommended that I write in a diary to help my low self-esteem.

*Dear Diary,*

S*orry to bother you again.*

I was reading earlier about a dwarf who got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

There's a poem contest in South Carolina.

It's down to two contestants...one Harvard grad and one old redneck from the Low Country. They each have 5 minutes to come up with a poem, but they have to use the word "Timbuktu" in the poem to win. The Harvard grad goes first.

"Swiftly cross the desert sands,
Strode a lonely caravan.
One by one on camels drew,
Destination: Timbuktu."

The crowd goes crazy, thinking there's no way the redneck can top that. He walks to the mic, spits out his wad of tabacco, ponders a second and says:

"Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three and we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu."

Statistician and bomb.

Found this on Raymond Smullyan's book "To Mock a Mockingbird". Hope you might like it.


There is the story of
a statistician who told a friend that he never took airplanes: "I
have computed the probability that there will be a bomb on
the plane," he explained, "and although this probability is low,
it is still too high for my comfort. " Two weeks later, the friend
met the statistician on a plane. "How come you changed your
theory?" he asked. "Oh, I didn't change my theory; it's just
that I subsequently computed the probability that there would
simultaneously be two bombs on a plane. This probability is
low enough for my comfort. So now I simply carry my own
bomb. "

What do you call it when a trickster god is singing just a little flat, but nobody really notices?

Low-key low key Loki.

The DJ just asked me "How low can you go..."

So I slept with his wife and took custody of his kids.

Why Tom Hiddleston wasn't in age of ultron.

Maybe Tom Hiddleston wasn't in age of ultron cause he's trying to stay low key.

Muslim women are the best fighters.

Not only can they attack with their low jabs, they can attack with their hijabs.

A statistician and his wife are going I vacation.

As they are packing, the statistician puts a bomb in his suit case.
"Good god, what's that for?" His wife asks.
"Well, there's low odds of one bomb being on a plane, what are the odds of there being two?"

I don't think a wooden structure is capable of holding up my books.

I have low shelf-confidence.

I had this great joke about Thor...

but thinking about it now, it's actually really low key.

Another blonde joke

A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.

She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!…"

Why Does Italy Have Such A Low Teen Pregnancy Rate?

Because the kids learn in Italian history to always pull out

"61...61...61..."

A man was walking by a tall wall surrounding a hospital, what he thought was an insane asylum. He heard low voices moaning and groaning and saying, "61...61...61..." over and over again. It was odd and unsettling. It was a bit creepy. And he wondered what the heck was going on behind those walls. His pace slowed as the voices got a little louder and more organized...

"61! 61! 61!"

He noticed a small beam of light coming out of a small hole about waist high. It was his chance to see what was happening.

As he bent over and peered into the hole, a stick poked through it and jabbed him right in the eye.

"OUCH!" he shouted, as he fell back on his behind.

The voices then happily started shouting, "62! 62! 62!"

Today, a midget insulted me, so I had no choice but to punch him in the face...

I never thought I'd stoop so low

Why do people in wheelchairs have such low confidence?

Because they never stand up for themselves.

A polish man is forced to take the controls in of a small two-passenger plane [math joke]

The pilot had just had a heart attack, they were running low on fuel. While he had flown decades ago during the war, he had no experience with the newer instruments and wasn't sure if he could land the plane. He grabs the radio and explains his situation to air traffic control. Several voices answer and begin shouting over each other, the man can't figure out what's going on. He interrupts them, "Please, gentlemen. I'm just a simple pole, in a complex plane."

A guy picks up a female hitchiker...

And when they're on the road, he jokingly asks "Lady, how do you know I'm not some kind of psychotic serial killer?".

"I dunno, but I guess the odds are pretty low that you're one too.".

Im not racist or anything

But I was walking home from work and I saw a black guy carrying a TV. I thought maybe I reconized it and ran home only to find low and behold, he was still there scrubbing my floor

How to make Low puns?

We have collected gags and puns about Low to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Low? If Yes here are a lot more one liners and funny Low pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes