Loves Jokes
161 loves jokes and hilarious loves puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about loves that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you a lover of jokes? If so, this article provides a look into why some people are so fond of jokes and what it means to love them unconditionally. Learn more about the power of laughter and the joy of finding humor in life.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Loves Short Jokes
Short loves jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The loves humour may include short loved jokes also.
- I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
- My granddad always used to say, As one door closes another one opens. Lovely man.
Terrible cabinet maker. - "Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?" "Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"
"Thanks dad !"
"No problem Alan" - How many trans women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.
- The creator of Mad Libs died this week. His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.
- Gay parents are awesome! * "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard" - "Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church. But a horrible thing to hear in a mexican prison.
- My girlfriend was devastated when she found out the reason why my nickname is The Love Machine . It's because I'm terrible at tennis.
- As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season... I would LOVE to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode.
- I love dad jokes WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.
HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
WIFE: Second: No you're not
Share These Loves Jokes With Friends
Loves One Liners
Which loves one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with loves? I can suggest the ones about loving and love making.
- String Fight My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violin.
- I quit my job to start a cloning business and it's been great, I love being my own boss.
- The Bible and the Quran tell us to love each other The Kamasutra is more specific.
- I said I love you to my cake. It burst into tiers.
- REMINDER: If you have promised your SO that you will love them 24/7 Today is 24/7
- The Bible tells us to love each other. The Kama Sutra is a little more specific.
- Why does Greta Thunberg love this sub? Coz of the amount of reused content here.
- Made love to my wife for an hour and four minutes tonight Thanks, Daylight Savings Time!
- I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels She didn't know I existed
- A girlfriend is like a good US president I'd love to have one
- I love the smell of my f5 key... It is very refreshing
- My love life is like Santa Claus. It exists thanks to gullible six year olds
- Why does Kim Jong Un love books? Because he is the Supreme Reader.
- I love eating babies and smiling but I hate punctuation
- I love eBay! Sold my homing pigeon 4 times this month.
Misery Loves Company Jokes
Here is a list of funny misery loves company jokes and even better misery loves company puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why can't you own just one Stephen King novel? Because 'Misery' loves company.
- After being shorted by hedge funds, Gamestop, AMC, Blackberry and Nokia are watching those funds cry about their losses I guess you could say those... companies love misery
- I kind of wish my cat's name was misery Because misery loves company
One Who Loves Jokes
Here is a list of funny one who loves jokes and even better one who loves puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do chinese people love IPhones and Apple products? Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.
(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post) - My Grandad always said, As one door closes, another one opens. Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.
- "I love my job!" said the farmer "All you do is boss me around all day!" said one of his sheep.
"What did you say?" said the farmer.
"You herd me." - Love is like looking for a parking spot Everything good is taken and it's frowned upon to go into the handicapped ones.
- The Holy Bible teaches us to love one another... ...the Kama Sutra is a bit more specific.
- Your dog loves you more than your wife does. Want proof? Lock them both in the trunk of your car. Let them out an hour later and see which one is happy to see you.
- I'm not sure about my stand on the abortion issue.... On one side, I love to kill babies but on the other side, I hate to give women a choice.
- I love cats. I can't finish a whole one by myself, but…
- The Holy Bible tells us to love one another. The Kama Sutra is more specific.
- My 4 year old is a comedian and loves jokes.. this is her favorite one... Why did the banana go to the hospital?
Because he wasn't peeling very well.
Howlingly Hilarious Loves Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about loves you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sweet love jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make loves pranks.
Jesus loves all the children of the world
But then again, so do priests
I ordered an Asian h**..., she arrived 2 hours late
She loves me wrong time.
Jesus loves you.
A good thing to hear in church but a terrifying thing to hear in a mexican prison.
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.
I said, "Don't jump."
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What denomination?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.
--Emo Philips
Context is everything
"Jesus loves you!"
A lovely thing to hear in church. Not so much in a Mexican prison.
God Loves Drunks Too
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.
Who Loves Debates?
De fishes
"Jesus loves you" can be very comforting words...
unless you hear them in a Mexican prison
Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?
Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk?
What do you call a dark wizard that loves to give hickeys?
a necromancer
The wedding night
A young women marries a very rich very old man. On the wedding night they have adjoining suites. The young woman tells her husband that she loves him for his mind and that he should feel no performance pressure. If he feels up to s**... to just knock on her door.
She goes to bed expecting a restful and undisturbed night but about 5 minutes later there is a knock and in comes the old man. They proceed to have fairly rambunctious s**... after which the old man returns to his room. The bride settles back to go to sleep. 10 min later there is another knock at the door and in he comes again, and another round of s**.... Afterward he again leaves. The young bride is very tired by now and is looking forward to a good night's sleep. 10 minutes later there is another knock at the door. She bursts out incredulously, "Again?". The old man opens the door and replies, "What? Have I been here before?"
My dad loves telling this joke to women
Robert is walking down the street and sees two hearses followed by hundreds of men walking. At the front of the line, one man is walking his dog.
Robert walks up to the man and asks,
>"What happened?!"
The man- "My wife and mother in law died."
Robert - "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. How did they die?"
The man - "My dog bit them."
Robert - "Your dog bit them and they died?!"
The Man - "Yup"
Robert - "...Can I borrow your dog?"
The man simply smiles and says, "Get in line."
the difference between cats and dogs
dog: this man feeds me, gives me shelter, loves me and asks nothing in return. my owner must be god.
cat: this man feeds me, gives me shelter, loves me and asks nothing in return. I must be god.
Two ladies are in the gym locker room ....
changing into their running outfits. One lady notices her friend's tummy and asks: "Sara, why is there wax in your belly button?" Sara says, "Oh, you'll never believe how romantic my boyfriend can be. He just loves to eat by candlelight."
What I need is to find a woman who loves me for my money ...
but doesn't understand maths.
- Mike Birbiglia
A blessing
It is a blessing to hear "Jesus loves you." In an American prison, but in a Mexican prison... Oh boy.
My bank loves me.
They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
Grandpa Always told me...
Find a woman who is smart.
Find a woman who is great in bed.
Find a woman who loves you for who you are.
And make sure none of these women ever meet.
What kind of a friar loves philosophy?
A deep friar.
Jim had been out for a few days with the flu. Back at work,...
...he ran into a friend of his, who asked him, "Jim, how are you feeling?"
"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience," Jim replied.
"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?"
"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know, whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"
Mailman's last day of work.
It's the mailman's last day on the job, he goes to a woman's house and she invites him in, makes loves to him, makes him a wonderful breakfast and then gives him 5 dollars.
Mailman: 'What was that for?'
Woman: 'Well I asked my husband what to do for you on your last day and he said, "Screw him, give him 5 dollars." The breakfast was my idea!'
4 rules for a happy marriage
1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman who loves to have s**....
4. It is very important that these three women never meet!!
To those who are sad because nobody loves them at Valentine's Day, worry not...
...nobody loves you on any of the other days of the year either.
Son told his dad he loves the girl next door
"Son, you can't love her. She's my secret daughter with another wife."
"But dad, what about the other girl next next door?"
"Sorry, son. She's also my secret daughter with the other wife."
Son walks away with tears in his eyes after knowing the truth. Mom heard it all and approaches to him
"Honey, you can love the girls next door if you want to. You're not your dad's son anyway."
My little girl loves helping me when I'm doing the cooking, because I always let her lick the spoon.
The sooner she's old enough to buy her own h**..., the better.
How do you prove that your dog loves you more than your wife?
Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.
What's black and loves to destroy Baltimore?
The Pittsburgh Steelers
'Jesus loves you' means one thing in general society.
And something completely different in prison.
Kim Jung Un loves to read books, what does that make him?
A glorious reader.
A kid asks his mother about his cousins...
"Mommy, why is my cousin named Rose?"
The mother replied, "Because your aunt loves roses."
The boy replies, "What about my other cousin, Daisy?"
"Your aunt also loved daisies." The mother added calmly.
"So why is my name-"
The mother interjects, "Be quiet and eat your dinner, Dickie!"
I was in a tailor.
I said to the guy, "I need something for a wedding."
"What's that?" he queried.
"A woman that really loves me." I wept, leaving the shop.
How do you tell who loves you more. Your wife or your dog?
Put both of them in the trunk of your car...drive around...open the trunk and see who is happy to see you.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
Complete waste of money. All he does is stand there applauding and saying he loves how smooth it is.
My girlfriend is an English major.
She loves when my dangling modifier is between her open parentheses right before the c**....
Why did EA remove gender restrictions in The Sims 4?
They're just doing their small part, because EA loves micro trans actions.
Jesus loves you.
These are beautiful words to hear in a church, and absolutely horrifying ones to hear in a Mexican prison.
God loves everyone
You know, it's in that book you hold up when you're yelling at gay people.
A Beautiful Woman Loves Growing Tomatoes
A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbor, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?" He replies, "Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much. "The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, "How did it go? Did you tomatoes turn red?" "No," she replies, "but my cucumbers are enormous."
How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife?
Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.
What mom loves...
Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?
Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers!
Son: Mom, what do you love?
Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!
Why does Missouri share borders with the most amount of States?
Because Missouri loves company
Conversation that just happened between a friend (lawyer) and I (Architect).
Friend: Everybody hates lawyers, until they need one.
Me: Everybody loves architects, until they need one.
Why does Jesus eat at Benihana?
Because he loves miso!
What do you call a gynecologist who really loves his job?
o**... Enthusiastic
Did you hear about the Jewish man who loves tea?
Hebrews regularly.
My whole family loves iron
It runs in our blood.
My epileptic son loves our new Christmas tree.
You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights.
Five out of six people are okay with Russian Roulette...
... The sixth one loves it to death.
After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous . He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves
What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
What do you call a Mexican girl who loves to sleep around?
A Burrithoe
Apparently other than the russian ties, another interesting revelation was released about Trump.
He loves trickle-down economics.
A British girl meets a guy...
And they hit it off immediately. The girl goes to her dad the next day to tell him about it.
"Oh, dad, he's just the sweetest! He loves dancing and photography, he's great with kids, and he volunteers at an animal shelter. He's funny, handsome, a great listener, oh! and he's a goalie for a local football team. Oh dad, what do you think?"
Her dad looked at her with an odd expression and said "Oh honey...
... *he's a keeper*"
"Jesus loves you."
A nice thing to hear in church. And a horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
If any of you are sad about being alone on valentines day, just remember...
that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.
Jesus loves you is a great thing to hear in church.
But an awful thing to hear in prison.
This made me smile for days
Absolutely devastated.
A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients (they were good friends) and can now no longer work in the profession he loves. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
"Dad, how did you come up with my brother's name, 'Legab'?"
"Is it a variation of 'Gabriel' or something?"
"Ah... no sweetie. As you know, your Mom loves bagels so we decided to play with that word".
"Oh... ok. Thanks, Dad!"
"You're welcome, Lana".
What's the best way of determining who loves you more - your wife or your dog?
Lock them both in your car, unlock it after 4 hours and see which one is happy to see you
To ease the pain of a mother Crying at her Husbands f**... I said "At least he died doing what he Loves"
Too bad he was a Drug Addict
The Jetsons gave me unrealistic expectations for the future as a child
Like having a wife who loves me and owning a dog
Why does Stephen Hawking date African Americans?
Because he loves to study black holes.
Lately I've noticed a strange fascination shared by everybody that comes over to my house. They can't seem to get enough of this one Stephen King book I have on my shelf.
I guess it's true what they say; company loves Misery.
What do you call an Atheist who loves Indian food?
A NAAN believer.
Which body o**... loves life the most?
The Liver
My son Anakin loves that I named all of our children after Star Wars characters
My daughter Chewbacca, however, is less thrilled.
My granddad was a wise man...
...he told me that you can't find happiness all by yourself. To live a truly happy life you need to be in a fulfilling relationship. You need to find a wife that loves you unconditionally, a wife that challenges you on a daily basis, a wife that you always want to make love to and most importantly you must make sure that they'll never meet.
Dad finds out that his first daughter is lesbian...
Dad: Oh ok then.
Second daughter: I'm a lesbian too...
Dad: For f**...'s sake is there anyone in this family who loves men?
Son: I do...
A man walks into a bar, and sees King Kong having a drink...
Now, the man loves all of Kong's films, so he decides to walk up to him. He says, "wow! King Kong! I'm such a big fan. Sorry to bother you, but do you have time for a photo? "
King Kong suddenly looks up, checks his watch.
He turns to the man and says "sorry, I've a plane to catch".
I am a man who loves to give women breakfast in bed. All I want to receive in return is a simple "Thank you!"...
...not "Who are you?", "How did you get in here?", and "I'll call the police!"
Jesus loves you.
A beautiful sentiment to hear at church.
The stuff of nightmares in a Mexican prison.
I was in a taxi yesterday and the cab driver was telling me how he loves his job because he is his own boss and no one can tell him what to do
Just as he finished speaking I told him to turn left
My son made it through a blood transfusion, so I bought him a 50″ HDTV...
He loves his new plasma...
A daughter walks up to her dad and confesses that she's lesbian.
"Ok," the dad says. The second daughter also confesses that she is lesbian.
"God d**..., is there anyone in this house who loves men?"
"I do," the son says.
What do you call someone that doesn't eat animal products and loves to gamble?
A Las Vegan
Son: Dad, why is my sister named Teresa?
Dad: She's named after something your mother loves, Easter! It's an anagram.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: No problem Alan.
My dog loves to chase people on bikes.
I finally had no choice but to take his bike away.
How do you know that your dog loves you more than your wife?
Lock them both in the trunk of your car for a few hours and your real bestfriend will be the one happy to see you.
Three children talking to each other...
The 1st kid : "My dad loves cars, so he is a car driver."
The 2nd kid : "My dad loves buses, so he is a bus driver."
The 3rd kid(not sure what his dad loves) : "My dad always screws up,so he is a screwdriver."
