Lovemaking Jokes
10 lovemaking jokes and hilarious lovemaking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lovemaking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Silly Lovemaking Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What is a good lovemaking joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The man anticipated a night of ravenous l**... when the Russian woman entered wearing nothing but a bra and p**.... However, as she was walking, he heard a faint Hello! Hello! coming from her nether regions with each step she took...
Where's that sound coming from? the man asked with a confused look on his face.
She smiled and said, Don't worry, that's just my Privyet parts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is Vin Diesel's l**... style?
Pitch Black, Multi-f**..., x**... and Fast and Furious.
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Jack came home in great excitement and said to his wife:
"Jill, love, you will never believe it, dear, but I have discovered an entirely new position for l**...".
"Really," she said, interested at once. "What is it?"
"Back to back," Jack replies
"But that is crazy. We cannot do anything back to back."
"Yes we can," he says. "I have persuaded another couple to help out!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So this guy finishes reading a self-empowering book..
And then goes to his wife to put the knowledge to the test. so he tells her :"Wife, tomorrow morning i expect breakfast in bed, followed by some good love-making and then a warm bath...and after all this, who do you think also gets to do my hair and dress me ?" the wife looks at him, smiles, and says :"The guys at the f**... home, honey"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend says our l**... is so bad because I'm so easily distracted!...
Ah well..back to it I suppose
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife
A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against
his wife."Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident
that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your
wife's infidelity."
"Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man test-
ified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the
wife." One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the
midst of some pretty heavy l**... when the old lady in
the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled,
'Can't you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Shiny Watch of Jimmy
Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. Did you get that for your birthday? – asked Johnny.
Nope. – replied Jimmy. Well, did you get it for Christmas then?
Again Jimmy said Nope. You didn't steal it, did you? – asked Johnny.
No, said Jimmy. I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the n**...'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.
Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of l**....
Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid s**..., turned and said angrily. What do you want now? I wanna watch, Johnny replied.
Without missing a s**..., his father said, Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Live Commentary on l**...
A couple purchased a talking parrot on their honeymoon, much to the groom's annoyance, since the bird did a running commentary on their l**.... The groom finally threw a towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if it didn't quit.
The next morning, packing to return home, the newlyweds couldn't close a large suitcase.
"Honey," the groom said, "you get on top and I'll try."
That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."
Still no success. Then the man said, "Let's both get on top and try."
At that point, the parrot yanked away the towel and said, "Zoo or no zoo, this I've got to see!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Marriage business
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20 for their first l**... encounter. In his highly a**... state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which was worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the decades she had 'charged' him for s**..., these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth millions, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You want what?
While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny.
"Nope." replied Jimmy.
"Well, did you get it for Christmas then?".
Again Jimmy says "Nope."
"You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the n**...'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.
Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of l**.... Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom.
His father, caught in mid s**..., turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied.
Without missing a s**..., his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet."
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