Love Marriage Jokes

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

I'm going to watch my wedding video later "backwards".

I love the end bit when she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle and jumps in the car.

A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.

"I want to travel around the world with my darling husband", says the wife
...2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand !
Husband says "sorry love, my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me ..."
So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92 !

A woman was suspicious in the loyalty of her husband for a long time and she decided to make him jealous.
"My love, what would you say if I was having s**... with your best friend?"
"I'd say you're a lesbian!"

A friend of mine often tells to his wife: "It is better to be loved and almost the only one rather than to be the only one and almost loved…"

"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you."
"Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"

Two years ago I married a lovely young v**.

.., and if that doesn't change soon, I'm gonna divorce her.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.

That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I love when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words… "Were you fired?"

Q: What's that thing called when you're only attracted to married men and gay men?
A: Oh.

Single. It's called single.

I always wanted to marry an Archeologist.

The older I would get, the more interested she would become!

My marriage is over.

I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.

4 rules for a happy marriage

1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman who loves to have s**....
4. It is very important that these three women never meet!!

Marriage Vows

A young couple were having their first fight, and it was a big one.
After a while, the husband said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey."
His bride replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in
front of all those people."

A year after marriage, wife complains to husband that he promised he would love her the same even after marriage...

Husband says "yeah, but I wasn't expecting to get married to you!"

Will You Still Love Me???

Ah, marriage. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years: Will you still love me when I'm old, fat, and balding?
She answered, I do.

Marriage jokes

A woman turns to her husband on their silver wedding anniversary and says, 'Darling, will you still love me when my hair turns grey?' Her husband replies, 'Why not? I stuck with you through the other six shades.'

A couple goes to a therapist...

after 18 years of marriage.
The wife shares, "I don't think my husband loves me!"
The therapist turns to the husband, "Well, do you love her?"
The husband says, "Of course, I do!"
So the therapist asks him, "Do you tell her that?"
The husband says, "I told her 18 years ago, if anything changes, I'll let her know.."

To have a successful marriage, every man has to follow these four steps...

1. Find a woman who will love you unconditionally.
2. Find a woman who will always cook for you.
3. Find a woman who will always want to have s**... with you.
4. And most importantly, ensure that none of these women ever meet.

Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.

They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"
Happy Valentine's, everyone!

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing;

a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
Goethe

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry.

Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes.
"Oh" said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

Taste of Love

After 10 years of marriage John decides to spice up his s**... life.
He buys various flavored condoms and when he comes home he blindfolds his wife and leads her to the bedroom.
Mary, I want you to go down on me and tell me what flavor c**... I'm wearing!
Cheese&Onions!
Wait wait let me put one on first!

How are babies made?

When a mummy and daddy love each other very much the get married, and when that marriage is failing they have a baby. That's where you come in.

I just got married and I am scared of the statistics..

I'm not sure if I should be more worried about that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce or that 50-60% of all marriages last..
Jk honey, I love you. ^^^^^help

I'm in a loving marriage of 14 years and still have s**... three times a week.

I hope my wife doesn't find out.

Love Versus Marriage

What's the difference between love and marriage?
-Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.

An old man was asked What's your secret that, even after 60 years of marriage, you still manage to call your wife my love, honey, sweetheart?

He said Well, I've forgotten her name long ago and I'm embarrassed to ask

Marriage

**Before Marriage**
Boy: Ah, finally, I've waited so long.
Girl: You want me to leave?
Boy: No. I dare to not even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course. Lots!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: No! Why are you asking me?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every time I get the chance!
Girl: Will you ever hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy? Of course not!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling?
**After Marriage**
Read it Backwards.

Will you get married?

Before Marriage:
Boy: Ah at last. I can hardly wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of Course. Always have and always will.
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: Never. Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get.
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: h**... no. Are you crazy?
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!
After Marriage: (Read from bottom to top)

A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl...

…that means no s**... before marriage. But he does not care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides its time to propose to her. So he heads to her father's house to ask for his blessing.
‟Hello, sir, I am here to ask for your daughter's hand
A bit skeptical and looking to see if he really does love her, the father asks ‟And why is that?
The guy lets out a long drawn out sigh… ‟Well, its just that mine have gotten tired.

A couple are having marital difficulties,

...and the wife suggests they see a marriage counsellor.

At their first session the counsellor asks the couple to explain to each other how they feel about their marriage.

The wife says: We are at a crossroads. To the left is bitterness, resentment, divorce and a life of unhappiness. To the right is reconciliation, love and lifelong happiness.

The husband says: I think you'll find that's a T-junction.

After 65 years of marriage, my grandpa still calls grandma "honey", "sweetie", "baby", and "sugar". I asked him for the secret to keep love alive so long.

He said "i forgot her name 10 years ago, and I'm afraid to ask."

A woman marries a Greek man

On her wedding night her father pulls her aside and says, "Darling, you should know that many Greek men have certain . . . proclivities. There will likely come a time when you'll be making love and he'll ask you to . . . um, roll over. Please, sweetheart, for my sake, DON'T DO IT."
Lo and behold, one night two or three months into the marriage they're making love and her husband suggests she roll over.
Enraged, she jumps up from the bed. "My father warned me about this! Not happening!" To which he replied, "Honey, don't you ever want to have kids?"

A joke about my parents marriage

My Dad: "I might be s**... but you love me"
My Mom: "Yeah well after almost thirty years together, you kinda start to feel a certain way"
Me: "Yeah, it's called Stockholm syndrome"