Love Making Jokes

Classic IBM salesman joke

Three women about their husbands love making, and the first one says, "My husband is an athlete and when he makes love to me, he is so powerful that I am swept up in his body, and it's wonderful"
The second woman says, "My husband is a violinist, and when we make love, he knows how to play me like I'm an instrument, and it's overwhelming and wonderful"
The third woman says, "My husband is a salesman for IBM, and he doesn't actually make love to me, he just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how good it's going to be when I finally get it."

A joke meant to be told to someone you wanna make love to... 10% success rate.

A curious rabbit escaped from the zoo and into wilderness... It went HOP HOP HOP until it spotted a cow.
Rabbit: What are you?
Cow: Do you really wanna know?
Rabbit: Yes!
Cow: Let's have s**... first.
--love making--
Cow: I'm a cow.
So it went HOP HOP HOP again until it spotted a chicken.
Rabbit: What are you?
Chicken: Do you really wanna know?
Rabbit: Yes!
Chicken: Let's have s**... first...
--Love Making--
Chicken: I'm a chicken.
And the rabbit went HOP HOP HOP until it ran into a sprukotok...
Girl/Guy you are telling the joke to: What's a sprukotok?
You: Do you really wanna know?

A man is walking through the park with his son...

Suddenly the boy exclaims, "Dad! Dad! Look!"
And the man turns to see two dogs h**... wildly.
"What are they doing?" the boy asks.
The man hesitates for a moment and says, "Ah, well son... *They're making puppies!*"
"Wow! Neat!" the boy says, rather astonished.
Later that night – thinking their son is asleep – the man and his wife begin some very passionate love making.
"What are you doing?" they suddenly hear from their doorway. It's their boy!
Shocked and embarrassed they stop. "Well son," the man begins, "Mommy and I were, ah, just making a new little brother or sister for you!"
The boy looks at his dad for a moment, and says, "Well, turn her around! I want a puppy!"

Vacation in Jamaica

Lady goes on vacation to Jamaica.  Upon arriving, she meets a black
man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What
is your name?'
'I can't tell you,' the black  man says.
Every night they meet and every night  she asks him again what his
name is, and he always responds the same, he can't tell her. On her
last  night there she asks again 'Can you please tell me your name?'
'I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me.' says the black  man.
'There is no reason for me to laugh at you,'  the lady says.
'Fine, my name is Snow!'  the  black man replies. And the lady bursts
into laughter, and the black man gets mad and  says, ' I knew you
would make fun of it'.
The  lady replied, 'I'm not making fun of your name. I'm  thinking of
my husband who won't believe me when I  tell him that I enjoyed 10 inches
of Snow every day in  Jamaica.💃🗻🍆

A guy and a girl have been dating for a while...

and she tells him that she's ready to go the next step of their relationship and have s**.... She invites him over for dinner at her parents house and then afterwards to go back to her place to do the deed.
After much consideration he decides that he should buy condoms just to be safe for their night of love making. So he goes to the pharmacy and takes a look. He becomes indecisive about which package of condoms to buy, should he buy the large fifty pack or go with the four pack? He decides to ask the pharmacist and explains the situation to him. After speaking with him for a while he decides to get the large fifty pack.
Later that night, he goes to his girlfriends parents house for dinner, bringing her mother flowers. They all sit around the table, and he to the surprise of his girlfriend offers to say grace. They all bow their heads and five minutes go by, ten minutes go by and he's still saying prayers. The girlfriend leans over to him and says:
"Wow I didn't know you were so religious." He leans back over and responds "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist."
(Haven't seen this one on here so I thought I would share)

A married pair of Biologists are camping in China...

And after a long day of cataloging the various flora and fauna, they get down to a little love making...
When suddenly, the man feels an ungodly pressure in his stomach. He leaves hastily to the woods to find a suitable place to relieve himself, leaving his wife alone in the tent.
Outside the tent, she can hear a rustling, and after a few tense moments, a Panda sticks its head through the tent flap. It lurches in, tears off the woman's blanket and swiftly goes about l**... her lady parts with incredible skill.
Needless to say the woman is flabbergasted, but is taken by the sheer skill of the Panda's tongue, when suddenly, the Panda perks up its ears and scurries out of the tent and into the wilderness. The man returns moments later, having heard her cries of passion...
Amid gasps, she tells him about the Panda and its strange behavior. The man flips through his handbook to the section on Pandas to glean further information...
"Panda: An Asian species of bear, native to China. Eats bushes and leaves."

A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making.
Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it.
The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase.
The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work.
Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."
Still no success.
So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top."
At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo.
I just gotta see this."