love Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious love puns

I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun.

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

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I'm divorcing my wife. First it was the poolboy, then the mailman, her ex-boyfriend, and my best friend. It's pretty clear...

I just really love dick.

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"I love you lots snuggles" said my girlfriend

"And I love you tons" I replied.
"Wow fine, you don't have a nickname for me?" She said angrily.
Sometimes I swear the fat cunt's going deaf.

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After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."

OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?

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My brother just updated his status to "I love my girlfriend <3".

I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous.

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Making love to a woman is like playing a violin…

I don't know how to do it…

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Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and oral

But not my Sister.

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My wife asked if I thought she should get a breast augmentation. I said I love her body just the way it is. She asked if I ever wished she had been born with big tits.

I said nah, babies with big tits freak me out.

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I quit my job to start a cloning business and it's been great,

I love being my own boss.

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Women's ass size study

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses and the results were pretty interesting.

30% of women think their ass is too fat,
10% of women think their ass is too skinny,
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and wouldn't trade him for the world

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My wife is upset because I had I Love You tattoo'd on my penis

Apparently I'm always trying to put words in her mouth.

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I love dad jokes

WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.

HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad

WIFE: Second: No you're not

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REMINDER: If you have promised your SO that you will love them 24/7

Today is 24/7

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John was unable to choose between two girls...

So he asked his friend Gary for help deciding which girl to be with.

John: I'm devoted to Kate but Edith is my dream girl, she's all I've ever wanted.

Gary: Then you should be with Edith.

John: But I love Kate and could never leave her...

Gary: Then you should stay with Kate.

John: But I also want to be with Edith, I can't miss this opportunity!

Gary: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

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Made love to my wife for an hour and four minutes tonight

Thanks, Daylight Savings Time!

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I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park.

It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .

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My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it.

She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.

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A man gets "I love you" tattooed on his penis...

He goes home and tears his pants off, eager to show his girlfriend.

She looks at him and shakes her head saying "there you go again trying to put words in my mouth".

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If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country

Not a political post, I just love to travel

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Make love to me like in the movies

My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."

So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.

I guess we don't watch the same movies.

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Whenever I see two lovers names carved into a tree, I don't think it's sweet.

I think it's shocking how many people bring a knife on a date.

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The only "b" word a girl should be called is beautiful

Bitches love being called beautiful

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My favourite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story

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Why didn't the terminator upgrade to windows 10?

I asked him and he said, "I still love vista, baby!"

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My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child.

It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

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5 advices to men for a happy life

1. You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,

2. You should find a woman that is a good cook,

3. You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,

4. You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,

5. Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.

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A man asks god...

Man:"Why did you make women so beautiful?"
God:"So you would love her."
Man:"Then why did you make her so dumb?"
God:"So she would love you."

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Love is like a fart.

If you have to force it, then it's probably shit.

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"I love my job!" said the farmer

"All you do is boss me around all day!" said one of his sheep.

"What did you say?" said the farmer.

"You herd me."

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I love the smell of my f5 key...

It is very refreshing

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Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook.

He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3"

I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand.

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I saw a 4 year old girl crying, all alone

"Are you ok?" I asked her. "Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?"

"No" she sobbed

I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage

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As told to me by my 7 YO son this morning...

Him: What's a pirates favorite letter?
Me: ARRRGH!
Him: You would think it would be ARRRGH but my first love be the "C"!

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Met a beautiful girl down at the park today..

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.

Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex right there and then.

God, I love my new Taser...

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35 years ago...

A husband and his wife are lying in bed, reminiscing about their love life.

The woman asks:

"What did you think of my body the day you first saw me naked, 35 years ago?"

" I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry."

"And what do you think of my body now?" Uttered the woman,as she undid her robe.

"I think I did a pretty good job!"

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What are the most funny Love jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Love? Well, here are the best Love dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Love pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes