I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,
"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,
"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"
I just really love dick.
"And I love you tons" I replied.
"Wow fine, you don't have a nickname for me?" She said angrily.
Sometimes I swear the fat cunt's going deaf.
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous.
I don't know how to do it…
But not my Sister.
I said nah, babies with big tits freak me out.
I love being my own boss.
There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses and the results were pretty interesting.
30% of women think their ass is too fat,
10% of women think their ass is too skinny,
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and wouldn't trade him for the world
Apparently I'm always trying to put words in her mouth.
WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.
HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
WIFE: Second: No you're not
Today is 24/7
So he asked his friend Gary for help deciding which girl to be with.
John: I'm devoted to Kate but Edith is my dream girl, she's all I've ever wanted.
Gary: Then you should be with Edith.
John: But I love Kate and could never leave her...
Gary: Then you should stay with Kate.
John: But I also want to be with Edith, I can't miss this opportunity!
Gary: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.
Thanks, Daylight Savings Time!
It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .
She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.
He goes home and tears his pants off, eager to show his girlfriend.
She looks at him and shakes her head saying "there you go again trying to put words in my mouth".
Not a political post, I just love to travel
My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."
So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.
I think it's shocking how many people bring a knife on a date.
Bitches love being called beautiful
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story
I asked him and he said, "I still love vista, baby!"
It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.
1. You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,
2. You should find a woman that is a good cook,
3. You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,
4. You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,
5. Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.
Man:"Why did you make women so beautiful?"
God:"So you would love her."
Man:"Then why did you make her so dumb?"
God:"So she would love you."
If you have to force it, then it's probably shit.
"All you do is boss me around all day!" said one of his sheep.
"What did you say?" said the farmer.
"You herd me."
It is very refreshing
He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3"
I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand.
"Are you ok?" I asked her. "Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?"
"No" she sobbed
I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage
Him: What's a pirates favorite letter?
Me: ARRRGH!
Him: You would think it would be ARRRGH but my first love be the "C"!
Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.
Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex right there and then.
God, I love my new Taser...
A husband and his wife are lying in bed, reminiscing about their love life.
The woman asks:
"What did you think of my body the day you first saw me naked, 35 years ago?"
" I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry."
"And what do you think of my body now?" Uttered the woman,as she undid her robe.
"I think I did a pretty good job!"
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Love? Well, here are the best Love dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Love pick up lines to share with friends.