Love Interest Jokes

A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island.
The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger.
The three start to build a watchtower.
The stranger offers to take first watch.
While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No s**... on the beach! Get back to work!"
The husband yells back, "We're not having s**...!"
Later, the stranger yells out to them again.
Again, the husband yells back and corrects him.
This happens several times during the stranger's shift.
Finally, the husband's takes his shift in the watch tower.
His wife and the good-looking stranger make passionate love on the beach.
The husband on watch exclaims, "Wow, it really does look like f**king from up here!"

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter.
In his highly a**... state, he readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc.
Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state.
Over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial ruin caused by corporate down sizing and it's effects on a 50 year old executive.
Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits and interest for 12 years totaling nearly $1 million dollars.
Pointing across the parking lot she gestured toward the local bank while handing him stock certificates worth nearly $2 million dollars and informing him that he was the largest stockholder in the bank.
She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they had s**..., and this was the result of her investments.
By now he was distraught and beating his head against the side of the car.
She asked him why the disappointment at such good news and he replied, "If I had known what you were doing, I would have given you all of my business!"

Department Store Shopping

A department store in town opened a building, 6 stories high, each floor offering progressively improving quality husbands.
They offered a range of men for sale to women at their discretion.
A woman walked into the store head the banner above the first floor reading, "Nice Guy," impressed as she was, she moved to the second floor.
The second floor's banner read, "Nice guys that love kids." Dumb-founded as she was, she continued on to see what else this store had to offer.
The third floor offered, "Cute guys that loved kids and cuddles." The woman was definitely getting impressed but she was interested to see what else she could find.
The fourth floor of the department store read, "Hot guys, love kids and have money". The girl, in her element, couldn't help but go to the next floor.
The fifth floor read, "Hot guys, love kids, have money, have a nice house and love family." She couldnt help but look at the next floor, where the banner read, "This floor only proves that women can't be pleased, and there is no men for sale on this floor."
For the point of proving points, the same department opened a shop across the road for men, same amount of levels. The first floor read, "Loves s**...," and the 2nd floor read, "Pretty and loves s**...." Levels 3, 4, 5, and 6 were never visited.

Marriage business

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20 for their first l**... encounter. In his highly a**... state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which was worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the decades she had 'charged' him for s**..., these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth millions, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'

A young boy was obsessed with tractors..

He got a toy tractor and tractor pyjamas for his birthday, and he loved them with all his heart. 2 years later he got his first mini tractor, and rode it everyday until it became too small. Skip forward again, it was his 16th birthday, and his dad bought him his first real tractor. He takes it out to work around his dad's farm, which is what he always wanted to do. After a month he suddenly decided that farming wasn't for him and he was no longer interested in tractors. Skip ahead another 5 years, and the man is walking home from his office job when he spots a house burning down. He walks over to the house and positions himself in front of it. He suddenly takes a huge breath and s**... in all the smoke, the fire goes out, and the people are saved. A bystander asks him "How on earth did you do that?!" The man replied calmly, "Easy, I'm an ex-tractor fan"

Once there was a boy who really liked tractors...

Tractors were his biggest hobby. He had lots of toy tractors and on weekends he would go and watch the farmers drive their tractors around in the fields.
As he grew older, he still liked tractors, but not as much because he started to find other interests.
When he turned 20 he met a beautiful girl and fell in love. One night he decided to take her out for dinner to a local restaurant. As they were eating, the whole room started to fill up with smoke. Everyone was panicking so he jumped up and said "calm down, I've got this!". He stood on his chair and s**... in all the smoke in the room, then walked outside and blew it all out.
When he returned back into the resturant, his date said to him "oh my god how did you do that?!" To which he replied: "I'm an ex-tractor fan."

A guy walks into a bar...

...and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says: "Hi there, good lookin'. How's it going?"
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door,back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, n**... or with clothes on,dirty, clean... It just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-a**... love it."
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"

At a conference for the arcane and supernatural...

The speaker is interested in the supernatural experiences that the audience members may have been through. "Raise your hand if you have ever seen a ghost" About 80% of the audience raises their hand. "Great" says the speaker "now keep your hand raised if you have spoken to a ghost" Half of them lower their hands. "Ok this is good, now has anyone here had any actual physical contact with a ghost"? Only about ten people still have their hands raised, the excitement of the speaker is palpable "Now, has anyone here ever made love to a ghost"? All hands go down, except for o**... right up the back of the auditorium. "WOW that is amazing sir, please could you come up on to the stage". The man slowly makes his way to the stage, slightly nervous about the attention he is getting. "Sir could you please tell us what that experience was like, to make love to a ghost"? The man edges closer to the microphone and says "ghost? I'm sorry I thought you said GOAT"!

A man walks into a bar..

...and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says: "Hi there, good lookin'. How's it going?" Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door,back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, n**... or with clothes on,dirty, clean... It just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-a**... love it." Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"