Love Chat Jokes
31 love chat jokes and hilarious love chat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about love chat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Love Chat Short Jokes
Short love chat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The love chat humour may include short love math jokes also.
- German women love me... I'm a ladies man. I saw this fine German woman. I didn't even have to chat her up for her to hastily give me her number. It was easy to remember 999 9999.
- So I was chatting it up with the receptionist at the s**... bank And I said "You know, I really love this place. I come here all the time."
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Love Chat One Liners
Which love chat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with love chat? I can suggest the ones about love chemistry and love making.
- **Chat up line** I make love like a Panda, Baby !!! I eat, shoots & Leaves ...
Love Chat Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about love chat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean love confession jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make love chat pranks.
The two old-timers...
...were having a chat over the back fence.
"You know, Chester," said one, "you should invest in some heavier curtains for your bedroom window."
"Why's that, Clem?"
"Because the ones you have now are kinda transparent. In fact, last night I could see you making love to your wife."
"Pfft! That shows how bad your eyesight is. I wasn't even home last night!"
The Italian Mother
Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is
going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Mama, I'm going to bring over three women and you
try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house, sits them
down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Mama, guess which one am I going to marry?"
Mama says immediately, "The one on the right."
"That's amazing, Mama. You're right. How did you know?"
Mama replies: "I don't like her."
Many times when I am troubled or confused...
Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a v**... Martini along with a quiet conversation with Jesus.
This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"
And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."
I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."
And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".
I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"
He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Señor, but for now, I have to finish your lawn."
I got chatting with a girl in a bar....
"Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.
"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends."
"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that!" she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please.
A few drinks later, we kissed and cuddled and headed back to her place and made passionate love.
While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
I said, "My wife found out!"
A dad joke that took some time
I have a friend named Michelle, but everyone calls her Mitz. I was at a bar once with Mitz and another woman named Sue. Someone we didn't know walked up and began chatting. Eventually, we got to introduce ourselves. Mitz went first, then Sue, so I, of course, introduced myself as Bishi.
They all looked at me like I was an idiot, but I loved every second of it.
Noticing a woman sitting alone at a table in a bar...
.. a man goes over to chat with her. After talking to her for a while he makes his move.
"Stop!" says the woman as the man tries to kiss her. "I'm sorry but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I truly love."
"Wow", says the man, "that must be difficult."
"It's not too bad", replied the woman. "My husband's quite upset though."
A guy has been chatting to a pretty Chinese girl in a bar and offers to take her home.
At her place things are starting to get hot and heavy, especially when she says "So, anything you really really like?". He decides to go for it and says "I'd love a 69."
She turns bright red, slaps his face and says "You b**... men all the same...
"I'm not cooking beef and broccoli at this time of night!"
Jack got chatting with a girl in a bar last night,
"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked.
"Don't you have a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends.
""No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," Jack assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a Cider please.
A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love.
While J was putting his clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
Jack said, "My wife found out."
Two sailors were chatting
One says "We'll soon arrive at Port. I can't wait to make love to my lady, it's been so long."
The other one asks "Yeah, me too. Say, have you ever made love to your love in the other hole?"
"No, are you crazy? I don't wanna make her pregnant"
A man was chatting with his friend.
\-"Guess what happened! I found this woman tied to the railroad tracks. I untied her, and then we made love all night!"
\-"That's amazing dude! What did she look like?"
\-"I don't know, I never found her head."
A Priest and a Rabbi are chatting outside....
A Priest and a Rabbi are chatting outside of a deli when a nicely-dressed, affluent young boy walks past them. The Priest looks at the boy and whispers aloud "Wow, I'd love to screw that boy". The rabbi leans over, nodding in agreement and asks "Out of what?".
A man is moaning to his mate that he never has any luck with pulling women.
His mate tells him he has a chat up line that never fails, no matter how good looking the women are he always ends up in bed with them.
Great says his mate, what is it!
Just walk up to any woman you fancy and say, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion! Does this damp piece of cloth smell like chloroform to you?"
Murphy's Law? No. Mother in law's Choice
Sam, a young man, excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He tells her, 'Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you must try and guess which one I'm going to marry.'
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. Later, he says, 'Okay Mother dear, guess which one I'm going to marry.'
She immediately replies, 'The one on the right.'
'That's amazing, Ma. You're correct. How did you know?'
The mother replies, 'I don't like her.'
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one on the right."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?
"I don't like her" replies the mother.
Two old couples have dinner together...
...and afterwards, the wives go into the kitchen to make coffee while the husbands sit chatting at the table.
"So, Frank, you been eating out at all?"
"Yeah, we went to a new restaurant last week--you'd love it!"
"Really? What is it called?"
"Oh, gosh, me and my memory...d**.... You'll have to help me out...what is the name of that flower--you know--it's red and has thorns?"
"A rose?"
"Yeah, that's it!" he says, turning to the kitchen. "Hey, Rose, what was the name of that place we ate last week?"
Lesson 5 of 6: The Flying Turkey
A turkey was chatting with a bull I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy. Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings? replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients. The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.
**Moral of the story**: b**... might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.
Some things make Italian mothers telepathic
Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.
He says, 'Just for fun, Mama, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry.' The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house, sits them down on the couch & they chat for a while.
He then says, 'Okay, Mama, guess which one I'm going to marry?'
Mama says immediately, 'The one on the right. '
'That's amazing, Mama. You're right. How did you know? '
Mama replies: 'I don't like her.'
Modern Wedding Arrangements!
Daughter:
" Daddy, I am coming home to get married. Take out your cheque book.
Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in the UK .
We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber.
Dad, I need your blessings good wishes and a big wedding."
Father: "Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through Paypal. And if you are fed up with your husband....sell him on Ebay.
Roses
An elderly couple are having dinner at another couple's house. After their meal, the wives went into the kitchen to do some washing up.
The two elderly guys were chatting, and one says, "Last night we went out to an amazing new restaurant that I'd, personally, recommend."
The other man says, "Oh, really? What's the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thinks long and hard with a furrowed brow, finally saying, "Uh, I'm drawing a blank. What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"
His friend replies, "Uh, a carnation?"
"No, no. The other one," the man says.
His friend suggests, "The poppy?"
"No, no, no," growls the man. "You know--the one that is red and has thorns."
His friend says, "Oh, do you mean a rose?"
"Yes! Thank you," the first man says. He then turns towards the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
So I have this friend Jonathan...
Jon's been on a bit of a dry spell with the ladies lately. I suppose I should tell you a bit about Jonathan. He's a bit hard of hearing, but the ladies still love him despite that and his slightly diminutive stature, probably because he's usually the life of the party, buying drinks, etc. Anyway, back to the problem at hand.
We went to lunch the other day at a nice, quiet cafe. We started chatting about the usual, work, sports, whatever, but it came clear that Jon actually had invited me to give him some advice. He told me about his dry spell and of course I wanted to get to the root of the problem. A few minutes pass in silence. Finally, I ask, "Can I ask you a question?"
"WHAT?"
(Oh right, the hearing thing) "I said, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?"
"OK!"
"WHY DO YOU KEEP GETTING TURNED DOWN?"
"TURNED DOWN FOR WHAT!?"
A Great Italian Place
Two elderly couples get together every Sunday night for dessert and coffee. One Sunday, while the wives are in the kitchen, the husbands are chatting about restaurants. "We found a lovely little Italian place in town" one husband says. "Delicious manicotti, great wines, just perfect."
"What is it called?" the other husband says. The first husband goes, "It was called...oh, my. I can't...it's called...oh, darn it. It's right on the tip of my tongue! Wait, okay, what's the name of the flower, you know...the pretty one with the thorns?"
"You mean a Rose?" the other husband says. "That's it!" the first husband says, and turns towards the kitchen. "ROSE! WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT PLACE WE WENT TO?!!"
Real b**...!!
A turkey was chatting with a bull I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy. Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings? replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients. The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: b**... might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.
True happiness
Three men, an American, a Frenchman and a (Soviet) Russian are having a chat about real happiness.
The American says, "I will tell you what real happiness is. It is a loving wife, well behaved kids and a steady job with good pay so I can afford a nice house, a big car and a big television to watch football. That is all I need to get real happiness."
The Frenchman scoffs, "That is so boring and bourgeouis. Real happiness is having a lot of friends to drink fine wine with, and having lot of time to enjoy your life of leisure."
The Russian takes a long swig of v**..., blinks and says, "My friends, you really don't know. Real happiness is waking up to find the KGB knocks on your door at 2AM."
The American and the Frenchman are surprised. "What the heck do you mean? KGB at your door at 2 in the morning?"
"Yes," says the Russian, "you open the door and the KGB says 'Vassili Alexandryev, you need to come with us right now.' and you say, ['sorry gentlemen, Vassili Alexandryev lives in the next-door flat.'](/spoiler) That is when you have true happiness."
So I was playing Golf toady.
I was solo and decided just to get partnered up at the Club house. After a little bit I was partnered with this fairly lovely lady. We went out playing and started chatting it up. We were laughing and talking and finding out we have a lot in common. though all the fun though we were not actually playing very well. By the time we got to the 18th hole we both had pretty difficult putts ( I was 25 feet on a bad lie and she was slightly closer on the same lie )
I had been enjoying my time with her so much I made her a deal. I told her if I made the putt I would take her out to dinner ( if she didn't mind ) at one of the best restaurants on the island. I lined up and hit the ball after a tense moment the ball passed the cup but stopped and rolled back dropping in.
I guess she didn't want to be out done, so she turns to me and says. " If I make this putt, after dinner I will invite you back to my place for drinks. We can relax in my hot tub and drink Champagne and see what happens from there, but only if I make this putt."
Hearing her proposal I quickly walk up to her and ask her to let me help her line up the putt. She agrees. So I walk up to her ball bending down and pick it up, then handing it back to her. She looks at me and asks me what am I doing? I look back at her with a straight face and tell her " That's a gimmie if I ever saw one "
Corporate Lessons
**Lesson No. 1**
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing at all the whole day?"
The crow answered: ""Sure, why not."
So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, leapt on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral: *To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.*
**Lesson No. 2**
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings," replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him the strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, he proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon, he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral: *b**... might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.*
b**...
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon, he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him right out of the tree.
Moral of the story: b**... might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A girl started noticing a guy who stands in front of her home everyday in the evening.
She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends.
The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her.
It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings.
So, she told her parents.
They too saw him and liked him.
They discussed with her grandparents about a likely marriage.
But wanted her to make the first move.
The next day, she went to him and said, Hi. I'm Jada.
He said, Hi. I'm Smith.
Hearing this, the girl was very happy as the names were matching like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett.
The girl went on and said, I really appreciate your patience and decency.
You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now.
So, I understand that you are in love with me but too shy to say it.
I think i really like you too and would love it if we get married.
The guy smiled and said, Forgive me sister! Actually your home's WIFI doesn't have a password. So, i come here every evening after work to use free wi-fi to chat with my girlfriend.