Lousy Jokes
50 lousy jokes and hilarious lousy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lousy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lousy Short Jokes
Short lousy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lousy humour may include short awful jokes also.
- Why do hurricanes get lousy names, like Sandy? Name that thing hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.
- In University I was doing a 'Degree In Communism' . . . but had to drop out after the first year . . . . . . lousy Marx
- The doctor who performed my lobotomy operation did a lousy job. I have half a mind to tell him so.
- My one night stand said I'm a lousy lover after we finished Asked her how can she tell after 30 seconds?
- My wife said that I'm a lousy lover... My wife said that I'm a lousy lover...
How can she know that after only two minutes? - Why do doctors make lousy lovers? Because usually they prefer to sit and wait for the swelling to go down.
- What do you say when a lousy comedian performs on an escalator? These jokes are bad on so many levels
- My husband left me for my best friend today. I don't know the girl, but she's my best friend for taking that lousy sack of a man off my hands.
- Did you hear about the guy that circumcises elephants? His pay was pretty lousy, but he made big tips.
- A renown climber walks into a mountain bar A lousy climber doesn't because the bar was too high
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Lousy One Liners
Which lousy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lousy? I can suggest the ones about horrible and poor.
- I tell ya, my wife is a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count 'em!
- I survived the most dangerous place in America... And all I got was this lousy diploma
- Why was Cinderella a lousy basketball player? She had a pumpkin for a coach.
- My phone got married last week. The service was good despite the lousy reception.
- Pork and Leek... great flavor for sausages... lousy brand name for condoms.
- My boss says I can be a lousy worker at times And I take that as an invitation
- Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.
- Vegetarian: Native American definition for "lousy hunter".
- Why are horses lousy at voting? They only vote neigh.
- Why are magicians lousy reporters? They always ask trick questions.
- Sure, I may be slow, but I do lousy work.
- Why did W.B. Yeats make a lousy NFL referee? He thought the center cannot hold.
- My kids reckon I'm a lousy father Probably
- What do you call someone who impersonates a lousy mom? Bad mother faker.
- Why do skateboarders make lousy plumbers? Because they only use half pipes.
Laughter Lousy Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about lousy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean terrible jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lousy pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Smart first grader
A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?
Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.
Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?
Then I'd be a football fan.
So a man goes to the doctor...
and is told that he has a terminal illness with only 24 hours left to live.
He went home and told his wife who was completely shocked. So later, as they're laying in bed, he asks if they can make love one last time. They do. Later, the man wakes up at 3:30 in the morning and asks if they can go at it again. His wife tired and irritable says, "Well that's easy for you to ask, you don't have to get up in the morning..."
Sorry for the lousy wording
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Back in the days of the USSR, two men stood in a block-long line for cucumbers...
Suddenly one of them snaps, and yells "This is an outrage! Waiting for hours for a couple of lousy cucumbers! I'm going to the Kremlin to assassinate the fools responsible for this!" and stomps off. A couple hours later, he's back.
One of the other people in line asks "Did you kill the guy in the Kremlin?"
The first guy responds "You think *this* line is long?"
Ol' Merl & Ethel
Ol' Merl & Ethel were sitting on the porch, enjoying the summer breeze. Suddenly, Ethel reaches over and smacks poor ol' Merl right out of his chair. "What was that for?" he exclaims. "That's for being such a lousy lover all these years." Well, Merl gets back in his chair, sits quietly for a while, then reaches over and smacks Ethel right back. "And what was that for?" Ol' Merl drawls, "That's for knowing the difference."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So this r**... in New York is getting mugged...
and he fights like a wildcat, but eventually the three toughs overcome him. Two hold him down while the third grabs his wallet and opens it.
"Ten dollars??!!? You fought like a madman for *15 minutes* for a lousy ten bucks?"
"Oh no!" replied the r**.... "I thought you were going after the $500 in my shoe!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are horses lousy dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm thinking of changing career and becoming a professional circumciser. . .
The pay is lousy, but I hear you get plenty of tips.
A girl returned back from her blind date, her roommate asked how was it ?
"it was lousy, he kept talking about how we can head back to his house to see the 1956 Ferrari 250GT."
" Wow,must be a rich guy "
"Yeah, and he was also the original owner".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lousy ventriloquist
My neighbor was a terrible ventriloquist;
He'd put his fingers up my a**..., and tell me not to say anything.
A disgruntled cow complains about the way it's treated
The Cow grumbles under its breath "This lousy cowboy does nothing but push me around all day"
Cowboy: "What's that you said?"
Cow: "You herd me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do stoners make lousy poker players?
Because they keep smoking the p**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why are grave diggers such lousy drivers?
Because they are always undertaking
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It is possible to get h**... on a public toilet seat
But it's sure a lousy place to have s**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Schrodinger's f**...
Apparently Schrodinger had a lousy sense of smell.
Only way he could tell if the f**... smelled bad, was if he did it into a box with a cat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was Jesus Christ a lousy hockey player?
He was always getting nailed to the boards.
Why couldn't Jesus eat M&M's?
His hands are full of holes!
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jeus?
It only takes one nail to hang up a picture of Jesus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why Couldn't the Lousy Farmer Cross the Road?
Because he couldn't grow a pear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is Harrison Ford a lousy lover?
Because he prefers going Hans Solo.
Waiting at a fancy restaurant is like circumcising an elephant.
The pay is lousy, but the tips can be huge.
