Lounge Jokes
32 lounge jokes and hilarious lounge puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lounge that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lounge Short Jokes
Short lounge jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lounge humour may include short living room jokes also.
- SEO Expert walks into a bar... An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, hangout, lounge, night club, mini bar, tavern, pub, beer, wine, whiskey...
- My wife and kids say I'm lazy because all I do is sit in my lounge chair all day. I'm half inclined to agree with them.
- I love to hunt lounge chairs... It's not the kill that excites me, it's the thrill of the chaise.
- What do you say when you see your TV floating in the lounge room in the middle of the night?
- What do you have when lounge chairs multiply? - Baby Sitters.
Two chaise...
- that's Sofa King Funny!! - There once was a man named Larry
Whose stomach detested dairy
He had ice cream
Harmless it seemed
But next afternoon he was buried - Two Brits are lounging on the deck of a boat. The first Brit says, "Good God sir, have you read Marx?"
The second Brit says, "Why yes, sir, I believe it's the wicker chairs." - What did the furniture salesman say when he wasn't happy with his haircut? Its a chaise lounge.
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Lounge One Liners
Which lounge one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lounge? I can suggest the ones about parlour and lodge.
- A web developer walks into a bar, tavern, pub, saloon, lounge, booze, alcohol, drinking
- My community college has a student lounge. My parents call it the living room.
- what do you call an asian lounge singer? george crooney
- What did the Doctor tell everyone in the waiting lounge of his clinic? Please be Patient.
- Painting the lounge room on the weekend was an inside job
- Who's lounge is that? Oh, that's chaise lounge.
Uproarious Lounge Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about lounge you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean loft jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lounge pranks.
An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.
Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.
The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.
He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"
Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.
The one says, You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.
Oh, what's it called? asks the other man enthusiastically.
His friend thinks for a minute, Uhm…I…er…
Obviously having a senior moment he says, What's that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine's day?
The other man says, You mean the rose?
His friend lets out a gleeful, Yes! That's it, a rose!
He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife, Rose! What's the name of that place we ate at last night?
Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.
The one says, You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.
Oh, what's it called? asks the other man enthusiastically.
His friend thinks for a minute, Uhm…I…er…
Obviously having a senior moment he says, What's that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine's day?
The other man says, You mean the rose?
His friend lets out a gleeful, Yes! That's it, a rose!
He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife, Rose! What's the name of that place we ate at last night?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man is put into a nursing home by his daughter...
He sits in the common lounge room and leans to the left.
A nurse aide runs over and stops him from falling from his chair and straitens him up.
A few minutes later He starts leaning to the right - but again a nurse aide runs over and straitens him up.
Later, his daughter calls in to see how he is settling.
I quite like this place he says but they don't let you f**......
Ever since I got cloned, my wife has said I spent too much time with him. Today, the clone and I were sat in the lounge watching TV, when my wife came in and told me that she was leaving.
I was beside myself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The kids don't know the difference between castration and a vasectomy.
True story:
Fellow teacher in the lounge during lunch: They have no knowledge of basic human anatomy. They thought that getting a vasectomy meant having your b**... chopped off.
Me: When it comes to the difference between castration and a vasectomy, there is a vas deferens.
Thanks Reddit for letting me steal a joke and use it on the wild.
[REQ] If this is allowed in this sub.
If not mods, please go ahead and delete.
Looking for a joke that involves a guy walking through an airport lounge and spots the Dalai Lama, a high level rabbi, an Iman, and some other religious leader.
I haven't the slightest recollection of even the gist of the joke. Was wondering if anybody's heard it? I did look online but got nothing.
Thanks for your time and courtesy.
A guy sees a sign outside a bar that says "come in! We have a magic ashtray that will grant one wish if you buy a pint"
He walks in to a swanky piano lounge which, interestingly, had a dwarf playing the piano.
He buys a pint and the bartender tells him to hold the ashtray and make his wish.
He squints and makes his wish. Suddenly a million ducks start swarming out from behind the bar and begin to cause total chaos.
The man yells to the bartender over the noise "I wished for a million BUCKS not DUCKS!!!"
The bartender yelled back "do you think I wished for a 3 foot pianist!?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An awkward question!
A little boy walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while his dad is reading the paper.
"Where does p**... come from?" he asks.
The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old son is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:
"Well you know we just ate breakfast?"
"Yes," answers the boy.
"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the loo, and that is p**...."
The little boy looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks: "And tigger?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Aww...sweet...
A little boy walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while his dad is reading the paper.
"Daddy, where does p**... come from?" he asks.
The father, feeling a little perturbed that his five year old son is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:
"Well, you know we just ate breakfast?"
"Yes," answers the boy.
"Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the loo, and that is p**...."
The little boy looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks: "And Tigger?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day.....
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having s**... on a bench.
The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?"
The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having s**.... Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."
The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?"
Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"
She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three are guys sitting around in heaven..
Three guys are in heaven, each sharing the story of their death. The first guy, propped up on his cloud recalls his ultimate demise. "Well, I had been sent home from work early one afternoon, and when I got home my wife was half n**... and obviously surprised to see me. I found a pair of men's pants in the lounge, and in my rage smashed the TV. Then I found a necktie in the bedroom, and overturned the dresser. THEN I found all the empty beer bottles on my bar, and threw the bar fridge out the window. In my rage I had a heart attack, and here I am.
The second guy frowns, and exclaims how strange that was. "Well, that is bizarre. I was taking a walk one day and was minding my own business, when out of nowhere I was struck by a falling fridge. I died instantly and here I am."
The third guy thinks for a second and says "Well, I'll tell my story but you ain't gonna like it. I was hiding in this fridge..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The crazy house is running low on space...
So the staff call a meeting to see how they can bring their numbers down. They decide a test is in order.
Unfortunately, traditional Q&A testing didn't yield the kind of results they wanted so they get creative and paint a door on the wall of the lounge area.
The next day they wait and watch to see which patients fall for it. Soon there are lines of crazy people trying to open the fake door. Some resist but still look on in bewildered curiosity except for one man in the corner of the room laughing hysterically. They approach him and ask what he finds so amusing...
Patient: "All the lunatics trying to open that door over there. That's pretty funny"
The staff starts to get excited. This seems promising.
Doctor: "Their behavior seems foolish to you huh?"
Patient: "Downright s**... if you ask me."
Doctor: "Can you please explain why?"
The patient motions for the doctor to come closer and whispers into his ear: "Because I have the key!"
It's Obvious...
So two mathematicians meet in the corridor of their building and one asks the other "so what are you working on?" The second mathematician replies "I've been working on this interesting proof, come into the lounge and I'll show you".
The two go into the faculty lounge and the guy starts to work out his new proof. After chugging along for about 15 minutes, he turns to the ~~first~~ second guy and says "so here, you'll see that the answer is therefore obvious". The first guy stares at it for quite while. He makes a few notes on the side of the board, then stares some more. He scribbles more and stares more.
The first guy eventually shrugs and goes home. The first guy keeps working well past midnight. He finally goes home and collapses in bed, but is clearly obsessed with the problem. Over the next few days, he keeps working on it in his every spare moment. He fills the white board in his office, the one he has mounted in the garage at home and he even fills the old blackboard in the abandoned classroom in the old lab. Finally, one day he jumps up, punches his fist in the air and screams "Eureka!" at the top of his lungs. He runs down the corridor, into the classroom where the other mathematician is holding a seminar and yells out:
"You're right, it's obvious!"
Eit: Corrected idiot typo...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heard this one seems kind of old.
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the Bozeman, Montana airport, while waiting for their respective flights...One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East ....Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. Finally, the American Indian clears his t**... and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.' The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?' The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . . . 'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'.
