Loudly Jokes
134 loudly jokes and hilarious loudly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about loudly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Loudly Short Jokes
Short loudly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The loudly humour may include short vehemently jokes also.
- Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't. It's my longest running joke of the year.
- A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico. Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.
- I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf... So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girl friend is disabled. Now we wait. - Did you know: If you say a number loud enough, you increase its value? For example: 5 equals 5, but
5! equals 120. - A joke my 4 year old came up with today... Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"
Me: "I dunno, what?"
Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!" - My Hawaiian HOA passed a noise ordinance so strict that I can't even laugh out loud. All i can do is a low ha.
- I went to a restaurant. It was full; no place to sit...
I took out my mobile,
Placed it to my ear and said loudly- "Bro come fast, she's here with someone else...
Six couples ran away - I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm today The loud beeping was giving me a headache.
- A boy is loudly praying, "God please give me a bicycle." His mom asks, "why are you praying so loudly? God isn't hard of hearing."
The boy replies, "yes but grandma is." - My wife asked me why I always have to sneeze so loudly. I told her, it's not that I HAVE to….
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Loudly One Liners
Which loudly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with loudly? I can suggest the ones about furiously and louder.
- How do you get a group of loud Canadians to leave a party? You ask them.
- Got caught peeing in the pool The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
- Apparently I snore so loudly that I scare everyone in the car I'm driving.
- My neighbours are always listening to loud music whether they want to or not.
- My neighbor is loud and obnoxious Now I know how Canada feels
- What lives in the ocean and IS REALLY LOUD AND ANNOYING. A yellyfish.
- Do people in Hawaii laugh out loud? Or do they just give out a low ha ?
- I got caught peeing in a pool today. The lifeguard yelled so loud, I almost fell in!
- What do guns and feminists have in common? They are very loud when triggered.
- what do you call a fake fish? a de"koi"
>!(if you don't get it, say it out loud)!< - Girl, are you dial-up internet? Because you're really loud and annoying.
- My parents told me not to listen to my iPod too loud... It was sound advice.
- Saw a guy who wears a turban and who was coughing loudly I think he was Sikh
- Why is Nicolas Cage's radio so loud? He doesn't know how to turn things down
- What is black and screams real loud? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
Comical Loudly Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about loudly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean loud noise jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make loudly pranks.
A six year old boy goes to work with his father on a bring your kid to work day.
After about 30 minutes of arriving the kid starts crying loudly, the whole office gathers around.
The father asks his kid what's the matter son?
The kid replies where are all the clowns that you say you work with?
An indian and a white man are walking through the woods...
and the white man is trying to learn how to hunt game from the indian. So the indian is moving quickly and quietly through the dense forest and the white man is fumbling loudly behind him. Suddenly, the indian stops short and presses his cheek up against a large tree. He then exclaims,
*"Moose come."*
The white man is baffled by how the indian discovered this and says, *"How do you know that?"*
Indian: *"Cheek sticky."*
I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today...
The lifeguard shouted at me so loudly, I almost fell in.
Jimmy and Joey (never seen this here so sorry if repost)
One day Jimmy and Joey were walking through their neighborhood looking for something to do.
Jimmy then shouted, " JOEY LOOK A n**... LADY"
Joey looked and sure enough there was a woman sunbathing by her pool n**....
Joey then screamed very loudly and ran away in a panic.
Jimmy was very puzzled at why Joey ran, so he chased down Joey to see what happened.
He catches Joey and asks him, "Why are you running away? We finally got to see a n**... lady."
Joey responded, "My mamma always told me that if I ever saw a person n**... I would turn to stone, and back there I felt something get hard.
There was a horse who was a genius at arithmetic...
...which it learned with no difficulty. Algebra was a breeze, and it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. However, when someone tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly, and make violent head motions in resistance.
The moral of this story is that you can't put Descartes before the horse.
Today, in math class,
I had the urge to f**.... I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and f**... at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I f**....
Loudly.
Every hotel room was taken.
By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time?"
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
A great Polish joke
Guy goes into a bar, and a couple drinks in loudly announces to the bartender, "OK I'm going to tell you a great Polish joke!"
The bartender leans in and whispers, "watch it buddy, I happen to be polish, and while I got a sense of humor, about half the people in here are polish. you see that 6'6" 300 lb bouncer? He's polish too and he don't got a sense of humor!"
"OK," the jokster responds. "I'll tell it slowly!"
How many Unidans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six: one to screw it in and five to cheer him on loudly while standing in front of other people's bulbs so no one can see them.
Funny things to say after loudly f**... in a public toilet
I'll start with a couple I've heard:
"Systems check cleared - ready for drop..."
"Whups, I'm sorry, I need to get that fixed..."
A man observed that everyday a group of ladies come to park and keep talking and laughing loudly.
Then one day he noticed that everybody was silent.Suspecting some serious issue he went to one of ladies and asked - *Why is everybody silent today?*
The lady replied - *All are present today*
So I was listening to classical music really loudly the other day when suddenly...
My speakers Baroque.
A couple is driving up to the mountains...
.. and they are in a huge fight. The man and woman are arguing loudly for so long they are tired out. The woman then feels that she should get the last word in, and so as they pass a pasture of cows she turns to her husband and asks "Relatives of yours?" The man replies "Yes, in-laws."
Women's self absorption...
A friend once demonstrated this to me at a large party. He stood in the middle of the room and said very loudly, "The trouble with women is that they always take things personally." Four women immediately replied, "Well *I* don't!"
An American girl goes on vacation to Berlin
While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.
Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "g**...!"
The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"
A man walks into a bar and notices two fat women.
They had obviously been drinking a lot, and were speaking loudly with heavy accents. After an hour he becomes annoyed with the noise, walks over to them and asks, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but are you two ladies from Scotland?"
"Wales, you idiot!", shouts the fattest one.
"I'm sorry," he says. "Are you two whales from Scotland?"
A blonde is walking along the shoreline of a lake in Minnesota looking for seashells when she spots another blonde across the lake from her. Eager for company she shouts loudly "How do I get to the other side?"
The other blonde shouts back "You're on the other side!"
At the movies.
A man takes his seat at the movies. Popcorn in one hand, he is just getting settle when he notices behind him a duck.
He loudly exclaims "there is a duck here!".
The duck replies "so".
"You are a duck, why are you watching this movie?".
"Well, I liked the book".
Three blondes are in an elevator
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."
A coworker asked me if I would please quit loudly singing along with my Oasis mix tape this morning.
I said maybe...
People who cough loudly don't go to the doctor...
They go to the cinemas.
My 98 year old grandpa is reading the newspaper and talking loudly to himself or whomever listens:
Grandpa: I beat you, you, you and you!
Me: Have you been taking up sports lately?
Grandpa: No, I am reading the death announcements.
A pretty lady with bad gas farts in an Apple store...
She looks around and loudly proclaims "HA! Bet you wish you had Windows now!"
So my girlfriend and my mom have never met...
So I told my girlfriend that my mother is deaf, so she will need to speak slowly and loudly for her to understand you. I then called my mom and told her to be nice, cause my girlfriend is r**.... Boy it's going to be a fun Thanksgiving this year!
Pavlov was drinking in a bar
and chatting with some fellow scientists. The time flew by, and before he knew it the barman loudly rang the bell signalling last orders.
Pavlov clapped a hand to his forehead, 'Oh c**...!' he cried. 'I forgot to feed the dog!'
I just want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa...
Not like the passengers in his car who were screaming quite loudly.
Apparently, I snore really loudly...
...loud enough to terrify everyone in the car I'm driving!
What's the difference between a dilapidated bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
…One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a b**... crustacean!
(My husband groaned loudly when I told him this one, so I knew it was pretty good.)
How do you sell a sheep to a deaf person?
(yells loudly) DO YOU WANNA A BUY A SHEEP!!!!!!
Lets go to the symphony
Beethoven: You guys want some symphonies tonight!?
Crowd: **cheers loudly**
Beethoven: I can't hear you!
Some ladies were sitting in a park..
Some ladies were sitting in a park every day. One man was observing them daily as they were talking and laughing loudly.
One day he observed everybody was silent. There must be some serious issue or incident that happened.So he went to a Lady and asked, "Why everybody is silent today?"
The lady replied, "All Are Present Today."
We must follow our policy. . .
I was at the airport the other day to pick someone up but their flight was delayed so I wandered around a bit. I noticed a big scene at one of the airline check ins. there was this agitated vulture holding a couple of dead possums arguing loudly with a whole group of ticket agents. I kinda felt bad for the guy but the airline did have a one carrion policy.
Awesome Reporting of the Accident
A car was involved in an accident. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim. The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
My girlfriend snores very loudly
Guess she knows how to sleep soundly
When you pass gas loudly in a crowded room, everyone should applaud...
That takes some guts.
Did you hear about the builder who could clap very loudly?
They always got him to raise the roof.
-Hey, does your wife moan when having s**...?
-Quite loudly actually, I can hear her from the living room!
I like my women like I like my tigers
Red hair, out of control, coming quickly and loudly
The Queen and Prince Charles
The Queen and Prince Charles are enjoying a cup of tea when there's suddenly a knock on the door. The Queen goes to open it and it's the Death standing on the other side.
So the Queen shouts loudly: "Hey Charles, it's for you."
I went to a restaurant.
Every table was occupied with couples,
there was no seat vacant.
I took out my phone and said loudly
"Dude, your girlfriend is here with someone else. Come here fast."
9 girls left their seats for me.
I was at a f**... the other day and a couple in front of me were loudly arguing about which herb goes best with which fish…
I could only think it wasn't the Thyme or Plaice…
A man drunkenly walks into his wife's room...
He loudly proclaims, "I have no idea how I could live without you!"
Flustered, the wife asks, "Is that you talking or the whiskey talking?"
"It's me talking to the whiskey."
Two men are arguing loudly. A robot approaches and says "May I be of assistance?"
One man turns to it and says *back off pal, this is an organic matter!"
A drunk stumbles out of a bar...
...and meanders down the street. He makes his way into a church and enters the confessional booth. A priest is there and waits a minute, but the drunk says nothing. He waits 5 minutes, then 10, and still there's silence. Finally, the priest knocks loudly on the dividing wall, and the drunk pipes up, "Sorry, pal, I can't help you. I've got no paper over here, either."
A blonde goes into a library and, speaking clearly and loudly, orders a burger, fries and a milkshake.
The librarian rolls his eyes and says, exasperated, "This is a library, ma'am."
So the blonde leans in and whispers, "Sorry. I'll have a burger, fries, and a milkshake."
The Queen takes the visiting pope for a ride in a carriage through London.
Suddenly one of the horses farts very loudly. I am terribly sorry, apologizes the embarrassed Queen.
The pope replies, Oh don't worry, if you hadn't said anything, I'd just think it was the horse!
a guy picking up his kids at school sees another kid and says loudly "god, what an ugly kid!"
The person standing next to him says "he's my son..."
The guy, pretty embarassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father"
"I'm his mom..."
My grandpa knew the Titanic was going to sink. He said it loudly countless times...
Then he got kicked out of the theater.
A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store,
A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store and slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.
The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"
The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that p**... Treats' are meant for 'cats'?"
My favorite restaurant
I went to my favorite restaurant on valentines day and it was full. There was no place to sit and the wait was over an hour.
I took out my phone, placed it to my ear, and said loudly, "Hey, get over here! She's here with someone else!"
Three couples got up and quickly left.
Two Labradors were sitting in a Bar , drinking beer
The first Labrador whispers to the other " I went to bed with your mother , last night "
The second Labrador ignored it and carried on drinking beer.
The first Labrador shouts this time " did you hear me ? I went to bed with your mom , last night ? "
The other Labrador shook his head, sighed loudly and said " Go home Dad , you're drunk "
How to freak her out
I love walking up to women I barely know, hug them and sniff loudly followed by me saying, "You smell so much better when you are awake."
A blonde girl walks into a library and loudly exclaims, "I'll have a cheeseburger with fries"
The librarian stares at her questioningly and says, "Madam, this is a library."
The blonde turns red with embarrassment and apologizes.
She leans in and whispers, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries."
A man bring his art to an art dealer tying to sell it
A man bring his art to an art dealer tying to sell it
The dealer offers him a 20 for it.
The artist objects loudly: "But the canvas cost me more than that!"
"Sure, but it wasn't painted on then."
Most of the time
Most of the time, when you cry, no one notices your tears.
Most of the time, when you hurt, no one notices your pain.
Most of the time, you hold it in, and no one feels the ache.
Most of the time.
Until you f**... loudly in public.
A guy walks into a doctors office and says
'You've gotta help me doc. I snore so loudly that I keep waking myself up, what can I do?'
'Oh that's easy' replies the doctor, 'just sleep in another room'
Courtesy of my 6 year old.
I never knew my mechanic was a psychic
until he loudly announced that I had blown a t**... in my car.
What happens if you listen to metal too loudly?
You become Megadeaf
How to know the time
Dude 1: Yo what's the time.
Dude 2: Dunno pass me that t**... and I'll find out.
Dude 2: (plays t**... loudly)
3 Neighbours Simultaneously: HEY WHO'S PLAYIN' THAT t**... AT 2AM!?!?!?
Dude 1: Broooooo...
Lifetime Investment
This morning I heard someone shouting loudly on a megaphone outside my window. Saying "If you invest $15.00 just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".
I went out onto the balcony with curiosity and saw the idiot, he was selling chairs..
Today in math class I had to f**.... I thought if I dropped my book and f**... at the same time, no one would hear it.
I dropped my book and everyone looked at me. Then I f**.... Loudly.
A man walks into a bar and sees a man that looks like Adolph h**...
sitting at the end of the bar. He walks up to him and asks "are you really h**...?" The man stands up and says loudly, "Ja, ich bin Adolph h**.... I killed 6 million Jews and 1 Mexican." The man says, "wait, why did you kill a Mexican?" h**... says "Sehen Sie! See? That is what i mean, no one cares about the jews."
A biker gang comes into a transport cafe
and start picking on a little middle-aged man just sitting down to an all-day breakfast. They steal most of it, spit in his tea, and pull away his chair from under him, until eventually he gives up and walks out silently.
They laugh loudly and say to the waitress "He wasn't much of a man, was he?"
"No," she says, "and he's not much of a truck driver either -- he's just backed an eighteen-wheeler over a whole line of motorbikes."
As get older, I've developed an embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during a proctology exam.
It makes my patients extremely uncomfortable.
In the middle of the night...
...a frustrated wife starts singing the national anthem loudly. What are you doing, darling? inquires the husband. Well, I was giving it one last shot, honey, replied the wife, the whole nation stands e**... when this song is heard.
I got a new cat yesterday and have decided to name it Brexit
He always meows loudly to be let out but when I open the door, he refuses to go through it.
An engineer, an architect and a mathematician are trapped in a cave with nothing but a can of food each and they want to get the cans open so that they can eat.
The engineer finds a rock and taps it against the weak spot of the can. The architect throws the can against the wall in a way that doesn't collapse the cave. The mathematician then announces loudly to the other two, Let my can be open, how do we close it?
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her…
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
Donald Trump had to attend an important military briefing
After waiting around 10 minutes, everyone who had to arrive arrived.
One of the generals stands up and says "So, shall we begin the meeting?"
Donald Trump coughs loudly, and then says "We cannot begin this meeting without the president present!"
"But... you are the president..."
Donald Trump nods. "Exactly! So where's my present!"
A critic reads what the local newspapers say about him
The papers say that everything he says seems to contradict itself. Baffled and deeply offended by this, the critic loudly proclaimed:
"My rage is indescribable!"
A Man returns home and screams out loudly
- Honey, pack your things, I've won million today!
Wife comes to the wardrobe and asks:
- What kind of clothes to take with me? Summer or winter?
Man:
- All of them and get out of here!
Apparently I've been banned from the gas station for playing 'The Who' too loudly on my car stereo...
I won't get fueled again.
My ex gf wanted to embarrass me, and attempted to do so by loudly proclaiming in front of her friends how bad I was in bed.
You should have seen the look on her face when they all disagreed.
A blonde walks into a library
The blonde walks up to the librarian's desk and says loudly, "I'll have a coffee and a bagel".
Everyone frowns along with the librarian and the librarian quietly replies, "This is a library!!".
The blonde replies with a whisper, "I would like a coffee and a bagel!".
A meathead is counting loudly in the gym as he does bench press...
1! 3! 5! 7! 9!
Another meathead:
Do you even lift bro
Meathead: Nah I only odd lift bro
