Comical Louder Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
An Irish, a British, and American soldiers...
...had just helped each other escape from an Axis prisoner camp in WW2 Germany. As they run through the Bavarian forest, they hear alarms sounding, and soon afterwards, they hear dogs barking and guards yelling to each other.
The barking and yelling gets louder and louder, and the escapees realize that they'll be caught if they keep on running, and decide to take cover by climbing up separate trees.
The dogs start circling the tree, and jumping up and down around the trunk on the very tree the American has climbed. The guards shout "Come down or we'll shoot!" Thinking quickly, he quickly calls down "who! who!" The German guards say to each other "Das ist eine owl", and call the dogs off.
The dogs follow the trail to the second tree, and the guards call up "Come down or we'll shoot!" The Brit calls down "CAW! CAW!!!" The guards say "Ahh. Das ist eine crow".
The guards follow the dogs to the third tree where the Irishman had climbed. Again they called up "Come down or we'll shoot!" The Irishman thought for a moment and then called down "Moo! Moo!"
***NOT MINE: ** Shamelessly stolen from an Irish joke book I had as a kid. Yes, I am Irish.*
Anyone there?
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.
She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled:
"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE!!?"
Then she heard a voice from far, far away:
"Hello! We're down here..."
Wife finds her husband watching tv
Man yells, 'No don't do it!'
Man yells louder, 'Don't do it, you idiot!'
Wife asks, 'What are you watching?'
Man says 'Our wedding tape.'
An anthropologist travels to the deepest darkest rainforest...
to study a tribe untouched by civilisation.
As he is trecking towards the villiage he starts to hear drumming. The closer he gets, the louder it gets. It's relentless and doesn't seem to stop.
A day later he arrives at the villiage and gets introduced to the eldar. He immediately asks "What are the drums for?"
The eldar simply responds "The drums must never stop."
Throughout the night and the next day the incessent drumming starts to grate on his nerves. He asks around and every member of the tribe answers with "The drums must never stop."
3 days later he has had no sleep and is at a loose end. He approaches the eldar.
"I really have to know about the drums."
"The drums must never stop."
"Yes, yes. I know that. But why?"
The eldar looks at him and says "Bass solo."
A human f**... can be louder than a t**....
I discovered that at my daughter's school concert.
Graveyard shortcut
A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."
A policeman knocked on my door this morning...
A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm s**...? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in mate!"
He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."
A man was walking down the street when he heard a distant voice say, "Climb the ladder to success."
The man then noticed a ladder leaning up against the building to his right. Again, he heard the voice: "Climb the ladder to success." The man shrugged and began to climb. The voice kept repeating itself and grew louder as the man approached the top. "Climb the ladder to success." Finally, the man reached the top of the building, where he found a fully n**... man. "Hi, I'm Sess."
If the pen is mightier than the sword...
... Then why do actions speak louder than words?
Punny wednesday
The phone rang 'green green' and so I pink up the phone.
"Yellow? Blue is this? Can you speak louder? I can't hear you purplerly, I'll call you black later."
I knocked on my neighbour's door.
I said, "I've come to complain about the noise."
"That's really embarrassing," she replied, "Did you hear my girlfriend and I having s**...?"
"I didn't," I replied, "From now on could you please be a little louder?"
You can explore louder noisy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean louder quieter dad jokes. There are also louder puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Girl are you a ringtone?
Because you're really annoying and just get louder when I ignore you.
What gets louder if you enter it from one end, but quieter if you enter it from the other?
A howler monkey.
Why did the librarian hush the mime?
Because actions speak louder than words.
So, a stutterer was a wedding
He stand's up and says:
-hip, hip
And then everyone on the wedding party said with their glasses raised:
-HURRAY
The stutterer, tried again, but louder
-HIP!! HIP!!
Everyone raised their glasses again and shouted out of their lungs!
-HUURRAAAAY!!!!!
The stutterer, again, yelled with both arms raised!!
-HIIPPPP !! HIPPP!!!
Everyone on the party became one, all the happiness expressed with one single shout!
-HURRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
But then, everyone was killed by a herd of ~~hippopotamus~~ Hippopotamuses
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor
So my Orchestra conductor keeps telling the Violas to play louder...
I guess it just isn't their Forte. ;)
Two blondes and a brunette
One day two blondes and a brunette got stuck in an elevator.
One blonde starts to yell, Help!!!
Then the other one, Help!!!
The brunette suggests, Come on girls, let's scream together, it will be louder.
OK, agree the blondes, Together!!! Together!!!
My girlfriend said I should be louder in the bedroom.
But apparently she didn't give me permission to snore.
Why did Bob get straight to business with the deaf chick?
Because actions speak louder than words.
My grandfather told me this In German so it might already be posted somewhere here, oh and it's translated
Two guys are riding bicycles down the street.
One of the bikes fenders was loose and was making a loud noise.
So the first guy said to the second guy
"Hey your fender is too loud"
The second guy says "what?"
The first guy speaks louder
"your fender is too loud"
The second guy replies "what?"
The first guy yells
"YOUR FENDER IS TOO LOUD"
The second guy yells back
"I CANT HEAR YOU MY FENDER IS TOO LOUD!"
I got a new alarm clock...
It was much louder than I expected. I found it very alarming.
One day a man asks his caterpillar if he wants to go on a walk.
The caterpillar doesn't answer. So he asks again, "Hey caterpillar do you want to go on a walk?" Still no answer from the caterpillar. So the man asks a little louder, "HEY caterpillar! Do you want to go on a walk?" The caterpillar still says nothing. So the man yells "HEY CATERPILLAR, DO YOU WANT TO GO ON A WALKβ½"
The caterpillar looked up at the man and replied "I heard you the first time. I was putting on my shoes."
What sounds like a pin hitting the floor, but louder?
A PIN HITTING THE FLOOR.
Why women make louder peeing sound than men?
Because men got a six inch suppressor.
Actions speak louder than words...
When you're miming.
Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime.
Because actions speak louder than words
What sounds like a mouse, but much, much louder?
#**A MOUSE**
A Mans walking in a cemetery and he hears this noise...
It sounded like someone was using a eraser. He walks towards a grave and it gets louder. So he digs up the casket and sees Mozart Erasing all of his music,and the man says "Mozart what are you doing!" Then Mozart says "I'm decomposing"
Torturing French people is so rewarding
The more pain you inflict, the louder they thank you
My roommate recently started having much louder s**... with his girlfriend. "What changed?" I asked.
"We've updated our privacy policy."
A pony walks into a bar
Says to the bartender Let me get one Apple martini
bartender leans in closer and says what?
Pony says one. Apple martini, please .
Bartender asks, something about a Bikini?
Pony starts to get a little frustrated but manages to say a little louder now ONE APPLE MARTINI
Bartender said oh! It's hard to hear you, you're a little horse
A man is walking down the street, when he starts to hear a chanting sound coming from behind a fence... 13..13..13..13..13..
As he gets closer he see's a small hole in the fence, the chanting's getting louder and faster... **13..13..13..** As he gets closer the chanting comes to a fearsome cresecendo, as he looks directly into the hole...
And a finger jabs him DIRECTLY in the eye, as the chanting resumes louder than ever... **14..14..14..14..**
The grim reaper approaches p**... and says "I'm death"
p**... says "I'll talk louder then"
What did the cockroach say to the man who wanted to squash it?
You're just jealous, because I can make your wife scream louder than you can.
What did the cockroach say to the man that was about to kill him?
Your just jealous that I can make your wife scream louder than you can!
A kettle is like s**....
It gets louder the hotter it is.
A little boy is crying on a bench in the park.
A passer-by stops and asks him why he is crying.
The boy says: My mom gave me a dollar to get something from the shop but I lost it, and I'm afraid to go home now!
The passer-by decides to make the kid's day and gives him a dollar - but the kid only starts crying louder...
Why are you crying now? , he asks.
The kid says: I wish I'd said five dollars now!
A man was going to kill a cockroach
Man: Any last words?
Cockroach: You're just jealous of me.
Man: Why would I be jealous of you?!
Cockroach: Because I can make your wife scream louder than you can!
Senator: You said Facebook has cookies correct?
Zucc: Yes Senator that is correct, Facebook does use cookies.
Senator: Where can I get some of those cookies and how are they made?
Zucc: I'm sorry senator I don't know wha...
Senator: *repeats question but LOUDER*
Zucc: Senator I...
What is louder than the sound of silence?
The Sound of Silence (Remastered)
A cop pulled a car over, with a driver that matched a description of a thief. Turns out the guy was not too smart.
The cop had a basic description of the thief, but seeing the matching tattoo, would seal this guys fate. The tattoo would be located on the guys forearm.
The cop says, "show me your forearms"
The driver looks confused
The cop gets louder, "show me your forearms!!"
The driver looks confused, and says, "I only have two"
Me: I'm afraid of random letters
Therapist: You are?
Me: \*screams\*
Therapist: Oh I see.
Me: \*screams louder\*
Therapist: OK! OK!
Me: \*continues to scream\*
A blonde arrives at work crying out loud
The boss asks worried what happened to her, to which she answers:
"I got a call this morning and found out my mother was dead."
The boss comforts her:
"Why don't you go home today to rest? We don't have too much work to do anyway."
The blonde refuses, saying that she better work to forget about the trouble.
Five minutes later the boss finds the blonde crying even louder.
"What else happened?" he asks her.
To which she responds:
"My sister just called and told me her mother died too."
My Grandad knew that The Titanic was going to sink.
He told every man, woman and child that the ship was going to sink.
They hushed him up.
He shouted "The ship is going to hit an iceberg and sink"
StiΔΊl they tried to silence him.
He shouted even louder, "THE TITANIC IS GOING TO HIT A ICEBERG AND SINK!"
That was it! He'd been warned, so they threw him out of the cinema.
An patient is heard laughing to himself at night in an asylum
'Why are you laughing?' Asks his neighbour after being woken from his sleep
I just told myself a joke replies the patient, before falling back asleep.
A couple of hours later the patient begins laughing again, even louder than before.
'Why are you laughing now?' Asks the neighbour annoyed after being disturbed from his sleep the second time.
The patient replies I told myself another joke, but I didn't know it this time.
A preacher is warning sinners in the high street
"The end is nigh!" He shouts at passers-by. And a guy shouts back at him "Nigh!!"
This puts him off a bit, but he carries on. "Be warned al you sinners, for the end is nigh!". And again the guy behind him shouts "Nigh!!" even louder.
This carries on all day until the preacher snaps at the guy angrily, "why do you keep repeating me whenever I say nigh?"
And the guy replies, "well, it says in the bible doesn't it, a nigh for a nigh"
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion!
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"
They run until they reach a dead end.
They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:
"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVERT HIM!"
They lion stops walking, and the monks praise God.
The lion kneels down, puts his paws together and says:
"Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord, Amen."
"Doc, my hearing is failing! I can't even hear myself f**...!"
"Here, take these pills daily for a week."
"Will they make me hear better?"
"No, they'll make you f**... louder."
A man gets sent to prison for the first time.
In the middle of the night, he still can't sleep. Suddenly, he hears a prisoner yell out "18!" and everyone laughs.
Then a few minutes later, another prisoner yells "25!". Thunderous laughter, louder than the first.
Then another few minutes later, someone yells "62!". Silence.
Puzzled, the man whispers to his bunkmate, "What's going on?"
"Well," he replies, "we've been in here so long that we all know the same jokes. So we just yell the numbers to save time.
"OK. But why did no one laugh at that last one?"
"Oh, that's Tommy. He doesn't know how to tell a joke."
Car c**...
Today I came upon a car c**.... The female driver was hysterical. She kept screaming I'm blind, I'm blind I tried to calm her down and reassure her she was just in shock. I asked her How many fingers do I have up? She screamed even louder Oh my God, I'm paralyzed from the waist down too
Dead funny
Late one night Jack takes a shortcut through the cemetary. Hearing a tapping sound, he becomes scared and quickens his pace. The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits.
Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone.
"Thank goodness!" Jack says to the man.
"You gave me a fright of my life! Why are you working so late?"
"The spelled my name wrong."
Did you hear that one joke the comedian in Antarctica told?
Me neither, guess he should try yelling it louder next time.
It was a dark night in the cemetery..
..and Eric had, unwisely, elected to take a short cut. The leaves rustled in the trees, the shadows appeared to move around him, and then.. and then.. tap, tap, tap. Eric started to walk faster but the tapping was only getting louder. Eric grew scared, really scared, until he rounded a big old gravestone and saw a man tapping away at the front of the stone. Trying to hide his relief, Eric said, "You're up late on a cold windy night!" "Yes", said the man. "You always work this late?" said Eric. "Not normally", replied the man, "But the b**... spelt my name wrong!"
The teacher asked little Jimmy who discovered America
He replied 'It wasn't me'.
The teacher asked him again. 'Who discovered America?'
He, once again replied 'It wasn't me'
One last time the teacher asked him.
And again he replied, now a little louder 'I swear to god, it wasn't me!'
The teacher had enough and called little Jimmys father.
'I asked him who discovered America' the teacher said, 'and his response was It wasn't me'
'Well...' his father said, 'maybe it really wasn't him'
My neighbour started b**... on my wall at 3:20am this morning, can you believe it?
Fortunately, I was still up, listening to music on my new speakers.
I turned it up louder to drown him out but he kept b**... and shouted can we have a little respect please?
I shouted back I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan but OK, this one's for you
A human f**... is louder than a t**....
I discovered this at a school concert last night.
I saw a kid crying alone and asked where his parents was. He continued crying louder.
Anyways, working at the orphanage is fun.
