lot Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious lot puns

A single sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA information in it. That means an average ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 TB

That's a lot of information to swallow


-wow thanks for the upvotes and gold

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A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

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We should've known communism would fail.

There were a lot of red flags.

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Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

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My friend said to me, Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!? I said, Go on, then. He shouted, NOT THE KRYPTONITE! I said, That's Superman.


He said, Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot.

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My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,

"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"

A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.

I'm really happy that my prayer worked.

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At a funeral

Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?"
Widow: "Please do."
Me: *clears throat* "Plethora."
Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."

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Wearing Crocs is a lot like getting a blowjob from a guy.

They both feel really good until you look down and realize you're gay.

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A blonde and her husband are watching the news...

News: A Brazilian man died while skydiving when his parachute didn't open.

The blonde bursts into tears

Husband (comforting her): I know it's sad, but people need to know that there's a risk while skydiving.

Blonde: But that's a lot of people. How many is a Brazilian?

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A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online.

But it's really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.

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A lot of women actually turn into good drivers

So if you're a good driver watch out.

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I need to re-home a dog.

It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.

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Dave rubs a magic lamp and the genie grants him 3 wishes

Genie: what will be your first wish?

Dave: I want to be rich

Genie: Granted. What will be your second wish?

Rich: I want a lot of money

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Anal sex is a lot like Brussels sprouts

If you're forced to have it as a child you won't enjoy it as an adult.


-Daniel Tosh

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10 year old boy walks on his parent's room while they were having sex

Parents stop and looked, laugh a lot and then carry on
boy leaves the room in disgust.
2 days later, father walks down stairs to find boy on top of grandmother, naked and fucking her ultra hard and fast,
boy turns to father and says "not so funny when it's YOUR mum, IS it?!

EDIT- My English is not that good yet btw anyone cares to PM me the joke with proper punctutation and proper english

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Just got back from a friends funeral who drowned last week.

I got a lot of abuse from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a life jacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted"

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If I had a dollar for every gender there was...

I'd have 2 dollars and a whole lot of counterfeits.

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Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me.

It means a lot.

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My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it.

She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.

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I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West...

...could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...

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I'm having a lot of difficulty with knitting

Oops, wrong thread.

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If Snapchat has taught me anything ....

.... it's that a lot of today's teens look better as farm animals.

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We should've known about the failure of communism

In retrospect, there were a lot of red flags...

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Apart from humans, the only animal that enjoys having sex is a dolphin.

I had to shag a LOT of animals to find that out.

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The Best Actually Racist Joke I know

*I hate myself for repeating this. But I heard this when I was living in Texas.*

Two rednecks are admiring their firearms. One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.

That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.

Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...

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I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago.

Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.

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You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles.

If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

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Judaism is a lot like the pH scale.

On one side of the spectrum there are basic Jews, and on the other side, Hasidic.

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A single sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA information in it. That means an average ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 TB

That's a lot of information to swallow...

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There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...

The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...

Iļø said, No, in fact, Iļø like your mother in law a lot better than Iļø like mine

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I heard its easy to convince women not to eat tide pods..

but it's a lot harder to **deter gents**.

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Life is a lot like toilet paper.

You're either on a roll.....or you're taking shit from some asshole.

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Funniest thing my gf has ever said

We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).

Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.

GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.

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Conspiracy theories are a lot like moon landings.

They're all fake

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What are the most funny Lot jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Lot? Well, here are the best Lot dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Lot pick up lines to share with friends.

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