Lost Phone Jokes
67 lost phone jokes and hilarious lost phone puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lost phone that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lost Phone Short Jokes
Short lost phone jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lost phone humour may include short broken phone jokes also.
- To whoever lost an iPhone 14 Pro Max outside the train station yesterday Can you please stop calling my new phone?
- I set my phone to airplane mode I lost it two weeks ago and everyone has a different opinion on what happened to it
- Another funny joke from my daughter! Why did the phone need glasses?
Because it lost all of its contacts! - Oh. You lost your phone and it's on silent? If you like it, you should've put a ring on it.
- I don't have tags for my dog, but I bought her a phone in case she got lost. She ran away today. I really should collar.
Also, Lost: Seeing Eye Dog
Last Seen: Never - What do you say to a phone who can't see very well? "Have you lost your contacts?"
Please be gentle, I'm new to this - I dropped my phone in the bath. I dropped my phone in the water. I put it in rice to dry out, it works now but i lost all my contacts except for my uncle bens.
- My friend asked me why I haven't texted him in such a long while, I replied, "My phone screen broke and now it's completely unusable... so I lost touch."
- The tightrope walker fell off the rope when his phone lost the internet connection. He couldn't get back online.
*sorry* - What did the President say, when he wanted to reconcile with his long-lost friend over the phone? James Comey.
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Lost Phone One Liners
Which lost phone one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lost phone? I can suggest the ones about missed call and lost wallet.
- Whoever lost their iPhone outside the bar Please stop ringing my new phone.
- Why would a phone need glasses? When it's lost its contacts.
- Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? He had lost his contacts!
- Why did the phone keep walking into the wall? It lost its contacts.
- My friend lost his phone today He wanted me to tell you guys he's vegan
- I got a new phone, and lost all my contacts. Thank god.
- What did the Shia Muslim say when he lost his phone? Shiite
- Any room is a panic room if you've lost your phone in it.
- Who ever lost his iPhone X at McDonald's... ...stop calling me. This is my phone now.
- I lost my phone the other day. So I called it, but it went to voicemail.
- My dad asked me where the phone was... I said it was calling lost and found
- I put my phone on airplane mode in class today Now its lost in the Indian Ocean.
- Yo Mommas so s**... she got lost in a telephone booth.
- What did the d**... do when he lost his phone? He got his phone and called 911...
Lost Phone Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about lost phone you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lost keys jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lost phone pranks.
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot.
He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him.
The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."
There were five brothers named somebody, nobody, anybody mad and brain.
One day somebody and nobody were fighting, and just at that moment the anybody called police.
The police picked up the phone, and said hello.
Then Anybody: "Hello sir! I want to inform you that somebody is beating nobody."
Police: "Sorry!"
Anybody: "Sir somebody is beating nobody"
Police: "Are you mad? Who are you? What's your name?"
Anybody: "No, sir mad is dancing, I am anybody"
Police: "Shut up you idiot. What are you saying? Where have your brain gone? Is it lost?"
Anybody: "No, sir brain is not lost. Brain is in the bathroom."
Phoning an ex
I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't BELIEVE it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.
"Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah," I said, Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying she thought tubby bald men were cute!
"Anyway", she said, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!"
So I hung up.
This guy's wife gets a cat...
This guy's wife gets a cat and he hates it. So one day, while his wife is gone to work, the guy puts the cat in the back seat of the car, drives a few blocks, and lets the cat out. When he gets home, the cat's sitting there on the front porch.
So the next day, the guy waits until his wife leaves for work again, then throws the cat in the car, drives a mile away from the house, and tosses the cat out. When he gets home, the cat's sitting there again on the front porch.
Well, the guy's furious. So he waits until the next day, then throws the cat in the car, and drives as far and fast as he can, making all the turns and doubling back he can to throw off the cat. He dumps out the cat and heads home, but realizes he can't figure out where he is.
So that afternoon, his wife comes home and answers the ringing phone. It's her husband. He asks, "Is the cat there?"
She says, "Yes."
The guy says, "I'm lost. Put the cat on the phone."
Honey,is the cat at home??
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right
again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: Jen, is the cat there?
Yes , the wife answers, why do you ask?
Frustrated, the man answered, Put that cat on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!
Long Lost Twins
There's this story on CNN running about these two long lost twins that found each other on Google!
Did ya hear about it?
The o**... down in Mexico, I think, was doing that family tree thing and found out that he had a twin, Ehmal, was taken as a baby with his mother back to the middle east! And these two found each other!
Well the reporter on the CNN kept trying to run the story but for some reason Ehmal was like this anti-computer guy or something cuz he couldn't get a decent picture to the reporter!
They got faxes of pictures that were too dark and phone calls and such but no decent pictures. Frustrated she goes to her producer with the problem, wondering what she should do. Guy scratched his head, thought about it for a while and you know what he said?
Well.... If you seen Juan, you seen Ehmal.
Dropping off a Cat
A man hated his wife's cat and wanted get rid of it. He drove 2 miles from home and dropped off the cat.
The cat was already walking up their driveway as he got back to their house.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 6 miles away but the same thing happened.
He kept on increasing how far away he took the cat but the cat kept coming back. Finally, he decided to drive the cat 30 miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and left the cat there.
Hours later, the man called his wife at home and asked her, "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.
"Put that cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!
I phoned my wife today and said...
"Pack a bag dear, I've booked us into a hotel for a few nights."
"Ooh, why's that?" she asked.
I said, "Well I've been playing poker all day, havent I!"
"Really?" she asked again in excitement, "How much have you won?"
"Nothing," I replied. "I've lost the house."
Cat Hating Husband
A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.
The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.
He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife. Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions."
If your phone gets lost and a noble soul returns it to you..
Its time to change your phone.
I lost my phone when it was on vibrate
I guess if I loved it so much I should have put a ring on it
It's 2 am. A teenage girl climbs up a brick wall and slowly shimmies through her open bedroom window
"Click!" Suddenly, light quickly engulfs the room. The girl discovers her mother siting on her bed with her right hand on the lamp string and a large angry grin of disapproval on her face.
Mother - "What happened to your 12 am curfew?! Where were you??!"
Daughter - "Sigh... I'm sorry mom! Yes I meant to call... I was at Shirley's house and lost track of time! Geez!"
Mother - "That lie you just told is gonna cost you your phone for a month! Your father called me half an hour ago, he's out drinking at his favorite bar with his work friend where he said he saw you with some boy! What were you thinking?! you're underage!"
Daughter - "UGH! Mom Chill! Yes I lied ok? That boy was just my friend Daniel! You know THAT Daniel??? It was his Birthday so me and Shirley got fake I.D's and took him to a Gay Bar to mingle! What's the big deal?!..."
A phone rings - Hi, this is NSA.
Hi, yeah I know.
You do? How?
Well you are calling a phone that has no SIM card or battery in it.
^((Translated from Russian, I don't think much is lost by replacing FSB))
My friend tried playing Pokemon Go in Vegas, but sadly lost his phone.
All he caught was h**....
A regular at a local bar is drinking heavily one night, and expectedly has a heart attack and dies.
The patrons are dismayed. They know someone's got to call his wife, but no one feels up to the task.
The drunk at the end of the bar unexpectedly says he'll do it, and he picks up the phone.
Hello, is this Mrs Jamison? Ma'am…I have some good news, and some bad news for you
What's that? She asks suspiciously
The bad news is your husband lost $20,000 to me playing poker.
What! She screams. I'm going to kill him!
The drunk replies Well, that's the good news…
What did the cat say when he lost cell phone reception?
Can you hear me meow?
I'll ^see ^^myself ^^^out
The post office lost my package and wouldn't return my phone calls...
I swear if I don't get my package or at least a phone call in the next few days I'm going to go postal 😡
Doctors say having s**... with a Woman burns 150 Calories...
When I had s**... with a Woman, I too lost 150 calories- along with my keys, phone, wallet, and my wife...
I was playing a game on my phone when a fly landed on my leg. I looked down to swat it, then looked back up, but by that time I lost the game.
I blame it on the bugs.
A man drives deep into the forest
A man drives deep into the forest to get rid of his cat. He lets her out at an abandoned place. After one hour he gets a phone call from his wife: The cat is back.
The man growls: Ok, can you put her on, I got lost and need directions.
This is what you do when you're lost
Grab you phone, open Netflix watch any movie with at least a two second s**... scene and you dad will walk by any second
Last night, I told my wife I couldn't warn her I'd be late, because I lost my phone.
She told me that she was fed up with my phoney excuses.
My friend gave me the phone number for an Anger Management Counselor the other day
I admit, I lost it
A man is alone and lost in the desert.
He takes his phone :
-Hello?
-Please help i'm lost on the desert. This phone automatically calls for the nearest person, what's your location ?
-ISS
My friend phoned me.
He said, "My wife has lost her new puppy. It's a fat hairy thing with bulbous eyes."
I said, "Great description, but what about the dog?"
Day 12 without my phone
(on mobile, sorry for formatting issues)
I lost my phone 12 days ago and don't know where it is, please help.
A man decides to get rid of the cat who keep crappin in his shoes...
So he takes the cat to the local park, releases him in the bushes and goes home.
Upon coming home, his wife tells him the cat's back and sleepin on the couch.
The man is shocked but determined to get rid of the cat, he drives the cat into the forest and walks deep into the woods and releases the cat.
On the way back to the car the man gets lost, terribly lost, its getting late and dark.
In desperation the man calls home to his wife.
When she picks up he asks "Hey is the cat there?"
she replies "yes..."
he says "Pass him the phone, im lost!"
A 90 year old woman had just lost her husband of 70 years. She phoned the local paper to put her loss in the obituary.
The receptionist tells her that its £1 per word.
"Oh my. I don't have much money so can you just write 'Mort is dead,' please?"
Feeling sorry for the poor old lady, the receptionist tells her she can have another 3 words, free of charge.
The recently widowed OAP thinks for a second and says: " Mort is dead. Volvo for sale."
You're lost in the middle of the woods at night, alone. The sky is cloudy, there are no trails, no map, no cell phone and no GPS. No sign of a city in any direction. How do you get back to civilization?
You tell an old joke out loud, wait a couple of minutes and follow any of the angry redditors shouting "repost!" back to civilization.
It was going to be a long road trip. I popped on my headphones, pulled up a movie on my phone, and got lost in the action as the car headed down the highway.
The passengers probably wished that I'd waited until I wasn't driving to do that.