Following is our collection of ranji humor and gain one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Lost puns for adults, dirty loss jokes or clean reattached gags for kids.
There is an abundance of defeeted jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 85 funniest jokes on lost. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any won witze you can hear about lost.
I lost Interest in that relationship.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
So I lost the case.
On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...
maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Sorry lost control there
Anyways, I lost my job as a gynecologist today.
I lost my case.
I told her, if I lost 50 pounds I'd be talking to your friends!
Sigh...
Sigh.....
I ask her: I have lost my wife, can I talk to you?
She replies: Why?
I say: You will see in 20 seconds.
Dear sir, please send me two mongooses at once.
That didn't sound right, so he tried again.
Dear sir, please send me two mongeese at once.
That still didn't sound right, so he gave it one last attempt:
Dear sir, please send me one mongoose. And while you're at it- send me another mongoose.
(In memory of my dad who told that joke at every family gathering for 30 years.)
That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.
A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"
I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.
"No way. That's impossible!" she said.
"Trust me," I said, "I have no idea where our baby is."
...and my job at the morgue.
I lost interest in that relationship
She said, "If you lost a few kgs, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...
That'll teach her to talk back.
But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.
Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top
Driver : I don't know, it all happened so fast, I need a drink of water..
Detective : Your water is on its way. But first, tell me if this was premeditated.
Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car and I was gonna either hit that one guy to the left of the road or plow into that open picnic party full of kids that was on the other side of the road. What would you have done!?
Detective : well, I would have turned for the one guy
Driver : Exactly what I thought as well! But then that guy ran into the picnic party and I had to go after him.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
At first I just wasn't putting in enough shifts, then I couldn't keep the space clean and finally I lost control
..and the old man turns to it and says:
"Would you at last admit it that we are lost?"
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
About 3 days
In all honesty though, my thoughts and good wishes go out to the people of Florida,
And while looking for her, he sees a stunning brunette. The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
Why?
Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.
They both lost their vision
You know how sometimes even when you're not hungry you'll get tempted to eat something just because it's in front of you?
Well, that's how I lost my job as a gynecologist.
Because orange is the new black.
Reagan and Gorbachev run a marathon.
Reagan won.
Next day US newspapers: Reagan won. Gorgachev lost .
Soviet newspapers: Gorbachev finished second. Reagan finished next to last .
I lost it
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
Why?
Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.
When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".
He was making up for lost thyme.
Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.
*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*
The child didn't look surprised.
I wanted my first time to be special.
You get "This page cannot be found".
So Yung.
So many plot holes. Like, where did the murder hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?
I'm feeling Lost.
Apparently he lost his case
I said, "Why are you so upset? It's just hair. I'm the one that's gotta find a new girlfriend."
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
(Emo Philips)
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked puzzled. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
What's the worst thing you've ever done to a dead body?
At the beginning there was a lot of blowing, but in the end I lost my house.
but I also lost my babysitting job.
He forgot to show Up
Kept hitting on 17.
Because he lost his whoremonica
Or as my girlfriend calls it, "the baby".
After some intensive searching through the crowd, I spotted it lying on the floor. There was a guy standing on it. When I looked up, I saw the guy harassing a girl, touching her at all the wrong places. She obviously didn't approve. So I walked over there and punched this guy in the face. Nobody treats girls like that. Not on my watch.
Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?
Wife: Honey, of course I would.
Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?
Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.
Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?
Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?
Husband: I just sprained my wrist...
a new cab driver on his shoulder to ask him something. The driver squealed EEEEEEEEEE! , lost control of car, and screeched to a stop after mounting the sidewalk. The passenger apologised profusely & said: "I had no idea you would be startled by me tapping your shoulder!"
Driver replied: Im sorry it's not your fault; I used to be funeral driver for 25 years.
He only lost once.
The only problem is I'm British...
I can't tell you how annoying it is.
...a lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over
...better keep an ion that.
That will teach him to talk back...
All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.
It still has potential.
After she left I lost the urge to drink.
He only ever lost once
Because it's the first Indy movie.
Now we just call him dav
Because whoever found it was spending less than she was.
The rest is a blur.
They'll be asking to rejoin the United Kingdom later today.
No food or drink. One of them spots a tree draped in bacon! He shouts A bacon tree, we're saved and runs towards it. As he gets closer it shoots him full of bullets.
Turns out it wasn't a bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
I lost my job.
That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
It's the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
A man finds a penguin on the road side. Thinking the penguin is lost the man takes it, drives until finding a police officer and asks what to do.
- Take it to the zoo replies the officer.
One week latter the policer officer sees the man driving with the penguin by his side.
What are you doing with that penguin ? I told you to bring him to the zoo.
I did exactly that. He loved it and now we are going to the movies .
He lost his huile d'olive
Because he was always lost at C!
[ I'm^so^sorry ]
I lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the face. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
Great sedimental value.
(I can't take credit. Read it in a university paper 20 years ago.)
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.