lost Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious lost puns

My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.

I lost Interest in that relationship.

👍🏼

TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...


On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

👍🏼

As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...

maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

👍🏼

Did you know that a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

👍🏼

V

Sorry lost control there

👍🏼

You know when you get the urge to eat something just because it's there?

Anyways, I lost my job as a gynecologist today.

👍🏼

I learned yesterday that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...

On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

👍🏼

I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.

I lost my case.

👍🏼

A girl once told me, If you lost about 50 pounds you'd be cute

I told her, if I lost 50 pounds I'd be talking to your friends!

👍🏼

My girlfriend borrowed $500 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $500.

I lost Interest in that relationship.

👍🏼

I told a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs...

"Really?" she said, "Go on then...try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she lost patience and demanded "Come on, what day was I born?" Yesterday." I replied.

👍🏼

I was shopping with my wife and I couldn't find her, until I saw a beautiful women.

I ask her: I have lost my wife, can I talk to you?

She replies: Why?

I say: You will see in 20 seconds.

👍🏼

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

I lost my case.

👍🏼

Easy way to search your wife.

A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said,
"I've lost my wife here in the supermarket."
"Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman looked puzzled.
"Why talk to me?" she asked.

"Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere!"

👍🏼

Today I gave my seat to a blind lady on the bus,

That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

👍🏼

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs...

"Really?" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she lost patience and demanded
"Come on, what day was I born?"

Yesterday." I replied.

👍🏼

Sex after Surgery

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

👍🏼

Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer,

I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.

👍🏼

I told my wife I lost 10 lbs in one hour

"No way. That's impossible!" she said.

"Trust me," I said, "I have no idea where our baby is."

👍🏼

BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

👍🏼

I told a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs...

"Really?" she said, "Go on then...try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she lost patience and demanded "Come on, what day was I born?"
Yesterday." I replied.

👍🏼

A lost dog strays into the jungle..

👍🏼

I lost two things today. My virginity...

...and my job at the morgue.

👍🏼

I was talking to a girl in a bar last night

She said, "If you lost a few kgs, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

👍🏼

What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?

Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

👍🏼

My daughter just lost her first tooth!

That'll teach her to talk back.

👍🏼

Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess.

But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.

👍🏼

So I lost my mood ring yesterday...

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

👍🏼

I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus

That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

👍🏼

So there was a stork carrying an old man..

..and the old man turns to it and says:
"Would you at last admit it that we are lost?"

👍🏼

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.

It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

👍🏼

I was telling this girl about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs...

"Really?" she said, "Go on then...try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she lost patience and demanded "Come on, what day was I born?"

Yesterday." I replied.

👍🏼

What's the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Florida?

About 3 days

In all honesty though, my thoughts and good wishes go out to the people of Florida,

👍🏼

A man has lost his wife in a supermarket...

And while looking for her, he sees a stunning brunette. The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,

You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?

Why?

Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.

👍🏼

What do Daredevil and Scarlet Which have in common?

They both lost their vision

👍🏼

What are the most funny Lost jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Lost? Well, here are the best Lost dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Lost pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes