Following is our collection of Lost jokes which are very funny. There are some lost gain jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lost reattached puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
I lost Interest in that relationship.
On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...
maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Sorry lost control there
Anyways, I lost my job as a gynecologist today.
What's the worst thing you've ever done to a dead body?
He was making up for lost thyme.
Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.
*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*
You know how sometimes even when you're not hungry you'll get tempted to eat something just because it's in front of you?
Well, that's how I lost my job as a gynecologist.
You can explore lost ranji reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lost loss dad jokes. There are also lost puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man finds a penguin on the road side. Thinking the penguin is lost the man takes it, drives until finding a police officer and asks what to do.
- Take it to the zoo replies the officer.
One week latter the policer officer sees the man driving with the penguin by his side.
What are you doing with that penguin ? I told you to bring him to the zoo.
I did exactly that. He loved it and now we are going to the movies .
..and the old man turns to it and says:
"Would you at last admit it that we are lost?"
I said, "Why are you so upset? It's just hair. I'm the one that's gotta find a new girlfriend."
"No way. That's impossible!" she said.
"Trust me," I said, "I have no idea where our baby is."
Because it's the first Indy movie.
The rest is a blur.
So Yung.
Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?
Wife: Honey, of course I would.
Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?
Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.
Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?
Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?
Husband: I just sprained my wrist...
A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"
I wanted my first time to be special.
Because whoever found it was spending less than she was.
...and my job at the morgue.
Because orange is the new black.
But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.
He forgot to show Up
Now we just call him dav
...better keep an ion that.
That'll teach her to talk back.
The child didn't look surprised.
After she left I lost the urge to drink.
You get "This page cannot be found".
It still has potential.
After some intensive searching through the crowd, I spotted it lying on the floor. There was a guy standing on it. When I looked up, I saw the guy harassing a girl, touching her at all the wrong places. She obviously didn't approve. So I walked over there and punched this guy in the face. Nobody treats girls like that. Not on my watch.
Because he lost his whoremonica
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
Why?
Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.
Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...
That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.
I lost my case.
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
(Emo Philips)
He lost his huile d'olive
That will teach him to talk back...
but I also lost my babysitting job.
He only ever lost once
He only lost once.
They'll be asking to rejoin the United Kingdom later today.
Or as my girlfriend calls it, "the baby".
About 3 days
In all honesty though, my thoughts and good wishes go out to the people of Florida,
At the beginning there was a lot of blowing, but in the end I lost my house.
She said, "If you lost a few kgs, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
And while looking for her, he sees a stunning brunette. The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
Why?
Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.
Kept hitting on 17.
Apparently he lost his case
I can't tell you how annoying it is.
That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
I lost it
When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".
Reagan and Gorbachev run a marathon.
Reagan won.
Next day US newspapers: Reagan won. Gorgachev lost .
Soviet newspapers: Gorbachev finished second. Reagan finished next to last .
I told her, if I lost 50 pounds I'd be talking to your friends!
...a lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over
They both lost their vision
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
It's the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
The only problem is I'm British...
I lost my job.
I ask her: I have lost my wife, can I talk to you?
She replies: Why?
I say: You will see in 20 seconds.
a new cab driver on his shoulder to ask him something. The driver squealed EEEEEEEEEE! , lost control of car, and screeched to a stop after mounting the sidewalk. The passenger apologised profusely & said: "I had no idea you would be startled by me tapping your shoulder!"
Driver replied: Im sorry it's not your fault; I used to be funeral driver for 25 years.
All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.
I lost interest in that relationship
Sigh.....
So many plot holes. Like, where did the murder hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?
I'm feeling Lost.
Sigh...
At first I just wasn't putting in enough shifts, then I couldn't keep the space clean and finally I lost control
Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top
Driver : I don't know, it all happened so fast, I need a drink of water..
Detective : Your water is on its way. But first, tell me if this was premeditated.
Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car and I was gonna either hit that one guy to the left of the road or plow into that open picnic party full of kids that was on the other side of the road. What would you have done!?
Detective : well, I would have turned for the one guy
Driver : Exactly what I thought as well! But then that guy ran into the picnic party and I had to go after him.
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked puzzled. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
Dear sir, please send me two mongooses at once.
That didn't sound right, so he tried again.
Dear sir, please send me two mongeese at once.
That still didn't sound right, so he gave it one last attempt:
Dear sir, please send me one mongoose. And while you're at it- send me another mongoose.
(In memory of my dad who told that joke at every family gathering for 30 years.)
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
So I lost the case.
No food or drink. One of them spots a tree draped in bacon! He shouts A bacon tree, we're saved and runs towards it. As he gets closer it shoots him full of bullets.
Turns out it wasn't a bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at the party. Infuriated I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.
The officer asks, "Did you know you were driving at 75 mph?"
Heisenberg sighs, "Oh great, now we're lost."
The cop is unhappy, and checks the car's trunk. He asks, "And why is there a dead cat in here?"
Schroedinger grumbles, "Well there is NOW!"
I was then promptly escorted out of the pet store.
Carloss
A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.
Because he lost his map.
I'm telling you, heads will roll!
So I was able to draw perfect circles with a pencil.
2 guys are lost in the middle of siberian forest. One of them says "shoot. Maybe someone will hear us". So the guy shoots once, twice, thrice but no one came to help. His friend said shoot more and the guy replied "I can't. I'm out of arrows"
A couple icebergs in Antarctica are best friends. They grew up together and have known each other since they were ice cubes.
One iceberg decides he's tired of all the cold weather, he tells his best friend he's going on a warm vacation for a couple weeks. A couple weeks pass by and he returns to Antarctica. His best friend immediately takes notice of the amount of weight his friend lost while on vacation.
He says "you look amazing my friend, you really slimmed down! Was vacation everything you thawed it would be?"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lost defeeted jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lost won piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.