Lost And Found Jokes
111 lost and found jokes and hilarious lost and found puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lost and found that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Lost And Found Short Jokes
Short lost and found jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lost and found humour may include short lost luggage jokes also.
- When my first wife lost her credit card, I didn't report it. Because whoever found it was spending less than she was.
- I lost my cat If found, please return him, dead and alive.
Thanks,
Sincerely,
Erwin Shrodinger. - Russian soldier is walking in only one shoe. Somebody asks: Did you lost one? No, I've found one
- I started dating a guy, but then I found out he lost all of his toes in a freak work accident Unfortunately, I'm lack toes intolerant.
(This joke inspired by an 8 year old) - I walked out of a goodwill store one time and found this woman crying. She had just lost $200, so I gave her $40 from the $200 I just found.
- I'm so poor…. That when people see me walking down the street with only one flip-flop on they say to me yo Juan you lost a flip flop and I say no I didn't, I found one!
- another bar joke a duck walks into a bar wearing a shoe. the bartender says, "so you lost a shoe?" and the duck says, "no, i found one"
- There's a place in UK where you can search for lost and found Its called The British Museum
- I finally found a girlfriend! She was lost untill she found me. I'm glad I could give her a ride to her boyfriend's house.
- Ancient humans, venturing across the ice bridge to North America, got lost quite often. They found it very hard to keep their Bering Strait.
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Lost And Found One Liners
Which lost and found one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lost and found? I can suggest the ones about lost keys and lost wallet.
- If you Google "lost mediaeval servant boy" You get "This page cannot be found".
- What did the baker say when he found his lost dough? That's exactly what I kneaded!
- I lost my virginity at age 20. I found it again after I got married.
- I lost a few pounds today,... but when I lifted up my shirt I found them again.
- Would the man who lost his hearing aid PLEASE come and retrieve it at the lost and found
- Where should you go if your dog is missing? The lost and hound.
- Lost airport chameleon finally found after hiding in plane site
- Will Smith got lost in the snow They found him by following the Fresh Prints
- I thought I lost my virginity the other day But don't worry, I found it when I woke up.
- I recently lost my wife. Never mind. Found her.
- I laminated a 4 leaf clover I found and put it in my wallet... I then lost my wallet.
- Karen told me she lost weight. I smiled and said... Go look in the mirror I found it .
- i found out how to get your virginity back after you lost it play fortnite
- Why is a lost Dalmatian easily found? Because he's always spotted.
- What do you call a buffalo found on a bluff? Lost.
Lost And Found Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about lost and found you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lost phone jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lost and found pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the h**.... As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his cigarette pack. "I found them in the hallway. Now, if only I could find my sweet little hamster."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Monday – a very, very, good day! The leader’s daughter lost. We found her and all of us made s**... with her.
Tuesday – a very, very, good day! The leader's wife lost. We found her and all of us made s**... with her.
Wednesday – a very, very, very, very, very, very, bad day! ... I lost! … Now they're looking for me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The true reason why the n**...'s lost the war was because they stopped trying after they found out Chuck Norris had a summer home in Russia.
Tiger Woods playing golf.
Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.
Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.
A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"
A hobo got robbed
A hobo had been robbed and beaten into unconciousnes.
When he woke up he checked about his person for damages and missing items, and found that all injuries were superficial but he had lost all his belongings.
He stormed into the nearest police station.
"I want to report a robbery! all my 53 belongings have been stolen from me!"
"How can you be so sure about the number of the stolen items?" the officer asks sceptically with a raised eyebrow.
"It was a deck of cards and a bottle opener!"
Lost and Found
I was reading the lost and found section of the paper and saw this:
"Found, one black boy's bicycle."
Wonder how they knew?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lost Shakespearean Soliloquy
Scholars have found an heretofore unknown piece of Shakespeare's "Merry Wives of Windsor" thought to be an homage to Aristophanes' "Lysistrata." It is a short speech by a s**... frustrated squire named Fullstaff.
A lost & found note as a gesture of goodwill.
Whoever lost a Rolex I report "the time now is 20 minutes after seven"
I saw a sign today about lost cat
Missing cat: Wanted dead and alive
If found return to Schrodinger
Cat Cousins
Did you hear about that bobcat who found his long lost cousin?
He followed lynx in his family.
A man entered a wood cutting contest.
He'd been practicing a lot and really wanted to win. When he lost, he was so angry he threw the saw as far as he could into the forest. Unfortunately, it couldn't be found later. I guess you could say he was a saw
loser.
This kid is walking down the street.
This kid is walking down the street with just a shoe on.
He meets a friend who asks him: "What happened? Have you lost a shoe?"
"No, I found one."
Life Before The Computer
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3 inch floppy ..
... you just hoped nobody ever found out!!
So I lost my watch at a club
I thought I'd never find it, but decided to try anyway. To my surprise I found it, but there was a dude standing on it. And the worst part was, he was being very handsy with this woman. When she made herself clear that she didn't want "it" he slapped her. At that moment I felt I had to do something, so I pushed him away from the woman and knocked him over. Because you don't hit a woman, not on my watch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw your mother k**... a can down the street with one shoe. I asked her if she'd lost a shoe.
"Naw, found one"
A woman visited her parent's home.[SFW]
A woman visited her parent's home.
When she opened the refrigerator, she found a picture of supermodel in a bikini.
woman: Mom, what's this?
Mom: Oh, I put up that picture, which reminds me not to over eat.
woman: Is it working?
Mom: Yes and No. I've lost 9 kg's but your dad has gained 22 kg's..!
Walking home from the bar, a man walked by me with only one shoe on...
I assumed he was wasted and hadn't yet realized, so I said to him "hey buddy, you lost a shoe!"
He said "no I didn't, I found one".
Why Heisenberg didn't have any kids
the second he found the position he lost the momentum, when he got momentum he couldn't find the position.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I thought I'd lost my l**... at my Grans house.
I went around and asked her if she'd found a small see through bag when tidying up.
She told me she didn't have time to tidy up.
Not while she has to worry about that dragon guarding the fridge.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I lost my watch at a party last night....
After about an hour of looking for it I finally found it on the ground. A man was stepping on it while he was harassing some woman. Infuriated, I walked over to him and punched him in the face, breaking his nose. No one mistreats a woman, not on my watch.
I found a wallet on the sidewalk today. I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but then I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
(Emo Philips)
I lost both of my parents on 9/11...
I found them later back at the house, but it was a harrowing 20 minutes.
NASA just reported they have lost contact with Voyager 1 after it crashed into something in the dark abyss of space
Apparently they found my ex's heart, which drains all energy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ever since my mate lost a foot I've found him really annoying
Guess I'm just lacks-toes intolerant
Yesterday I found a man who had lost his hand...
He was a secondhand seller.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I found out that girls f**..., I was in my 8th grade gym class.
The girl that I had a crush on let one rip while stretching, and I took the blame for it. I decided to ask her out after class that day as well. Needless to say, her parents were called and I lost my job.
A Blonde hear a "thud" on the ground
Too her surprise, it was a wallet. She decided to do the right thing and turn it in to the police.
After arriving at the police station, the Blonde says,'I'm here to turn in someone's lost wallet.' The officer thanked the Blonde for her deeds and the Blonde returns to her home.
The next day, a package arrived in the mailbox with a wallet inside. The Blonde responds with, ' Thank god someone found my wallet, I must've dropped it while walking yesterday.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The CIA found evidence that o**... Bin Laden had downloaded a lot of videos about how to crochet
Turns out he was trying to replace all those lost afghans
Santas reindeer get lost on a flight one night and don't return to the pole. After being missing for weeks, they are found, the only survivor being Donner. When asked how he survived, he replied:
"They don't call me Donner for nothin'"
What's big, white, furry and found in outback Australia?
A very lost polar bear.
I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up
It read unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who's working on the car it can fix it. I did just that and it restored my old saves!
Thank god for that game mechanic
I saw a lady crying at the supermarket today because she had lost her money and couldn't buy diapers that she wanted to buy.
I felt so bad that I bought them for her, but it's fine because I found a 100 dollar bill at the parking lot anyways.
I went deer hunting with my older brothers when I was a youngster
It was in a mountainous area and I got separated from the group. Hopeless and lost I remember them telling me what to do: fire 3 shots in the air and they would come rescue me. Every 20 minutes I did that until I was accidentally found by a group of hunters that just happened to be passing by. I told them I sure was glad to see them! I was down to my last 3 arrows!
Have you heard about the man with dandruff who lost the top half of his body?
I hadn't either, until I found his Head & Shoulders
I was a bit lost in the supermarket, so I found an assistant and said, "I'm a bit lost."
He said, "How can I help?"
I said, "Well, you work here."
Research says most people who have gotten lost, are last seen around 4.04 pm
Error 404 not found
A young boy goes to the police station
- Good morning, officer! Is this the lost & found office?
- Yes, it is. - Says the officer. - Why, what was lost?
- Me.
Over the past few months I've lost 200 pounds!
Luckily, the police found the thief and returned my money
Quiet and Trouble
Once upon a time there lived two brothers called Quiet and Trouble. One day the both of them got lost in a fair.
A policeman found Quiet who looked visibly distressed. The cop asked him "What's the matter boy,what's your name?"
Quiet said the boy. The cop angrily replied "Are you looking for trouble?" .
"Yes but I can't find him" replied Quiet.
Has anyone lost a large roll of 20-dollar bills in a rubber band?
Because we found the rubber band
A woman by the name of Helen Hunt has found a lady's pocketbook.
So if you lost your pocketbook, go to Helen Hunt for it. Thank you.
Did you hear about the farmer that lost his cow?
Yeah, when he found it the next morning he said "good mooing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I lost a friend to w**... once...
I found him 2 hours later at KFC.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This is a bad one
I was once at a party. After some time I noticed that I lost my watch. I was looking for it everywhere. I finally saw it laying on the floor on the other side of the room. When I got there, I witnessed how some guy stepped on it, while harassing a girl. Filled with rage I went up to him and punched him on the nose. No one treats a girl like that. Not on my watch!
P.s.: not mine I found it in the comments on pornhub
I was at Walmart at this lady was crying because she lost her tax money and couldn't buy for her kids. I gave her $200....
...since I had just found $3,000 in the parking lot and I felt that if God has blessed me I should bless someone else.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The s**... found the lost lonely egg and the egg seemed worried
The s**... said "don't worry because zygote you now"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar
All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are.
The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big e**... and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby."
The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story.
The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"
Did you hear the one about the detective that found a lost jar of cheese dip in the fridge?
He cracked that cold queso...
A young boy runs into the house and excited shows his mother a 50$ bill he found in the park.
Are you sure it was lost, his mother asked. Yes, the boy replied, I am positive, I even saw the guy looking for it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the guy who lost his right arm and his right leg?
He left them right where he found them!
Homeless guy is walking in one shoe
Somebody asks him:
-Oh, have you lost your shoe?
-Nope, I've found one!
A joke by Mirza Ghalib (renowned Urdu / Persian poet) translated into English
Not sure if the humor is lost in translation but I found it hilarious. Anyway here goes:
I got drunk under the influence of love and told her that she's my Goddess;
I immediately sobered up when she told me that Goddesses are worshipped by many.
I found a girl crying outside the mall today
When I asked her what was wrong, she told me she had just lost a whole $200. Out of the kindness of my heart, I gave her $40 out of the $200 I picked up at the entrance. When God blesses you, you pay it forward. :)
My pal Seamus is so poor...
The other day I saw him walking down the street with just one shoe and I asked him Hey buddy, have you lost a shoe? And he said No, I found one .
Alice took several wrong turns when driving to a new restaurant.
When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?"
"I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where you're going when I'm driving."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University ...
A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University and found himself lost in the yard. He stopped a professor who was walking by and said to him, "Howdy Pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor couldn't believe his ears. "What did you say?" he said.
The Texan again said, "Howdy pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor became indignant, "You can't talk like that at Harvard University. I mean, you've ended your sentence with a preposition. Try to do better!"
The Texan shuffled for a second and said, "Well pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at...a**...!"
I saw a lady in tears at the store. She said she had lost an envelope with her tax refund inside.
I gave her $100 because I had just found about $1600 in the parking lot. #payitforward
I saw a little kid crying. He told me he lost the $200 he had saved for his mom's birthday gift. So I opened my wallet and gave him $40
Why not? Just five minutes earlier, I found ten $20 bills!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Christian once asked me if I had found Jesus...
I said "holy s**..., you guys lost him again?"
A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.
The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings. "This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask about the second building. "This second building is my church" he says "I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me". The sailors nod in understanding and ask about the third building. "Oh, that one" the man says. "That's the church I USED to go to".
Two prisoners are talking in a Soviet gulag...
One says: "We're really cut off from the news here. For instance, I never found out the result of the Fischer-Spassky chess match."
The other one replies: "Oh, I lost."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The lost and found attendant said I couldn't have my lost donkey, so we got into a fight.
Needless to say, I got my a**... handed to me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today I found out that it takes a school of piranha 1 minute to devour a child.
However, I have now lost my job in the aquarium.
I just found out my crush has covid,
so I asked her out because she's lost her sense of taste.