Lost And Found Jokes
111 lost and found jokes and hilarious lost and found puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lost and found that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Lost And Found Short Jokes
Short lost and found jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lost and found humour may include short lost luggage jokes also.
- When my first wife lost her credit card, I didn't report it. Because whoever found it was spending less than she was.
- I lost my cat If found, please return him, dead and alive.
Thanks,
Sincerely,
Erwin Shrodinger. - Have you noticed that if you google the phrase "lost medieval servant boy" The search returns "Page not found".
- Your mommas so poor I saw her walking down the street with one shoe. I said "hey you lost a shoe". She said "na I found one"
- Russian soldier is walking in only one shoe. Somebody asks: Did you lost one? No, I've found one
- Today I found out that it takes a school of piranha 1 minute to devour a child. However, I have now lost my job in the aquarium.
- I started dating a guy, but then I found out he lost all of his toes in a freak work accident Unfortunately, I'm lack toes intolerant.
(This joke inspired by an 8 year old) - I walked out of a goodwill store one time and found this woman crying. She had just lost $200, so I gave her $40 from the $200 I just found.
- I'm so poor…. That when people see me walking down the street with only one flip-flop on they say to me yo Juan you lost a flip flop and I say no I didn't, I found one!
- another bar joke a duck walks into a bar wearing a shoe. the bartender says, "so you lost a shoe?" and the duck says, "no, i found one"
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Lost And Found One Liners
Which lost and found one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lost and found? I can suggest the ones about lost keys and lost wallet.
- If you Google "lost mediaeval servant boy" You get "This page cannot be found".
- What did the baker say when he found his lost dough? That's exactly what I kneaded!
- I lost my virginity at age 20. I found it again after I got married.
- What did the baker say after he found the dough he had lost? That's just what I kneaded!
- I lost a few pounds today,... but when I lifted up my shirt I found them again.
- Would the man who lost his hearing aid PLEASE come and retrieve it at the lost and found
- Chuck Norris daughter lost her virginity He found the guy. And he got it back.
- I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'... The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
- Where should you go if your dog is missing? The lost and hound.
- Lost airport chameleon finally found after hiding in plane site
- Will Smith got lost in the snow They found him by following the Fresh Prints
- Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight 404 vision not found.
- I thought I lost my virginity the other day But don't worry, I found it when I woke up.
- I recently lost my wife. Never mind. Found her.
- I laminated a 4 leaf clover I found and put it in my wallet... I then lost my wallet.
Lost And Found Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about lost and found you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lost phone jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lost and found pranks.
Tiger Woods playing golf.
Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.
Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.
A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"
A hobo got robbed
A hobo had been robbed and beaten into unconciousnes.
When he woke up he checked about his person for damages and missing items, and found that all injuries were superficial but he had lost all his belongings.
He stormed into the nearest police station.
"I want to report a robbery! all my 53 belongings have been stolen from me!"
"How can you be so sure about the number of the stolen items?" the officer asks sceptically with a raised eyebrow.
"It was a deck of cards and a bottle opener!"
Lost and Found
I was reading the lost and found section of the paper and saw this:
"Found, one black boy's bicycle."
Wonder how they knew?
Lost Shakespearean Soliloquy
Scholars have found an heretofore unknown piece of Shakespeare's "Merry Wives of Windsor" thought to be an homage to Aristophanes' "Lysistrata." It is a short speech by a s**... frustrated squire named Fullstaff.
A lost & found note as a gesture of goodwill.
Whoever lost a Rolex I report "the time now is 20 minutes after seven"
I saw a sign today about lost cat
Missing cat: Wanted dead and alive
If found return to Schrodinger
Cat Cousins (OC)
Did you hear about that bobcat who found his long lost cousin?
He followed lynx in his family.
I lost my watch at a party once..
I found it ten minutes later, but some guy was stepping on it. As he stood on my watch, he was s**... harassing a young woman. So I walked up to him and punched him square in the face. Nobody does that to a girl. Not on MY watch.
A woman visited her parent's home.[SFW]
A woman visited her parent's home.
When she opened the refrigerator, she found a picture of supermodel in a bikini.
woman: Mom, what's this?
Mom: Oh, I put up that picture, which reminds me not to over eat.
woman: Is it working?
Mom: Yes and No. I've lost 9 kg's but your dad has gained 22 kg's..!
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead lost in the desert...
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. p**...! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. p**...! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Genie Lamp
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. p**...! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. p**...! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Walking home from the bar, a man walked by me with only one shoe on...
I assumed he was wasted and hadn't yet realized, so I said to him "hey buddy, you lost a shoe!"
He said "no I didn't, I found one".
How are children like cellphones?
If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.
I thought I'd lost my l**... at my Grans house.
I went around and asked her if she'd found a small see through bag when tidying up.
She told me she didn't have time to tidy up.
Not while she has to worry about that dragon guarding the fridge.
I finally found a girlfriend!
She was lost untill she found me. I'm glad I could give her a ride to her boyfriend's house.
I lost my watch at a party last night....
After about an hour of looking for it I finally found it on the ground. A man was stepping on it while he was harassing some woman. Infuriated, I walked over to him and punched him in the face, breaking his nose. No one mistreats a woman, not on my watch.
I found a wallet on the sidewalk today. I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but then I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
(Emo Philips)
What happens if you google "Lost Medieval Servant Boy"?
It says "This paige cannot be found".
NASA just reported they have lost contact with Voyager 1 after it crashed into something in the dark abyss of space
Apparently they found my ex's heart, which drains all energy.
Have you noticed if you Google the term "lost medieval servant boy"
It says "page not found"
To the person who lost a huge roll of $100 bills wrapped with an elastic band
I found your elastic band.
When I found out that girls f**..., I was in my 8th grade gym class.
The girl that I had a crush on let one rip while stretching, and I took the blame for it. I decided to ask her out after class that day as well. Needless to say, her parents were called and I lost my job.
A Blonde hear a "thud" on the ground
Too her surprise, it was a wallet. She decided to do the right thing and turn it in to the police.
After arriving at the police station, the Blonde says,'I'm here to turn in someone's lost wallet.' The officer thanked the Blonde for her deeds and the Blonde returns to her home.
The next day, a package arrived in the mailbox with a wallet inside. The Blonde responds with, ' Thank god someone found my wallet, I must've dropped it while walking yesterday.'
The CIA found evidence that o**... Bin Laden had downloaded a lot of videos about how to crochet
Turns out he was trying to replace all those lost afghans
Ancient humans, venturing across the ice bridge to North America, got lost quite often.
They found it very hard to keep their Bering Strait.
Santas reindeer get lost on a flight one night and don't return to the pole. After being missing for weeks, they are found, the only survivor being Donner. When asked how he survived, he replied:
"They don't call me Donner for nothin'"
Went on a date with a girl. The date lasted until I found out she had lost all of the toes on her left foot in a horrible accident.
I guess you could say that I'm lack toes intolerant.
I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up
It read unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who's working on the car it can fix it. I did just that and it restored my old saves!
Thank god for that game mechanic
I saw a lady crying at the supermarket today because she had lost her money and couldn't buy diapers that she wanted to buy.
I felt so bad that I bought them for her, but it's fine because I found a 100 dollar bill at the parking lot anyways.
I went deer hunting with my older brothers when I was a youngster
It was in a mountainous area and I got separated from the group. Hopeless and lost I remember them telling me what to do: fire 3 shots in the air and they would come rescue me. Every 20 minutes I did that until I was accidentally found by a group of hunters that just happened to be passing by. I told them I sure was glad to see them! I was down to my last 3 arrows!
Have you heard about the man with dandruff who lost the top half of his body?
I hadn't either, until I found his Head & Shoulders
Have you noticed that if you google the phrase "lost medieval servant boy"
It comes back with "this page cannot be found"
If you do a Google search for "lost mideivel servant boy"
It will tell you "this Page cannot be found."
Over the past few months I've lost 200 pounds!
Luckily, the police found the thief and returned my money
Your mama's so poor,
she walks around with one shoe and when people ask her if she lost a shoe she says, "no, I found one!"
Quiet and Trouble
Once upon a time there lived two brothers called Quiet and Trouble. One day the both of them got lost in a fair.
A policeman found Quiet who looked visibly distressed. The cop asked him "What's the matter boy,what's your name?"
Quiet said the boy. The cop angrily replied "Are you looking for trouble?" .
"Yes but I can't find him" replied Quiet.
Has anyone lost a large roll of 20-dollar bills in a rubber band?
Because we found the rubber band
This is a bad one
I was once at a party. After some time I noticed that I lost my watch. I was looking for it everywhere. I finally saw it laying on the floor on the other side of the room. When I got there, I witnessed how some guy stepped on it, while harassing a girl. Filled with rage I went up to him and punched him on the nose. No one treats a girl like that. Not on my watch!
P.s.: not mine I found it in the comments on pornhub
Einstein, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek...
and it's Einstein's time to seek.
He counts to 20, opens his eyes and turns around, only to find Newton standing in a chalk-drawn square on the floor. Einstein asks why he didn't hide, because now he's been found and already lost.
But Newton replies 'No you haven't because I, Newton, am standing in a 1m squared square.'
'You've found Pascal'
I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet
I was gonna keep it rather than return it.
But I thought: "Well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?"
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
PS:- This was a joke cracked by Emo Philips way back in the 80s - I really loved it and wanted to share it here
I was at Walmart at this lady was crying because she lost her tax money and couldn't buy for her kids. I gave her $200....
...since I had just found $3,000 in the parking lot and I felt that if God has blessed me I should bless someone else.
A blonde, redhead and a brunette
A blonde, redhead and a brunette are lost and have found a magic lamp, and rubbed it. A genie appears and grants them 3 wishes in total.
The redhead wished to be back home.
p**..., she was back home.
The brunette wished to be back with her family.
p**..., she was back with her family.
The blonde said: Wow! I wish my friends were here.
The s**... found the lost lonely egg and the egg seemed worried
The s**... said "don't worry because zygote you now"
A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar
All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are.
The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big e**... and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby."
The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story.
The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"
A young boy runs into the house and excited shows his mother a 50$ bill he found in the park.
Are you sure it was lost, his mother asked. Yes, the boy replied, I am positive, I even saw the guy looking for it.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his right arm and his right leg?
He left them right where he found them!
Homeless guy is walking in one shoe
Somebody asks him:
-Oh, have you lost your shoe?
-Nope, I've found one!
A joke by Mirza Ghalib (renowned Urdu / Persian poet) translated into English
Not sure if the humor is lost in translation but I found it hilarious. Anyway here goes:
I got drunk under the influence of love and told her that she's my Goddess;
I immediately sobered up when she told me that Goddesses are worshipped by many.
I found a girl crying outside the mall today
When I asked her what was wrong, she told me she had just lost a whole $200. Out of the kindness of my heart, I gave her $40 out of the $200 I picked up at the entrance. When God blesses you, you pay it forward. :)
My pal Seamus is so poor...
The other day I saw him walking down the street with just one shoe and I asked him Hey buddy, have you lost a shoe? And he said No, I found one .
Alice took several wrong turns when driving to a new restaurant.
When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?"
"I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where you're going when I'm driving."
A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University ...
A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University and found himself lost in the yard. He stopped a professor who was walking by and said to him, "Howdy Pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor couldn't believe his ears. "What did you say?" he said.
The Texan again said, "Howdy pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor became indignant, "You can't talk like that at Harvard University. I mean, you've ended your sentence with a preposition. Try to do better!"
The Texan shuffled for a second and said, "Well pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at...a**...!"
I saw a lady in tears at the store. She said she had lost an envelope with her tax refund inside.
I gave her $100 because I had just found about $1600 in the parking lot. #payitforward
I saw a little kid crying. He told me he lost the $200 he had saved for his mom's birthday gift. So I opened my wallet and gave him $40
Why not? Just five minutes earlier, I found ten $20 bills!
A Christian once asked me if I had found Jesus...
I said "holy s**..., you guys lost him again?"
A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.
The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings. "This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask about the second building. "This second building is my church" he says "I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me". The sailors nod in understanding and ask about the third building. "Oh, that one" the man says. "That's the church I USED to go to".
Two prisoners are talking in a Soviet gulag...
One says: "We're really cut off from the news here. For instance, I never found out the result of the Fischer-Spassky chess match."
The other one replies: "Oh, I lost."
Your momma so poor
Your momma so poor, she walks around with one shoe on. And when people ask if she lost a shoe she says
No I found one
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert.
They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. p**...! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. p**...! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Guy walks into a bar completely n**......
except for a beat up old sneaker on one foot. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender Hey man, can I get a beer?
The bartender shakes his head in disbelief, pours him a beer, and hands it to him. The bartender says Sir uh... I can't help but notice... you seem to have lost a shoe.
The man replies Nah dude I found one!
The lost and found attendant said I couldn't have my lost donkey, so we got into a fight.
Needless to say, I got my a**... handed to me.
I just found out my crush has covid,
so I asked her out because she's lost her sense of taste.
Husband tired of His lazy wife sitting all day on the couch told Her: If You keep doing this you will lose your w**... for being too lazy.
Next morning He found Her asleep on the same spot and quickly went to the meat shop and bought a whole cow liver, went back home and carefully placed it right by her c**... and left to work.
When He came back home found His wife crying and had a pale face. He said whats wrong?
Wife: I lost my w**... like You said
Husband: did it hurt?
Wife: didn't feel anything but it hurt like h**... when I put it back in.
There were two farmers who each had a horse in the same field
In order to tell them apart they had a little rubber band tied round one of the horse's tails. every day they would come to the field and feel up and down the horses' tails until they found the rubber band.
One day they lost the rubber band and didn't know what to do. Then one farmer said to the other, "I know what we'll do. I'll take the black horse and you take the white one."
Three brothers and the lights
Three brothers are arguing about whom will turn the lights off. The first orders the second, and the second orders the third to turn the lights off. In the end they agreed if someone talks he'd turn the lights off.
Days past and the neighbours are starting to get worried about them so they decided to break in. They found the three brothers all dead!
The neighbours saddened by their lost bury the brothers next together. But the third brother starts to shout that he isn't dead and the other two tell him to go turn the lights off.