The Best 80 Loss Jokes
Following is our collection of Loss jokes which are very funny. There are some loss fatal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these loss composure puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Loss Jokes and Puns
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014 at 10:37 am.
Having too much sex can cause memory loss
I read it on page 37 in a medical journal in November 2006 at 4:19pm
A die-hard fan was very surprised to see an empty seat at the Superbowl...
He noticed a woman sitting next to the empty seat and made a remark about it to her. "Well, it was my husband's", she said. "But he died." "Oh my gosh!" He said. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm surprised that another friend or family member didn't jump at the chance to take the ticket." "Beats me", she said. "They all insisted on going to the funeral."
2 old buddies mourning the loss of a friend
2 old friends are catching up at an old pal's funeral. One takes a moment to pause and finally asks the question.
"So... How'd it happen?"
To which the other responds.
"Well, as I understand it, he went to the doctor the other day and the doctor said he was 'as healthy as a horse.' But on the way home he broke a leg."
A man and his wife go out to eat...
...as they are being served their food the wife says "if I worked here, I'd weigh 200 pounds!"
The man responds "so you'd loss weight?"
This was an actually conversation by my parents, all in good fun of course.
What do you call it when a shepherd can't find his ram?
Memory loss.
Tony Romo was depressed after yesterday's loss.
He was so upset he got his gun, pointed it at his throwing hand, and pulled the trigger.
He's OK, The bullet was intercepted.
Best way to answer a call: Mario's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic: Your Loss is Our Sauce
self.Jokes
Best lines when dealing with telemarketers
Some of the better ones
* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us
Anyone have more?
What losses its head in the morning and gets it back in the evening?
A pillow
I can't remember where I read this, but I heard too much masturbating causes memory loss.
You can explore loss mastectomy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean loss defeat dad jokes. There are also loss puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What food, when consumed by a female, causes a complete loss of desire?
Wedding cake.
Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa?
I thought he didn't care about the 1%
My father suffers from short term memory loss
I hope it doesn't run in the family because my dad has it.
Did you hear about the man who had his right side cut off
He's dead. Died from blood loss. Poor guy. On the bright side, his family got what's left of him.
Did you hear about the fire at the cheese factory?
Nearly a total loss... All that was left was de-brie.
Local mom finds cure to weight loss, Scientist are dumbfounded...
at how gullible people on the internet are.
A man invested in a weight loss diet from Britain
He lost 10,000 pounds! But it didn't work
What does Ukraine have in common with the iPhone 7?
They both suffered the loss of one very important port.
The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss
It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...
Just bought a new phone, it's helping me with weight loss
I don't have money to eat anything for 2 months.
I tried explaining to my girlfriend what the effects of network packet loss were.
I couldn't get the message across.
My girlfriend has been crying for hours now after the loss of a child.
She takes The Sims very seriously.
Did you hear about Trump's tax plan?
Declare that the US has a $900 million loss so we all don't have to pay taxes!
I just created a memory loss pill!
At least, I think I did...
My sister is fat so they sent her to a weight loss camp....
I have ADHD, so they're sending me to a concentration camp
My mum suffers with short term memory loss
Hope it doesn't run in the family because my mums got it too
What's the opposite of a Baldwin?
Hair loss.
My Mom Had Memory Loss.
I hope I don't have it, as it runs in the family. You see, my mom had memory loss
I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss...
I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss...
Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.
Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.
An old lady, after a long life of loss and agony, was going to commit suicide by shooting herself in the heart with a crossbow. She researched human anatomy and learned her heart was just under her left breast.....
She was just admitted to the ER with an arrow to the knee.
In memory of my father, who died of blood loss because sadly no one could figure out his blood type.
As I stood beside him it was incredibly moving to hear him repeat, over and over, these inspirational last words: "Be positive, son! Be positive!"
Father, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you do, just know I will always remember to be positive.
to help cope with his loss Roy Moore ordered a 12 year old whiskey
she didn't like it
The Scrabble museum was robbed last night.
the curators are at a loss for words.
Alcoholism causes memory loss, liver diesase,
And memory loss.
My wife and I started dieting together and we have a combined weight loss of 60 Lbs!
My wife is down 80 Lbs.
I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army.
I had to pay $855 to cover the loss. I'm starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.
Two men are waiting for appointments with their insurance claims adjuster.
They chat and learn they have a common bond. The first one says "My restaurant was wiped out by a fire, everything inside was wrecked."
The second one says "Mine was taken out by a flood, total loss too."
The first one thinks a bit then asks "How do you start a flood?"
Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.
When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".
Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.
Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant, Doctor?!
Oh not at all, but at first glance, it would certainly seem so. Here's our weight loss brochure.
A man with short term memory loss walks into a bar.
A man with short term memory loss walks into a bar.
TIL HIV can cause hearing loss.
I guess the patients must have hearing aids.
I feel sorry for Neymar's ancestors after today's loss
They must be rolling in their graves.
Not mine but felt it had to be shared.
Doctor: I'm so sorry for your loss..
Me: w-what are you saying?
Doctor: ..of hearing.
Me: what?
To the guy who stole my weight loss pills..
You'll have nothing to gain.
Drinking can cause memory loss...or even worse
Memory loss
I can't find my dictionary
I'm at a loss for words
Ahhh Communism
My favorite weight loss program
Stay away from the marijuanas it can cause memory loss
Or even worse, memory loss.
The castle in Tallinn was destroyed yesterday
It was a huge loss
If smoking Marijuana causes short term memory loss,
what does smoking Marijuana do?
Say what you will about memory loss...
But, say what you will about memory loss.
Did you know that LSD is a really effective weight loss drug?
How are you supposed to eat if there's a dragon guarding the fridge?
Stop saying sorry and start thanking, e.g. instead of "sorry I'm late" say "thanks for waiting"
So I said "Thank you for your loss."
I was at the funeral of my friend Steve and started talking to his widow.
Me: "I'm sorry for your loss, at least he's not suffering anymore."
Her: "He was shot. The doctor said he died instantly."
Me: "I mean he doesn't have to deal with you now"
What do you call a show about two cokeheads with short term memory loss?
Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I have read that symptoms of the Covid19 virus can include loss of smell and taste. Well I don't know about your sense of smell....
But judging by your hair and clothes I think you might've had this disease for quite some time.
Having too much sex can cause memory loss
I read it in Men's Health Journal 2006 on page 73 paragraph 4 footnote 3.
A 90 year old woman had just lost her husband of 70 years. She phoned the local paper to put her loss in the obituary.
The receptionist tells her that its £1 per word.
"Oh my. I don't have much money so can you just write 'Mort is dead,' please?"
Feeling sorry for the poor old lady, the receptionist tells her she can have another 3 words, free of charge.
The recently widowed OAP thinks for a second and says: " Mort is dead. Volvo for sale."
The US government has been there for us through hard times From the great depression, the numerous market crashes, through pandemics of flu and tragedies like the loss of American lives.
I'm starting to think they're bad luck
Psychiatrist: "How long have you had short-term memory loss?"
Patient: "As long as I can remember."
If you suffer from short term memory loss
If you suffer from short term memory loss
I saw my ex-girlfriend last week
We were both at a loss for words when we saw each other. I was wondering what to say and she was wondering why I was in her apartment.
What do you get when you cross a hamster with a polar bear?
A loss of project funding and a stern telling off from the university ethics committee
A man goes to the doctor to report a serious memory loss problem
Man: Doctor, I have a serious memory loss problem
Doctor: Hmm.. and since when did you have this problem?
Man: What problem?
If smoking weed causes short-term memory loss...
Then what does smoking weed do?
Let's hold on for another 130 days.
If we give up now and skip this year, it's admitting our loss and saying 2021.
What did the winner of the muscle loss contest receive as a prize?
Atrophy
COVID-19 home test:
Open a beer and smell it. If you can smell the beer, this is good, as one of the symptoms of COVID-19 is a loss of smell.
Now drink the beer. If you can taste it, this is good, as another symptom of COVID-19 is loss of taste.
I was tested 11 times yesterday, and all tests turned out negative.
I need more testing today, since headache is another potential symptom...
Did you know too much sex can cause memory loss
I read that in a medical journal on page 34 at 3:23 pm last year on Wednesday November the 7th.
I was seriously depressed after a recent loss. My GF bought me an Xbox
But that didn't help. So she tried a Playstation - no luck there either. She ended up going through everything from a Sega Master System to a Nintendo Switch, but nothing helped - turns out I was just inconsolable
What's the difference between being vegan and having Covid 19?
With Covid the loss of taste is only temporary...
Because of his loss in Wisconsin, Trump has put a ban on all shredded cheese.
It's the only way he can make America GRATE again.
Credit to my 12 year old son.
Why is Donald Trump actually angry about the election outcome?
It's a loss he **can't** write off on his tax returns.
A doctor sees an obese women to advise her about weight loss.
The women defensively says, "Look, I'm obese. My sister is obese. My mother is obese. My kids are obese. My brother is obese. Obesity runs in my family." The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."
Two older male dolphins notice their hairlines are starting to recede.
Dolphins go bald, too. Tough for humans to notice, but dolphins notice... Anyway...
Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their own mortality.
In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his buddy, Hey compadre, we don't have to just *accept* this as our new normal, ya know? What with modern fashion and technology these days… we can *do* something about this!
So they went out and bought matching hairpieces. They were toupees in a pod.
After an embarrassing loss, the coach announced to the players:
When I told you to play like you have never played before, i did not mean that you should play like you have never *played* before!
A man went to the doctor for a routine checkup
He was generally well, just thought it was a good idea to check in. The doctor, however, immediately reached for the covid swab.
"I'm going to test you for Covid19" the Doctor said.
"But I'm well, no complaints, why would you do that?" Replied the man.
"Well..." The doctor started, his gaze narrowing. "Loss of taste is a known symptom of the virus, and you're wearing Crocs."
A Covid test nurse asked me if I've had a sudden loss of taste.
I told her, "No, I've dressed like this for quite a while."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the loss destruction jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working loss mourn piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.